I just need to vent (support is wanted)

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PaigeAnderson100
PaigeAnderson100 Posts: 301 Member
in Motivation and Support
Before you read any further, you should know that this vent does not have a lot to do with my weight except for the fact that my weight is the reason that I am so darn insecure and all of this depression is definitely effecting my weight loss.

When Mark (my fiancé) and I got together, he had just been heartbroken by his ex girlfriend. She cheated on him and left him for someone else. I had also been through quite a bit. We got together and forgot about our ex's. Taylor (his ex) has been trying to get back together with him since April of last year when I got pregnant. He never texted her back or did anything to lose my trust. She has literally changed her number over 20 times since last year and she won't leave us alone.

We moved to a new town now about 20 minutes away from our old town and we were excited for a new start. We have been here for nearly a month now and when I went out to smoke yesterday, she was also out there smoking. I was so shocked and she proceeded to tell me that she just moved in. I am so hurt, I am so shocked and I can't believe that any of this is happening. Mark and I have been engaged since last January and we have a 2 month old child. I don't understand how she can try to ruin our life this much. She sends him things along the line of raising our baby girl with him and how I am the most annoying and ugliest person and he doesn't need me. I am just so hurt and I can't even believe that she lives here.

We literally have had to jump over very large and painful hurdles during our relationship and I just can't believe that us moving to a new town couldn't go smoothly and end in happiness.

I realize that I shouldn't allow her to have this much power over me but, I am so sick of her texting, calling and now moving into the same apartment building. I am literally ready to give up. She has tried so hard to split us up and now she has gone to major extremes... I am so disgusted and I have no idea what to do anymore. I know that it's not Mark's fault and It isn't fair that I am upset with not only her but, him as well. I realize that but, this is so exhausting.

I have bipolar disorder and a history of eating disorders. I also suffer from acrosthesia which is a painful form of anxiety that causes restlessness in my limbs. This is not helping me and it's making me relapse on quite a few things. I am just so sick of feeling like I am not good enough for anyone, like I can't do anything right and like I am not pretty enough.

Here I am, lost and confused. I am sitting in the dark writing this on the couch with so many thoughts going through my head. I have insecurity issues EXTREMELY badly and I am so jealous just about random girls on the street. How do I deal with this now? A girl that my fiancé loved so much, a girl that tries so damn hard to get in my way, a girl that is ruining my life. A girl that should have 0 power over my emotions has now taken over my entire mindset and that's just not fair.

Sorry for this being so long- I really needed to vent!
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Replies

  • AQ3107
    AQ3107 Posts: 81 Member
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    Classic sign of stalking. Please report to the police as soon as possible.

    You know no one in the world can separate your partner and you if you two have a strong relationship so don't fret please.
  • PaigeAnderson100
    PaigeAnderson100 Posts: 301 Member
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    We have filed for harassment and we were denied because she never made contact with us. We continued to block the new numbers that she got and the police told us that this was all we could do.
    I am annoyed about the lack of consideration on their part.
  • AmyMgetsfit
    AmyMgetsfit Posts: 636 Member
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    He is with you, if he wanted her, he would still be with her. I would have Mark set some boundaries with her if she doesn't keep her distance. Is she the one sending you the nastygrams from here? Mark is the one who is going to have to tell her to bleep off. Hearing it from you will only make her happy thinking you are jealous of her.
  • kellehbeans
    kellehbeans Posts: 838 Member
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    Oh my lord, that is horrific. I hope things get better for you. She sounds like a first class cow! But your fiance is with you, you're engaged and have a daughter. For her to say she'd like to raise your daughter with your fiance made me feel sick. How can people say things like that? Has your fiance told her that she needs to shove off?

    Here is a big virtual hug. -hugs- :flowerforyou:

