Food Fight with Fiance

sweatymonster · February 2013

Hello, I am new here. My name is Kelly. It is nice to meet all of you. :flowerforyou:

For Lent I've given up "not exercising." I decided I like my vices (coffee, beer, smoking) way too much. I am, however, tired of being overweight. I've been keeping notes in my planner for when I work out, and trying to stick with at LEAST two but hopefully three times a week. I finally fixed my bicycle and started doing yoga. I feel better about myself but I still feel like I have one big problem.

My fiance, who I love very much and am excited to spend the rest of my life with eats like garbage. He eats maybe five or six things: pizza, fried chicken, dry cheeseburgers, muffins, mac and cheese. As you can see, none of these things are healthy. He will, on occasion, and with much convincing, eat bananas, apples, and maybe even four or five bites of salad. Never have I seen someone so unwilling to try new foods. It's to the point where I think he has selective eating disorder. (It is a real thing! Google it!)

For the last several months I've given up on fighting him over it. I am tired of buying new fruits, cutting them all up and going "please please try this," tired of baking cookies and making a huge mess of salad to put between him and the cookies, tired of trying to "hide" veggies in other foods, tired of laboring over dinner to watch him eat five bites then have to eat the leftovers for the next two weeks. I am tired of throwing away food that has gone bad in the fridge. Food I've worked hard to pay for with my part time employment, food I worked really hard to make taste super awesome. I've been eating more meals with him which means, I've been eating very unhealthily. :frown:

And for the last several months I've BALLOONED. Since October I've gained almost twenty pounds. And since two years ago I've gained almost forty pounds. I am tired of feeling fat and looking pregnant.

I don't know what to do. I want to eat with my boyfriend and I want to lose weight. Please help me? :brokenheart:

Queen_JessieA · February 2013

Just make healthy choices. And cook healthy foods. www.skinnytaste.com is my FAVE site and my whole family has loved everything I have cooked from there. If he doesn't like what you cook, let him go elsewhere and eat. Lose weight for YOU and not for HIM and it will all fall into place. When he sees you getting healthy, he will probably follow suit!

vicrandom · February 2013

Cook just for you, have some semi-healthy snacks around that you might both enjoy, and make him budget for his own takeout. And maybe send him in for bloodwork - he doesn't have to change his eating, but he should be aware that his food-stubborn-ness is (probably) not without consequences.

TeachTheGirl · February 2013

It's all about portion control and willpower.

You can't change him, but you can change you and your relationship with food.

canambus · February 2013

My husband likes to eat unhealthy,I don't. I cook meals that either we both enjoy and I alter mine to be healthy or I cook two meals using the same protein but different sides. If he wants to order pizza I offer to order him one and I will eat something else if I don't want it. I keep healthy snacks and fruit for me (I don't try to make him eat the fruit...he'd rather die first) and I pick up chips,candy bars and ice cream for him. Sometimes I have to fight off cravings, sometimes I give in, depends on the day and depends if it fits into my calorie goal for the day.
We're both happy. He doesn't need nor want to lose weight or change eating habits and I don't want to be unhealthy neither of us should have to change if we don't want to.
You just have to find a happy medium that works for you

bviv89 · February 2013

HEY! Here's my honest opinion. Yes, lovers must compromise with the exception of when your health is at risk. Eating those high fat, high calorie, high carb foods will not help your body efficiency. I think the next step is deciding that you need to take care of yourself in order to take care of him. Commit to your health and prepare foods that are best for you. He can cook for himself (unless you two have an agreement about who does what chores) and you can provide only healthier options, leaving it up to him to find unhealthy options. Your influence may or may not catch on, just be prepared for that!

Let me tell you a little about my experience, please. I'm very happy with my fiance and it's very frustrating that he is able to metabolize those calorie-dense foods much more efficiently than I am. Last year, I was stressed with over-loaded, full-time college classes and two part-time jobs. I ate what was convenient and gained 20 pounds. I hate it now, but I'm getting back on track by eating for my own health and trekking to the gym five days a week. I've only lost three pounds in six weeks, but my measurements next week will tell the real story of all my squats and crunches...and I feel TONS better, it's so worth it. I'm going to work on seriously cutting my calories now that I'm starting to get into a more athetic mindset.

Eat for need, not for greed!

holdingon2faith793 · February 2013

My fiance, who I love very much and am excited to spend the rest of my life with eats like garbage. He eats maybe five or six things: pizza, fried chicken, dry cheeseburgers, muffins, mac and cheese. As you can see, none of these things are healthy. He will, on occasion, and with much convincing, eat bananas, apples, and maybe even four or five bites of salad. Never have I seen someone so unwilling to try new foods. It's to the point where I think he has selective eating disorder. (It is a real thing! Google it!)

