Ethical dilemma

mmddwechanged
mmddwechanged Posts: 1,687 Member
in Chit-Chat
I have already decided the action to take on this one but I thought I'd put it out there for debate. I would guess that at least 50% will disagree with how I am dealing with this:

About three months ago my daughter left her purse in the courtyard at her school. The custodian found it and notified me. Everything in the purse was there except for her $300 iPod that I had just bought her for her birthday. Yesterday she tracked it. It is literally around the corner from our home. We probably have it narrowed down to three or so houses. She sent a message to them saying "give me back my iPod or I'll call the police". They said sorry and they want to return it and a big story about a friend of a brother who steals called Alan and homework they don't need it any more. Lol.

What would you do? A). Ask them to turn it in at the office at school and they agree and do the right thing.
B). Find the house and talk to the kid's parents. After all if my child stole I would want to know about it and deal with it.
Option C). ?
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Replies

  • sunsnstatheart
    sunsnstatheart Posts: 2,544 Member
    Start with B and move to calling the police if that doesn't remedy the problem. The idea of living next to thieves would not make me happy.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    What he said.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    kids mess up. IMO, ask them to return it, upon resistance talk to parents then cops (if parents don't bring it to you). But if the kids are giving it back, let it go. Tell them that this kind of thing could have gotten them into deep trouble but don't be a "parent" to them. Just get your stuff and forget it.

    Source: A guy with a past
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,047 Member
    B then A

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  • RushBabe214
    RushBabe214 Posts: 469 Member
    I'd go directly to B.
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
    kids mess up. IMO, ask them to return it, upon resistance talk to parents then cops (if parents don't bring it to you). But if the kids are giving it back, let it go. Tell them that this kind of thing could have gotten them into deep trouble but don't be a "parent" to them. Just get your stuff and forget it.

    Source: A guy with a past

    Agree. If they are willing to just give it back without a problem, at least you're not out $600.
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
    I'd probably ask to meet them to get it back, and then gauge their demeanor before deciding what to do next. Scared and remorseful? Okay, I'll cut you some slack. Let this be a lesson to you that even crimes of opportunity will come back to bite you. Flipping me some attitude? Parents and/or authorities are getting involved.
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
    kids mess up. IMO, ask them to return it, upon resistance talk to parents then cops (if parents don't bring it to you). But if the kids are giving it back, let it go. Tell them that this kind of thing could have gotten them into deep trouble but don't be a "parent" to them. Just get your stuff and forget it.

    Source: A guy with a past

    I agree. Getting police involved if they're willing to return it without police intervention seems pointless. The last thing some kid needs is a record, even a juvenile record of petty theft, following him/her around. Give the kid a chance to change. Now if the kid broke in your home or stole the purse off her shoulder that would be different. But this sounds like a kid found the purse and did something dishonest and stupid that might not be habitual at all.
  • Admiral_Derp
    Admiral_Derp Posts: 866 Member
    D.
    tumblr_mh6g32EIMD1qcga5ro1_500.gif

    But seriously...what Taunto said.
  • whitneyvickers
    whitneyvickers Posts: 7
    I would tell the parents but leave the police out of it. When dealing with children, they have a mulled sense of morals and can't be 100% blamed for the issue. See what the parents are like. When I was 8 years old, I stole my sister's pager because I wanted to be cool like her. It could be an insecurity issue and this kid felt desperate. You never know what someone is going through or has gone through, even if it's just a small kid. Give him the benefit of the doubt, to start :)

    Good luck!
  • alevett
    alevett Posts: 79 Member
    Definitely deal with the kids and their parents. If the parents aren't aware that their kid(s) is stealing, it is best to deal with it now before it escalates. Good luck.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    Burn down the whole block as a lesson to anyone else that might want to mess with you and yours. That's how Kaiser Soze would play it. Most def
  • MiloBloom83
    MiloBloom83 Posts: 2,724 Member
    Burn down the whole block as a lesson to anyone else that might want to mess with you and yours. That's how Kaiser Soze would play it. Most def

    I agree with Dav but make sure you get the iPod back first.
  • now_or_never13
    now_or_never13 Posts: 1,575 Member
    First I would message the ipod and ask them to please drop it in the mailbox and than that's the end of it. Give a time frame and see if they bring it back. Hell, send a message to it saying $100 for return... you don't have to give anyone the money. Just make them hand over the ipod before you tell them there is no money.

    If that doesn't work, I would go to the houses. Although you may know where it is there is nothing to actually prove it's there. Any kid in the house can say they don't have it when asked... and a lot of parents think their children are angels and would never lie, cheat or steal so that may not get you anywhere.

    If all else fails, you can get Police involved.
  • SerenaFisher
    SerenaFisher Posts: 2,170 Member
    Start with B and move to calling the police if that doesn't remedy the problem..
    *This*

    People make mistakes, especially kids, give them a chance to do the right thing. If they do not, take action. :)
  • mmddwechanged
    mmddwechanged Posts: 1,687 Member
    Lol! Love the extreme responses:)
  • cuterbee
    cuterbee Posts: 545
    Having had a family member who messed up in a very similar fashion at 12 (and was reported to the police)...as bad as it was, the hoops the parents had to jump through to get through this (from the property class, to court, to probation, to a urine drug test, to the fines that the kid had to repay) ensured that the child never, ever did anything even close to illegal ever again; a stop and think moment from there on out.