    Edit: Btw, your daughter is beautiful :heart:
  • TLTucker80
    TLTucker80 Posts: 123 Member
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    Girl you and Mark can get through this. Let me tell you my story. I meet my husband when I was 14 ( and everyone please don't judge me or him and don't think he is a bad guy). he was 26. He had been married before and had 2 kids with her. She gave up all her rights and visitation and all with the kids. I was in the court room when this happened the kids were 2 and 3. well after she found out we were together she started trying to get him back and at the beginning with help with his family. Well she said she could get him back as long as we didn't get married well we got married when I was 15, then she said she get him back as long as i didn't get pregnant. Well I got pregnant when I was 17 and had my son just 2 months before i turned 18. So we have been married for 18 years girl and she is still trying to get him back..... At the beginning it bothered me and I felt the exact same way as you do..... One thing that has helped me through these whole 18 years of her trying to get him back is the saying that my mom has always told " IF she or anyone else can take him away from me then he wasn't worth having in the first place" I now its hard I've been through the same thing. It Does get better...........................................................................on a different note girl you sure we not twins we REALLY have a lot in common
  • wibutterflymagic
    wibutterflymagic Posts: 788 Member
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    First, I'm sorry this is happening. Second, you are in control of your life. We can't control things around us but we are the ones in control of how we react to them. Third is a question, how did she even know where you were moving???? Either your fiance said something or a friend did. If she has contacts with people he knows then he needs to make it damn clear to his friends that she is stalking and can not communicate with her about his activities. Your fiance, needs to get some balls and get in her face and make it completely clear that what she is doing is unacceptable and that he doesn't want anything to do with her. You need to be keeping track of all the communciation she directs to you two and specifics about how you and your fiance have told her repeatedly to stay away....everything. You said that the police said she hasn't made contact? I'm confused. If she is calling and texting and she is living by you how is that not contact?
  • JessicaLynn82
    JessicaLynn82 Posts: 33
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    Mark should change his phone number, she shouldn't have anyway of contacting him. Sounds like that is the first step. I have been where you are at with the insecurities and other girls trying to get in the way, in fact the other girl was my relative to beat it all. You two share something more precious than any love they could of had, something tangible and real, something that proves the love you two have, miraculous mixture of the two of you, your child. She can't take that away, don't let her have that power over you, walk with your head high, you are his and take pride in that. Don't show her or him that it bothers you and that will show your confidence. She can't take your baby and raise it with him, thats a FACT! So who cares what she says, and honestly sweetie if words with no meaning could take him away from you, he didn't deserve you to begin with. Girls like her give all women a bad name. Don't waste your time, you'll regret giving her so much of your energy and anxiety, you have a baby that loves you more than anyone else could, hold on to that, because if it were to end between you and Mark, your child is what is left and that is all you need in the end. Your confidence will take precendence over her jealousy in his eyes and he will love you more for that. BUT he needs to change his number, period.
  • kailasho1
    kailasho1 Posts: 4 Member
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    Well first of all. Your home phone if you have one should been unlisted. Second if she keeps calling your husband he needs to change his number. And third how did she know where you guys lived unless he told her? I doubt it was a guessing game. In most situations like this sadly its usually the mans fault for the ex having hope that they will get back together. If he is saying he isn't texting her sadly the chances are he might be. Just to get attention. I've been through this with my husband. Not to the extent that a girl moved in downstairs from us but if you guys have changed your phone numbers and she is still contacting him then he gave her his number. If she moved in downstairs then he told her where you guys live. You need to talk with your husband and find out exactly what is going on if anything. If you both are on agreement that this is getting out of hand then you need to file a harassment charge against her and move out. Start saving emails or texts or anything that shows that you have told her more then once to leave you guys alone.

