A formal goodbye to the old me.
Options
nannybubbles
Posts: 55
Hi there... I have been on this site for a few weeks now after using the MFP app before discovering the support here and I want, actually I really need, to put this out there. It is going to take a while,m so please feel free to skip to the punchline or go to the next poster.
I listed on my profile, under inspirations, a quote from Sam Beckett: "Is she dead yet? I mean dead enough to bury?
I live in the UK, but next Thursday I am flying out to the States to see my youngest son, Patrick for the first time in 16 months. He hasn't seen me since I started getting healthy and no one there has ever known me as how I used to be. They will only ever know me as who I am now.
The emotional aspect of losing weight has been at least as profound for me, if not even more so, than the physical side. I have had a couple of weekends now when it has really sunk in what I have accomplished so far and I have sobbed my heart out. Not with sadness, quite the opposite, with disbelief, joy, but mostly relief. I feel as if I have escaped. And I have enjoyed every second of sweat and effort.
As I told one of my friends on here, only in the last couple of days, I truly thought that it was impossible to improve myself so what was the point? I was 56, I had left it too late. I had accepted it and resigned myself to simply living out the rest of the life with the burden I had saddled myself with. I still find it difficult to believe where I am now. My mind was closed. I never even so much as contemplated the thought of exercise. I HATED it. It was, I assumed, beyond my capabilities yet now I LOVE it! Right up there with greatest buzzes I have ever known. I revel in the smug feeling that comes over me every morning when I get home, having pushed myself over my 3 miles. By the end I look like a heap of blotchy, red faced, bedraggled, steaming crap, but a smaller heap than previously!
I believe everybody finds a crutch to get through the bad times in life. Of course, like all of us, there are loads of reasons, pretty sad, that have influenced me, since the age of 11, to choose food as my comfort and release. To mask the sorrows of the bad times and celebrate the highs of the good. But it was my choice. A poor choice.
I used to joke, because it seemed such a long way off, that I only had the menopause and death to look forward to. Then I went through the menopause and made an even bigger joke that it was just death now...ha ha ha ... I honestly thought I was being quite cool, edgy and funny in a black humour kind of way. Then I realised that I was checking to see how tidy / untidy my bedroom was before I went to sleep at night in case the paramedics had to come and sort me out if I didn't wake up the next morning. I didn't want my 4 boys to be embarrassed.
I have been completely overwhelmed by how proud, happy and relieved they are that I have stuck to it. My weight was never mentioned before, for fear of hurting my feelings I guess, but now they have been able to talk about it in such a positive way and they have said such lovely things, it is a wonderful feeling knowing that I have done something to really earn their respect, though it’s still a little difficult to take in.
At the start a few little things coincided. One of them was when one of my friends, for the life of me I can’t remember why, stood up and tried to touch her toes but she couldn’t reach. I thought I would give her a laugh and make her feel better by showing her that her efforts were at least better than mine. I was astounded. Even at 314lbs (22stone 6lbs) I managed not only to reach my toes, but had my hand almost flat on the floor in front of me. I couldn’t believe it. One of the positives of having short, dumpy legs!!
A few other things came together like my car breaking down and something just clicked in my head. Why was I letting the things I can’t do, stop me from doing the things that I can do? I had a bit of a Forrest Gump moment and just started walking, never cutting corners, adding a little bit further every time my body made me realise I was finding it too easy and needed more of a challenge.
As my self esteem perked up a little something began to wake up in me and I developed a secret (and I mean secret) interest in ??? style. Something I don't ever remember having. As the pounds started coming off, along with the inches, I have had to buy new clothes. Temporary clothes that I was determined wouldn't fit me for long, as I carry on. I have never been particularly materialistic but, thanks to bargains on good old eBay I have discovered I rather like quality! What’s more, again secretly, I feel I absolutely deserve quality!
