At my wits end for weight loss...help!

GabbyBo
GabbyBo Posts: 4
in Health and Weight Loss
Hi guys-

So I joined this just to post this question.
I'm 5'6 and I'm anywhere from 138-141 pounds, dependent on if/how much I ate before I went to bed. I'm not overweight, but I'm sick of being at the weight I am, and I'd like to drop around 20 pounds. I would have to be at 114 before I was catorgorized as 'underweight', and I don't need to be underweight, I simply want to be thin.

So here comes my dillema:

The heaviest I have ever been was about 150, I believe. That was around 1.5-2 years ago. My lifestyle consisted of white breads, lots of cheese, lots of pop, energy drinks, eating at fast food places, midnight sugar snacking, no exercise albeit my job, which I was on my feet, walking around for up to 10 hours a shift. (clothing retail, anyone?)

I decided around a year ago, that I was sick of living so grossly, and I decided to join a gym and start shaping up. (Literally!)

Now, here's some background...I have struggled with an eating disorder starting at around age 15. I'm 20, now. I was bulimic for a bit, but mostly restricted my food intake. I was around 124 pounds, then.

Well, something big happened and I was in and out of hospitals, which doesn't exactly feed you the most healthy meals, so that really added to the weight gain.

So now fast forward to today!

1.5 years later, and I don't drink pop, I drink a good amount of water every day, I don't eat at fast food restaurants anymore, and haven't for probably close to a year, I work out 5 times a week, cardio and weight training, I eat 3-5 meals a day, sometimes fewer if I have a larger meal) and it consists of fruits, veggies, vegetarian patties, yogurt, nuts, etc. I eat all whole grain and am an avid label checker to make sure I'm getting the healthiest food possible. I only have dessert 1-2 a week, and I'm in the gym no less than 45 minutes a night.

Here's the shocker...I've lost no more than 10 pounds in that almost 2 year time span, and no matter WHAT I DO, I literally cannot drop below 140 pounds. I did hit 134 last summer, however I was training with a personal trainer at my gym twice a week for three months, and ended up shelving over almost 2 grand. I obviously couldn't keep up with that, so I had to stop it, however I haven't been down to 134 since.

Being someone who struggles with an eating disorder/ED related thinking and behavior, this is simply killing me. I think about what I'm going to eat/what I've eaten/how much I've eaten every single minute pretty much of my entire day. I hate being consumed by this, but if I could only lose this weight, maybe I wouldn't be so obsessed with thinking about weight loss. I simply don't know what's wrong with me..I've tried everything.

Thanks for reading this, I know it was long! <3

Replies

  • 141by2016
    141by2016 Posts: 179
    Your BMI is 22, smack dab in the middle of the healthy range. Maybe it's time to put the scale away for a while and focus on improving your physique? More/smarter weight training (Ala New Rules...) and maybe concentrate on HIIT instead of steady state for the cardio? You may not lose any weight, but you can tighten up and improve your metabolism by working on your body composition.

    Best of luck, try to stay focused on building health, not the number.
  • learnerdriver
    learnerdriver Posts: 298 Member
    I'm a newbie with a plateau problem but have spent a lot of time reading, and have concluded my problem is set point (see Harvard Medical School) and too few calories- I am on 700 net which is way below my BMR, so I think I actually have to eat more.

    How many calories are you on?
  • wendybird5
    wendybird5 Posts: 577 Member
    You're at a normal weight for your height so why do you want to be 20 pounds lighter? Do you want to be a smaller size? Or could this be related to the ED thinking and you are being critical of how you look? To me it sounds like you are healthy and doing all the right things and are where you should be so I wonder why you want to be underweight. I don't think losing weight will solve your perceived problem. It sounds like the problem is your perceived need to be smaller. Maybe a therapist would be of more use than a personal trainer?

    Good luck and I hope you find the answer that will help you.
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
    You don't lose weight by eating healthy food. Your body doesn't care whether that meat came from McDonald's or the free-range organic grass fed local cow.

    You lose weight by eating fewer calories than you use. If you're not losing weight, you're not doing that.

    Track your calories. Eat fewer of them than your body uses. Lose weight.
  • marciebrian
    marciebrian Posts: 853 Member
    I really want to be careful not to be insensitive to how you're feeling. You are certainly not heavy and at 5'6" losing another 20 lbs. is probably just too low for your body to want to be without another episode of eating disorders. I agree that concentrating on toning and forgetting the weight (hard to do with ED I know) for now should be your focus but I also hear the pain in your message. You look like a beautiful young woman and I have no doubt that anyone seeing you would never think anything but thin.

    I wish you good luck and more important I wish you good heath in mind, body and spirit. I think you've had a rough ride and if you ever want to reach out I hope I can at least listen.
  • GabbyBo
    GabbyBo Posts: 4
    Anywhere from under 1000 to around 1800, it depends on my level of activity for the day. I was always told not to dip below 1000, so I try to eat some fruit or veggies if I'm at an extreme deficit.
  • CristinaL1983
    CristinaL1983 Posts: 1,119 Member
    On the internet, there are so many things we cannot know about each other. Especially with your history of disordered eating, it would probably be beneficial to seek the help of a professional. Find someone like a registered dietician who can sit down with you and measure body fat and work out a nutrition plan with you.
  • GabbyBo
    GabbyBo Posts: 4
    I am quite aware of the input output of losing weight, however yes, there's a difference between 400 calories from a McDonalds burger patty, and 400 calories of lean chicken. 400 calories in 400 calories, but your body will use it differently. Your body can't put to use 400 calories from greasy nastiness, so it's more likely to be stored as fat.

    Refer to http://home.trainingpeaks.com/articles/nutrition/a-calorie-is-not-a-calorie.aspx for further explanation.
  • GabbyBo
    GabbyBo Posts: 4
    I understand, and I do want to pursue therapy as soon as my schedule and finances allow. However, it's more than just my distorted thinking- I do feel unhealthy, and I know I have more fat on my body than is comfortable or healthy for me. I would be happy even with 10 pounds of weight gone. Just for my own health, you know? I feel so uncomfortable with the extra weight I carry.
  • lgwait01
    lgwait01 Posts: 3
    Have you thought about the 17 day diet, It is done by a doctor, and maybe would work for you. My son and I have done it together and it is really working for us. I ordered the book online, anyway just one idea.
  • acogg
    acogg Posts: 1,870 Member
    I am 5'5" and know I am good at 130 pounds. My focus is now body fitness, not thin. In my opinion, you will always look fat to yourself until you see some muscle. Just that little bit of leg definition will do wonders. Focus on that.
  • saktii2323
    saktii2323 Posts: 27 Member
    Do you ever take your measurements to see if you've gained muscle?

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