    By the way i'm not saying your husband is a bad person but in my experience if she keeps popping up its because he has yet to tell her to F off. If she is pushing this hard with getting back with him then she has to have some reasoning behind it. Weather he is leading her on to believe he still likes her or not there something, someone isn't telling you. Do some investigating of your own. I hope this helps. Sorry for this crazy B trying to mess up your life. I hate girls and i hate ex's the most. I've had to beat my fair share off my husband. They are cruel and will do anything to put the other down. You are beautiful and are doing a amazing job on your weight loss journey. Lost the weight you need and flash how hot you are in her face!
  • PaigeAnderson100
    PaigeAnderson100 Posts: 301 Member
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    I go through his phone and he hasn't been talking to her. I am hurt that some of you would bash him at the same time as trying to support me.
    She is psycho and ha friends that are mutual with the friends that he use to have. He is such a great fiancé and he would never cheat on me, I am alost sure of it.
  • jipus5
    jipus5 Posts: 9
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    Everyone just wants to make sure you keep your eyes open. Find out which of their mutual friends has been leaking information to her and drop them, then make sure ALL your friends know whats been going on so they will all keep their mouths shut or yall will have to drop them!
    She will not go away until she realizes HE does NOT want HER! Only he can handle that end of it. Not sure why he hasn't or what would be keeping her coming after him...that you have to figure out for sure. Then have his speaker on and have him call her to gently explain how you may not be his greatest love, and you MAY be, but regardless he does not WANT HER....period. Even if you two dont make it how he does not Love her, never will, does not miss her and really just wants her to go away. It HAS to center on HIM and about his lack of feelings for HER and NOT about you at all......if it is about you at all she will believe that without you she still would have a chance....and he MUST push the truth that he will never want her back even if he dumped YOU! NOW VERY IMPORTANT
    RECORD THIS WHOLE CONVERSATION!!!! If anything legal or illegal happens you would have this evidence as him telling her to get lost.
    Now, 20 minutes will not keep the crazy away....I go 20 minutes for pizza. You need a new start....like another state or hours and hours away will do and nothing else will. You both need to contact an attorney, keep one notebook that details EVERY SINGLE time she tries or makes any form of contact....this is vital as well.
    Best of luck babe
  • mamaomefo
    mamaomefo Posts: 418 Member
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    Bless you my girl, you have a lot going on! I believe this stalker ex is trying to make sure she ruins your life because she is so unhappy. Do not let her succeed. Tell your mark to nonthreatenly tell this ex he is not interested and then you two try hard to totally ignore her. This will get her goat because she will realize you two are not playing her game anymore. If need be , keep talking to the police if she continues. Best wishes that your life will soon be easier!
  • JenniferNoll
    JenniferNoll Posts: 367 Member
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    Every time she calls or sends a text, she makes contact.. By moving into your town and building, she has made contact. I suggest you keep records of every contact and don't erase her texts. Once you have gathered evidence have her prosecuted for stalking or harrassment.

    Good luck. BTW, been there, done that. Except it was my ex who did it.
  • Ruthierocks
    Ruthierocks Posts: 3 Member
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    I can see why you are so frustrated. It must be very hard to deal with such a pursuer.
    Has he changed his number?

    Second this woman has no right to put you down or anyone else. She is most likely projecting her feelings about herself onto you because she is upset that he is with you, that he loves you and not her, and she is frustrated that her advances towards him are not working. I know it's hard but hold you head high, be the better person. She is now trying to break you since she can't break him. Ignore her distugsting remarks. I've learned one thing that to say to her that will take away all the power from her and give it to you is next time she says something nasty to you and you can't take it is just say, "Thanks, I'll remember that next time," smile and walk away.

    It takes all the power out of her mean remark, will leave her confused and stunned. Plus it shows how strong of a person you are. Eventually she will realize that you both are too strong for her and she will leave you alone.

    Keep thinking positive. You can get through this. Even if you have to fake it for a while pretty soon your positive thoughts turn into positive actions.
  • Ruthierocks
    Ruthierocks Posts: 3 Member
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    Also if it is really becoing too difficult to deal with I would talk to a therapist about it. It may really assist you through this difficult situation.
  • Docmahi
    Docmahi Posts: 1,603 Member
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    Sorry my dear - hope everything works out.

    Always good to vent your feelings
  • jennifer_255
    jennifer_255 Posts: 86 Member
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    hey honey so sorry about what your going through must be so difficult if it was ME. i would be the one moving as soon as my lease is up!!! i would move and make sure she could not find out where!!! its disgusting shes obviously going to extreme lengths to get him back!!! but look on the bright side he is with you and loves you not her. i know it doesnt feel like that matters right now shes trying to take over your world but if you get through it just move away and make sure she doesnt no where!
  • KristaMarquis
    KristaMarquis Posts: 4 Member
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    You should make a goal to excercise everyday to bring healthy serotonin into your daily life. Believe in yourself!!!
  • annmaryjenkins
    annmaryjenkins Posts: 23
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    I will pray that God bring some peace into your life.. you are definitely going through a lot , please don't stop exercising that will help you release stress and feel good about yourself.
  • RunDoozer
    RunDoozer Posts: 1,699 Member
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    I have had some crazy exs that no matter how little I talked to them they would not give up. I highly doubt that he's trying to string her along. Some people just get too obsessed.

    Can't you get a restraining order to keep her from calling and texting? I don't know the answer to this you may have already tried.

    Sorry this is happening to you. Hopefully someday she will get over it.
  • KimLovesDon
    KimLovesDon Posts: 152 Member
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    Even if you can't get the stalking charge, you can get a restraining order! Also keep full records of everything she emails you or him, any texts she makes and if possible record any calls. All of that info will come in handy for stalking charges.

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