Are your partners supportive?

Options
As a person who has been chubby for most of her life, I am really ready and eager to be done with the fat thing! I've been a little obsessed the past few months: weighing my food, falling in love with the gym, researching nutrition, finding new low cal recipes. It's on my brain 24/7 but in a good way! Not like when I'm slowly gaining weight and miserably moping about it 24/7.

That said, my partner is one of THOSE skinny people. You know what I mean. She can eat all the pizza and ice cream she wants and still slips in to her size 4s with room to spare. She works on her feet all day but doesn't work out often. She just maintains a low weight and doesn't have to worry about it.

So here I am talking about how many calories are in this meal we're eating, sneaking away to weigh this snack, constantly talking about my latest run and which of my muscles are sore, always on my phone/computer looking at MFP, declining to partake in dessert , and generally boring my girlfriend to tears. I am undergoing a major lifestyle change that she has no need/interest in taking part in. I bought her one of those refrigerator lockers because I couldn't stop eating the junk food she was buying, and she didn't want to have to stop buying it!

Nonetheless, she loves me and wants me to be happy but can't jump on board 100%.
I am so, SO glad I discovered these boards! I'm am finding so much support and encouragement!

What about you guys? Are your partners supportive of your fitness plans?
If you, like me, need support from online friends, feel free to add me!

Replies

  • brittanybrown1991
    Options
    My boyfriend of 7 years and i are both trying to lose the extra weight we put on since back in our high school days. he mainly is just working out and hoping for the best, whereas i am the one on MFP counting calories and logging workouts and checking my weight and measurements every week. I would say he is... semi-supportive? he will buy me health food and stuff and say he is proud that i continue to work out, but if i say things like "i lost another 2 lbs!" he will just kind of be like "um... ok" saying that its not anything to get excited about. Or i told him i lost a quarter inch off my waist and hips and he said my muscles were probably just tighter from having worked out. so he is half and half with the support.
  • kittenkirst
    kittenkirst Posts: 32 Member
    Options
    My boyf is there with me in the gym 4x a week before work and being very supportive however he does fall into old routines e.g. Yesterday; Ive had a really tough week at work and havent been sleeping so i missed my morning gym sesh (sometimes you just have to listen to your body), we get home from work I collapse on sofa exhausted and a bit down in the dumps so he secretly ordered us take- out on his phone! A lovely gesture, luckily I was able to limit myself otherwise I would have slipped into patterns of comfort binging!

    So I guess he is supportive but every now & then his well intended actions coukd cause a slip.
    (Adore him to pieces though and we're both working on our relationships with food & exercise, so I wont moan at him for a well intended gesture!) :-)
  • 4ever420
    4ever420 Posts: 4,088 Member
    Options
    I feel like I'm starting to sound like a broken record to my husband, friends, family etc. I've lost the most weight I ever have in my life and it's such a huge journey I'm on and a huge part of my life right now that it's all I want to talk about. I totally get that it's not something that's on everyones mind all the time like it is for me but I can't help it, I'm so darn excited about this new life I've created for myself!
  • 5hellz
    5hellz Posts: 63 Member
    Options
    My husband of 17 years is probably as supportive as he can be but has chosen not to join me on this journey. When we met, I was 125lbs 5'1 , he was 160 lbs 5'8, and we were both fit as a fiddle, and both were one of THOSE skinny people. Unfortunately, I am now wishing I could be one of those skinny people again.

    He will buy whatever I ask him to get me and even though I wasn't big on sweets before, I wasn't eating the best. He will call me from the store and ask if I need "my" bread (Nature's Own Specialty Honey Wheat Multi-Grain) or how many bananas do I have left or if the green apples or golden apples are best for me.

    Our children are old enough to be home alone so I don't need a sitter to go to the gym but if I don't make it during the day, he will go up there and wait on me to work out if it's real late and no one else is there (it's a 24 HR gym, thank goodness) just so I feel safe being there.

    If I get on the scale and see that I haven't lost any weight, he will say get the tape measure cuz I can see a change in your body. When I have lost weight, he will tell the boys look at your mom and how devoted she is to getting healthy for you boys.

