Friends... I love you, but you are CRAP for my Health!!!
_Pseudonymous_
Posts: 1,671 Member
Does anyone else have friends that drag you down? I know this sounds terrible because I love my friends, I really truly do. I mean, They threw me a fracking Surprise party for my birthday last Saturday AND IT WAS ACTUALLY A SURPRISE!!! However, when it comes to wanting to be healthier it seems like one of those terrible elastic bands pulling me back to fried foods and ice cream. They are all pretty close to my size and constantly talk about how they want to lose weight but when we want to do dinner they shoot down my healthy alternatives of Jason's Deli for something like Raising Cane's Fried Chicken Tenders... there is LITERALLY no healthy alternative. I feel that if I decline eating out with them then the only time I will see them is when we all watch Once Upon A Time on Sunday for one hour.
I suppose the point of this post is does anyone else have this issue and if so how do you handle it? I mean I would love to get my friends on the path of fitness but not only can I not motivate them but they DEmotivate ME!!!
Zut ALors!!!!!!!!!!
I suppose the point of this post is does anyone else have this issue and if so how do you handle it? I mean I would love to get my friends on the path of fitness but not only can I not motivate them but they DEmotivate ME!!!
Zut ALors!!!!!!!!!!
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Replies
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Hi! it's the first time that I actually write or post something here...
So, I read your problem....I have to tell you that I went through the same problem.....my friends don't want to workout or eat healthy, not even my family!!!!
So what I did is do not blame them!! Do something for yourself. Be healthy and hopefully you will find friends that actually want to share this motivation with you.
It's hard.
I still want my husband to workout with me. I think it's not gonna happen......it's been 16 years working out almost every day. Can you imagine if I stopped working out??
So, it's not your friends issue. You do it by yourself!!! believe me.....you will never be happier.
Years passed...and if you don't start working out NOW.....later will be very difficult (VERY) to loose weight or to be in shape.
GOOD LUCK!!!!0 -
Hi! it's the first time that I actually write or post something here...
So, I read your problem....I have to tell you that I went through the same problem.....my friends don't want to workout or eat healthy, not even my family!!!!
So what I did is do not blame them!! Do something for yourself. Be healthy and hopefully you will find friends that actually want to share this motivation with you.
It's hard.
I still want my husband to workout with me. I think it's not gonna happen......it's been 16 years working out almost every day. Can you imagine if I stopped working out??
So, it's not your friends issue. You do it by yourself!!! believe me.....you will never be happier.
Years passed...and if you don't start working out NOW.....later will be very difficult (VERY) to loose weight or to be in shape.
GOOD LUCK!!!!
Thank you Patuleka!! I know it's my fault and not theirs but it's just so frustrating when they tell me to just cheat and no one will know >_< haha. But you are right, I need to do this for myself and not for them. Who knows, maybe if they see my awesome results then they will get on board with me and rather than go out for fried chicken/pizza and a movie we can go out for soup and salade and a nice stroll through the parK or a festival?0 -
I know exactly what you mean.
Its hard to be social and on this journey, becuase it seems those who are healthy and such, wont give someone overweight the time of day, and others who will dont have any ambition to be healthy.. its terrible.0 -
This can be really tough, and I have gone through similar issues in the past. The best advice that I can give you is to be very direct with your intentions with these friends. Let them know, in these instances, that you have goals that you are trying to achieve, and what you really need from them is their support! The friends that truly care about you, will accommodate you. But again, the first step is to communicate. And when I say communicate, I am talking about being as specific with your goals as you are comfortable with telling your friends. Too many times, I have given the old "I'm trying to watch what I eat" routine. This lead me to easily lose control in social settings. Be open about what you are doing, the change is not only physically, but mentally as well!!
Hopefully this helps!0 -
exactly. I'm not quite fit enough for my fit friends and my fat friends won't participate! Argh! lol It's worse then whenever I quit smoking. I had to stop going out and a lot of friendships seem to have faded. I quit smoking, I've cut back on drinking, I am working on becoming a better Christian and am trying to be healthy... it's a fairly lonely place right now but I know it's worth it in the long run.0
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This can be really tough, and I have gone through similar issues in the past. The best advice that I can give you is to be very direct with your intentions with these friends. Let them know, in these instances, that you have goals that you are trying to achieve, and what you really need from them is their support! The friends that truly care about you, will accommodate you. But again, the first step is to communicate. And when I say communicate, I am talking about being as specific with your goals as you are comfortable with telling your friends. Too many times, I have given the old "I'm trying to watch what I eat" routine. This lead me to easily lose control in social settings. Be open about what you are doing, the change is not only physically, but mentally as well!!
