Weight and Dating

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six1908
six1908 Posts: 99 Member
in Motivation and Support
Has weight ever been an issue for any of you out there when it comes to the dating world? I'm young, 28, a guy that has goals (plan on going to medical school to become a psychiatrist that specializes in children and adolescents) and truthfully can't seem to get the time of day from people. I've always heard don't change for others, but let's be honest, I'm a big guy.. 6'4, 290... and unless you're a football star... that's just it.. I'm a big guy. haha. So I'm just curious... has anyones weight ever played a role in or reaked havoc on your dating life?
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Replies

  • wvtrap
    wvtrap Posts: 19 Member
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    I think for the most part being a bigger guy has given me more issues with myself than with getting attention. Even as a bigger guy I have done well for myself at times just by having a little confidence in myself and not being afraid to get rejected a few times. However losing some lbs definitely increases the number of looks I feel like I'm getting. Hang in there. Dating is never really easy. Just don't settle for less.
  • MichaelBrewer2634
    MichaelBrewer2634 Posts: 91 Member
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    Fitness effects your entire life. When you feel good you'll look good, and when you look good you'll be much more attractive. Also, the things you put out, are the things that you will receive. The more healthy you are physically, mentally, financially, and spiritually the better mate you will attract. Good luck.
  • six1908
    six1908 Posts: 99 Member
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    Thanks gents. Appreciate the advice.
  • wvtrap
    wvtrap Posts: 19 Member
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    Thanks gents. Appreciate the advice.

    No problem... I know for a fact there are a lot of nice girls in the area you live.
  • coke_bottle
    coke_bottle Posts: 259 Member
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    Hell yes!! Because people are so judgemental!!
  • sademariej
    sademariej Posts: 2
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    Absolutely! People are super fixated on the superficial. I know that for myself if I would get a little more weight off, things would change....because they have in the past! But what it really comes down to is confidence and feeling good about what you bring to the table. It is tough to get with that program though because we are our own worst critic!
    You are obviously going places and have a life plan (which is more than a lot of 28 year old guys have!) so be proud of that.
    The right person will not judge us only based on our weight. Do what you need to do to feel good and the rest will fall into place! :)
  • DebbieLyn63
    DebbieLyn63 Posts: 2,650 Member
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    I was never model thin, but stayed around a healthy weight range during my dating years and don't think I ever had problems with dating due to my weight. But there is one instance where someone else's weight was a problem. But not for me.

    About 15 yrs ago when I was single, at a healthy weight, very active, and probably in the best shape of my life, a guy coworker fixed me up with a friend of his. He told me he was a bit larger, but was a really nice guy.

    We met for lunch at a Chilis, and I was happily surprised to see that he was quite handsome, and even tho he was a larger guy, he carried it well. He was probably around your height and weight. He was funny, charming, very intelligent, and our personalities just clicked. So well, that we spent over 4 hours in that restaurant getting to know each other. When we parted ways, he suggested that we needed to do it again, and I reassured him that I would love to see him again, and just give me a call.
    He never called. After several days had passed, I saw my coworker and he asked how the date went. I told him that it went great and wanted to see him again, but he hadn't called back. He said he would call him and find out what was the deal.

    Turns out he thought I was 'out of his league'. Wow. I had never had that happen before. He honestly thought that I wouldn't stay with him because of his weight. Perhaps I should have been flattered, but instead it kinda pissed me off. We had what was the start of a potentially great relationship, and he cut it short because of my looks, and an assumption that I was shallow enough to dump him because of his. And it wasn't like a was super gorgeous, I was just average looking in my opinion.

    I realize now that he had issues with his own self, and how unhappy he was that he had 'let himself go' in his opinion. I have no idea where he is now, or how much he weighs. Hopefully for his sake, he either lost down to acceptable weight for himself, or he has learned to be happy with himself at whatever weight he is. But I highly doubt that if he saw me at my highest weight, he would still consider me 'out of his league'.

    I am now happily married to a great guy who loves me no matter what I weigh. Over 15 years we have both gained and lost and it hasn't affected our feelings for each other. That is the way true love works!