    And on the days when I am feeling bad and I don't see the difference in my body, he will playfully pop me on the bottom and say oh yeah babe, there's definitely tightness there and feel the cup in those cheeks....lol.....he is very supportive and always makes me laugh =)

    I guess I'm one of the lucky ones
  • lexherrera
    lexherrera Posts: 56 Member
    Options
    My husband seems to like the results, but he doesn't like me spending too much time away from him at the gym... plus he's like 40 lbs overweight and isn't doing jack **** about it.... all in time, I suppose.
  • mummyzena
    mummyzena Posts: 259 Member
    Options
    Semi supportive, think he has an issue that if i lose weight/inches that i will run off with someone else. He has stated he'd rather have me bigger but he has joined the gym with me though spends most of his time complaining of aches and pains to the point i tell him to sit in the car and eat his pop tarts while i finish my cardio workout, also jokingly said if i get too small or fit he'll secretly add carbs to my meals. Hmmm... Time will tell.xx
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
    Options
    If she is willing to lock her food away, I think you can count her as being supportive! We can't really expect them to makeover their lives just because we decided to!

    My partner is the same way. He is quite active, but he needs to eat constantly. He can't just eat a huge dinner, then be done with it, he has to snack all evening to balance his stomach capacity and his calorie needs. Even when I am snacking, I measure out one serving for me and two for him. He doesn't bring junk food in very often, but he does eat my cheese two and three servings at a time!

    Sure, his eyes glaze over if I mention nutrition, and he is baffled that I get out of bed to work out. But he will pick up anything I ask at the grocery store and he has expressed admiration at my commitment to working out. He has also whined a few times when I get up on the weekend and leave him in bed with only his pillow to snuggle with.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    Options
    My husband and I are both very supportive of each other, in every area. But, we still make some different choices. My husband and I are both active people and neither of us overeat or under eat. I dance and go to the gym and walk a lot. My husband will not go to the gym. On rare occasion I get a pass and he goes with me, to help spot me. He exercises outdoors. He bikes, hikes, runs, plays soccer. He will also dance, do Tai Chi. And he builds stuff as a physicist (very large machinery) and he plays with our children. He is not sedentary at all, he is very agile, and he has very strong leg muscles. But, he does not count calories (and will never join this site) and he eats lots of granola bars and sometimes drinks soda. He does not drink alcohol or coffee. He is also a more picky eater than I am, and that certainly influences some of my eating habits. I don't mind. We are similiar and different, we support each other, but we are self-motivated. He supports me by how interested he is in me sexually. That certainly keeps my spirits up, keeps me motivated, and helps me feel more of the benefits of and motivation for my healthy lifestyle. Anytime that I want to go to the gym, he is supportive of that. Also, we are paying for the membership, he wants me to get the most out of it. And he knows I am happiest when I am fit.
  • Spindigo1
    Spindigo1 Posts: 123 Member
    Options
    I feel like I'm starting to sound like a broken record to my husband, friends, family etc. I've lost the most weight I ever have in my life and it's such a huge journey I'm on and a huge part of my life right now that it's all I want to talk about. I totally get that it's not something that's on everyones mind all the time like it is for me but I can't help it, I'm so darn excited about this new life I've created for myself!

    I totally feel you!
  • 5hellz
    5hellz Posts: 63 Member
    Options
    Update: My husband walked 2 miles with me yesterday =)
  • Jaikagen
    Jaikagen Posts: 32 Member
    Options
    My husband is supportive to a degree, the constant "but you're not even fat, you're perfect" comments to wear thin though when i know its not true, i DO need to shift a fair amount, my WiiMii is currently obese.
  • Erikalynne18
    Erikalynne18 Posts: 558 Member
    Options
    My boyfriend supports me and especially loves the changes in my body lol :) He doesn't joing me at the gym and still suggests ordering delivery some nights, but it's progress from when we used to order take out 3 or 4 times a week! I am the one who cooks so I've slowly been making healthier choices/substitutes, like light cheese instead of full fat (Sneaky aren't I? lol). Also having healthy BUT yummy snack options in the house has helped. He's much more likely to grab a granola bar than walk to the store to get candy and chips (which means I'm less likely to crave those things lol). Kellogs makes some yummy low calorie snack options here :) I don't force him to eat it, but the convience of it helps to keep junk food out :P
  • Erikalynne18
    Erikalynne18 Posts: 558 Member
    Options
    Oh and if you can find some yummy recipes that are low fat, add them in to your routine (your gf might not even notice :P). I like making mini pizza's on tortilla shells. You can customize it to make yours healthier like using ham instead of another meat because it's low calorie. And then the gf can have whatever she would like on hers :)
  • Ztefh
    Ztefh Posts: 17
    Options
    My boyfriend and I have very compatible fitness goals. I am trying to lose weight and he is trying to build lean body mass. He is very skinny, but he does not use that as an excuse to stuff his face with unhealthy food (unless he finds himself around salsa and chips which he cannot resist). It's wonderful because he eats all of the weird health food that I cook for him! Both of us have the same goal weights (185lbs). :)
  • FeastForCrows
    Options
    I feel like boyfriend is supportive.

