Unhappy with weight loss

Bmott0928
Bmott0928 Posts: 12 Member
in Motivation and Support
Well, I started this weight loss endeavor about 4 years ago at 234lbs, and I am now 167lbs. Many would say this is amazing, and that I dont even look the weight I do now, but less. However, all I hear when someone says this is, "Blah, blah, blah." Having always been overweight through childhood, and high school, I guess I was a bit traumatized by the tortureous name calling, and pranks that I went through during those times. That being said, I am not at all happy with any of the weight that I have lost...I was at the first 5 lbs, but now I cant help but feel like that 234lb or more girl. I dont know if it is a confidence thing or just unhappy that I havent gotten to that glorious weight goal, but I'm just not happy with this weight loss.

I am pretty social and outgoing at times, and I am a generally happy person. But when I look at the scale, I instantly get upset, and I look in the mirror, and I really dont see a difference. I hide this all pretty well from everyone close to me, mostly because I feel like this is a struggle I do not want to share, but I think I should for everyone else that may be feeling the same way. I cant share it with my family though, my sister has always been very critical of me, always telling me I have to lose weight, and that there is no excuse to not lose weight. I remember crying in a restaurant when she would ask me what are you eating (I was 12) you need to stop or you'll stay fat, maybe you should eat a salad. FUN!

Anyway, I dont feel different, and im getting tired of working hard to lose weight and actually losing weight, but not feeling any different about myself.

Does anyone else feel this way? Does it get worse the more you lose?

Replies

  • jennmodugno
    jennmodugno Posts: 363 Member
    I'm not expert, but it sounds like there are some deeper issues. Have you talked to a doctor about them, or some sort of professional? Or if you don't want that, or can't afford it, or whatever, maybe you could take up journaling. Writing down your thoughts and feelings might help you to find the root of the problem and overcome it. But mostly, I hope you'll take the time to talk to someone, because it sounds like it could be a sign of a real problem, and the sooner you seek advice from people in a position to help, the sooner you can learn to be proud of your achievement. Because you're amazing for already losing all that weight! You don't deserve to be unhappy. :)
  • StheK
    StheK Posts: 443 Member
    I agree- you deserve to let this go and be happy with your accomplishments. Taking care of yourself should make you feel better. I would recommend talking to a professional if you can, because it sounds like there are other factors at play.
  • Sweet_Gurl_Next_Door
    Sweet_Gurl_Next_Door Posts: 735 Member
    I would focus on inches not pounds. keep in mind the scale can flucate on any given day with many varying factors time of month, to much sodium, muscle vs fat etc. I have been scale free for one week and focusing on inches. I have a measuring group called its all about the measuring for anyone who wants to keep focused on inches.

    your weight loss is amazing.
  • ddeleonm09
    ddeleonm09 Posts: 93 Member
    I completely understand. I was always made fun of because I was always the bigger girl and no matter how much I would lose I would still see that big girl in the mirror. It can leave you traumatized. I would recommend to go to a psychologist. They can help you slowly work past those feelings. Then you'll be able to see and appreciate the great body that you worked super hard for.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    Ditto on the talking to a professional...sounds like deeper seeded issues. Also, do you have/take progress pics? Those always help.
  • Rivers2k
    Rivers2k Posts: 380 Member
    If you don't feel comfortable talking to a "professional" there are support groups around the country that deal with the issues you are describing. There is a wonderful group called Celebrate Recovery and they have groups nation wide. They have helped allot of people sort out all sorts of issues. It costs nothing and people are very welcoming. Google it and you can find a group near you through their website.
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
    You need to talk to a therapist. No joke. This is body dysmorphia type stuff. You gotta get right in your head to feel good with the hard work you've put in and the accomplishments you've made.
  • Bmott0928
    Bmott0928 Posts: 12 Member
    I just realized that it does kind of sound like i may want to shoot myself. Not the case. I was just posting that I cant seem to feel happy about the weight loss. I did see a therapist a while ago about the other issues, and got every under control. I was giving a kind of back story, didnt go over so well, because everyone thinks i have major issues now. LOL :laugh:

    But I am working on the being happy part of the weight loss endeavor. Its just frustrating not seeing the difference that others see. :grumble:
  • roosterblue
    roosterblue Posts: 25 Member
    I feel the same way, sometimes. Even though I've lost 60 lbs, I still can't help but feel like the fat girl every time I look in the mirror. (Granted, I still am technically fat -- though, I've come a long way from where I was, 306.5lbs down to 245.6).

    Changing your habits and the way you eat is just one small chisel away at a much larger rock. I am certainly no professional, but more of an armchair psychologist -- but it sounds like to me that you would really benefit from talking with a psychologist who has expertise in working with individuals who have been heavy-set their lives and are trying to lose weight. Not just any psych will do. You need someone with experience.

    Some days, I definitely feel better than others... keeping active really helps with that. But there are many days where I feel like it's all for nothing. I could definitely benefit from a psychologist...