For the last several months I've given up on fighting him over it. I am tired of buying new fruits, cutting them all up and going "please please try this," tired of baking cookies and making a huge mess of salad to put between him and the cookies, tired of trying to "hide" veggies in other foods, tired of laboring over dinner to watch him eat five bites then have to eat the leftovers for the next two weeks. I am tired of throwing away food that has gone bad in the fridge. Food I've worked hard to pay for with my part time employment, food I worked really hard to make taste super awesome.:

You just described my hubby to the T, I make what I want (healthy) 5-6 days a week, he has the choice to eat it or fend for himself, he is allowed to pick one dinner night per week where we eat what he wants, he usually bbq's, and thats how we work it out.. Also like a Previous Poster stated, I buy him his unhealthy snacks and such and he must share them with the kids, LOL so they last 1 day and its all they are allowed for the whole week, but he doesn't need to loose weight so it don't really bother me, and my kids are rather scrawny for their size not for their lack of eating, I Hope you can understand whats good for you may not be the best for him, men have different intake needs than women. (or thats how I look at it anyway)

carlysuzanne85 · February 2013

If you haven't already, make sure you very clearly lay out your reasons for wanting to eat more healthy and workout, make sure he knows that if you're healthy, you will be the best wife possible and will live a whole lot longer--therefore being with him a whole lot longer! And then maybe an open conversation about the cooking in your household. Thankfully my bf eats a wide variety of food and relatively healthy but he sure likes his butter and junk food more than I do. We buy our groceries separately and for the most part, cook separate meals. Sometimes we share one component of the meal, like the protein. Then he adds a buttery, creamy sauce if he wants and I leave it off. I get my veggie sides and he eats rice or bread. He knows that if he wants his meal cooked the way he wants, he has to cook it. And if he doesn't feel like cooking, he gets my baked salmon. Sometimes I partake in that buttery goodness but when it fits into my calories for the day or when it's a cheat day. I'm sure you two can work out a system between two of you but it's going to take some patient conversations

benol1 · February 2013

I think you need to concentrate on improving own health first before you concern yourself with your boyfriend's health. You may come across as a little hypocritical and controlling if you have your own unaddressed health and lifestyle issues.

Giving up smoking would be a great first step. I don't know how much you drink but most alcoholic drinks are rich in calories. Its something to consider. Also, develop some will power and stick to a healthy eating plan even if your boyfriend doesn't. I think if you did this you might have a bit more leverage. And even if your boyfriend doesn't follow your good example, you are at least doing something extremely positive for yourelf.
kind regards,

Ben

anotherYRwiser · February 2013

Been married to a man like that for 33 years hon. It IS possible to cook healthy and not worry about what he devours!:bigsmile:

I began getting healthy last year. Portion control is the KEY factor in trying to live peacefully with an "enabler".

He does most of our grocery shopping though - perhaps you need to adjust your thinking. You buy what YOU want to eat and let HIM be responsible for the rest! After I lost 21 pounds last year and people started noticing that I was focused - my hubby also started noticing. He now hides his "treats" cookies-snack cakes etc. . . if the temptation starts to get to me while he's eating them, I either go in the other room and do dishes or laundry til he's done. If there's nothing like that to do - I make myself a bag of popcorn and sprinkle a popcorn topping on it. WAY less calories and it makes my MIND think that I'm eating crap! It works!

Also KEEP COOKING AND HIDING the good things!! Don't get frustrated because he won't acknowledge it - cook smaller amounts - maybe freeze some for your lunches during the week. You have to set your mind to doing this. I too love my beer & wine (OMG do I love my wine!) BUT you have to figure it into your calories...i

Quitting smoking will make your taste buds return and most of that crummy food he wants isn't going to taste good to you any more. I've lost several close relatives and friends to cancer - smoking scares the hell out of me. . .

Well I'm old not so sure about how wise - but here's my 2 cents worth. Take it for what it is. YOU and ONLY you can change what you look like and how you feel! It all boils down to putting your mind in the right place and being determined to do it! Took me 33 years to allow 100 extra pounds to creep up on me withou paying attention. . . I know I'm not going to lose it over night but that's o.k. . . I know that I am capable of losing it and I am NOW paying Attention!! Don't wait 33 years for the bersitis and arthritis and cholesterol numbers to go off the chart to get into focus.:ohwell:

LoraF83 · February 2013

It's all about portion control and willpower.

You can't change him, but you can change you and your relationship with food.

This is pretty much spot on.

I eat pizza, burgers, cookies, etc. I am losing weight. You can lose weight and eat those foods - it's just about the calorie deficit. Should you try to eat as healthy as possible? Sure. Buy enough produce for you and enjoy it. But don't think you can't have a slice of pizza or a hamburger too.

And he's your fiance, not your son. You can't force him to eat anything he doesn't want to, so stop trying. It will only cause problems in your relationship.

chubby_checkers · February 2013

Your situation sounds similar to mine execpt my fiance eats more of a variety of junk.
I cook what I want to eat and let him worry about his own food. We still eat together, just separate things. I eat what he eats on occasion (more than I should), but I'm getting better about it.

Food Fight with Fiance

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