will i ever get it?
anawhatsme
Posts: 261 Member
i just posted this on my blog, but i need as much help as i can get. instead of typing it all out again, i'm just going to copy what i put in my blog.
please, if anyone can help, i could really use it!
thanks!!
I am an expert at falling off the wagon. And I'm great at it too!
When I was a teenager, I hung out with 4 girls that were significantly overweight Every one of those girls has lost their extra weight (they lost 100+ pounds EACH). Even the girl that seemed like she was ok with being fat and would likely live her whole life that way, lost her excess weight. I'm the only one that hasn't gotten it, or had surgery.
Only one of those girls has weight loss surgery. She was also an expert at falling off the wagon. Seeing her changes and hearing her promote surgery, I asked my doctor if I could be referred. He said yes, but I never heard back about it. After he retired, I asked my new doctor for a referral, twice! She advised me against it both times.
My boyfried doesn't really want me to have surgery because it's so invasive. He also says I'll feel better about losing the weight if I do it without surgery. I think he's right. I would feel so strong and proud if I could beat a huge demon in my life all on my own. But every time I make the decision to do it, I only get so far before going back to my bad habits.
Every
Single
Time.
Without exaggerating, I would guess I fell off the wagon about 1-200 times in the past 10 years. Sometimes it feels like surgery is my only hope for success.
Why don't I get it? Why don't I succeed? Why do I have to go so completely overboard? Why can't I just have a little blip and get right back on? Why does this happen every single time? How can I change this? Am I destined to be obese and unhealthy? Why did every girl I used to hang out with lose weight and I can't/don't?
I really want to get back in control. Every day I say, "This is the day". But somehwere, it gets lost. I don't know where and I don't know why. I have always said I can`t fix a problem if I don`t know what it is. I need to understand why I go so out of control, what triggers it, and tools to prevent it.
Will I ever get it??!!
please, if anyone can help, i could really use it!
thanks!!
I am an expert at falling off the wagon. And I'm great at it too!
When I was a teenager, I hung out with 4 girls that were significantly overweight Every one of those girls has lost their extra weight (they lost 100+ pounds EACH). Even the girl that seemed like she was ok with being fat and would likely live her whole life that way, lost her excess weight. I'm the only one that hasn't gotten it, or had surgery.
Only one of those girls has weight loss surgery. She was also an expert at falling off the wagon. Seeing her changes and hearing her promote surgery, I asked my doctor if I could be referred. He said yes, but I never heard back about it. After he retired, I asked my new doctor for a referral, twice! She advised me against it both times.
My boyfried doesn't really want me to have surgery because it's so invasive. He also says I'll feel better about losing the weight if I do it without surgery. I think he's right. I would feel so strong and proud if I could beat a huge demon in my life all on my own. But every time I make the decision to do it, I only get so far before going back to my bad habits.
Every
Single
Time.
Without exaggerating, I would guess I fell off the wagon about 1-200 times in the past 10 years. Sometimes it feels like surgery is my only hope for success.
Why don't I get it? Why don't I succeed? Why do I have to go so completely overboard? Why can't I just have a little blip and get right back on? Why does this happen every single time? How can I change this? Am I destined to be obese and unhealthy? Why did every girl I used to hang out with lose weight and I can't/don't?
I really want to get back in control. Every day I say, "This is the day". But somehwere, it gets lost. I don't know where and I don't know why. I have always said I can`t fix a problem if I don`t know what it is. I need to understand why I go so out of control, what triggers it, and tools to prevent it.
Will I ever get it??!!
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Replies
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iI need to understand why I go so out of control, what triggers it, and tools to prevent it.
Will I ever get it??!!
you kind of answered your questions.
you'll get it once you're ready to start facing those issues and causes. as most of us who are or have been significantly overweight know, the physical reasons why we get so overweight is only a small factor. the emotional, mental and spiritual reasons are the ones that run deepest and the ones that can't so easily go away just by avoiding fried food, soda, cakes, etc0 -
I wrote a post very similar to this the other day. I can't say that I have any answers for you, as I am searching for them myself, but it's always nice to have someone who is going through the same thing as you and be able to work those things out together! Feel free to add me and we can help motivate and support each other through this crazy journey.0
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Maybe 2001 is your time to make it work. Maybe not, you'll never know if you don't keep trying. Try to learn something from each attempt. It'll never happen if you don't try, guarantee you that much.0
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Lots of people try to change everything all at once. Master the small changes and progress from there.
Maybe your first small change is to cut out soda, or add less sugar to your coffee. After that works for a few weeks....maybe you can tackle adding in more veggies....or getting in more exercise.