    He and I broke up for six weeks, after being involved long distance for two years, in part over working out and health. My anxieties about his health ramped up when we would sleep together and I would hear his breathing hiccup in his sleep, like he was struggling to breathe. Of course, this scared the living daylights out of me. It bothered me that he would eat bad things or not do anything that was for exercise. A lot of it was due to the fact my father has suffered two heart attacks, a stroke and is now living with aphasia and marked weakness on his right side... and I've watched it all happen. I'm not willing to be my mother- who of course complained about it, but never really pressed the issue while enabling and participating in the same bad behaviors herself. Of course, he never realized this until negotiations with getting back together began six weeks later and I flat out admitted his bad behaviors made me fearful for his future health.

    He thinks I am gorgeous as I am, and that is well and lovely, and he does respect the fact that I want to take better care of myself- I want to move more and I want to drop some of the weight. I honestly do not desire to be under a hundred and fifty pounds. It's not a personal goal of mine. I'm okay being a bit round and plump. I'm not okay with my present weight and the health forecast for that weight though. He still wants to take me to eat Chinese [a weakness for sure] and I'm pretty okay with having that as a once a month treat when he visits. I'm okay with occasional treats- but I know the day to day needs to be good and the treats need to stay occasional. I feel myself getting obsessive and guilty of what to eat, what not to eat... but I know that I need to keep my mind healthy to and obsession is anything BUT healthy.

    He's trying to eat vegetables, a long time nemesis of his, and I'm trying to find a good path with food that isn't dependent on emotions. I've succeeded in detaching myself emotionally in a lot of places, but I know I still have a long way to go. I realize that I can't get mad or resentful of him eating what he wants, because I realize that it isn't on him. He isn't responsible for my health. I am and it is a test and testament to MY willpower when I make the choice not to partake. I don't expect him to give it up and I don't think less of him for eating the cookie, I just know I can't at this time because of my calorie allowance or my fear of emotional attachment to that cookie. He works out on his treadmill and I work out by doing C25K outside. I do fee a greater sense of being more like minded than we were before, even if we're choosing what battles to fight differently.
  • jackieg218
    jackieg218 Posts: 96 Member
    Options
    My husband almost sabotages me, not by tempting me with food, but by little comments that it isn't a big thing that I need to lose weight, I am fine where I am at, I look better now...why drive yourself nuts that you didn't lose weight etc. it's to the point that today I made a resolve with myself that I am not even going to mention it anymore to him. I will just do my thing. I tried to explain to him that my biggest motivating factor is just to be at a healthy BMI. I fought for my life in jan due to going septic from a ruptured bowel and that really made me look at things different. I am young enough now (43) that if I lowered my BMI to a healthy level that it would help reduce the risk of so many health problems. And that I NEVER wanted to relive fighting to survive again. I don't remember a lot of the first week I was in the hospital, but I DO remember enough that I felt myself slipping further and further away from life.

    His answer to my motivating factor is... Well they fixed the ruptured bowel and its not like losing weight or being at a certain BMI would have made a difference.... Aargh sometimes I just want to kill him!! So, from today on... I speak no more of my weight loss or goals, which sucks because I would LIKE to have his support. Don't get me wrong, he is a good husband, but just not in this area!

    I envy those of you who have a partner along for the journey, I do however have my mom who is also walking this journey with me.

    Jackie
  • 5hellz
    5hellz Posts: 63 Member
    Options
    I have read the other posts and I see that I really am lucky to have a husband so supportive of my wanting to be healthy. And he has even decided to join me. He changed my membership to a family membership at the gym so he could work out with me, we have gone repeatedly to the walking track, and now all I have to do is get him to give up the sweets and Pepsi....but I'm all for baby steps with this.

    Good luck with everyone on your goals, both short term and long term! Feel free to add me, I log on daily and try to give as much support and advice as I can =)
  • triciab79
    triciab79 Posts: 1,713 Member
    Options
    My husband has been very supportive. I was not always so kind to him though. He wanted to start losing weight long before I did but I had no interest in cooking healthy meals. I liked deep frying things, and the thought of reducing the fat in my cheese was blasphemy. I did all the cooking and all the grocery shopping so despite his objections I continued to slowly kill both of us one half pound bacon chili cheeseburger at a time. I saw the error of my ways and I changed but he was always the better half so I have always been the lucky one.