Help! My husband wants me fat?!

wencandoit2013
wencandoit2013 Posts: 22
in Health and Weight Loss
My husband was a dear and went to the store yesterday to stock up on food we needed. He knows I'm dedicated to losing weight and getting healthy, so imagine my surprise when he comes home with Kit Kat bars, chocolate chip cookie mix, and a box of donuts for everyone. I can resist these things fairly well, but his reaction to my reaction when I saw him take them out of the bag is what struck me as odd. It didn't occur to me that he had even gotten any of that for me, since he knows I'm strictly staying away from them, yet he told me that he DID get some of them for me and was just "trying to take care of his family." Umm...?

Is this a case of a difference in opinion on what is taking care of someone? The alternative to that would be wondering if there is a psychological reason why he might be trying to sabotage my weight loss? I know, talking to HIM is ultimately the best way to overcome this, but I was wondering if anyone out there on MFP has run into this issue with their loved ones, and how they were able to address and possibly fix this issue. Thanks for your support.

Replies

  • chimp517
    chimp517 Posts: 185 Member
    It may not be the case but most people just do not understand. Co-workers used to tell me I was destroying my kidneys with my diet and then they would smoke a cig while picking up McD's.
  • CherV96
    CherV96 Posts: 28
    This happens to me too when my husband goes to the store "unassisted". In my case my husband understands the reason I want to eat well but in his opinion he doesn't like to see me deprive myself of foods he thinks are fun. Weird? Yes. I've explained the concept of my dieting various times but he will never understand fully. I'm working on that but in the meantime I avoid "his" foods like the plague. In the end I always feel better sticking to my food plan.
  • volleygirl1980
    volleygirl1980 Posts: 121 Member
    Buying treats may be his way of showing love - even if you're not going to eat them. My situation isn't the same - I'm trying to lose weight, my husband isn't. I love to buy treats for him, and even though I haven't been eating them, I love it when he buys chocolates for me (I just put them in the cupboard and take them out for guests / let him eat them). I realized recently that it's really how I show my love. I had to stop myself the other day from buying chocolate (that I knew my friend loved) because I knew my friend was trying to eliminate sugar from her diet - but I have to admit, I put the chocolate in my basket, and put it back five minutes later. So, it required some real thought.

    I also realized recently that I'm someone who eats better when I have all the junk available. I have chocolate, ice cream, chips, candy and cookies in the house - I haven't touched any of it since Jan 1st - and I have no desire too.


    Anyways, your husband could just be like me...but yeah, I would talk to him to see why he's doing it..
  • sassafrascas
    sassafrascas Posts: 191 Member
    What is his fitness/health level? If you loose a bunch of weight are you going to try to make him live healthier too? People usually fear change, loosing weight and getting healthy changes things.He trying to take care of his family by making sure things don't change to much,maybe?
  • carolynbergen1
    carolynbergen1 Posts: 57
    What is his fitness/health level? If you loose a bunch of weight are you going to try to make him live healthier too? People usually fear change, loosing weight and getting healthy changes things.He trying to take care of his family by making sure things don't change to much,maybe?

    Great answer!!! I think this is most likely the reason. Some men are attracted to heavier women though. Could be that as well. But my guess is it's the fear of change.
  • Jooliebean
    Jooliebean Posts: 57 Member
    Unfortunately I think some people get "scared" when they see their partner getting healthy, smaller..."sexier"...the new strength, willpower...dedication that has grown. Perhaps he's self conscious about your relationship....and the changes that will come if you are successful in achieving your goals. Perhaps he thinks you will get more attention from the opposite sex, and that doesn't sit we'll with him. Perhaps he was just not thinking when he picked up those items...thinking he was getting you a little treat. I would definitely talk to him...remind him that you are trying very hard to get healthy, and you need lots of support, not sugar spoiling as a reward for your hard work, *if that is indeed the case. Write a list of grocery store items that are great for the whole family to eat...stick it on the fridge. Put those processed sugary things away out of your site, but remember, the whole world is full of that crap. You are strong enough to stay on track. Honestly, he probably just picked those things up mindlessly, because he's used to getting the things that you guys always picked up while grocery shopping. A gentle reminder will help I'm sure... :)
  • lisa799
    lisa799 Posts: 79 Member
    I think you just have to keep gently/nicely reminding him. My husband has been like this in the past when I was working hard on being healthy and he wasn't. It's much easier on both of us now that we're both really making an effort to eat healthier.
  • lkeverett1
    lkeverett1 Posts: 34 Member
    My husband does this to me too. He brings home sweets that he knows I love but he doesn't like. If it is in the house I will eat it! So I limit myself to one a day and if the craving gets too bad and I start to slip up, I just throw the rest of it away. I know a waste but it makes me feel better that I didn't eat it!
  • MrsMeisner
    MrsMeisner Posts: 40 Member
    Fortunately I do the grocery shopping but my husband has sort of the same mindset. He can eat anything he wants and not gain a pound (always has been), so I just don't think he really understands how important it is for me to eat healthy so that I can continue to lose weight and improve my health and how tempting it is to have those things in the house.

    I know he's behind the IDEA of my goal, but when he's ordering chinese food by himself because I decide it's just easier to make a healthy stir fry myself at home instead of ordering chinese he's not always supportive. I think people like other people to validate their choices and by me choosing a healthier option he may feel defensive about his choices. For some reason (fear is a big one I think) people read into our food decisions like they're some sort of commentary on theirs.
  • wencandoit2013
    wencandoit2013 Posts: 22
    "It may not be the case but most people just do not understand. Co-workers used to tell me I was destroying my kidneys with my diet and then they would smoke a cig while picking up McD's."

    lol. I know exactly what you mean. My husband has an extremely physical job and has a great shape but his diet is atrocious. Fast food and candy is all he eats. It may be he feels if it works for him, it can still work for me.
  • wencandoit2013
    wencandoit2013 Posts: 22
    This happens to me too when my husband goes to the store "unassisted". In my case my husband understands the reason I want to eat well but in his opinion he doesn't like to see me deprive myself of foods he thinks are fun. Weird? Yes. I've explained the concept of my dieting various times but he will never understand fully. I'm working on that but in the meantime I avoid "his" foods like the plague. In the end I always feel better sticking to my food plan.
    A friend of mine suggested I throw the foods out, but I know someone else in the house will most likely eat it. Maybe I need to specify a place in the kitchen all of this junk food should go (like behind a closed cabinet door!)
  • spade117
    spade117 Posts: 2,466 Member
    Divorce.
  • redphoenix64
    redphoenix64 Posts: 47 Member
    My boyfriend did the same thing. I thought to myself, is he trying to sabatoge me or trying to test my willpower, or just did not understand. I would tell him that you will do the shopping for now on or you two can do it together...lol
  • CherV96
    CherV96 Posts: 28
    [
    [/quote]
    A friend of mine suggested I throw the foods out, but I know someone else in the house will most likely eat it. Maybe I need to specify a place in the kitchen all of this junk food should go (like behind a closed cabinet door!)
    [/quote]

    This is exactly what I do. I designated the lower shelf in the pantry for junk foods. After a bit of time I forget it is even there. And being on the lower shelf I don't have to come into eye contact with the junk every time I open the door.

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