REALLY need some advice.

michelletyler38
michelletyler38 Posts: 469 Member
in Chit-Chat
:ohwell: So this isn't really fun or chit chat but I need some advice from people outside of the situation & I thought of here. SO for a little bit of a back story. I love my boyfriend more than anything. We've been officially together for just under a year. So today he was "joking around" after we left a restaurant and drove down the parking lot very slowly with my 2.5 year old niece on his lap. My sister (whose daughter my niece is..) & I were not liking it at all. He stopped at the end of the parking lot for a few minutes then he turned. We thought he was gonna circle the parking lot up there so we (unhappily) waited for him. After about ten minutes of looking and waiting we got in her car and drove around. We started to panic when we couldn't find her. I kept calling his phone and he wasn't answering. I decided to call my mom's phone since we mentioned going to Lowe's to get girl scout cookies from my mom after the restaurant. Neither of us thought he'd drive there with her though since it involves crossing a semi-busy street. Well turns out he was there. I guess he'd seat belted her into the seat next to him & drove a half mile to Lowe's with her. I'm very unhappy about this. My sister is even more unhappy. My mom isn't happy either. I'm a forgiving person though. I know everyone has lapses of judgement. But I'm worried about this. Especially since I want to start a family with this man. We have different upbringings. I guess this was common in his family. It's not in mine. I don't see why you'd ever risk doing that. He says he's really sorry. If anyone has any advice, please share!

Replies

  • jbutterflye
    jbutterflye Posts: 1,914 Member
    That would be a red flag for me. How old is this guy? If he's mid to late 20's & near your age, I'd say he should know better. Bad judgment call & he seems to be oblivious.
  • michelletyler38
    michelletyler38 Posts: 469 Member
    That would be a red flag for me. How old is this guy? If he's mid to late 20's & near your age, I'd say he should know better. Bad judgment call & he seems to be oblivious.

    24 :/
  • usernameMAMA
    usernameMAMA Posts: 681 Member
    If I was your sister I'd be pissed. As a parent my mind would immediately go to worst case scenario and that is why would a 24 year old man want to take off alone with a little girl?
  • michelletyler38
    michelletyler38 Posts: 469 Member
    If I was your sister I'd be pissed. As a parent my mind would immediately go to worst case scenario and that is why would a 24 year old man want to take off alone with a little girl?

    Ya unfortunately when he wasn't picking up his phone, we both had it run through our head that
    'what if' he'd kidnapped her. Because we NEVER thought he'd drive even just across the street with her not in a seatbelt. He says there were no cars coming and she was perfectly safe. And he drove under the speed limit. My mom said he drove in safely but she had no idea he didn't have a carseat. :indifferent:
  • clydethecat
    clydethecat Posts: 1,087 Member
    if you didnt like him driving with her on his lap why didnt you stop him. you sister is the mom, she should have said no dont do that. when you allow it to happen, then hes going to think its ok.

    you all got pissed at him, hes been brow beaten. he said he was sorry. if thats not good enough, let him go.
  • megleo818
    megleo818 Posts: 595 Member
    First, that was obviously a stupid, irresponsible, illegal thing to do and is inexcusable. Second, you're already done with this guy. If you weren't, you wouldn't have asked a public forum of strangers to give you advise (not judging, just showing you you're looking for support for what you and your family members already know). Most importantly, if you were sure about this guy, it would never, EVER, EVER have crossed your mind that he might have kidnapped your niece. EVER. Sorry. :cry:
  • Amy106Days
    Amy106Days Posts: 172 Member
    My husband and I don't have children. I don't want any. We love our nieces dearly and one evening after a family dinner out they (at the time were 5 and 7) wanted to ride in Uncle Sean's cool car (he drives a 1962 Lancer cherry red, it is cool). I said they could and he agreed. My sister went to strap them in the backseat and was like "You don't even have seatbelts!!". I didn't know that, or think of it when agreeing to transport children. Don't take it too hard. I am sure it wasn't meant as child endangerment. I think it may have just been off his radar. Be sure to force feed that one baby books and safety regulations if you do get pregnant because a lot of the time boys just tune out on those topics.
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
    he is a dumbazz, but that doesnt mean its compeltely unforgivable in and of itself. If this is a pattern of additional immature behavior, run for the hills.
  • BackInSoFL
    BackInSoFL Posts: 82 Member
    You're worried. Don't ignore your intuition.
  • SmangeDiggs
    SmangeDiggs Posts: 238 Member
    He made a ****ty decision, I dropped a cup of tea on a friends baby once after some poor decision making. I grew up had my own kids and im an awesome parent, no hot tea spilt on any of them.

