How do I change my all or nothing mentality

I could not agree more with what the poster above me shared. Really, take it a day at a time. Today, do not let it be all or nothing.
I used to be very "all or nothing," while I still am in someways, I also realize that I will just do more damage by eating more if I had a "bad day," or if I eat a cookie and that makes me spiral out of control, rather, it is one cookie that will not make a huge difference in your day. There is no need to make up for it, just move on, accept that you too, like the rest of us, are human

I've struggled with perfectionism a lot, and I too have that all or nothing mentality. It's like, if I can't do it perfectly, then I won't do it at all. It's just not possible to live life that way.

Here's what I did that actually helped me a lot:

I would start with small things. I specifically chose little things in my life that I was willing to let go of the control. For example, when I made my bed, I would leave it a little wrinkly.

When I painted my nails, I would let it chip and leave it there without fixing it.

I would make a picture on the wall crooked.

I know it might sound a little crazy ... but it seriously worked because it showed me that nothing happens when I let something go. And once I got used to the little things, it was easier to let go of my ideas of perfection with my weightloss.

So I messed up and ate a cookie -- no reason to eat bad the rest of the day. Just because one picture is crooked on the wall doesn't mean they all have to be. Because I can't handle all the crooked pictures, but I can handle one.

So maybe try to let go of small things first, and no matter what, always pick yourself back up and go at it again...

I've yo-yo'ed the same 20-30 lbs at least 3 times. The last time I gained 10 lbs back and just decided that I wouldnt let it happen anymore. I still havent lost that 10 lbs but I maintained my weight for 2 years, which is the longest of my adult life. I've put on a lot of muscle though and I've lost a bunch of inches, so that is just as good in my book. (Check out my before and after. Same weight in both pics and I only strength train a couple times a week and do cardio 3-4 times a week.)

I suspect this is something you already know, but it really is a matter of finding a balance. Of course you are going to get burned out if you restrict yourself from a decent calorie intake and push yourself to the limit with exercise. Something that helped for me is learning to be mindful of myself while still just going with the flow. If I gain a couple of pounds, I reign myself in before I get out of control. It allows me to live my life and get myself back in check before I ever have to go back on a "diet". Honestly, probably the best thing you can ever do for yourself is remove that word from your vocabulary. You aren't on a program, you aren't on a diet. It's just... life. Just accept that you need your exercise and you eat primarily to fuel your body rather than for pleasure. Also accept that you will sometimes fall off the wagon but have enough faith in yourself to jump right back on. Yeah, sometimes you may kill that bottle of wine, but you wouldn't have done it if you didn't derive some pleasure from it. Take it for what it is and just remind yourself that it can't be a habit. Besides, what's life without a nice glass of wine? Then again, what's a life of regrets because we let it get out of hand?

When it comes to eating, I find that calorie cycling is really helping my all-or-nothing mentality. If I want a piece of chocolate cake when I'm out I now know that I can have it (without feeling guilty) because I can just have a lower calorie day tomorrow. It also 'suggests' having one higher calorie day, not a pig-out day but one where those extra treats and calories and drinks can be enjoyed without feeling guilty and like a 'bad person'.

Time, patience, practice.

I had to come to grips that I might not ever be able to get rid of that thinking forever and permanently. But I can do it today. And when I do fall to that kind of thinking, I can realize it, shake my head, and move onto the next calm thought.

We tend to beat ourselves up because we aren't perfect all the time. But we all make mistakes, we all screw up, we all have bad weeks, and we all hit that point where we're like "Damn, that's unhealthy." The key point is to recognize it and accept that sometimes, you're going to struggle with it. If I try to be kind to myself, it allows me the space to open up the space between "I'm good! I'm bad!" We're human. That's okay.

Wise words.

Every time I feel myself slip in to that 'all or nothing' mentality, I switch it to 'something is ALWAYS better than nothing.' It's actually really been helping me a lot.

Time, patience, practice.

I had to come to grips that I might not ever be able to get rid of that thinking forever and permanently. But I can do it today. And when I do fall to that kind of thinking, I can realize it, shake my head, and move onto the next calm thought.

We tend to beat ourselves up because we aren't perfect all the time. But we all make mistakes, we all screw up, we all have bad weeks, and we all hit that point where we're like "Damn, that's unhealthy." The key point is to recognize it and accept that sometimes, you're going to struggle with it. If I try to be kind to myself, it allows me the space to open up the space between "I'm good! I'm bad!" We're human. That's okay.

Nailed it.

I used to have the same problem a d what helped me was looking at my net average for the week and not for the day. I used to be super diligent and then the first time I relaxed would feel awful. Now I know if I go a bit one day or two, its not messing up because it fits in my weekly plan. I have been doing this since October and it just feels so easy for me and completely takes the stress away. At the risk of sounding cliche it truly has been a lifestyle change for me where as before when I tried to stay under a certain amount per day it always felt temporary and as soon as I deviated from my set limit I lost all motivation. I know this method isn't for everyone but has really worked for me!

this sounds perfect to me. !!! realistic and normal. is there a place MFP that gives you your weekly average. ! i kind of try to stay between 1850 to 2000 calories. so a weekly average would be ideal to just relax and see the results.. somedays i'm hungrier than others so i eat more. but i think thats normal living so i go there.. and some days i'm not as hungry. Just depends on what the day brings. !!!

Found it under my profile and then click reports. perfect. love this. thank you

Every time I feel myself slip in to that 'all or nothing' mentality, I switch it to 'something is ALWAYS better than nothing.' It's actually really been helping me a lot.

Dis here be purty smart too