Mixed Support?

Dewymorning · March 2013

25 days in and I have lost 5 pounds! Woohoo!

I have tried losing weight meaning times before, by exercising more, or trying to cut certain foods out of my diet, and always just couldn't drop those pounds, or just found myself eating more. XP
This is finally working. I find it hugely motivating to exercise, and I can still let myself have small treats without feeling guilty, because I know I am within my calorie goal.

However when I have told others what I am doing I have had mixed reactions

I have a lot of support from my friend who got my onto myfitnesspal.com, and my boyfriend is hugely supportive as well.

But other people... a few of friends have been really interested and want to give it a go themselves.

But my flatmates and many of my friends have just been like "that's nice". I mean, they aren't discouraging, but they aren't really supporting me either.

The worst was my work colleagues. I had just been going a couple of days when I told them, and one of them came out right away saying "Why would you DO that to yourself!?" and I just kind of felt flattened. She just seemed to laugh in my face. And my other colleagues seemed to agree with her.

I mean, it's not enough to discourage me, I am loving how I feel now I am exercising regularly (the boyfriend is loving it too

) , and it is so great to finally see the weight slowly coming off.

I just wish people would be more supportive.
I have found something that works for me.

Shouldn't they be happy for me?

beebop85 · March 2013

I feel your pain! Dont let what others say affect how you are feeling and what you are doing, there are plenty diet saboteurs and many come in the form of closest friends and family! The main reason I feel people do this as they are reminded of there own demotivation and lack of commitment to do anything about something they are unhappy with, be it weight loss, work, relationships etc! Why would you start to look after yourself eating things that are good for you and exercising making your brain all happy and starting to have confidence in yourself? WHy WOULDNT you! Keep it up you sound really happy

xampx · March 2013

You shouldn't care what they think. Do it for you! If you want to feel better and you can fit it into your lifestyle, just do it.

Chances are they will sit around getting more pudgy and unhealthy by the day. Thats up to them.

ETA: One of my colleagues has lost a lot of weight by stopping being an alcoholic and making up for it with smoking. SO MANY people tell him HE looks great. No one has even mentioned it to me and I have lost 21kg/45lbs/3 stone 3 lbs! A-holes. They are NOT getting cake for my birthday!

chooriyah · March 2013

I think it wasn't about you - it was her making a joke out of the fact that she can't be bothered to exercise. By exaggerating as though exercising is some form of torture.

Don't take it personally. Your boyfriend and a few friends are supporting you and are even being inspired by your efforts - those are the important relationships.

Congrats on your loss so far; that is wonderful! Keep it up!

SJLS2013 · March 2013

First pff, well done on the 5 lbs. It's a great start, keep it up!

I get quite a few mixed reactions. Some people say I don't need to loose weight and try and put me of. The trouble is, to them it sounds flattering but to me it's not very helpful.

My boyfriend goes in swings and roundabouts. He was very encouraging for me to start working out more and try to loose some weight, but if he thinks I'm going too much then he worries. Or if I mention calories, he's just not interested.

Both may be disheartening, but their just trying to look out for me.

Maybe your colleagues are the same? Or if you don't have much to loose, don't see the point. I think some people imagine dieting and exercise to be hell (bowls and bowls of lettuce and endless hours at the gym) but it's not like that at all.

Try not to be bothered by it and keep up the good work!

dollhousedolly · March 2013

You should be happy for yourself.
The steps you are taking to lose weight are not for your co-workers but for you. Smile and shrug of any negative comments, even if they didn't mean them to be.

Congrats on losing 2k.

ron2e · March 2013

Don't expect everyone to be supportive, people have their own lives to lead and don't necessarily understand anyway.Why should it matter to you what they think?

Dewymorning · March 2013

I think it wasn't about you - it was her making a joke out of the fact that she can't be bothered to exercise. By exaggerating as though exercising is some form of torture.

Don't take it personally. Your boyfriend and a few friends are supporting you and are even being inspired by your efforts - those are the important relationships.

Congrats on your loss so far; that is wonderful! Keep it up!

