I just need to vent (support is wanted)

Before you read any further, you should know that this vent does not have a lot to do with my weight except for the fact that my weight is the reason that I am so darn insecure and all of this depression is definitely effecting my weight loss.

When Mark (my fiancé) and I got together, he had just been heartbroken by his ex girlfriend. She cheated on him and left him for someone else. I had also been through quite a bit. We got together and forgot about our ex's. Taylor (his ex) has been trying to get back together with him since April of last year when I got pregnant. He never texted her back or did anything to lose my trust. She has literally changed her number over 20 times since last year and she won't leave us alone.

We moved to a new town now about 20 minutes away from our old town and we were excited for a new start. We have been here for nearly a month now and when I went out to smoke yesterday, she was also out there smoking. I was so shocked and she proceeded to tell me that she just moved in. I am so hurt, I am so shocked and I can't believe that any of this is happening. Mark and I have been engaged since last January and we have a 2 month old child. I don't understand how she can try to ruin our life this much. She sends him things along the line of raising our baby girl with him and how I am the most annoying and ugliest person and he doesn't need me. I am just so hurt and I can't even believe that she lives here.

We literally have had to jump over very large and painful hurdles during our relationship and I just can't believe that us moving to a new town couldn't go smoothly and end in happiness.

I realize that I shouldn't allow her to have this much power over me but, I am so sick of her texting, calling and now moving into the same apartment building. I am literally ready to give up. She has tried so hard to split us up and now she has gone to major extremes... I am so disgusted and I have no idea what to do anymore. I know that it's not Mark's fault and It isn't fair that I am upset with not only her but, him as well. I realize that but, this is so exhausting.

I have bipolar disorder and a history of eating disorders. I also suffer from acrosthesia which is a painful form of anxiety that causes restlessness in my limbs. This is not helping me and it's making me relapse on quite a few things. I am just so sick of feeling like I am not good enough for anyone, like I can't do anything right and like I am not pretty enough.

Here I am, lost and confused. I am sitting in the dark writing this on the couch with so many thoughts going through my head. I have insecurity issues EXTREMELY badly and I am so jealous just about random girls on the street. How do I deal with this now? A girl that my fiancé loved so much, a girl that tries so damn hard to get in my way, a girl that is ruining my life. A girl that should have 0 power over my emotions has now taken over my entire mindset and that's just not fair.

Sorry for this being so long- I really needed to vent!
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Replies

  • AQ3107
    AQ3107 Posts: 81 Member
    Classic sign of stalking. Please report to the police as soon as possible.

    You know no one in the world can separate your partner and you if you two have a strong relationship so don't fret please.
  • PaigeAnderson100
    PaigeAnderson100 Posts: 301 Member
    We have filed for harassment and we were denied because she never made contact with us. We continued to block the new numbers that she got and the police told us that this was all we could do.
    I am annoyed about the lack of consideration on their part.
  • AmyMgetsfit
    AmyMgetsfit Posts: 636 Member
    He is with you, if he wanted her, he would still be with her. I would have Mark set some boundaries with her if she doesn't keep her distance. Is she the one sending you the nastygrams from here? Mark is the one who is going to have to tell her to bleep off. Hearing it from you will only make her happy thinking you are jealous of her.
  • kellehbeans
    kellehbeans Posts: 838 Member
    Oh my lord, that is horrific. I hope things get better for you. She sounds like a first class cow! But your fiance is with you, you're engaged and have a daughter. For her to say she'd like to raise your daughter with your fiance made me feel sick. How can people say things like that? Has your fiance told her that she needs to shove off?

    Here is a big virtual hug. -hugs- :flowerforyou:

