No one is trying to sabotage you!

serenapitala
serenapitala Posts: 441 Member
in Motivation and Support
Okay, I know there are cases where people genuinely are, but that's not most people.
I keep seeing posts about this and I just want to throw this out there. Most of what you see as "sabotage" is, in fact someone who doesn't understand where you are coming from.When a friend offers you chips, they probably just thought you looked like you wanted chips. When your boyfriend eats cake right in your face, he just thinks he's being funny. These types of people don't understand the thoughts you have about food because their thoughts are different. Even when you explain they may never understand. We all have these people. They are not saboteurs, just ignorant of your thoughts.

Replies

  • sweetsarahv
    sweetsarahv Posts: 180 Member
    agreed! i think we are too sensitive sometimes :)
  • irishblonde2011
    irishblonde2011 Posts: 618 Member
    So true.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    Ditto....when someone isn't watching their calories or macros, it is difficult for them to understand what the hell you're doing. I have a buddy who makes some awesome bread and he offered me some sour dough starter...you have to feed it and a whole bunch of other stuff, but it makes some awesome bread. I had to decline, not because I can't have bread, but because I eat bread maybe once or twice per week. Having a bunch of starter to make loaves and loaves of bread simply isn't going to work for me and my macro goals. He has no concept of this and I think he was a little offended, but I understand...he has no idea what I'm really working on here....and he thinks I'm crazy...but he's not trying to sabotage me.
  • blues4miles
    blues4miles Posts: 1,481 Member
    When your boyfriend eats cake right in your face, he just thinks he's being funny.

    Agree, or maybe your boyfriend thinks he is being helpful by eating the bad food so you don't have it tempting you, but doesn't really think about whether he's eating "in front of" you or whatever.

    I think it's such a fine line. When you know someone eats healthy, do you offer them cookies even though maybe they don't want the temptation? Or do you not offer them cookies and potentially offend them because now they think you are monitoring/dictating their diet? So tricky. Better to assume people have the best intentions and do your own thing.
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
    I know.

    My husband brought home a white chocolate and cherry piroshky (not sure about the spelling) to share.

    What a sweetheart! I know he wasn't thinking "how can I make her go off her diet and stay fat?" He was thinking "this looks good; I'll surprise her!"

    It WAS good.
  • is80833
    is80833 Posts: 6
    Agree with everyone on here, try not to get upset by stuff like that. I quit all soft drinks over a year ago and even this past Christmas my mother got me a Mexican Coke that come in the bottle. They used to be my favorite, she just simply forgot and was trying to be nice. It's still in the garage.
  • msboopie
    msboopie Posts: 5 Member
    I totally agree with this
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
    Not directed at OP;

    Most men aren't thinking that hard about things. When offering food, they're prob like OH she likes these, I'll share cause I'm a nice guy. BAM! Next thing they know, they're sleeping on the couch wondering what they did wrong.

    I doubt most men are sitting there and taking the time out of their day to plot how to sabotage a woman's diet. It's usually the women doing plotting.


    Whatever anyone's intentions, only YOU control what goes in (and out of) your mouth. Take some responsibility and get some will power.
  • moustache_flavored_lube
    moustache_flavored_lube Posts: 849 Member
    I am!! But only because I'm jealous of your bewbs
  • MBNagel74
    MBNagel74 Posts: 444 Member
    Personally, I think we use the sabotage as another excuse to give in or give up.

    Willpower... We can say NO to what we put in our bodies. Or, we can say YES. Our choice. But, because it is OUR choice, no one is purposefully trying to derail our efforts. They can only do what we ALLOW them to do.
  • DivineRED1
    DivineRED1 Posts: 134 Member
    I think it's such a fine line. When you know someone eats healthy, do you offer them cookies even though maybe they don't want the temptation? Or do you not offer them cookies and potentially offend them because now they think you are monitoring/dictating their diet? So tricky. Better to assume people have the best intentions and do your own thing.

    I find it best to say "I have some cookies here, you're welcome to have some." That way it's not directly asking so they have to answer yes or no, they can decided if they want some when/if they want some.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    The one that bothers me is when people attribute motives to someone else's "sabotage" story:

    He's sabotaging you because he's not comfortable with the idea of you being skinny.

    She's sabotaging you because she's jealous of the progress you're making.

    They're sabotaging you because they feel guilty about their own choices.

    I suppose any of those things *could* be true, but it seems a lot more likely that they're just trying to be nice.

    That said, I sabotaged my husband with cadbury eggs today. :devil:
  • Moxie42
    Moxie42 Posts: 1,400 Member
    YES!!! Even when people are putting serious pressure on you to eat something "bad" they often think it's funny or are simply trying to make themselves feel better about what they are eating- it's not a direct attack on you, even if it's in bad taste.

