I want this to be the last time!

Hi everyone,
I struggled with eating disorders for a very long time before I got pregnant with my daughter. Since having her, I think I have a healthier relationship with food. However, despite having lost all my baby weight in the first four months post-partum, I currently weigh more now than I did after giving birth.

In the last two years, I've had two people I love die. Because of that I've sometimes found it hard to just make it through the day let alone push myself through a workout. But I know I'm unhealthy and I want to lose weight the right way. The problem is, every time I try this "right way" it doesn't work. I workout, I burn more calories than I eat, I eat fairly healthy. I admit though, my husband doesn't have to twist my arm very hard to get me to go out for dinner or drink on the weekends.

I'm not looking to become a size 0. I'm 5'4 and have usually settled nicely at 136. At that weight I usually wear a size 6 or 8, so that's my goal. But I can't seem to get past 180! I'm hoping utilizing this community of knowledgeable folks will help me. You guys all seem to know what you're doing! I worry I'm not eating enough, after reading through the boards some but I'm too afraid to eat more for a week just to end up gaining..

Any advice? Feel free to add me as a friend too!