    Edit: Btw, your daughter is beautiful :heart:
  • TLTucker80
    TLTucker80 Posts: 123 Member
    Girl you and Mark can get through this. Let me tell you my story. I meet my husband when I was 14 ( and everyone please don't judge me or him and don't think he is a bad guy). he was 26. He had been married before and had 2 kids with her. She gave up all her rights and visitation and all with the kids. I was in the court room when this happened the kids were 2 and 3. well after she found out we were together she started trying to get him back and at the beginning with help with his family. Well she said she could get him back as long as we didn't get married well we got married when I was 15, then she said she get him back as long as i didn't get pregnant. Well I got pregnant when I was 17 and had my son just 2 months before i turned 18. So we have been married for 18 years girl and she is still trying to get him back..... At the beginning it bothered me and I felt the exact same way as you do..... One thing that has helped me through these whole 18 years of her trying to get him back is the saying that my mom has always told " IF she or anyone else can take him away from me then he wasn't worth having in the first place" I now its hard I've been through the same thing. It Does get better...........................................................................on a different note girl you sure we not twins we REALLY have a lot in common
  • wibutterflymagic
    wibutterflymagic Posts: 788 Member
    First, I'm sorry this is happening. Second, you are in control of your life. We can't control things around us but we are the ones in control of how we react to them. Third is a question, how did she even know where you were moving???? Either your fiance said something or a friend did. If she has contacts with people he knows then he needs to make it damn clear to his friends that she is stalking and can not communicate with her about his activities. Your fiance, needs to get some balls and get in her face and make it completely clear that what she is doing is unacceptable and that he doesn't want anything to do with her. You need to be keeping track of all the communciation she directs to you two and specifics about how you and your fiance have told her repeatedly to stay away....everything. You said that the police said she hasn't made contact? I'm confused. If she is calling and texting and she is living by you how is that not contact?
  • Mark should change his phone number, she shouldn't have anyway of contacting him. Sounds like that is the first step. I have been where you are at with the insecurities and other girls trying to get in the way, in fact the other girl was my relative to beat it all. You two share something more precious than any love they could of had, something tangible and real, something that proves the love you two have, miraculous mixture of the two of you, your child. She can't take that away, don't let her have that power over you, walk with your head high, you are his and take pride in that. Don't show her or him that it bothers you and that will show your confidence. She can't take your baby and raise it with him, thats a FACT! So who cares what she says, and honestly sweetie if words with no meaning could take him away from you, he didn't deserve you to begin with. Girls like her give all women a bad name. Don't waste your time, you'll regret giving her so much of your energy and anxiety, you have a baby that loves you more than anyone else could, hold on to that, because if it were to end between you and Mark, your child is what is left and that is all you need in the end. Your confidence will take precendence over her jealousy in his eyes and he will love you more for that. BUT he needs to change his number, period.
  • kailasho1
    kailasho1 Posts: 4 Member
    Well first of all. Your home phone if you have one should been unlisted. Second if she keeps calling your husband he needs to change his number. And third how did she know where you guys lived unless he told her? I doubt it was a guessing game. In most situations like this sadly its usually the mans fault for the ex having hope that they will get back together. If he is saying he isn't texting her sadly the chances are he might be. Just to get attention. I've been through this with my husband. Not to the extent that a girl moved in downstairs from us but if you guys have changed your phone numbers and she is still contacting him then he gave her his number. If she moved in downstairs then he told her where you guys live. You need to talk with your husband and find out exactly what is going on if anything. If you both are on agreement that this is getting out of hand then you need to file a harassment charge against her and move out. Start saving emails or texts or anything that shows that you have told her more then once to leave you guys alone.