Hopefully this helps!
This is actually really helpful, thank you!!! ^_^0 -
Mia, it is also important to remember that you don't have to eat all of what you are served, especially at a restaurant with no "good" options. You can lose weight eating a 400 calorie salad, or you can lose weight eating 400 calories of fried chicken. So try to figure out where you are going before you go out, and check what size portions you should eat of what they do have available. You don't have to throw the rest out -- you can just take it home and eat it the next day. One of my friends lost 100 pounds eating out most of the time, she just counted her calories even when eating restaurant food, and got a good handle on what proper portions looked like when she couldn't weigh or measure her food.
On the friends front, you may need to take some of the initiative for planning more active/healthy activities. Bring a healthy snack when you get together to watch TV, suggest going dancing at a club instead of sitting at a bar, etc. If you are looking for more healthy friends, I know our parks department has "classes" that are preparation groups for walking a 5K (or running a 5K). You might meet some people who are new to exercising in a group like that. MeetUp also has groups in many areas for almost any activity you can thing of -- search there. Best of luck to you, and hopefully you can subtly shift your friends in a more healthy direction too!0 -
Welcome!!...and believe me I am always there! people look at you like. You don't eat??? come on!!!!!!! But the last time I gained 4 pounds and 2 months have passed and I can't loose them!!! lol so.....I learned....I workout so hard and try to be good that NOBODY will tell me what to eat or not. You are young...so you can easily loose weight (believe me). Be consistent, workout daily and yes! you can eat here and there! but workout. Also, if you have any parties....try to eat something before, fruit or something healthy....so you will not eat too much of the bad stuff. Good luck!!!!!!! and do it for you. and ONLY for you.0
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It's still about calorie control. You can go eat "healthy" and over consume. When I hang out with friends, I don't over consume just cause we're at a restaurant they like to eat at. Order something and before it comes out, get a take home box, dump whatever amount you want of it in and help yourself to the rest. What you eat or consume shouldn't dictate who your friends are.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
This can be really tough, and I have gone through similar issues in the past. The best advice that I can give you is to be very direct with your intentions with these friends. Let them know, in these instances, that you have goals that you are trying to achieve, and what you really need from them is their support! The friends that truly care about you, will accommodate you. But again, the first step is to communicate. And when I say communicate, I am talking about being as specific with your goals as you are comfortable with telling your friends. Too many times, I have given the old "I'm trying to watch what I eat" routine. This lead me to easily lose control in social settings. Be open about what you are doing, the change is not only physically, but mentally as well!!
Hopefully this helps!
This is actually really helpful, thank you!!! ^_^
You are welcome! Also, be the change that your friends need too. Be, and set, the example!!0 -
exactly. I'm not quite fit enough for my fit friends and my fat friends won't participate! Argh! lol It's worse then whenever I quit smoking. I had to stop going out and a lot of friendships seem to have faded. I quit smoking, I've cut back on drinking, I am working on becoming a better Christian and am trying to be healthy... it's a fairly lonely place right now but I know it's worth it in the long run.
Change is always challenging, but it sounds like you're moving in the right direction. Best of luck!
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Those who sabotage your goals by saying to cheat and that nobody will know are not TRUE friends! Friends help each other, support each other, and understand each other. If you tell them what your goals are and they are not willing to do things that will help you achieve them, then I hate to say it but you need new friends. I went through the same thing and made a ton of new, supportive friends at group exercises classes, the gym, and even on here! At the end of the day, you need to take care of YOU and YOUR goals, not being strung around because someone else wants to be a fatass.0
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Yup.... it is really hard to feel so good about what you are doing and then get around someone who seems to sabotage all the work you are doing... I guess sometimes thats why I am a hermit...lol and stay away from people like that... Kind of really sucks... but I have found these forums seem to keep me gooing...0
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I feel your pain. This has happened to me as well.
Would it be possible for you to host a small dinner or luncheon for your friends to introduce them to your new eating habits? Or maybe just some sensible snacks when they come over.0 -
I feel your pain. This has happened to me as well.
Would it be possible for you to host a small dinner or luncheon for your friends to introduce them to your new eating habits? Or maybe just some sensible snacks when they come over.