I think you are probably right. To her the idea of keeping track of everything you eat etc. probably does sound like torture.

Ed98043 · March 2013

You can't expect everyone to be excited for you. If they're not your friend or loved one, they probably just don't care.

cowgurl1 · March 2013

I agree with others here. It's usually people who feel bad about not getting active, or caring about themselves that will be the first to bite. I mean, its a mixture of guilt and bullying I guess. Id try asking what their advice would be, and what they would do differently if they were in your shoes. I betcha they have no answer. And remember no matter how slow you go youre still lapping everyone who is still on the couch.
You go for it!
Dont worry about them'
Haters gonna hate.

Dewymorning · March 2013

It's not so much that I care what others think, it's more like, when I tell someone about it and they react negatively, it deflates me.

I think it is just my personality. I don't like any sort of conflict.

And that is part of why I love this app, because I feel like it has reduced my internal conflict about what I should eat and helped keep me motivated to go to the gym.

I know I feel better about myself when I go, but have always struggled keeping the motivation up. So yeah, hopefully I can keep going this time, or at least, when I fall over, pick myself up quicker.

benol1 · March 2013

You need to ask yourself who you are doing the weight loss for.
If its for you, then you need to look at why you are upset or concerned that some people are not actively supporting your lifestyle change.
Like most people, I do love the NSV when someone notices my weight loss and makes a positive comment. But its not the bread and butter of my motivation. What motivates me is getting fit and healthy and the sense of wellbeing and happiness that I have. Yes, getting acknowledgement from my wife and children is great, but at the end of the day, it wouldn't matter to me that no one outside of my loved ones notices or cares.
kind regards,

Ben

Vailara · March 2013

Sometimes it's difficult to know what to say to people who are trying to lose weight. If you're encouraging it sounds as if you think they're overweight and should lose some! And if the person doesn't even look overweight it looks like you're encouraging them to be unhealthy. If the person clearly weighs a lot less than you but is saying they're fat - well, that can be awkward too! If she's saying SHE's fat, what on earth does she think I am? So people (including me!) don't always say the right thing.

It can also be quite boring to have somebody go on about weight loss and exercise, and if you're listening to it, it can almost feel like a criticism (if you are not equally focused on weight loss and exercise).

It's a social minefield, I'm telling you! Given that, I wouldn't worry too much about the comments. Look for motivation from within or from people you know will be supportive. Good luck!

JJordon · March 2013

People who do not walk the same path and have not walked it as you, cannot understand what you are doing. Indifference to hostility is just apart of it. Too many people just lack willpower and have just given up. I see it all the time, some people don't see magic results in a month and they throw in the towel, looking for a hole to crawl in, give up and die.

Not me.

But then again, I'm doing this all for me, and no one else. Well, just maybe a bit for the wife.

Bottom line, mixed company social validation is overrated. Its best to get it from people who know where you are, where you are going, and better off, who know how to get there and who can help you get there yourself.

morcal36 · March 2013

I would use their lack of support to spur you on. Just think, when you get to your GW, you can smile at them sweetly while thinking "up yours" I did this for me and without your help, lol. Keep going, as long as you are happy, the small minded few don't really matter xx

Dewymorning · March 2013

You guys are all so supportive. I want to hug you all!

nmullins81 · March 2013

My husband really had the "whatever" attitude when I started 370+ days ago. I had said I was going to start losing weight many times before and did nothing, so he just wasn't going to react. He told me that I needed to measure out my own food because he wasn't doing it, so I did. Once I showed him I was serious for a few months he began to help me out when serving dinner by asking how much I got and actually measuring it out. My point is to keep moving, keep doing what you are doing, because once you really show that you are losing weight they will start asking how you did it.

chooriyah · March 2013

I know that I sometimes reacted in this way towards those who were exercising and trying to be healthier, before I started to try to lose weight myself.