    You certainly aren't alone. I am sure you will find there are many who feel the way you do.
  • chelazar88
    chelazar88 Posts: 106 Member
    50 lbs is spectacular! Seriously great job! How long did it take you to lose that? It takes a while for your mind to catch up to your body. I would suggest confronting those people who are negatives in your life (your sister) talk about what youre feeling and let her know its making you depressed (even if she no longer says those things its still good to talk about what happened before for some closure. Talk to a doctor about depression if you feel its necessary. Also I sent you a friend request, I saw you only have 6 ppl on here to help motivate you and let me tell you thats not near enough!! It brings my days up when people comment on what a great job i am doing, and how my exercises and eating habbits are improving!! I totally get where youare coming from about the rest of ur family not being on the same game plan. My family is like "oh great job." I need waaay more than that!! Thats why I love MFP, lots of positive encourament!! Good luck, keep pushing! Its hard and it sucks but if you truly want to get to be the best version of you, you have to keep trying!!
  • Thadeo
    Thadeo Posts: 4 Member
    One thing to consider is how much different is your life now than when you started to lose weight? Are you hanging out with the same people? Are you doing the same activities? Are you working the same job? Have you made any lifestyle changes and connections that reflect the new you? I can go and on.

    I think if we have changed as people maybe we have to start anew in many ways so people see us for who we are and no who we use to be.
  • chelazar88
    chelazar88 Posts: 106 Member
    Also what kind of workouts do you do? I have been doing and reading alot about lifting (fairly) heavy weights. Most women want that lean toned look and you cant acheive that with just cardio...
  • michelefrench
    michelefrench Posts: 814 Member
    I've heard people say to look at before and after pictures to realize what you actually have accomplished so far??
  • VorJoshigan
    VorJoshigan Posts: 1,106 Member
    I encourage you to talk about this more with a therapist and/or a group.

    I also second the picture advice. DO NOT look at the mirror any more. Find the best pictures you can from when you were heavier and put them next to some recent pictures. That was really helpful for me.
  • jdgarrison21
    jdgarrison21 Posts: 1
    I've been as low as 115, and still felt fat and seen fat everywhere on my body even when everyone says, hey, you need to gain some weight. For me, it's all about insecurity. It doesn't seem to matter what I weigh, how successful I am, how good life seems to be going, I always feel like it's not good enough. I recommend seeing someone. It's helped me a little, but I learn more about myself reading and journaling. It's cheaper. :)
  • chelazar88
    chelazar88 Posts: 106 Member
    I encourage you to talk about this more with a therapist and/or a group.

    I also second the picture advice. DO NOT look at the mirror any more. Find the best pictures you can from when you were heavier and put them next to some recent pictures. That was really helpful for me.

    I've seen this help alot of people!! Great advice
  • Syleyna
    Syleyna Posts: 86 Member
    But I am working on the being happy part of the weight loss endeavor. Its just frustrating not seeing the difference that others see. :grumble:

    You see yourself every day, so as the weight is slowly dropping off, you don't notice the physical change so much.
    Try to focus on your clothes. Are they getting looser? Have you had to buy new ones because your old ones don't fit? This is an awesome feeling, even if you still feel "fat". You'll keep feeling fat until you hit your goal weight, this is why it's the goal weight, right? But it will get better. If you're losing weight in a healthy fashion, you'll feel better about yourself as you keep losing because you'll have more energy. You'll find you can walk taller and keep having to hitch your pants up :P

    Keep at it, sounds like you're doing great, and don't despair!
  • Bmott0928
    Bmott0928 Posts: 12 Member
    Thanks everyone! I think I do need more encouragement. Being told you dont need to lose weight doesnt help, because in my mind I do. I do think that my mindset just hasnt adjusted to the loss and it will take time. I am not depressed but defintley used to be back then, and I guess losing the weight helped a lot. I dont feel depressed or not wanting to do anything, I do so much more now. I was never social until the weight went bye bye... Thanks for the friend requests from some of you. :) Im looking forward to the encouragment.
  • dontgobacktosleep
    dontgobacktosleep Posts: 144 Member
    Find other things to focus on, no confetti explodes over my head when I get on the scale either :-)

    For me I've always had a large appetite, in the beginning it only applied to food. Now my mind and body needs to be pushed into growth or it gets busy beating me up.