    I guess all this is to say, that personality and confidence in yourself goes a lot further than what the scale says.
  • six1908
    six1908 Posts: 99 Member
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    I was never model thin, but stayed around a healthy weight range during my dating years and don't think I ever had problems with dating due to my weight. But there is one instance where someone else's weight was a problem. But not for me.

    About 15 yrs ago when I was single, at a healthy weight, very active, and probably in the best shape of my life, a guy coworker fixed me up with a friend of his. He told me he was a bit larger, but was a really nice guy.

    We met for lunch at a Chilis, and I was happily surprised to see that he was quite handsome, and even tho he was a larger guy, he carried it well. He was probably around your height and weight. He was funny, charming, very intelligent, and our personalities just clicked. So well, that we spent over 4 hours in that restaurant getting to know each other. When we parted ways, he suggested that we needed to do it again, and I reassured him that I would love to see him again, and just give me a call.
    He never called. After several days had passed, I saw my coworker and he asked how the date went. I told him that it went great and wanted to see him again, but he hadn't called back. He said he would call him and find out what was the deal.

    Turns out he thought I was 'out of his league'. Wow. I had never had that happen before. He honestly thought that I wouldn't stay with him because of his weight. Perhaps I should have been flattered, but instead it kinda pissed me off. We had what was the start of a potentially great relationship, and he cut it short because of my looks, and an assumption that I was shallow enough to dump him because of his. And it wasn't like a was super gorgeous, I was just average looking in my opinion.

    I realize now that he had issues with his own self, and how unhappy he was that he had 'let himself go' in his opinion. I have no idea where he is now, or how much he weighs. Hopefully for his sake, he either lost down to acceptable weight for himself, or he has learned to be happy with himself at whatever weight he is. But I highly doubt that if he saw me at my highest weight, he would still consider me 'out of his league'.

    I am now happily married to a great guy who loves me no matter what I weigh. Over 15 years we have both gained and lost and it hasn't affected our feelings for each other. That is the way true love works!

    I guess all this is to say, that personality and confidence in yourself goes a lot further than what the scale says.



    THANKS FOR SHARING THIS! REALLY MADE ME THINK...
  • benflando
    benflando Posts: 193
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    Hop in the gym brother. We all can feel the benefits from working out and eating right, THATS WHY WERE HERE! Best of luck to you and your weight loss journey.

    It can totally change your outlook on life and the way you approach woman even. Confidence and swagger come along with an in shape body.

    And btw you dont look like a bad looking guy, no homo.
  • MsKriss281
    MsKriss281 Posts: 91 Member
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    You are obviously going places and have a life plan (which is more than a lot of 28 year old guys have!) so be proud of that.
    The right person will not judge us only based on our weight. Do what you need to do to feel good and the rest will fall into place! :)

    ^^ This exactly.

    I agree that dating is never really easy, no matter your weight. I don't think any of us want someone that judges us solely on our weight or phsycial appearance but we all know that those people exist and often times it seems that only those type of people exist when you are out in the dating world. I'm not saying that physical appearance and attraction aren't important, just that those should not be the only aspects you judge a potential partner on. As stated above, the right person will not judge you on your weight, but on your personality, determination and life goals. I think it's a matter of being yourself and living your life in a way that makes you happy and in doing that you will find someone who compliments you and your life plans. In the end being confident in the person that you are and being able to be yourself are more meaningful qualities than all of the physicalities.
  • sillyjeepgirl
    sillyjeepgirl Posts: 37
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    And btw you dont look like a bad looking guy, no homo.

    ^ That, made me smile. haha :)

    I have to agree that it's all in how you carry yourself.

    I dont believe that losing weight OR simply stating it as getting healthy, is necessarily changing for anyone else. Living a healthy life regardless of your weight is better for YOU, and will help improve other areas of your life. Living a healthy life takes more into consideration than just working out and eating. There are 6 elements of health and wellness and they all need to be in sync and in harmony to live a better life. :)

    Good luck!
  • crobl
    crobl Posts: 380
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    Has weight ever been an issue for any of you out there when it comes to the dating world? I'm young, 28, a guy that has goals (plan on going to medical school to become a psychiatrist that specializes in children and adolescents) and truthfully can't seem to get the time of day from people. I've always heard don't change for others, but let's be honest, I'm a big guy.. 6'4, 290... and unless you're a football star... that's just it.. I'm a big guy. haha. So I'm just curious... has anyones weight ever played a role in or reaked havoc on your dating life?