    By the way i'm not saying your husband is a bad person but in my experience if she keeps popping up its because he has yet to tell her to F off. If she is pushing this hard with getting back with him then she has to have some reasoning behind it. Weather he is leading her on to believe he still likes her or not there something, someone isn't telling you. Do some investigating of your own. I hope this helps. Sorry for this crazy B trying to mess up your life. I hate girls and i hate ex's the most. I've had to beat my fair share off my husband. They are cruel and will do anything to put the other down. You are beautiful and are doing a amazing job on your weight loss journey. Lost the weight you need and flash how hot you are in her face!
  • PaigeAnderson100
    PaigeAnderson100 Posts: 301 Member
    I go through his phone and he hasn't been talking to her. I am hurt that some of you would bash him at the same time as trying to support me.
    She is psycho and ha friends that are mutual with the friends that he use to have. He is such a great fiancé and he would never cheat on me, I am alost sure of it.
  • jipus5
    jipus5 Posts: 9
    Everyone just wants to make sure you keep your eyes open. Find out which of their mutual friends has been leaking information to her and drop them, then make sure ALL your friends know whats been going on so they will all keep their mouths shut or yall will have to drop them!
    She will not go away until she realizes HE does NOT want HER! Only he can handle that end of it. Not sure why he hasn't or what would be keeping her coming after him...that you have to figure out for sure. Then have his speaker on and have him call her to gently explain how you may not be his greatest love, and you MAY be, but regardless he does not WANT HER....period. Even if you two dont make it how he does not Love her, never will, does not miss her and really just wants her to go away. It HAS to center on HIM and about his lack of feelings for HER and NOT about you at all......if it is about you at all she will believe that without you she still would have a chance....and he MUST push the truth that he will never want her back even if he dumped YOU! NOW VERY IMPORTANT
    RECORD THIS WHOLE CONVERSATION!!!! If anything legal or illegal happens you would have this evidence as him telling her to get lost.
    Now, 20 minutes will not keep the crazy away....I go 20 minutes for pizza. You need a new start....like another state or hours and hours away will do and nothing else will. You both need to contact an attorney, keep one notebook that details EVERY SINGLE time she tries or makes any form of contact....this is vital as well.
    Best of luck babe
  • mamaomefo
    mamaomefo Posts: 418 Member
    Bless you my girl, you have a lot going on! I believe this stalker ex is trying to make sure she ruins your life because she is so unhappy. Do not let her succeed. Tell your mark to nonthreatenly tell this ex he is not interested and then you two try hard to totally ignore her. This will get her goat because she will realize you two are not playing her game anymore. If need be , keep talking to the police if she continues. Best wishes that your life will soon be easier!
  • JenniferNoll
    JenniferNoll Posts: 367 Member
    Every time she calls or sends a text, she makes contact.. By moving into your town and building, she has made contact. I suggest you keep records of every contact and don't erase her texts. Once you have gathered evidence have her prosecuted for stalking or harrassment.

    Good luck. BTW, been there, done that. Except it was my ex who did it.
  • Ruthierocks
    Ruthierocks Posts: 3 Member
    I can see why you are so frustrated. It must be very hard to deal with such a pursuer.
    Has he changed his number?

    Second this woman has no right to put you down or anyone else. She is most likely projecting her feelings about herself onto you because she is upset that he is with you, that he loves you and not her, and she is frustrated that her advances towards him are not working. I know it's hard but hold you head high, be the better person. She is now trying to break you since she can't break him. Ignore her distugsting remarks. I've learned one thing that to say to her that will take away all the power from her and give it to you is next time she says something nasty to you and you can't take it is just say, "Thanks, I'll remember that next time," smile and walk away.

    It takes all the power out of her mean remark, will leave her confused and stunned. Plus it shows how strong of a person you are. Eventually she will realize that you both are too strong for her and she will leave you alone.

    Keep thinking positive. You can get through this. Even if you have to fake it for a while pretty soon your positive thoughts turn into positive actions.
  • Ruthierocks
    Ruthierocks Posts: 3 Member
    Also if it is really becoing too difficult to deal with I would talk to a therapist about it. It may really assist you through this difficult situation.
  • Docmahi
    Docmahi Posts: 1,603 Member
    Sorry my dear - hope everything works out.

    Always good to vent your feelings
  • jennifer_255
    jennifer_255 Posts: 86 Member
    hey honey so sorry about what your going through must be so difficult if it was ME. i would be the one moving as soon as my lease is up!!! i would move and make sure she could not find out where!!! its disgusting shes obviously going to extreme lengths to get him back!!! but look on the bright side he is with you and loves you not her. i know it doesnt feel like that matters right now shes trying to take over your world but if you get through it just move away and make sure she doesnt no where!
  • KristaMarquis
    KristaMarquis Posts: 4 Member
    You should make a goal to excercise everyday to bring healthy serotonin into your daily life. Believe in yourself!!!
  • I will pray that God bring some peace into your life.. you are definitely going through a lot , please don't stop exercising that will help you release stress and feel good about yourself.
  • RunDoozer
    RunDoozer Posts: 1,699 Member
    I have had some crazy exs that no matter how little I talked to them they would not give up. I highly doubt that he's trying to string her along. Some people just get too obsessed.

    Can't you get a restraining order to keep her from calling and texting? I don't know the answer to this you may have already tried.

