Exercise Guilt

jljohnson · June 2010

I'm afraid I'm stuck in a Catch 22. I've been trying to do P90X. I love the workouts, I feel great after doing them, I can already see muscles emerging where they were lacking before, and I enjoy the challenge. However, I always feel guilty when I spend so much time working out. I work full time and have 2 kids (one is 2 years old and the other is 4 months). I feel like I don't get to see my kids enough because of work, and working out takes away even more from the time I could be spending with them. To add to my time issues, neither of the boys are sleeping through the night. Once they're in bed, I feel like I should be sleeping as well, just to attempt to get enough sleep to function at work the next day.

On the flip side, when I don't work out, I feel just as guilty. I'm trying to better myself, and I'm getting nowhere by skipping my exercise. I feel lazy and I miss that great feeling I get after working out.

So far, the solutions I have are to do something less time consuming (like my 30 Day Shred DVD), or do something less intense and incorporate family time into it (like taking the kids for a walk in the evening). Either of these options leave me still wanting more. The other option is to suck it up, take my "me time," do P90X, and try to live with the guilt.

What's a busy mom to do?

lotusfromthemud · June 2010

Take the "me" time.

Truthfully, feeling better about yourself makes you a better mom! No doubt about it.

xo,

someone who had a mother with low self esteem who never, ever took time for herself and scarred me for most of my young adult life.

jlewis2896 · June 2010

I'm a Mom of three with a husband who is jealous that I spend more time with my sports bra than I do with him.....

Take the me time. I have benefited greatly from being 'selfish', and not only do I feel wonderful, but my family has started working out with me!!

After all, folding laundry and cooking dinner take away from you time with your kids, too, but you don't feel guilty about that!!

Allibaba · June 2010

Think of it this way, you are being a great role model for your kids by working out. I do a lot of Wii active and my son likes to watch and he likes to do the wii fit as well. My son is 9 so yours will not follow as much, but they will observe and learn that exercise is a part of life. It is a great gift to give them and as you get used to exercising more you will have more energy and more time to devote to them.

Whatever you do, try not to feel guilty, I am sure you are a great Mom as you are thinking of their well being. Try to mix it up sometimes with taking them out, enjoy your time with them and remember that they grow up fast!

LongMom · June 2010

I think all of us Mom's feel the same way sometimes

Especially with the babies! My BABY is turning 2 today so I'm out of that stage but I remember it well (I have a DD who's 2 today and another who's 4 next month, so same age gap).

The first year went by like a blur. I live in Canada and had a whole year off and didn't have a single moment to myself, so Kudos to you!

My first thought? If you have the support of people around you and are able to have "me time" - DO IT and DO NOT feel guilty! My parenting philosophies include "It takes a community to raise a child" and so I'm always encouraging my mom friends to take any little bit of help they can get

It's a tough thing to let go of, that mother's guilt, but it's 2010 and we're getting smarter by the day. More and more new mom's are realizing how important it is to keep yourself a top priority because we are the examples for our kids!

Enjoy every single minute of every day because when you have these little markers of time shoving it down your face, time goes by waaaaay too fast

whyflysouth · June 2010

Don't over do it with regards to exercise, your family is still very important and these are years of your children's lives that you'll never experience again. You already have to sacrifice so much of that time because of your career, don't let your exercise program take away the rest of it.

Remember as the saying goes, "This is a journey, not a race," - you don't have a deadline to be at a particular athletic level of conditioning in 90 days, do you? If you don't, then slow down with the P90X. I face the same thoughts when I think about starting up P90X, the truth is, it's too much a commitment for someone with a family and so maybe it'll take me a year to reach my goal instead of 4 months, I honestly don't mind, and you shouldn't mind.

Most people are on MFP b/c for much of their lives they were neglecting their bodies for work, school, family, etc. Now that you aren't neglecting your body and are giving it it's rights, don't overdo it and neglect your career, family, and increase the stress in your life. It should all be in balance. Don't feel guilty about missing a workout, there's nothing wrong with pulling back in order to spend more time with your family - however, pulling back doesn't mean giving up, keep exercising, but just do it at a pace that is comfortable and appropriate for your life.

Also, try to be inventive with your workouts, running around the house with your 2-year old chasing you is just as much a workout as watching Tony Horton tell you to do jumping jacks. Even putting your baby in one of those front-facing backpack things and going for a 20 minutes walk will get you in shape. You don't need to spend a bunch of money and lock yourself indoors in front of a t.v. Have fun!

jer2kat · June 2010

There are some exercises you can do with your kids that are fun for your kids and benefit you as well. That would acomplish two tasks at the same time by exerciseing and spending time with your kids. I don't remember what exactly they are but you should be able to google it and find some good workouts involving your kids.

surlydave · June 2010

Can you just wait until after your kids are in bed?