    Maybe it's just me...but I'd date ya! You know, assuming you had a great personality and all that jazz =)

    But in all seriousness - I like a guy to be bigger and stronger than me! I know my way around a weight room, and don't like to feel like I'm stronger than a guy. So it's not necessarily a weight thing, but a strength thing. If I'm in a guy's arms...I want to feel safe in there =)
  • WickedZoey
    WickedZoey Posts: 401 Member
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    As someone who used to weigh 100 lbs more, I can tell you yes, my weight impacted relationships for me in the past. But you have to make the change for yourself and you have to want it.
  • sunnyside1213
    sunnyside1213 Posts: 1,205 Member
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    Ladies and gentlemen, we are hard wired to want partners that can breed and give us security to raise children. It's not judgmental. It's biology.
  • mefit87
    mefit87 Posts: 57 Member
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    I personally feel that it's in how you present yourself. Confidence and personality are the two key attributes that attract people. I'm 25yrs old 5'9, 180lbs and deal with low self-esteem, always feel like I'm not pretty enough, thin enough etc. When I go out, I see
    other girls who may be bigger than I who ooze self-confidence and get all the guys. So I've learned along the way that it's not
    necessarily about physical appearance, it starts with how you feel about yourself. Be confident and know that you deserve the
    best of the best. Side Note: you seem like a really sweet and intelligent guy who needs to feel like you're worth it. Good Luck :D
  • lilmissbamaqueen
    lilmissbamaqueen Posts: 184
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    Has weight ever been an issue for any of you out there when it comes to the dating world? I'm young, 28, a guy that has goals (plan on going to medical school to become a psychiatrist that specializes in children and adolescents) and truthfully can't seem to get the time of day from people. I've always heard don't change for others, but let's be honest, I'm a big guy.. 6'4, 290... and unless you're a football star... that's just it.. I'm a big guy. haha. So I'm just curious... has anyones weight ever played a role in or reaked havoc on your dating life?

    Yes, it can be a factor. But... you're a good-looking guy, you have a lot going for you, so just be yourself, and if a girl overlooks you because you're a "big guy", then they're not worth your time. :flowerforyou:
  • WVmom24
    WVmom24 Posts: 266 Member
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    I'll be honest...I just wrote a big long paragraph about how confidence is key and how if someone asks me out, my weight doesn't bother them anyway, and blah blah blah...

    Then I realized the guys who have asked me out in the past have ended up being huge DOUCHE BAGS. And now I got nuthin'.
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
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    My husband is a bigger guy....so was my ex boyfriend.

    I found both of them attractive (hubby amazingly hot) and their personalities only made them more attractive to me.

    Size means nothing. It's the whole person. If someone is judging you based on size, move on. They're shallow and you deserve better.

    The end.
  • cominupmilhouse
    cominupmilhouse Posts: 257 Member
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    Whaat!!? I'd date you!

    Seriously, I think if you're asking this question, than the weight issue is impacting you way more from the inside than the outside. Meaning for the most part, it's all in your head!

    That little anecdote an above poster threw in about that guy thinking she was 'out of his league' is right on the money. There definitely are girls that are superficial B*TCHES! but there are so many women out there that form opinions on people and potential partners based on personality. I was always a healthy weight in my late teens/early 20s and the first guy I fell in love with, absolutely head over heels adored, was a lad who weighed at least as much as you do now. I never thought about his weight and lucky for me, neither did he. I think that if either of us had, it would've been him, and it would've made the relationship pretty tough if not impossible.

    Definitely for health as well as a confidence booster, hit the gym! Start lifting, throw in some cardio, watch your diet and lose a few pounds. You'll feel amazing and hopefully your confidence level will rise up to your true potential. THIS is what is attractive to us ladies! Convince us that you're worth our time!

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