    Sorry this is happening to you. Hopefully someday she will get over it.
  • KimLovesDon
    KimLovesDon Posts: 152 Member
    Even if you can't get the stalking charge, you can get a restraining order! Also keep full records of everything she emails you or him, any texts she makes and if possible record any calls. All of that info will come in handy for stalking charges.
  • ndearing0501
    ndearing0501 Posts: 145 Member
    Smack a *****. She's effing crazy. Just try to push her out of your mind and focus on you and your family. You should be able to get a restraining order of some sort. Hope things get better!
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
    Dang, is she a stalker? That is incredibly weird! How can anyone just up and afford a new place to live on a whim? That is just freaky. I'd contact the police.
  • hifromjamers1984
    hifromjamers1984 Posts: 300 Member
    I'm sorry you have to go through this. I agree with so many of the other posters. Mark needs to nut up and tell her to shove off. Also, keep a detailed log of ANY encounter with her....dates, times, what happened, etc. With said detailed log go to the police, if they won't help you consider seeking legal advice. Depending on your cell phone provider you should be able to get copies of any text sent to your phones as long as they are from a prior billing month. Maybe you guys need to have a sit down discussion with said mutual friends and lay down the law. You will drop them like a bad habit if information keeps getting back to crazy ex girlfriend. And be crystal clear that she is stalking and you are concerned for your daughter as a result of it.

    Keep your head up. If she can see it bothering you she's going to keep doing it. But if you and your fiance quit playing into her game and be sure to make it crystal clear then hopefully she'll get the picture and move on. Right now though, she's winning because you are letting her get to you. You have to be in control of your life. When you can feel the anxiety coming on from this situation see if someone can watch the baby so you can go for a walk to clear your head. I had a similiar situation happen to me and I went so far as to join a gym so i could take my rage out on the equipment instead of my family and friends. Basically try to resort to healthy options to deal with the resulting anxiety. And if things don't get better see about moving further away and only tell certain people. If you don't tell everyone you know and the info gets back to her then the list of possibly untrustworthy peeps is MUCH shorter.

    Hope things get better for you!
  • MrsMeisner
    MrsMeisner Posts: 40 Member
    What a terrible situation you are in! Please don't take others doubts about your fiance to heart, I think others just may have had similar experiences and are trying to empathize. You know him best of anyone, so if you believe what he says that's all that matters, I think others just want to be sure you have your eyes completely open.

    As hard as it is all you can do is try and be positive as much as possible. If you begin to doubt yourself because of her keep reminding yourself that her and her actions have no bearing on you, eventually you will begin to believe it. All you can do is make sure you keep track of every contact she has with you (even if the police don't consider it "contact" at this point). Take care of yourself so that you can continue to take care of your child, you are no good to your child if you don't take care of yourself first.

    If you can't be strong all of the time just try your best to be strong some of the time. I don't think anyone could remain positive 100% of the time under the stress you are under. Jealousy is a normal emotion but it's going to feed on your insecurity, so try and improve your relationship with yourself. Exercise is a great way to get in touch with your body. Feel free to add me for support and motivation!
  • ryry_
    ryry_ Posts: 4,966 Member
    Has the S/O had the..."Get lost ya crazy Psycho" Talk?
  • brendadale1
    brendadale1 Posts: 90 Member
    I go through his phone and he hasn't been talking to her. I am hurt that some of you would bash him at the same time as trying to support me.
    She is psycho and ha friends that are mutual with the friends that he use to have. He is such a great fiancé and he would never cheat on me, I am alost sure of it.

