Past Eating Problems Make It Hard To Track Calories

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FangedDraga
FangedDraga Posts: 2
in Motivation and Support
I tried to write down my calories (here and in journals), but most of the time a part of me tells me that if I do that it'll only open up a can of worms. Most people see food diaries as just that, food diaries. But I see it as a novel of disappointment and regret. I could eat barely anything that day, but if I have to put down anything I ultimately feel like I did something wrong.

I believe its that lingering piece of me that I've kept for years after having thought that I had beat all my eating problems. I used to rotate through starvation (for days on end), binges (for weeks on end), and purges (usually correlating with the binges), but I've almost completely stopped since. I just mainly eat too much now (although I do not consider them binges).

Anyway, does anyone know how I could possibly track my nutrition without all this BS?

Replies

  • awholenewworld
    awholenewworld Posts: 61 Member
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    I too have recovered from an ED and I am recording what I eat with ease and without triggering myself. I just set a rule for myself that I must record at least x number of calories worth of food a day. I only get disappointed with myself if I am over or under that number. Otherwise I just look at it as a way to maintain my healthy body and not as a log of my failures. Hope I helped!
  • MaryPoppinsIAint
    MaryPoppinsIAint Posts: 157 Member
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    First thing, if you're not already seeing a therapist about this, start. If you are seeing one, bring it up. If you're in school, many many universities have mental health services available for free or very cheap. It is GOOD to get help, honey. And by the way, you are lovely. I'd be surprised if your definition of "too much" was actually accurate.

    Try tracking water. JUST water. Get used to the activity of tracking SOMETHING every day. Once you've got that habit down, add in breakfast. Or a snack. And then wait. Get used to seeing that meal on your daily journal. Rinse and repeat until seeing food is normal.

    Talk. Talk to people. Make friends here, we don't bite. :) Talk to a counselor. You have already come so far, and you're *here* asking for help. That's awesome. Nobody can do this stuff alone, you need support.

    Look around at some of the open diaries on here, people that look healthy and strong in their pictures and eat well. Take a GOOD look at what a normal, healthy diet looks like.

    You've got work to do, but you CAN do it. With friends and support, you can do anything.
  • love4fitnesslove4food_wechange
    love4fitnesslove4food_wechange Posts: 6,897 Member
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    I tried to write down my calories (here and in journals), but most of the time a part of me tells me that if I do that it'll only open up a can of worms. Most people see food diaries as just that, food diaries. But I see it as a novel of disappointment and regret. I could eat barely anything that day, but if I have to put down anything I ultimately feel like I did something wrong.

    I believe its that lingering piece of me that I've kept for years after having thought that I had beat all my eating problems. I used to rotate through starvation (for days on end), binges (for weeks on end), and purges (usually correlating with the binges), but I've almost completely stopped since. I just mainly eat too much now (although I do not consider them binges).

    Anyway, does anyone know how I could possibly track my nutrition without all this BS?

    Maybe you should give things more time--at least until you've had several months of beating these demons.
  • sofielein
    sofielein Posts: 539 Member
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    Is your BMI higher than 22? I mean, do you really need to lose weight or is it this ED mindset that keeps creeping back? Your profile pic does not really suggest you would be overweight.
  • Moxie42
    Moxie42 Posts: 1,400 Member
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    I think MaryPoppins has some GREAT points! It might also help to start off with your diary set to Private. I'm sure it differs from one person to another- some might like the positive feedback, being held accountable, etc...but when I first started, I was so self-conscious and worried about being judged, that I kept it private for a long time. It was easier for me to only have to answer to myself and not worry about what others think. Now, I like having it public (to my friends, not to everyone)...that's because a year of being on this site has taught me that everyone has good days, and bad days, low-cal days, and high-cal, and everyone has only offered positive feedback, encouragement, and once in a while- light, constructive criticism. Not saying everyone should do it this way but for me, it helped.
  • Inpjs66
    Inpjs66 Posts: 109 Member
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    I am now 46, going on 47 in April. Back when I was 29, I developed an eating disorder, (Anorexia) Never got ill from it, but got so thin, I looked like skin on bones. I seen a counselor who specialized in eating disorders. She wanted to give me meds, I refused. She told me to start keeping a daily journal of daily events, not matter how big or small. After a few months, it was determined that when I starved by body and overly exercised, it was because it was something I could control when things in my life were going on that I couldn't control.

    See someone, it will help. No matter how much time passes, you will never be happy with the way you look. I am starting menopause and have filled out in places, I never knew existed. But, no matter what, I do not neglect my body. ( I may over eat, but not to the extent that I ever reach over 160 LBS) I don't like it, but it's part of life.

    Stay with this site, it has helped me lose weight, (now at 146 which really isn't big) actually a healthy weight according to my BMI. I would like to be thinner and look better, however, I want to do this in a healthy way.

    Keri
  • FangedDraga
    FangedDraga Posts: 2
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    Yes, I just checked online and its 32. I'm 5'4 and 188 lbs at the moment.
  • MaryPoppinsIAint
    MaryPoppinsIAint Posts: 157 Member
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    Okay, so yeah, there's a little work to do, but sweetie, you are by no means the worst offender in the universe... or even here!

    You've said that the main issue these days seems to be overeating. (Not the binge/purge/starve cycle, but just plain eating too much.) I am right with you on that one. I had to have my gallbladder out recently, and because of that, portion control has become my very best friend literally overnight.

    But you know what? That is ALL I'm doing. Just portion control. If I find I'm hungry, I look at the journal and see where I can make healthier food choices tomorrow so that I can eat more! No guilt, no shame, just "Okay, today I squeaked under the limit, it's 6pm and I"m still hungry. Grab a healthy snack and let's see where I can do better tomorrow."

    You need friends, honey. A few folks who log in every single day who can encourage you and remind you that food is fuel, not poison, not shameful, and that your body NEEDS its fuel.

    I speak from experience that regardless of your caloric intake, if your actual nutrition isn't great, you're gonna have a time getting that BMI down. I eat more often (and enjoy my food!) when I'm eating healthy than I do when I just blow it off and eat too much.
  • jclimey
    jclimey Posts: 14
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    I find the easiest way for me is to plan my meals for the day. I don't usually eat breakfast ( I know they say you should) as it makes me more hungry. So in my head I know I will eat at around Noon. I plan my daily menu on my food log around the number of calories I am allowed before I eat, that way I don't veer off of my calorie intake. If I want a dessert or a glass of wine, I will cut down on something else. But usually have salad with protein for lunch and a regular dinner. I do weigh my food now and I am eating healthy (that includes potatoes, etc. in a small portions).
  • sofielein
    sofielein Posts: 539 Member
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    Yes you are overweight a bit but not the end of the world. I'm 5"4 too and as you see my ticker also started around that range.

    I am not expert in how ED-s should actually diet but I think if you just do it like everyone else does it here (1. calculate BMR 2. calculate TDEE 3. decide if TDEE - 20% or TDEE - 30% calories are more manageable for you) and really stick to it you should be okay.

    I guess for an ED person the most important is: it does not matter if you decide on 1550 or 1750 calories a day but you will HAVE TO eat that. Do not go under or over. Do not try to starve or anything. Look at the success stories section, it it always people in there who totally ate their calorie goals over months and months and months...

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