How do you deal with jealousy?

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virgogrl73
virgogrl73 Posts: 14
in Chit-Chat
I'm the old, single, fat loser in my family and I have a younger sister who appears to have the perfect life. She's pretty, skinny, has a gorgeous successful husband, 2 perfect kids and married rich. She just called me to tell me they bought a new $3 million dollar house and she scheduled the closing on the 1 day we have tickets to something I was really looking forward to. Everyone will say you don't know what's going on behind closed doors but they genuinely seem happy.

I love her and am happy for her but it just hurts that she has everything and I have nothing. Yes, I'm working towards my goals but it's going to take a few years. How do I cope in the meantime?

Replies

  • jbutterflye
    jbutterflye Posts: 1,914 Member
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    I don't buy into all those thoughts that paint an unfavorable picture of one person and a favorable picture of another. Comparison is a slippery slope and I just switch off that mode of thinking, like a light switch. I know that none of that stuff is true. People are all different and everyone has their own challenges in life, no matter what it looks like on the surface. I just mind my own business and focus on my life, and hold a gracious attitude where I wish the other well and rejoice in their good fortune. My happiness in life is my own responsibility. I've learned to say NO to the jealous thoughts that pop in from time to time and they don't have power over me. And if there's an emotion that comes over me I don't push it away or deny it, but let myself feel it fully without indulging in it. Then it just dissipates in time.

    It's a shame to waste our time looking at what we don't have when we can look around and appreciate what is right in front of us.

    Best wishes to you.
  • triciab79
    triciab79 Posts: 1,713 Member
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    Happiness is a state of mind, not a condition we find ourselves in. No mater how your life may seem to you, to someone else you have everything. When you feel your focus slipping give to those less fortunate.
  • cassiepv
    cassiepv Posts: 242 Member
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    I don't buy into all those thoughts that paint an unfavorable picture of one person and a favorable picture of another. Comparison is a slippery slope and I just switch off that mode of thinking, like a light switch. I know that none of that stuff is true. People are all different and everyone has their own challenges in life, no matter what it looks like on the surface. I just mind my own business and focus on my life, and hold a gracious attitude where I wish the other well and rejoice in their good fortune. My happiness in life is my own responsibility. I've learned to say NO to the jealous thoughts that pop in from time to time and they don't have power over me. And if there's an emotion that comes over me I don't push it away or deny it, but let myself feel it fully without indulging in it. Then it just dissipates in time.

    It's a shame to waste our time looking at what we don't have when we can look around and appreciate what is right in front of us.

    Best wishes to you.





    ^^^ couldn't have said it better
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,141 Member
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    The key to not being jealous is to stop looking at what others have got and what you haven't. If you want something go and achieve that goal and enjoy your accomplishments!
  • mike_ny
    mike_ny Posts: 351 Member
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    If you believe that money or any item, job, relationship, or any thing will make you happy, you'll never get there because there's always the next level that replaces what you'll want next for what you have now. Find a way to be happy based on being in the present and not by having to have achieved something first. It's the journey and not the destination that's important.

    I'm at the point in my life where I really don't need any more toys.
    I just need the time to play with and the ones I already have.
  • VelociMama
    VelociMama Posts: 3,119 Member
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    Life is a whole lot more enjoyable when you stop living up to everyone else's expectations for your life and start living for your own.
  • Sweet_Gurl_Next_Door
    Sweet_Gurl_Next_Door Posts: 735 Member
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    choose not to be jealous. she may have inner issues you don't know about. you may find you have more in common then you think.
  • ExplorinLauren
    ExplorinLauren Posts: 991 Member
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    Happiness is a state of mind, not a condition we find ourselves in. No mater how your life may seem to you, to someone else you have everything. When you feel your focus slipping give to those less fortunate.


    Perfectly said :)

    Its easy to become bitter or jealous, esp when you don't feel your life or what you're doing adds up to what everyone else has.
    But if you look deeper, you will find people that wish they were you, or had what you had. Sometimes, knowing that can help you get through your rough patch.
    Giving to people less fortunate is a good reminder of that.
  • JessikaBlayne
    JessikaBlayne Posts: 1,457
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    bottle it up and try to fight it off is what i do
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    All I ever wanted was to have a good education, a good job, and my own family. I am 34 and I have none of those things. But, I've had to realize that not having those things don't make me a better or worse person, and that some people are just destined to walk a different path in life. It doesn't make me any less worthy of being happy, and it doesn't mean that I can't have a rich, full existence. And it doesn't mean that I will never have those things, I may just be later in getting them than most people seem to.

    I guess what I'm saying is that you have to accept the fact that everyone has a different path to walk in life. You may not have the material things that your sister has, but you are bound to be rich in areas that she is not. You may have to fight harder for some things, but they will be worth more to you because of the fight.
  • metaphoria
    metaphoria Posts: 1,432 Member
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    Is her happiness detracting from yours?

    Why would their closing on a house change your plans to go to an event you've already committed to? If they want to celebrate, you can always schedule a day that is more convenient for you. It sounds like you only fuel the supposed gap you feel between your sister and yourself. If the circumstances were reversed, would she have cancelled plans?
  • foxro
    foxro Posts: 793 Member
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    I don't buy into all those thoughts that paint an unfavorable picture of one person and a favorable picture of another. Comparison is a slippery slope and I just switch off that mode of thinking, like a light switch. I know that none of that stuff is true. People are all different and everyone has their own challenges in life, no matter what it looks like on the surface. I just mind my own business and focus on my life, and hold a gracious attitude where I wish the other well and rejoice in their good fortune. My happiness in life is my own responsibility. I've learned to say NO to the jealous thoughts that pop in from time to time and they don't have power over me. And if there's an emotion that comes over me I don't push it away or deny it, but let myself feel it fully without indulging in it. Then it just dissipates in time.

    It's a shame to waste our time looking at what we don't have when we can look around and appreciate what is right in front of us.

    Best wishes to you.

    Wow !:flowerforyou:
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,012 Member
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    Wise men count their blessings, fools count their problems.

    ~Michael Franti






    Hey, at least you have a rich sister :wink: That could be a great blessing.
  • fastfoodietofitcutie
    fastfoodietofitcutie Posts: 523 Member
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    Wise men count their blessings, fools count their problems.

    ~Michael Franti




    I love that!
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
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    "Try not to compare your insides to someone else's outsides."

    Corny, but it's a phrase I picked up in therapy. It's really helpful somedays.

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