Not quite sure what to do...

Mandino788
Mandino788 Posts: 226 Member
in Motivation and Support
I just had a super awkward conversation with my boyfriend. We've been together for 2 years and I love him regardless of what he weighs but when he had a pre-op physical he was really unhappy with what he weighs. He had been talking about losing weight. I had asked him earlier today if he needed anything from the grocery store and he said no, then a few minutes ago he said that he really wanted some of those Little Debbie peanut butter chocolate bar things. I said something like "you know you're not going to lose any weight eating those" because he pretty much can't exercise due to his surgery.

I suggested he join MFP and start counting calories but I'm thinking I really handled this the wrong way. It's not like I want him to lose weight for me, I mean we actually weigh close to the same but I'm *trying* to lose weight...and am..he's not at all, but I want him to be healthy. He has developed sleep apnea. He has asthma. He needs to lose weight ASAP.

How can I handle this better? Or is what I said fine? Help! :(

Replies

  • kimmy_1432
    kimmy_1432 Posts: 40 Member
    This may help you, I don't know.

    For me to lose weight I had to start planning healthier meals and snacks. I'm a foodie and I loooove to eat so I only cook enough for myself and my husband. I used to make probably enough food for 3 to 4 meals and we would always go back for seconds... or thirds... Well my husband is not on a diet, does not want to lose weight, and is within is normal bmi so really he doesn't actually even need to lose weight right now. I'm a whole different story. Anyways, back to the point. I'm tracking my weight loss using my wii fit board just because the weigh in always seems to be pretty accurate. I've lost 19 lbs, go me yadda yadda yadda I'm working hard this feels great. Well my husband gets on the scale and has lost... and I"m not kidding... 26 lbs! By literally doing NOTHING except eating what I put on his plate for him.

    Long story short when you eat together, just make healthy meals and only enough for 1 plate a piece. :)
  • Mandino788
    Mandino788 Posts: 226 Member
    This may help you, I don't know.

    For me to lose weight I had to start planning healthier meals and snacks. I'm a foodie and I loooove to eat so I only cook enough for myself and my husband. I used to make probably enough food for 3 to 4 meals and we would always go back for seconds... or thirds... Well my husband is not on a diet, does not want to lose weight, and is within is normal bmi so really he doesn't actually even need to lose weight right now. I'm a whole different story. Anyways, back to the point. I'm tracking my weight loss using my wii fit board just because the weigh in always seems to be pretty accurate. I've lost 19 lbs, go me yadda yadda yadda I'm working hard this feels great. Well my husband gets on the scale and has lost... and I"m not kidding... 26 lbs! By literally doing NOTHING except eating what I put on his plate for him.

    Long story short when you eat together, just make healthy meals and only enough for 1 plate a piece. :)

    We don't live together :( We hopefully will by the end of this year but as of right now we don't. His surgery is a result of an injury at work so he's out on workers comp only making 66% of what he did, which wasn't much. So money is pretty tight and I've been helping him out with food and such, he feels bad so his answer to "what do you want to eat" is McDonald's dollar menu. -_________- I refuse to be the girlfriend that says "you can't eat that"
  • Mandino788
    Mandino788 Posts: 226 Member
    Well he joined MFP...I really hope he doesn't get mad that I posted this O.O


    Love youuuuuuuuuu! (if you see this...)
  • tndejong
    tndejong Posts: 463
    im in the position that im trying to lose weight and my fiance does not need to. i just took over planning the meals. and he did drop like 5 pounds in this process without even trying. if i were you, just try and stay away from the junk food and fast food. try to get his butt up and do anything active. even short walks or something together. any little but counts. he has to get the mind set that he needs to lose weight. and little by little he will become more involved. shop for healthy items you know he already likes. my fiance loves bananas and apples. so i almost always have those around. we got a gym membership that had a pool and classes. he loves to swim and run on the track. and i will hang out in the cardio room to do my thing. its all about balance. dont make it a diet and temporary thing.
  • Mandino788
    Mandino788 Posts: 226 Member
    im in the position that im trying to lose weight and my fiance does not need to. i just took over planning the meals. and he did drop like 5 pounds in this process without even trying. if i were you, just try and stay away from the junk food and fast food. try to get his butt up and do anything active. even short walks or something together. any little but counts. he has to get the mind set that he needs to lose weight. and little by little he will become more involved. shop for healthy items you know he already likes. my fiance loves bananas and apples. so i almost always have those around. we got a gym membership that had a pool and classes. he loves to swim and run on the track. and i will hang out in the cardio room to do my thing. its all about balance. dont make it a diet and temporary thing.