    Sounds like to me, these people that have stated a comment, are talking from their experience.,.and they cant be shamed for that:) Everyone's situation is different, does he know you go through his phone? If not, then there are trust issues for sure:) and you have to ask yourself why ?
  • PaigeAnderson100
    PaigeAnderson100 Posts: 301 Member
    Yes he knows that I go through his phone. We allow that because of my past cheating experiences with other's.
    I am a very high strung person so, I can't even imagine her wanting to start anything with me In the first place. It' insane how many times he has yelled at her, confronted her, been nice to her to get her to leave us aone and NOTHING works. She is a lost cause. We just moved in a month ago with a year lease AND we JUST changed our numbers a week ago- it's the same old same old. I don't know how she got our numbers and I don't know how she found out where we live. We didn't even have a chance to give our numbers out to anybody yet.
  • is he being stern with her? because if he's being passive I could understand your insecurity, that being said you can not live your life based on whether or not she leaves him alone, if she knows you feel threatened by her the more shes going to enjoy harassing you. she doesn't really want him and she definitely doesn't want to raise your kid with him, shes just testing him to see if she can snatch him away from you, if she succeeds she will most likely dump him again. this is all a game to her just ignore her
  • Sorry you're going through this and especially since you have a little one and health concerns of your own. Obviously, get copies of your cell phone bill and highlight each time she tries to contact you. Print off all text messages she sends so you have a record that those 20 different phone numbers are, in fact, all from her. If it were me, I would look at the cell bill and make sure no outgoing contact was made to any of her numbers - for 2 reasons: to remind you who to take this out on and that you have a good man, and so that when you see her on an oh-so-cozy smoking encounter and she tries to lie on your man, she won't see a rattle of doubt in your eyes. That's what she wants - to make you argue, so he will get tired of it and ultimately leave.

    Also, change his phone number and give it only to family until things settle down. Ask the manager if you can switch apartments - tell them the situation. You most likely will not get out of a lease but they may be willing to accomodate you if there is another vacancy. When the lease is up, get out of dodge and don't tell anyone. Have a yard sale if you have to and sell all you own so you don't need "friends" to help you move. Your family, health and sanity come first. It may sound extreme but you're starting a life...there is no future in the past. It's time to get this girl behind you.

    A celebrity had an issue of all her personal business showing up in the tabloids. In order to find the mole she told different people different 'truths'. Say you're suspicious of "Brad". Well, tell "Brad" you're moving to "Appletown in 2 months". Or tell "Sally" you think you're pregnant again. When you hear it from your ex, you'll know where it originated. It may not mean it came directly from that person, but there is a link. So stop sharing any info with "Brad" or "Sally" when the rumor comes back.

    Your man needs to sit down with her, face to face and remind her of the reason he left her to begin with. If he reminds her of the fights, the unhappiness, etc. coupled with how she must appear to everyone else they had known in their old circle of friends...perhaps she will feel the shame of her actions and see herself for what she is doing. In her mind, perhaps getting to you means you're jealous of her because he must want her. If he were to remind her of all the past rejections, and that her constant calling and moving in next door makes her look like kinda creepy...and is wasting her own time from finding herself a healthy relationship that is actually better than the one she envisions with your man....hopefully she will move on.

    I've been in a situation with an ex before. It's hard. But talking to your man about it only brings it between you two. Perhaps having a "don't ask, don't tell" policy will help for awhile so you can keep your health in check. Unless a threat or physical contact is made, it will help you to have more peace and control over your thoughts throughout the day. In time, it will begin to fade and when you see her, it won't be as raw and fresh on your mind.

    Quit smoking - you won't run into her outside and you'll feel better about your health. Working out and focusing on your personal health and well being is the best remedy and weapon!

    If all else fails, smile! When he brings you flowers, leave them in the window so she can see he's moved on and is in love with YOU!!!! Answer the door in lingerie, cook delicious smelling foods and be the best future wife ever. He's going through a hard time, too - he's watching you break and it's breaking him. Continue to be the woman he fell for...

    Good luck!
  • You have to remember that when you vent to the community, you will get advice from those on the outside looking in, ones that have experienced the same thing, and ones that have gotten through it and are still in their relationship. Those are the ones that know what it takes to make it. We don't know mark, we only see your frustration and hurt and as a support website for weight loss and everything else, we are going to defend you first. You are young and beautiful, and believe me when I say I know exactly how you feel, seriously, but yet my marriage stands 13 years strong. Don't let her have the power to upset you, I know its easier said then done, focus just on him and your beautiful new baby, you all are a family and experiencing this now will make you so much stronger. On a side note, thats GREAT that both of your numbers changed! In 10 years hopefully you can look back at this post and see how this thorn in your side made you such a better woman. She is just a speed bump in your road of life with Mark, and you will drive over her! (not literally hahhahha).