ANewLucia · June 2010

If you don't take the time you will get stuck in a rut. I did that for years and just didn't feel good about myself. I have four ranging from 11yrs to 4 mos and I have purposed this go around that I will take that me time.

jamie11k · June 2010

These are great posts, and someday I hope to find that balance too!
I would keep the P90X going, but spaced out so the days you do them are 'special' and the days in between allow more time with the family. Is there an opportunity during the workday to run up and down stairs? You could do that and 30 day shred after work, get a great workout, and not so much of a time commitment!

sunnikim · June 2010

I'm afraid I'm stuck in a Catch 22. I've been trying to do P90X. I love the workouts, I feel great after doing them, I can already see muscles emerging where they were lacking before, and I enjoy the challenge. However, I always feel guilty when I spend so much time working out. I work full time and have 2 kids (one is 2 years old and the other is 4 months). I feel like I don't get to see my kids enough because of work, and working out takes away even more from the time I could be spending with them. To add to my time issues, neither of the boys are sleeping through the night. Once they're in bed, I feel like I should be sleeping as well, just to attempt to get enough sleep to function at work the next day.

On the flip side, when I don't work out, I feel just as guilty. I'm trying to better myself, and I'm getting nowhere by skipping my exercise. I feel lazy and I miss that great feeling I get after working out.

So far, the solutions I have are to do something less time consuming (like my 30 Day Shred DVD), or do something less intense and incorporate family time into it (like taking the kids for a walk in the evening). Either of these options leave me still wanting more. The other option is to suck it up, take my "me time," do P90X, and try to live with the guilt.

What's a busy mom to do?

I got an eerie feeling in the pit of my stomach when I read your post because I could have written it myself. I'm currently struggling with the same issue; I'm a mom of 2 (a 4 yr old and a 4 month old) and work full-time. I have tremendous guilt for taking time in the evenings to exercise.....even 15 minutes on the elliptical or 20 or 30 minutes for the 30 Day Shred or Trouble Zones workout. So, I essentially fell off the exercise bandwagon because of that guilt.

I go home from work at lunch (full hour lunch, 10 minutes to & from the office, 40 minutes available to me), so I've attempted to squeeze in a few minutes then, but I don't like going back to work with that 'after workout' feeling (I don't have time to shower, but do a quick cleanse with a washcloth).

My 4 month old is usually up at least twice during the night and some times my 4 year old is up, so that leaves me feeling drained by morning and sleeping until the last possible second - morning workouts wouldn't fly. I usually go to bed fairly early because I'm up all hours of the night, so an evening workout after the kids are asleep isn't doable either. Plus I utilize evening/night time for cleaning up, doing dishes, preparing bags & things for the next day.

I'm trying to just focus on my kids now because I know they won't be little for long, but I do feel better when I exercise & take care of myself as well. I've attempted the evening walks with the kids, but my daughter would rather play with her neighborhood friends and my son has reflux, so he fusses quite a bit laying in the stroller. My husband is supportive and would watch them for me (and has watched them for me), but my guilt overwhelms me and leads me to stop working out.

I have no advice, just wanted to commiserate. Feel free to message me any time you need to vent, I totally understand where you're coming from!

jljohnson · June 2010

Heartfelt thanks for all the quick responses! I think I'm just in a rough patch right now because my husband is traveling for work, and I'm on my own with the kids. Whyflysouth, you're definitely right... I don't need to complete this in 90 days. I can do the workouts when I can make them work for me. When they don't, I'll do something else - the quick 20 minute DVD, take a walk or whatever makes me feel good that day. As long as I do something, I should be proud. I'm still being a good example for my kids, taking "me" time (even if it isn't every day), and spending quality time with them. I feel better now. Thanks again!

bluiz13 · June 2010

ohhhhhhhh seriously, i could have written your post about a year or so ago...i still feel that way too, but i am working on letting it go
i too work full time, have a 2.5 yr old and a 5.5 yr old....
my husband just got a job after being out of work since last march (2009)....
i am lucky that he was able to do the daycare pickups a few days a week and my mom/stepdad pick them up and keep them one night a week until 9pm so they get a weekly visit in with them BUT i still have to find the time to get in the "number" of workouts i feel i need each week....
right now my goal is 5 and i have actually written them into my calendar, i have been doing this for over a year in order to get MY time...i have to remind myself when i leave them to workout or i'm late getting home because of a workout after work when daddy gets them - THAT I WILL BE A BETTER MOTHER FOR THEM WHEN I AM HEALTHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
there is nothing wrong with taking you time....
my schedule was all set but now my husband will be starting his new job next week and will no longer be able to pickup the kids because he will be working until 6pm about 25 mins from home...SOOOOOOOOOO, after just getting my schedule worked out i must modify it again....
here's my new plan, hope it helps...
saturday - mid-morning class at my gym - kids go with me and play in the playroom - they like it and then we do something for them after; lunch, library, pool swim, playground, whatever
sunday - early morning walk on the beach with my girlfriends - done it 3wks in a row and i love, love love it...we get chat time, we get to enjoy the beautiful florida sun and we get our workout done before the kids are barely up - i get home by 9 and they are just getting going
monday - i used to go running after work but now that mike will not be picking up, i will either have to take the kids to the park w/stroller, rollerblades and my son's bike after pickup OR i have to get my *kitten* up and out the door by 540 to make the 6am class at my gym - can do it if i would just GET UP, my choice to sleep later cause i stay up too late
tuesday - same as monday or go for a walk/run with a girlfriend at 845pm when the kids are in bed - again a nice chance for friend time and workout or hop on my treadmill and watch a show on the DVR
wednesday - take the kids to the park w/stroller, rollerblades and my son's bike after pickup or day of rest
thursday - gym for back to back classes after work until i pick my kids up from grammie/grampa's house
friday - same as monday or day of rest