That is a fantastic idea!!! Thank you!!! Maybe I can find some recipes for healthy versions of our favorites?0 -
I completly understand what you mean, girlfriend. My best friend is trying (not very hard, I sadly report) to lose weight as well. And she hasn't been very successful at it because she is suffering with anemia and because, honeslty, I think she doesn't put that much effort into it. So whenever I go to her house, I am actually kinda frightened because that's when I usually go over on my calories for the day. Since there is always some sweet or salty thing at her house that I eventually munch on during our afternoon snack.0
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You mentioned these friends aren't the healthiest themselves. It helps to understand that sometimes they don't want others to change because it will just point out to them their own problems...so keep you down, too. If you persist and can keep them in your circle of friends, some of them might eventually look to you for help for themselves. I like the idea of having them over for some healthier foods at a "party". All you can do is give it a try and if they choose to continue to try to bring you down with statements like, "No one will know"...I'd come back with, "Yes, I'll know and I'm more concerned about my own health right now and I'd love to have your support."
Good luck to you!0 -
My friends drink, smoke and eat unhealthy meals. It took a long time, but I'm learning to tune them out and focus on my healthy meals.0
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i have a few people in my life that are very frustrating like that, and to get me through it i found a saying that i use as my background on my phone and computer....
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i have a few people in my life that are very frustrating like that, and to get me through it i found a saying that i use as my background on my phone and computer....
ERHMEHGHERD!!! I am DEFINITELY stealing this!! Thank you!!!0 -
I completly understand what you mean, girlfriend. My best friend is trying (not very hard, I sadly report) to lose weight as well. And she hasn't been very successful at it because she is suffering with anemia and because, honeslty, I think she doesn't put that much effort into it. So whenever I go to her house, I am actually kinda frightened because that's when I usually go over on my calories for the day. Since there is always some sweet or salty thing at her house that I eventually munch on during our afternoon snack.
That's how it is with my friends/roommate. About a year ago we decided to try and get healthy together but they didn't really want tochange their eating habits. I would come home from work and they would have pizza or French fries or many of my weaknesses. I suppose its a battle of wills now....
I AM SPARTA!!!0 -
i have a few people in my life that are very frustrating like that, and to get me through it i found a saying that i use as my background on my phone and computer....
ERHMEHGHERD!!! I am DEFINITELY stealing this!! Thank you!!!
what the heck is "ERHMEHGHERD"????? lol0 -
i have a few people in my life that are very frustrating like that, and to get me through it i found a saying that i use as my background on my phone and computer....
ERHMEHGHERD!!! I am DEFINITELY stealing this!! Thank you!!!
what the heck is "ERHMEHGHERD"????? lol
Haha!! It's from this internet meme. It's Oh My God.0 -
People that really care about you will adjust to your new eating habits. My MIL, who is a lovely woman, always makes sure that there's non-fried meat and veggie options when I go to her house, and my BFFs always choose restaurants that have plenty of variety so that we all have choices that we can eat. I have to agree that you may just have to be more firm with them, like, "There isn't anything I can eat there; can we please pick something else?" The cajoling is much like drinkers that just want everyone else to be drunk too, but that doesn't mean that you have to give in. If you draw a line on it. then they'll adjust, or they're not true friends. True friends support you through everything, especially a drive to be healthier.0
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I completly understand what you mean, girlfriend. My best friend is trying (not very hard, I sadly report) to lose weight as well. And she hasn't been very successful at it because she is suffering with anemia and because, honeslty, I think she doesn't put that much effort into it. So whenever I go to her house, I am actually kinda frightened because that's when I usually go over on my calories for the day. Since there is always some sweet or salty thing at her house that I eventually munch on during our afternoon snack.
That's how it is with my friends/roommate. About a year ago we decided to try and get healthy together but they didn't really want tochange their eating habits. I would come home from work and they would have pizza or French fries or many of my weaknesses. I suppose its a battle of wills now....
I AM SPARTA!!!
Of course it's not just her bad influence on me, it's first and foremost my WILL POWER! And since I am trying to work on improving it, it's hard when you are put face to face with the bad things you loved to eat.0 -
I completly understand what you mean, girlfriend. My best friend is trying (not very hard, I sadly report) to lose weight as well. And she hasn't been very successful at it because she is suffering with anemia and because, honeslty, I think she doesn't put that much effort into it. So whenever I go to her house, I am actually kinda frightened because that's when I usually go over on my calories for the day. Since there is always some sweet or salty thing at her house that I eventually munch on during our afternoon snack.
That's how it is with my friends/roommate. About a year ago we decided to try and get healthy together but they didn't really want tochange their eating habits. I would come home from work and they would have pizza or French fries or many of my weaknesses. I suppose its a battle of wills now....
I AM SPARTA!!!
Of course it's not just her bad influence on me, it's first and foremost my WILL POWER! And since I am trying to work on improving it, it's hard when you are put face to face with the bad things you loved to eat.