    Your sister sounds like a real peach :-)
  • cristalloseweight
    cristalloseweight Posts: 5
    I am very much like you. I always feel like the fat girl in any situation. Probably why I worked so hard at being funny or very outgoing...I was also a gymnast...worse sport to do when you struggle with weight.At 34 I still judge what kind of day I will have based on the number on the scale. I got down to 138 only to now be back to 170....I was unhappy at 138 because I wanted to be 120...now I would love to be back to 138. My point being no matter the number never satisfied. I finally realized that so now though I do want to get back to a healthy 130 (I am only five-three) I am also concentrating on changing my lifestyle so I am healthy all around....not just dieting and working out to achieve a "number". I may always feel like the fat kid but I don't want to let a number make or break my day anymore. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone!
  • darlilama
    darlilama Posts: 794 Member
    I just realized that it does kind of sound like i may want to shoot myself. Not the case. I was just posting that I cant seem to feel happy about the weight loss. I did see a therapist a while ago about the other issues, and got every under control. I was giving a kind of back story, didnt go over so well, because everyone thinks i have major issues now. LOL :laugh:

    But I am working on the being happy part of the weight loss endeavor. Its just frustrating not seeing the difference that others see. :grumble:

    I understand, but sort of in the opposite way. I was fortunate to be pretty slim growing up. I was never one that could eat anything I wanted, but I never had any weight issues as long as I ate reasonably. So, as I put on weight (in my 30s), in my mind's eye I would still see the "normal" me, the me I had always known, but when I shopped for clothes nothing I picked out would fit! So, although the scale was telling me I was getting heavier and intellectually I knew I needed to get it under control before it became a real issue, "emotionally" it was hard for me to see. Eventually I did and, in my case, it wasn't a pretty sight to behold. Who WAS this person I was looking at?

    So, that's where you are probably at. In your mind you're EXPECTING to see the "normal" you; the you that was "imprinted" on your mind growing up. Now, you are no longer that person physically. You have to get over the mental barrier. Keep at it, and it will happen, I'm sure.
  • Bmott0928
    Bmott0928 Posts: 12 Member
    You all are superb! Thank you for all the motivation. I love it, and it is definitley opening my eyes and my mind to the many changes I should be focusing on. Love this site! :bigsmile:
  • Lt_Starbuck
    Lt_Starbuck Posts: 576 Member
    I have most definitely been there and my former 260 pound self often turns sideways to walk between objects that arent even close together.

    1. It took a year for my brain to catch up to my body - in the between time my self-esteem tanked because I'd lost the weight but didnt get the body I wanted.

    2. I was patient, and got used to my new body, and started to do the work that shaped my body as opposed to the work that would just make me weigh less.

    3. I could just LOSE something, I had to GAIN something too or I would stay lost with this sad empty hole in my forever.
  • pkw58
    pkw58 Posts: 2,038 Member
    Oh, man, I thought I was the only one! At age 54, you would think I would be over myself, but I am not.

    I am happy with the number on the scale, but I would really love to be in better shape. I am in good health but need to focus more on exercise and getting stronger.

    there is nothing wrong with wanting to continuously improve one's self, but somedays the journey is harder than others.
  • DonnaLeeCattes
    DonnaLeeCattes Posts: 492 Member
    I understand not seeing a difference. I was 196 last summer and I'm now 124, I have gone from a tight 16 to a nice fitting 3, but even with that said...I still look in the mirror and see the chubby me looking back, sometimes.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    Well, I started this weight loss endeavor about 4 years ago at 234lbs, and I am now 167lbs. Many would say this is amazing, and that I dont even look the weight I do now, but less. However, all I hear when someone says this is, "Blah, blah, blah." Having always been overweight through childhood, and high school, I guess I was a bit traumatized by the tortureous name calling, and pranks that I went through during those times. That being said, I am not at all happy with any of the weight that I have lost...I was at the first 5 lbs, but now I cant help but feel like that 234lb or more girl. I dont know if it is a confidence thing or just unhappy that I havent gotten to that glorious weight goal, but I'm just not happy with this weight loss.

    I am pretty social and outgoing at times, and I am a generally happy person. But when I look at the scale, I instantly get upset, and I look in the mirror, and I really dont see a difference. I hide this all pretty well from everyone close to me, mostly because I feel like this is a struggle I do not want to share, but I think I should for everyone else that may be feeling the same way. I cant share it with my family though, my sister has always been very critical of me, always telling me I have to lose weight, and that there is no excuse to not lose weight. I remember crying in a restaurant when she would ask me what are you eating (I was 12) you need to stop or you'll stay fat, maybe you should eat a salad. FUN!

    Anyway, I dont feel different, and im getting tired of working hard to lose weight and actually losing weight, but not feeling any different about myself.

    Does anyone else feel this way? Does it get worse the more you lose?

    First - Hello to a fellow Chicagoan!! And Congrats on your weight loss!

    It sounds like you have a deep emotional scars left over from being an overweight child and not getting the proper support at home during those tender years. I would encourage you to talk to someone. A doctor or even a support group like Weight Watchers. You've accomplished a lot and deserve to feel good about those achievements!!! :flowerforyou:
  • Lt_Starbuck
    Lt_Starbuck Posts: 576 Member
    3. I couldn't just LOSE something, I had to GAIN something too or I would stay lost with this sad empty hole in my forever.

    fixed my post

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