I know we all want to be done with this whole thing immediately, but whatever you do, it needs to be maintainable for life. So focus on making those decisions, and taking those steps to make this a part of your new way of life, instead of something that feels temporary.0 -
I would not recommend surgery. Mi know several people that have gotten surgery and the issue is this... The stomach can and WILL re-stretch. Surgery does not change the most important body part of developing a healthy relationship with food, and thats your MIND! Without changes there, a person can do anything and everything to their physical body... In the end the results will be the same.. Gaining weight and struggling to have a healthy relationship with food and developing plain old fashioned healthier eating habits.
I invite you to look at my blogs. I kept some good entries of my struggles with enemy number one, my mind and the power i let food have over it. Once i get that in check, i lost over 40 pounds, with relative ease. This is the longest i have been able to keep motivation, momentum and keep the weight off. I am nearly 10 pounds below what i thought a reasonable and maintainable GW and am not struggling to keep it off. My lifestyle, habits and MND HAVE All changed. Sometimes old thoughts, urges etc do crop up but i am able to quash them relatively quickly, but if i don't, i don't let it stop my from making the NEXT HEALTHY choice...
Focus on your goals, use supports here, BE HONEST with yourself. Don't hide behind the feelings or embarrassment or guilt of your relationship with food. Tune in to what you're doing, become more MINDFUL!!!! it is key !!!0 -
I would not recommend surgery. Mi know several people that have gotten surgery and the issue is this... The stomach can and WILL re-stretch. Surgery does not change the most important body part of developing a healthy relationship with food, and thats your MIND! Without changes there, a person can do anything and everything to their physical body... In the end the results will be the same.. Gaining weight and struggling to have a healthy relationship with food and developing plain old fashioned healthier eating habits.
I invite you to look at my blogs. I kept some good entries of my struggles with enemy number one, my mind and the power i let food have over it. Once i get that in check, i lost over 40 pounds, with relative ease. This is the longest i have been able to keep motivation, momentum and keep the weight off. I am nearly 10 pounds below what i thought a reasonable and maintainable GW and am not struggling to keep it off. My lifestyle, habits and MND HAVE All changed. Sometimes old thoughts, urges etc do crop up but i am able to quash them relatively quickly, but if i don't, i don't let it stop my from making the NEXT HEALTHY choice...
Focus on your goals, use supports here, BE HONEST with yourself. Don't hide behind the feelings or embarrassment or guilt of your relationship with food. Tune in to what you're doing, become more MINDFUL!!!! it is key !!!
great message!
how and where do i begin?0 -
you have to control the mind to conquer the body.0
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In my professional opinion, first you have to get over the fact that you believe that you'll NEVER get there. That's all I read. That answers all your "why" questions. Till you actually believe you CAN get there, you'll keep doing the same things over and over again like a broken record.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
you have to control the mind to conquer the body.
this would make a great mantra!
thanks!0 -
No sense comparing yourself to anyone else, about this, or anything else - they've got their business, and you've got yours
I have limited knoweldge about that surgery, but it seems there are lots of complications, it doesn't work so well all the time. It seems very aggressive.
What's good about non-surgical weight loss is this: the point isn't really about the weight loss. It's easy to lose weight, people do it all the time. And gain it back. From my POV now, I see the weight loss process as training for maintenance. There's so much important learning in it. About more than weight, too.
People say they just got up and did it, and sure they might have wanted to for a while, but a lot of times, people are kickstarted into losing weight by something external to them. Often, it's losses and risks - divorce, job loss, a health scare that timed itself maybe with something else.
If you don't have that kind of magic 'window', what you can do is get a little obsessed about the process. That is most likely to happen when you hook into something you're motivated to do. Find an activity you like - anything. Start there, make it easy to stick with, and you may find yourself branching into nutrition, just because you feel good.0 -
In my professional opinion, first you have to get over the fact that you believe that you'll NEVER get there. That's all I read. That answers all your "why" questions. Till you actually believe you CAN get there, you'll keep doing the same things over and over again like a broken record.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Yeah there's a book on this - I haven't read it, but it's supposed to be great for helping people accept that hey, they can change: Carol Dweck, Mindset.0 -
You have to believe you can do it. Scour the internet for success stories, Check out Divaslimsdown's YouTube site. She lost an incredible amount of weight all on her own.
My half sister got the lap band, lost a lot of weight then gained most of it back. She thought it would be a magic bullet but it isn't. Her relationship with food never changed and she's never exercised a day in her life. I've known several folks who had the really invasive gastric bypasses who've had them fail. Look at Carnie Wilson.0 -
Set smaller achievable goals. As you reach each goal build in a small reward. Maybe something new to wear.
Then re set your goal another small step, another reward. You will soon soon start to feel you are in control. Good luck!0 -
Make sure you are not the only one sabotaging your attempts. Is there anyone else in your life that encourages your bad habits?