    If the kid has not been in trouble before, this is a big wake up call. If the kid has been in trouble before...well...punishment is likely deserved.

    Had someone asked me prior to that family member experiencing all of this, I would have said, no police. After seeing that on-the-border of out of control child before and after that moment? I say, bring in the police.

    One instance of theft as a juvenile will be sealed (if the kid is young enough; at 16 or older, I'm not so sure) and won't keep the kid from getting a job or a degree later in life.
  • Bucky83
    Bucky83 Posts: 1,194 Member
    Burn down the whole block as a lesson to anyone else that might want to mess with you and yours. That's how Kaiser Soze would play it. Most def

    Best. Answer. Ever.

    TheUsualSuspect_zps25ffa8c3.jpg
  • Hbazzell
    Hbazzell Posts: 899 Member
    I would talk to the parents.
  • hacker1234
    hacker1234 Posts: 225 Member
    How old was the kid that stole it? I would not be so forgiving for a kid that obviously should know better. Maybe if the kid is 9-10 I would be fine with talking with Mom, but if the kid is 15, then he's a thief and I'm sure you aren't his only victim and won't be his last unless he has to deal with it and maybe even in the court system.
  • SeahorseDolphin
    SeahorseDolphin Posts: 131
    Burn down the whole block as a lesson to anyone else that might want to mess with you and yours. That's how Kaiser Soze would play it. Most def

    This is clearly the only option.
  • clydethecat
    clydethecat Posts: 1,087 Member
    i say call the police, they stole something, they should have to pay the price., but then i'm a hot head.

    my husband says, if they are willing to return it, and are contrite, let that be the end. (he is much calmer than i am)

    to which i say, if we're not calling the police, can we at least call the parents? i mean, they stole something. there should be some sort of punishment.
  • katellanova
    katellanova Posts: 204 Member
    I would go with A. The less drama the better.
  • just4nessa
    just4nessa Posts: 459 Member
    At the risk of getting flamed, I'd go with option A. The neighborhood kids didn't actually "steal" anything. Your daughter lost it. Granted, they didn't do the ethical thing by turning it in but it was left behind, not stolen. Hopefully your daughter will learn that she needs to be responsible for her belongings and if she loses something, however valuable, it may be gone forever. Threatening to, or going to the police, is an extreme response and creates unnecessary drama. If they are willing to return the item, I think it would be an indication that they have learned a valuable lesson as well.
  • MattTheWaterRat
    MattTheWaterRat Posts: 167 Member
    If you already decided, then it's not really a dilemma.
  • AndyLL180
    AndyLL180 Posts: 57 Member
    At the risk of getting flamed, I'd go with option A. The neighborhood kids didn't actually "steal" anything. Your daughter lost it. Granted, they didn't do the ethical thing by turning it in but it was left behind, not stolen.

    Agree
  • RunDoozer
    RunDoozer Posts: 1,699 Member
    Parents should know about it. If it was my child that stole something I would be mad if I was not told about it. I would want to be able to handle the situation with her. He made a bad decision and should suffer appropriate consequences. Personally I think people get the cops involved way too much these days. Kids do stupid things. But they shouldn't be condemned for them. I do draw the line at violent or sexual crimes. Either of those and the cops are definitely getting called.
  • now_or_never13
    now_or_never13 Posts: 1,575 Member
    At the risk of getting flamed, I'd go with option A. The neighborhood kids didn't actually "steal" anything. Your daughter lost it. Granted, they didn't do the ethical thing by turning it in but it was left behind, not stolen. Hopefully your daughter will learn that she needs to be responsible for her belongings and if she loses something, however valuable, it may be gone forever. Threatening to, or going to the police, is an extreme response and creates unnecessary drama. If they are willing to return the item, I think it would be an indication that they have learned a valuable lesson as well.

    It is actually theft. They took something that they KNEW wasn't theirs. Sure, the daughter needs to be a bit more careful about where she is leaving things but it wasn't a lost item... it was stolen.

    If she lost it, some kid wouldn't have it now. Whoever has it did in fact steal it.

    Depending on how old the kid is I would go to the Police. The kid, if older, has most likely done this before. While the kid may end up with a record, it is their own fault for doing something they knew was wrong. We can't try to give the kid a chance... giving them a chance doesn't mean they will thank you and change their behaviour. Involving Police doesn't automatically equal a criminal record. Where I am, youth records are no longer sealed forever so the Police has the option to give the child one warning/caution. Depending on what they did they may not get an actual charge...should they repeat the behaviour they will.
  • squidbully
    squidbully Posts: 44 Member
    break thr fukkin nekz
  • LMT2012
    LMT2012 Posts: 697 Member
    The trouble with choice A is that if they anonymously turn it in at the office, there will always be a doubt hanging over those homes/kids. In my experience, it will somehow fester and manifest in trouble for your daughter. Kids gossip, etc. Just an intuition.

    I'd knock on each of the 3 doors and try talking to the parents and identifying the kid(s). If the parents are mouthy and not embarrassed, I'd tell them next time you will turn their sticky fingered brat in to the police.

    So....how'd it turn out for you in reality? Curious!

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