    Almost as much as I hear about "sabotage" I also hear people complain when people say "oh, I'd offer you a cupcake but you're on a diet" after explaining to them "I'm not on a diet. I eat everything, just in moderation." I admit, it drives me crazy when that happens, and I also get frustrated when people push food on me, but like you said, not everyone thinks alike or has the same priorities. And it's just about impossible to explain to someone why one day you might not eat a cupcake no matter how much someone begs you to, yet the next day you might eat two pieces of pizza at a lunch meeting at work!

    Oh well. Trying to determine the best way to deal with someone trying to lose weight is like trying to determine the best way to deal with ANY particular group of people- everyone is different.
  • Moxie42
    Moxie42 Posts: 1,400 Member
    I think it's such a fine line. When you know someone eats healthy, do you offer them cookies even though maybe they don't want the temptation? Or do you not offer them cookies and potentially offend them because now they think you are monitoring/dictating their diet? So tricky. Better to assume people have the best intentions and do your own thing.

    I find it best to say "I have some cookies here, you're welcome to have some." That way it's not directly asking so they have to answer yes or no, they can decided if they want some when/if they want some.

    Personally, I think that's the safest way to go too, especially at work! And I love when my fiance ASKS me if I want xyz...rather than assume either way...my answer really might depend on my mood, how many cals I have left, what the offer is, etc.
  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
    Not directed at OP;

    Most men aren't thinking that hard about things. When offering food, they're prob like OH she likes these, I'll share cause I'm a nice guy. BAM! Next thing they know, they're sleeping on the couch wondering what they did wrong.

    I doubt most men are sitting there and taking the time out of their day to plot how to sabotage a woman's diet. It's usually the women doing plotting.


    Whatever anyone's intentions, only YOU control what goes in (and out of) your mouth. Take some responsibility and get some will power.

    Agreed.

    The truth is that most people aren't thinking too hard about things. Just because your weight loss is on your mind alot doesn't necessarily mean it's on other peoples.

    And to attribute such actions to things like jealousy or spite is a pretty loose assumption.

    And a bit idiotic.
  • kusterer
    kusterer Posts: 90 Member
    OK, it is really on you how you construct your own attitude. But it is unrealistic to wish away the idea that there are people who are very close to you whose whole relationship with you will have to shift when you are both not fat and in control of your life. They will have to make big changes, too, ones that they did not necessarily choose. The idea that they are resisting is not just some neurotic fantasy in your head.
  • pinkraynedropjacki
    pinkraynedropjacki Posts: 3,027 Member


    Whatever anyone's intentions, only YOU control what goes in (and out of) your mouth. Take some responsibility and get some will power.


    ^this^
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member

    The truth is that most people aren't thinking too hard about things. Just because your weight loss is on your mind alot doesn't necessarily mean it's on other peoples.

    And to attribute such actions to things like jealousy or spite is a pretty loose assumption.

    And a bit idiotic.

    This.
  • saxmaniac
    saxmaniac Posts: 1,133 Member
    Well said.
  • ShamsZahar
    ShamsZahar Posts: 21
    My boyfriend is constantly flipping. Encouraging me to eat better and work one minute and offering me Doritos the next. He's not a saboteur, he's a doofus.
  • serenapitala
    serenapitala Posts: 441 Member
    OK, it is really on you how you construct your own attitude. But it is unrealistic to wish away the idea that there are people who are very close to you whose whole relationship with you will have to shift when you are both not fat and in control of your life. They will have to make big changes, too, ones that they did not necessarily choose. The idea that they are resisting is not just some neurotic fantasy in your head.

    They're going through changes too, no doubt. But most aren't "sabotaging" you. They are just uncertain of their place in your new life. It's not sabotage, its confusion.
  • serenapitala
    serenapitala Posts: 441 Member
    My boyfriend is constantly flipping. Encouraging me to eat better and work one minute and offering me Doritos the next. He's not a saboteur, he's a doofus.

    :laugh:
  • serenapitala
    serenapitala Posts: 441 Member
    Not directed at OP;

    Most men aren't thinking that hard about things. When offering food, they're prob like OH she likes these, I'll share cause I'm a nice guy. BAM! Next thing they know, they're sleeping on the couch wondering what they did wrong.

    I doubt most men are sitting there and taking the time out of their day to plot how to sabotage a woman's diet. It's usually the women doing plotting.


    Whatever anyone's intentions, only YOU control what goes in (and out of) your mouth. Take some responsibility and get some will power.

    I know it wasn't directed at me, but I love it. :heart: :heart: :heart:

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