Ultimately, no matter what anyone says, the choices are yours. You need to empower YOU. You need to believe that YOU can do it. Whatever you do is because you want to do it, for some reason or another.
What do YOU want most? Not what anyone else wants, or what you think you want, what do YOU want? And why? Why do you want to keep going, lose the weight? Figure out WHY and believe in it. Write it down, repeat it, read it out loud, write a blog about WHY. All YOU need to do, is figure out WHY you want to lose the weight, come up with a HOW, and when YOU are struggling, remember WHY you want to do this in the first place. Go back and read your WHY. Stop at just a small treat. Tell yourself WHY a small treat is enough and WHY its worthwhile to continue in the slowest days.
Often, right before we lose our grip, if we keep holding on, we have the best time of our lives.0 -
Right, On the risk of sounding like TV preacher:
You have beed given most magnificent machine. That **** is fascinating. how it works, how it powers itself, how it heals itself how extreemly usefull it is. it is , by far, the most perfect of tools you have ever handled. Your body is amazing mean machine with insane potencial.
And you have been given super power. You have your mind, your free will . And it might not feel like it often, but trust me, once you set your clear goals ahead and decide to stick to them you will see whatta badass power it is. Its just matter of execution of initial steps.
You own /the/ meanest machine of all and you are in control of it. You can do nearly everything if you choose to do so. And if by taking the control you also take good care of that magnificent thing your body is?Well, thats a win-win, no?
Anyhow, to pipe myself down:
-make sure you are doing this for yourself, not to please others. If you are happy with yourself now and dont feel need for a change then you wont change anything because you are where you want to be. And that is great , everyone else can srsly go and piss off. You stay happy. If not, and the weight loss plan is what YOU want:
-set small goals, i rather advice measurements over scale, cos weight itself is very fluctuant,
-award yourself with small things once the goals are reached. NOT FOOD, things that will stay around: , books, clothes,fitness gear or gadgets. something that will remind you of victory.
-one slip from the wagon is NOT a reason to return to all old habbits. Its just a small slip during grand adventure.
if you over eat : try to burn out the calories , if not , drink lotsa water and just continue eating healthy like nothin happened. Avoid scale for 2-3 days after that tho. Dont feel guilty and down. It's not the end of the world and next time you wont do it, right?
-remember the main reason you should be doing this. TO BE HEALTHY. Having healthy body will quite often heal your mind if you need that. Excercise and controling your envoirment, by controling what you eat, do wonders for my sick moodswings and it does help in depression recovery from what I nothiced.
-Find an eating plan/workouts you trully enjoy , so it wont be a temporary diet but a lifestyle change.I always thought that having healthy hot body you worked hard for is much better than having hot body , not as healthy, thats been payed for.
-Don't compare your results with others and get depressed cos yours aint that fast. once you start with it, and stick with it you will get there.
-Enjoy the control, the strenght that follows and the ultimate feel of being the baddest of *****es in the world that needed no operation cos baddest *****es do their stuff themselfs and they are magnificent at that.
The power comes from within and its pretty amazing.0 -
thanks to everyone for all the great messages.
believe it or not, i do think i can do it.
i just get frustrated with my past numerous attempts that end in derailment.
i know i can do it, i just need the right tools.0 -
Please keep in mind everything I am about to say. I have to say to myself on a regular basis.
Maybe Try to refocus in that just because you make a poor choice, it is not failing!! So what we all make bad choices focus on the good choices you have made and will continue to make. In that dont think what you are doing is a diet that you can cheat on, or fall off of. Eating is only eating, we choose what to eat and when. Sometimes we make great choices and we fell AWESOME about that. Other times we dont make such good choices, but we did not fail because we WILL NOT GIVE UP!!!
Each day work to make the best choices you can. And believe in yourself that you will be heathier for making the right choices. These heathlier choices do not come with an end, just another day and more choices.
Good Luck!!0 -
thanks.
my mindset seems great based on the advice i'm getting.
i don't consider falling off as failure.
i know as long as i keep coming back, i'm not failing.
but for some reason i just keep falling.
i also don't ever think of myself as a being on a diet, or anything short term - or depriving.
i know if it's to be life long, it has to be realistic and something i can live with forever.
when i slip, i seem to use it as a reason to keep falling into negative behaviors.
it's sort of like allowing myself to continue because i've already made poor choices, so might as well go big or go home.
this is what i mean about not understanding why i do this.
i know what i need to do, the healthiest way to do it, yet i don't stick with it.
i feel great when i eat good healthy food.
but for some messed up reason i keep coming back to the junk.
and when i come back, i hit it pretty hard.
so frustrating.0
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