I am actually having to test my willpower right now. My roommate and
is friend just brought pepperoni pizza home... I just put some fish in the oven... Eat fish not pizza.... Eat fish not pizza.Maybe if I say it enough it will work?0 -
I completly understand what you mean, girlfriend. My best friend is trying (not very hard, I sadly report) to lose weight as well. And she hasn't been very successful at it because she is suffering with anemia and because, honeslty, I think she doesn't put that much effort into it. So whenever I go to her house, I am actually kinda frightened because that's when I usually go over on my calories for the day. Since there is always some sweet or salty thing at her house that I eventually munch on during our afternoon snack.
That's how it is with my friends/roommate. About a year ago we decided to try and get healthy together but they didn't really want tochange their eating habits. I would come home from work and they would have pizza or French fries or many of my weaknesses. I suppose its a battle of wills now....
I AM SPARTA!!!
Of course it's not just her bad influence on me, it's first and foremost my WILL POWER! And since I am trying to work on improving it, it's hard when you are put face to face with the bad things you loved to eat.
I am actually having to test my willpower right now. My roommate and
is friend just brought pepperoni pizza home... I just put some fish in the oven... Eat fish not pizza.... Eat fish not pizza.Maybe if I say it enough it will work?
you can have pizza if you eat inside your daily calories. Those new Pizza hut pepperoni sliders are only 260 calories each.
sorry... not trying to be derailing, but you don't have to give up everything. Losing weight isn't an all or nothing thing.
Unless you absolutely can't eat some of those things without going insane.0 -
I completly understand what you mean, girlfriend. My best friend is trying (not very hard, I sadly report) to lose weight as well. And she hasn't been very successful at it because she is suffering with anemia and because, honeslty, I think she doesn't put that much effort into it. So whenever I go to her house, I am actually kinda frightened because that's when I usually go over on my calories for the day. Since there is always some sweet or salty thing at her house that I eventually munch on during our afternoon snack.
That's how it is with my friends/roommate. About a year ago we decided to try and get healthy together but they didn't really want tochange their eating habits. I would come home from work and they would have pizza or French fries or many of my weaknesses. I suppose its a battle of wills now....
I AM SPARTA!!!
Of course it's not just her bad influence on me, it's first and foremost my WILL POWER! And since I am trying to work on improving it, it's hard when you are put face to face with the bad things you loved to eat.
I am actually having to test my willpower right now. My roommate and
is friend just brought pepperoni pizza home... I just put some fish in the oven... Eat fish not pizza.... Eat fish not pizza.Maybe if I say it enough it will work?
you can have pizza if you eat inside your daily calories. Those new Pizza hut pepperoni sliders are only 260 calories each.
sorry... not trying to be derailing, but you don't have to give up everything. Losing weight isn't an all or nothing thing.
Unless you absolutely can't eat some of those things without going insane.
That... Is perhaps the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me...Thank you for sharing such wonderful information. 0 -
I completly understand what you mean, girlfriend. My best friend is trying (not very hard, I sadly report) to lose weight as well. And she hasn't been very successful at it because she is suffering with anemia and because, honeslty, I think she doesn't put that much effort into it. So whenever I go to her house, I am actually kinda frightened because that's when I usually go over on my calories for the day. Since there is always some sweet or salty thing at her house that I eventually munch on during our afternoon snack.
That's how it is with my friends/roommate. About a year ago we decided to try and get healthy together but they didn't really want tochange their eating habits. I would come home from work and they would have pizza or French fries or many of my weaknesses. I suppose its a battle of wills now....
I AM SPARTA!!!
Of course it's not just her bad influence on me, it's first and foremost my WILL POWER! And since I am trying to work on improving it, it's hard when you are put face to face with the bad things you loved to eat.
I am actually having to test my willpower right now. My roommate and
is friend just brought pepperoni pizza home... I just put some fish in the oven... Eat fish not pizza.... Eat fish not pizza.Maybe if I say it enough it will work?
you can have pizza if you eat inside your daily calories. Those new Pizza hut pepperoni sliders are only 260 calories each.
sorry... not trying to be derailing, but you don't have to give up everything. Losing weight isn't an all or nothing thing.
Unless you absolutely can't eat some of those things without going insane.
That... Is perhaps the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me...Thank you for sharing such wonderful information.
:flowerforyou:
A good way to do it would be to have a green salad and one piece of pizza so you still get your health benefits and you can have your pizza too. 0 -
*hehe* I actually educate my friends and try to help them.
I guess I don't go out a whole lot so they don't/can't get me down.
The friend I hang out with the most has a gluten allergy so she eats pretty healthy and is interested in my recent lifestyle change.
My man however! cooks pizza at night or watches 65" of TV which = 65" of food commercials.
SIGH
So that is hard to be around sometimes..0
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