since i'm a night person, i dont mind working out at night and i absolutely can not get up for the morning classes but with my husband's new schedule i might just have to at least once a week to get the workouts i want/need each week...1 day a week wont kill me lol....

good luck and i hope you figure your schedule out - but the bottom line is this, you should not feel guilty for taking YOU TIME!!!!
we all deserve a break and your family and mine are fortunate that our US time is to make us better mommies....i know it is hard but little by little let the guilt go....its best for everyone, i promise....
denise

AndriaLL · June 2010

I have been, well still am to a degree, in the same boat. I have always had to work full time and have a husband that travels, so I felt guilty putting my kids in the Kids Club while I worked out at the gym. That was despite the fact that they loved to go there. I did invest in a baby jogger, which was great for my first daughter, but then when the 2nd one came along, the 1st didn't want to jog of course, or be stuck in a stroller while I jogged, so I tried the late night thing after they went to bed. That didn't work so well with hubby gone as there is just so much to do with all the laundry, cooking, cleaning up, getting everything ready for the next day of work and daycare, etc. I ended up just taking the "me time", and yes I felt guilty about it for awhile. But, you know what? My girls are very happy and healthy at ages 8 and 12. They both do triathlons (my current thing to train for) and run, bike and swim with me now. They both made the Rocky Mountain Division Ski League Championships (they both race slalom and GS) and my older girl is ranked 9th. Most important to me, they are both VERY healthy and fit. That is something that is not in their genetics to say the least, from myself or their father. They have not had to endure all the teasing and nastiness I had to endure as an obese, not to mention borderline diabetic, child. They both have a much higher self esteem than I ever did at that age and I consider that one of the best gifts I could have given them. Now that I look back, I am thankful I took the "me time".

jljohnson · June 2010

Can you just wait until after your kids are in bed?

As an example, here was my evening last night:

4:30 - left work. Picked up kids from daycare and got home around 5:00.
Cooked/ate supper, done by about 6:00.
6-7:30 is the time I have to either work out or play with my kids. Last night I opted to play.
7:30 is when we start getting ready for bed. Baths, PJs, read books, etc.
I rock the little one at 8:00, down by 8:30.
Rock the big one at 8:30, down by 9:00
Pick up toys, minor cleaning, dishes, take out garbage and get myself ready for bed from 9-10
At 10, little one woke up, back asleep by 10:30
10:30-1am SLEEP!
1am big boy wakes up, back to sleep by 1:30
Little one wakes up at 2, back to sleep by 3:00
Big boy wakes up at 4:30, and decides to stay up and play. I got back to sleep by about 5:00
Alarm rings at 6:00.

I got about 5 and a half hours of sleep last night (interrupted several times). I could have had a little more if I had skipped cleaning, or I could have worked out then, but then my house would be a disaster. I also could have gotten up at 4:30 or 5, but that would have cut me down to 4 and a half hours of sleep. Not really feasible while I'm not getting a decent amount of sleep. Once they start sleeping all night, I could definitely do my workout at night or in the morning.

MisdemeanorM · June 2010

I would focus on getting the 2 yr old sleeping through the night to get you more sleep! Mine was waking up for a while so I put the child lock on the inside of his door and just left him in there. He figured it out pretty quickly that he was getting NO attention (not even a "go back to bed") in the middle of the night. He's been a relatively good sleeper though. Of course, he stays up until about 11 with me so he's tired!

Also, I know that it's the time you have with your kids, but I would (personally) cut down on the time it takes to get them to bed. (IE, in the winter when he's not getting dirty - my 2 yr old does not do daily showers - he does not need them.) Especially so (namely the older one) they won't rely on 1/2 hour of mom rocking time before he will go to sleep. Maybe it will allow a little more you time at night and a little more kid time during the day. Read to them both together and knock it out at once in 1/2 hour?

Last thing I do - during the week - MINIMAL house work. I work full time+ with a 2 yr old at home with me.... so it gets pretty messy. I deal with it on Saturday. If my husband has a problem with it, I remind him I work more hours than he does + raise our kid so he can do it himself if he wants something done during the week. I have to give up most of my weekend to cleaning and catching up, but I dont have much I could be doing anyway so it's not that bad and leaves me at least time to breathe a little during the week.

Of course, there's no perfect answer! So... I guess it's back to doing what we all do... learn to function on no sleep and take care of everyone around us :P

Exercise Guilt

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