    People make mistakes you either get over them or you move on from the person, because you definately wont be making him feel to good about himself by continuing with all this.
  • michelletyler38
    michelletyler38 Posts: 469 Member
    First, that was obviously a stupid, irresponsible, illegal thing to do and is inexcusable. Second, you're already done with this guy. If you weren't, you wouldn't have asked a public forum of strangers to give you advise (not judging, just showing you you're looking for support for what you and your family members already know). Most importantly, if you were sure about this guy, it would never, EVER, EVER have crossed your mind that he might have kidnapped your niece. EVER. Sorry. :cry:

    Ehhh I appreciate your advise/opinion, but I'm VERY untrusting of men & when he wouldn't answer his phone after like 20 minutes, it ran through my head. I wouldn't say that means I'm already done with him though.
  • michelletyler38
    michelletyler38 Posts: 469 Member
    My husband and I don't have children. I don't want any. We love our nieces dearly and one evening after a family dinner out they (at the time were 5 and 7) wanted to ride in Uncle Sean's cool car (he drives a 1962 Lancer cherry red, it is cool). I said they could and he agreed. My sister went to strap them in the backseat and was like "You don't even have seatbelts!!". I didn't know that, or think of it when agreeing to transport children. Don't take it too hard. I am sure it wasn't meant as child endangerment. I think it may have just been off his radar. Be sure to force feed that one baby books and safety regulations if you do get pregnant because a lot of the time boys just tune out on those topics.

    Haha thank you! Makes me feel a little better.
  • love4fitnesslove4food_wechange
    love4fitnesslove4food_wechange Posts: 6,897 Member
    Sounds like you're making a big deal out of an innocent, yet stupid, mistake.
  • michelletyler38
    michelletyler38 Posts: 469 Member
    Sounds like you're making a big deal out of an innocent, yet stupid, mistake.

    Thanks! And thanks everyone. I appreciate all the opnions & I've definitely figured it out. :flowerforyou:
  • ScatteredThoughts
    ScatteredThoughts Posts: 3,562 Member
    First, that was obviously a stupid, irresponsible, illegal thing to do and is inexcusable. Second, you're already done with this guy. If you weren't, you wouldn't have asked a public forum of strangers to give you advise (not judging, just showing you you're looking for support for what you and your family members already know). Most importantly, if you were sure about this guy, it would never, EVER, EVER have crossed your mind that he might have kidnapped your niece. EVER. Sorry. :cry:

    Ehhh I appreciate your advise/opinion, but I'm VERY untrusting of men & when he wouldn't answer his phone after like 20 minutes, it ran through my head. I wouldn't say that means I'm already done with him though.

    I kind of understand not thinking it was a big deal, because of his family. My brothers and I were NEVER in seat belts, and we were all over the place in the car. Still, my wife and I have always made sure our children were secured in our vehicles. I don't care how fast he was going or how much he watched traffic. Another driver's inattention can cause an unavoidable accident.

    The not answering the phone part bothers me too. I don't see a good reason to ignore calls, especially if you have someone else's child with you.

    If he truly seems sorry, then give him a chance. I just hope he understands how risky and irresponsible his actions were.
  • michelletyler38
    michelletyler38 Posts: 469 Member
    First, that was obviously a stupid, irresponsible, illegal thing to do and is inexcusable. Second, you're already done with this guy. If you weren't, you wouldn't have asked a public forum of strangers to give you advise (not judging, just showing you you're looking for support for what you and your family members already know). Most importantly, if you were sure about this guy, it would never, EVER, EVER have crossed your mind that he might have kidnapped your niece. EVER. Sorry. :cry:

    Ehhh I appreciate your advise/opinion, but I'm VERY untrusting of men & when he wouldn't answer his phone after like 20 minutes, it ran through my head. I wouldn't say that means I'm already done with him though.

    I kind of understand not thinking it was a big deal, because of his family. My brothers and I were NEVER in seat belts, and we were all over the place in the car. Still, my wife and I have always made sure our children were secured in our vehicles. I don't care how fast he was going or how much he watched traffic. Another driver's inattention can cause an unavoidable accident.

    The not answering the phone part bothers me too. I don't see a good reason to ignore calls, especially if you have someone else's child with you.

    If he truly seems sorry, then give him a chance. I just hope he understands how risky and irresponsible his actions were.

    Thank you! He just called me after a long convo with his aunt & said he really understands now & his phone was in his car. I guess he had thought me & my sister would just follow him over there.

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