It wasn't about them at all, but whenever they would go for a hike, or go to the gymn or go rock-climbing and would tell me about it, I would make faces and groan and stuff like that. Looking back, it was selfish and unsupportive, but it never occurred to me that I needed to be supportive, or was being an *kitten*, because I was so focused on how them talking about it was making me feel worse and lazy. In my (very dumb) mind, my friends didn't have the same kind of body issues or self esteem problems that I had, and I didn't consider the impact of my reactions on them. My face-pulling, groaning and 'you're getting too skinny' comments were all related to my own denial.

wllwsmmr · March 2013

Firstly, congrats on the weight loss and dedication to bettering yourself!!!
Also, I love that you have the support from your loved ones, those are all that matters

A lot of times, others react with negativity to things that they don't know about, and don't agree with things that they don't do or consider the norm. Sometimes people are purely being rude and annoying.
Some of them are naturally skinny and hence do not understand putting yourself in 'misery' from dieting and exercising thanks to the advertising of being on a diet meaning plain salads and hunger and working yourself to death in the gym. Others might also be embarrassed that they themselves are unable to be determined enough to put in the effort and make the changes like you do! Jealous I say...

You cannot change what others think, say about, or do to you, but you can change how you react to it!!

And also, that is the point of mfp community!! You have people that can relate, that choose to commit to healthy eating or are looking to build a better body, or are looking to be more active etc!
Whenever you're fazed, you know you can always turn to mfp

Do whatever feels good for you, yes it is demoralizing to have the negativity coming from friends etc, but that's how life is and do not let what they say dictate your actions!!

casy84 · March 2013

I didn't tell anyone except my bf about my plans. I'd rather not fail in public lol.
Now people have noticed and are nice about it except my mom. When I was a teenager she made sure to point out that my butt was big although I was at a normal BMI; that triggered my low self esteem(no ED thank god!). The day she lost weight all she did was point out how skinny she was regardless of the fact that I was at my HW at that time because of the medication I had to take. Now she just discourages me...
Because of her I am now a thin 28yo who still thinks her butt is too big to be shown in a bathing suit.

quirkytizzy · March 2013

Don't expect everyone to be supportive, people have their own lives to lead

This. What you're describing isn't a lack of support, it's an indifference. And that's fine - they aren't the ones making the changes, you are. People generally are wrapped up in their own lives (and that's not a bad thing) and don't always have the time or energy to be someone else's cheerleader.

Come here, to MFP, where we're all working towards the same goals - you'll get plenty of recognition and support here.

rougecrayon · March 2013

JEALOUS! Some people will unintentionally try to make you feel bad for improving because one persons success makes others realize their own failures.

danika2point0 · March 2013

Honestly, if you have a few friends and boyfriend supporting you, that's great. I don't feel the need to tell anyone what I am doing - why would a casual acquaintance care if I am trying to get healthy and why would I feel the need at all for their 'support'? I'd rather just do my thing and hopefully show off a hot new bod in 6 months and they'll be like 'Damn!'

Also...congrats on the work so far!

elisa123gal · March 2013

Yes, your new self discipline and success makes those who are not doing anything to improve themselves or their lives feel like slugs..so they try to discourage you from making them look bad. The nicest people in the world default to this petty human behavior.

You'll have more success by keeping your weight loss and fitness more private and seek support from those of like minds..like us right here. Keep up the great work!

Dewymorning · March 2013

I have noticed a definite trend.

If I just talk about how I am trying to exercise more, people take an interest, and ask me about what I am doing and how it is going.

However, when I mention that I am using a calorie counter, then they either are not interested or get a bit negative (excluding the couple of people who have expressed an interest in using it themselves).

Why the negative attitude towards calorie counting?

It' is most definetly the best motivation for me to keep exercising. In the past I am usually starting to dwindle away from exercise at this point (about four weeks in) and struggling to keep motivated, while this time, with the calorie counter, I am starting to work out how I can get to the gym more often XP.

retiree2006 · March 2013

Support from others would be nice...but it comes down to the only person who absolutely needs to support and approve is "you". Having the boyfriend and some friends on board just makes it easier. Those that aren't in your corner...that's their problem.

Mixed Support?

Replies

Categories