    awesome, thanks!
  • styledsky
    styledsky Posts: 121 Member
    Just tell him that you love him and don't want to lose him early from a weight-related illness. He'll figure it out from there :)
  • Mandino788
    Mandino788 Posts: 226 Member
    Just tell him that you love him and don't want to lose him early from a weight-related illness. He'll figure it out from there :)

    Thanks, he did join so we'll see how it goes. He talks about wanting to get his body back to where it was when he was 18, hopefully he'll have the motivation to do it. From what I understand he had lost a good bit of weight back then but didn't do it in the most healthy way. Fingers crossed that MFP will show him the right way to do it! :)
  • Cherbear67
    Cherbear67 Posts: 245 Member
    Good luck to him and you as well.. It isn't easy but the results are so worth it in the long run.
  • tndejong
    tndejong Posts: 463
    think of activities you two could do together. make it a fun thing. my fiance kept talking about wanting to try racquetball at our gym. so for his bday im getting us rackets and balls so we can go play. my mom got a wii and her and her husband will actually play the dance games lol. do you have a dog? take the dog to the park and for walks. get creative!
  • TiffersStr1
    TiffersStr1 Posts: 67 Member
    Regardless of having to lose weight or not, it's time for everyone to just eat healthier. My fiance doesn't need to lose weight, but both of us needed to start to eat healthier. So it just works out that what I cook for me..is healthier for him too! Make sense? Good luck! :happy:
  • chooriyah
    chooriyah Posts: 469 Member
    I think you should sit down and have a proper talk about it - but not from the point of view of 'this is what I think you should do', but rather asking him how he's feeling, what his goals are, and what support he would like from you. If he ASKS you to encourage him to snack healthier, or reduce the chocolates, then you can go ahead and do that. I'm sure you will, but be tactful, encouraging, calm and compassionate....let him know that you love him, think he's gorgeous and sexy, and that your concern is coming from a place of love and wanting the best for him.
  • SarahCW1979
    SarahCW1979 Posts: 572 Member
    Well he joined MFP...I really hope he doesn't get mad that I posted this O.O


    Love youuuuuuuuuu! (if you see this...)

    This is too cute! How can he be mad at someone who clearly loves the bones of him and wants him to be healthy and happy? Sometimes the blunt and to the point approach is best. I spent years complaining about my weight and then my husband said 'YOU are the only one who can do anything about it, move your @ss and quit whining' maybe it didnt help that he's a fricken athlete but it made sense to me. This is a lifestyle change that you can both make together and now you are both on MFP you can get a real cheer squad going.
    Money can be a real issue but if you buy whole foods in bulk they are cheaper, check out farmers markets and sale sections in supermarkets, cheaper cuts of meat are great if you cook them slowly and cut the visible fat off (I used to live off skirt beef casserole)
    You can both do this! You are both here so trawl through the forums, find the info and use it :flowerforyou:
    Best of luck to both of you :heart:
  • 366to266
    366to266 Posts: 473 Member
    I think you should sit down and have a proper talk about it - but not from the point of view of 'this is what I think you should do', but rather asking him how he's feeling, what his goals are, and what support he would like from you. If he ASKS you to encourage him to snack healthier, or reduce the chocolates, then you can go ahead and do that. I'm sure you will, but be tactful, encouraging, calm and compassionate....let him know that you love him, think he's gorgeous and sexy, and that your concern is coming from a place of love and wanting the best for him.

    This ^^ is the best advice.

    Also, you should say "I love you too much to just stand back and let you eat that crap!"
  • H1L5
    H1L5 Posts: 55 Member
    My husband is dieting with me to support me. He doesn't need to lose weight so I really love him for helping to get me motivated. I know he'll probably end up losing more than me, but he's much more active than I am so its my own fault. Hope your man finds some friends on here who can help him.
  • Mandino788
    Mandino788 Posts: 226 Member
    Thanks everyone!
  • dietingdanni
    dietingdanni Posts: 65
    I found that even though i was unhappy with myself i didn't start dieting until i felt mentally ready. Doesn't matter what anyone says or does you have to be in the right frame of mind or it just won't work in the long term.
  • lambchoplewis
    lambchoplewis Posts: 797
    It just occurred to me that I am feeding my old "I love to eat habit" through my husband!!! Wow - I love to cook but have lost the weight and am maintaining but... my hubby has gained 50 lbs in the last 10 yrs and needs to lose. I eat healthy and I watch him eat too much all the time. I think I am sabotaging him.....need to think about this and figure out how to slowly reduce his portions and calories.

    thanks for this insight.

Categories