Yet for some, probably deep rooted psychological reason, I have not had the confidence to adopt the style I have been developing in public. It is not what people expect of me, so I still wear a handful of very mundane tops, BLACK trousers etc. I don’t even let people I know, except my son, Tom and his partner who live with me, see me in exercise gear. I think it is because I imagine them asking who the hell does she think she’s kidding?? Who does she think she is?
A while ago, Patrick bought me a ticket to fly to Dallas to go and stay with him and my new daughter in law, Alyssa. I began to plan ahead and bought things in smaller sizes as a goal for my trip and that has lead me to reach another, literally life changing, decision.
Next Wednesday, I am taking the ferry and the train as the old Jan to go and stay overnight with Micky, (another of my sons ! ) as he has offered to take me to Heathrow airport for my flight the next morning. When I get undressed for bed I am going to put my old Jan clothes in a bag and leave them with a note asking him to throw them away. When I get up really early the next morning I am going to dress as the new Jan. And the next day, and the next…
It is NEVER too late. You owe it to yourself to feel this good.
Do it because you WANT to.
The old Jan is frozen to the spot, terrified of flying. The new Jan isn’t.
Is she dead yet? I mean dead enough to bury? She sure as **** is !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I listed on my profile, under inspirations, a quote from Sam Beckett: "Is she dead yet? I mean dead enough to bury?
I live in the UK, but next Thursday I am flying out to the States to see my youngest son, Patrick for the first time in 16 months. He hasn't seen me since I started getting healthy and no one there has ever known me as how I used to be. They will only ever know me as who I am now.
The emotional aspect of losing weight has been at least as profound for me, if not even more so, than the physical side. I have had a couple of weekends now when it has really sunk in what I have accomplished so far and I have sobbed my heart out. Not with sadness, quite the opposite, with disbelief, joy, but mostly relief. I feel as if I have escaped. And I have enjoyed every second of sweat and effort.
As I told one of my friends on here, only in the last couple of days, I truly thought that it was impossible to improve myself so what was the point? I was 56, I had left it too late. I had accepted it and resigned myself to simply living out the rest of the life with the burden I had saddled myself with. I still find it difficult to believe where I am now. My mind was closed. I never even so much as contemplated the thought of exercise. I HATED it. It was, I assumed, beyond my capabilities yet now I LOVE it! Right up there with greatest buzzes I have ever known. I revel in the smug feeling that comes over me every morning when I get home, having pushed myself over my 3 miles. By the end I look like a heap of blotchy, red faced, bedraggled, steaming crap, but a smaller heap than previously!
I believe everybody finds a crutch to get through the bad times in life. Of course, like all of us, there are loads of reasons, pretty sad, that have influenced me, since the age of 11, to choose food as my comfort and release. To mask the sorrows of the bad times and celebrate the highs of the good. But it was my choice. A poor choice.
I used to joke, because it seemed such a long way off, that I only had the menopause and death to look forward to. Then I went through the menopause and made an even bigger joke that it was just death now...ha ha ha ... I honestly thought I was being quite cool, edgy and funny in a black humour kind of way. Then I realised that I was checking to see how tidy / untidy my bedroom was before I went to sleep at night in case the paramedics had to come and sort me out if I didn't wake up the next morning. I didn't want my 4 boys to be embarrassed.
I have been completely overwhelmed by how proud, happy and relieved they are that I have stuck to it. My weight was never mentioned before, for fear of hurting my feelings I guess, but now they have been able to talk about it in such a positive way and they have said such lovely things, it is a wonderful feeling knowing that I have done something to really earn their respect, though it’s still a little difficult to take in.
At the start a few little things coincided. One of them was when one of my friends, for the life of me I can’t remember why, stood up and tried to touch her toes but she couldn’t reach. I thought I would give her a laugh and make her feel better by showing her that her efforts were at least better than mine. I was astounded. Even at 314lbs (22stone 6lbs) I managed not only to reach my toes, but had my hand almost flat on the floor in front of me. I couldn’t believe it. One of the positives of having short, dumpy legs!!
