My letter

Dear me,
I am sorry for allowing you to gain all of this weight. I should have never let it get this far. I know that certain things in your life have taken a toll and allowed for your body to pack the pounds on but, I say enough is enough. I will not give up this weight loss until I have achieved a satisfactory goal. I promise that one day- Your feet won't ache after a long walk. One day, you will not need to stop to rest just from walking a mile. One day, you will be able to run a distance that you will be proud of. One day, you will say "no" to something that you used to love eating and feel ok about your decision. One day, you will see yourself in a different light and be ok with the person that you are. One day, that fake smile that you always have on will no longer need to be fake.
I am also apologizing for not taking the best care of you through out your childhood. You should have never had to go through the horrible teasing that started in 5th grade. No child should ever have to go through that. I apologize for standing at the fridge and piling food in just to lie an hour later in order to get a snack. I am sorry for allowing you to almost reach 300 pounds when you saw "283" on that scale on the 21st of December. That was just sickening. I promise that you will never see that number again and I promise that one day, you will never see any number over 200 on that scale. You deserve a lifetime of happiness and you deserve to be confident because, you ARE beautiful. You may only see fat, loose skin and a whole lot of jiggle when you look in the mirror now but, someday you will look in that mirror and see someone smiling back at you with tears of joy in their eyes.
I know that you look in the mirror and cry some days, I know that you are unhappy about the life that you live daily because of struggles that you are overcoming due to your weight. I know that somedays you just don't want to get out of bed because you fear the dreaded moment of having to look at that fat person in the mirror. I know that when you look into your eyes in that mirror you see your mom- that woman just criticizing you to pieces, tearing you down, abandoning you, choosing drugs over you and telling you that you are "good for nothing". I know that when you look into your eyes you see someone who is depressed, vulnerable, tired, ugly, fat and someone who has a lifelong disease of bipolar disorder that you feel you will never overcome but, you don't need to be afraid anymore. I promise that I will do something about this and some day find myself attractive and worth every thing that I have been handed in my life. I know that right now, you feel like you don't deserve that man that stands beside you with everything that has been thrown your way, I know that you think that little girl deserves someone much more beautiful and healthier to watch her but, you can become that person. You can be stunning, gorgeous, fit and healthy someday. You will never have to look in the mirror and regret anything. I know that looking into your eyes all that you can see is guilt, regret, hatred, anger and especially sadness.
The madness stops now. It's time to face your biggest fear and lose all of that self doubt, put down the cravings, try to overcome everything that you have burned into your brain, learn how to face your past and move forward, be who you are destined to be and not who you have made yourself be. You can do this and I will make sure that everything in your life gets better because of this. I assure you, walking down the street- you will be able to see another girl and not automatically look at Mark thinking that he must be looking at her, I guarantee you that one day you will run after that beautiful girl and laugh just as hard as her knowing that you just kept up with that feisty little red headed sweet heart, I promise that you will look at Mark and think "I really do deserve him" and I promise that one day, you will look in the mirror, into your eyes and think "I love the woman that I am looking at right now" because, I know that right now- you truly don't.
Don't allow this to be the end of the road, allow yourself happiness and peace within yourself. Allow yourself to break down the walls and become mentally and physically happy and healthy! You can do this and you will do this.

Love, you!



Hopefully everyone can write themselves a letter that makes you realize how bad this has truly gotten. You can do this too and you can be happy with yourself Love yourself forever and always!