A few other things came together like my car breaking down and something just clicked in my head. Why was I letting the things I can’t do, stop me from doing the things that I can do? I had a bit of a Forrest Gump moment and just started walking, never cutting corners, adding a little bit further every time my body made me realise I was finding it too easy and needed more of a challenge.
As my self esteem perked up a little something began to wake up in me and I developed a secret (and I mean secret) interest in ??? style. Something I don't ever remember having. As the pounds started coming off, along with the inches, I have had to buy new clothes. Temporary clothes that I was determined wouldn't fit me for long, as I carry on. I have never been particularly materialistic but, thanks to bargains on good old eBay I have discovered I rather like quality! What’s more, again secretly, I feel I absolutely deserve quality!
Yet for some, probably deep rooted psychological reason, I have not had the confidence to adopt the style I have been developing in public. It is not what people expect of me, so I still wear a handful of very mundane tops, BLACK trousers etc. I don’t even let people I know, except my son, Tom and his partner who live with me, see me in exercise gear. I think it is because I imagine them asking who the hell does she think she’s kidding?? Who does she think she is?
A while ago, Patrick bought me a ticket to fly to Dallas to go and stay with him and my new daughter in law, Alyssa. I began to plan ahead and bought things in smaller sizes as a goal for my trip and that has lead me to reach another, literally life changing, decision.
Next Wednesday, I am taking the ferry and the train as the old Jan to go and stay overnight with Micky, (another of my sons ! ) as he has offered to take me to Heathrow airport for my flight the next morning. When I get undressed for bed I am going to put my old Jan clothes in a bag and leave them with a note asking him to throw them away. When I get up really early the next morning I am going to dress as the new Jan. And the next day, and the next…
It is NEVER too late. You owe it to yourself to feel this good.
Do it because you WANT to.
The old Jan is frozen to the spot, terrified of flying. The new Jan isn’t.
Is she dead yet? I mean dead enough to bury? She sure as **** is !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
0
Replies
-
Beautiful story from a beautiful soul! This is so inspiring! Do you mind if I copy and paste into an email to send to my mother?0
-
If I wasn't siting at work reading this, I might have come to tears. This is exactly what I needed to read this morning! I am struggling and I so desperately want to find the new me that you have found. I will not quite. I do deserve this. Thank you for being that voice for me this morning.0
-
Jan, this is lovely. Thank you for sharing it. I am glad I picked you as a pal, and I look forward to getting to know the new Jan.0
-
Jan, wow! I'm in my 50's and I have been playing around with
my body all my life, since I was a little overweight girl.
You name it, I have tried it. Then, this year, I decided, ok
Cynthia, you have been successful at other endeavors in your
life, why not your life, your body, your temple?
So, since I normally give myself no more than two months
of taking care of myself, on January 8, 2013, I challenged
myself to give me 365 days. That's right, one year.
But I must give at least 100%. I'm excited to see where I land
on January 8, 2014. But if I'm fair to myself, I will like
the new me at the end of the 365 days!
Enjoy your trip and the new Y-O-U!
Cynthia0 -
Good for you! Can I ask how you managed to be patient with the process? It used to be when I put my mind to it, I could adjust my eating, accelerate my activity and drop pounds quickly.
No longer true! My lifestyle is not as active as before, limited temporarily for health reasons. So, I have to just satisfy myself with the accomplishment of following my eating plan day by day. Fitness pal helps me to keep track and see my power over what I choose.
But it's so easy, when I can't see the change day by day to just give up. Although I know the result of that, it is hard some days to hang on.0 -
I hope no one skips to the punch line or on to the next poster. What an inspirational story!!! I would love to be pals with you if you have a desire for any more and want to add me. I could certainly learn so much from you!
Thank you for sharing.0 -
I love the thought of shedding your old self and stepping off the continent looking a different version of you. Day 1 of walking for me, out of breath! I hope to have a day when I shed my old ways! If you are on mfp and want to add me as a friend that would be great.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.9K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.8K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.7K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 397 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.8K Motivation and Support
- 7.9K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.3K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 975 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions