Why do people ask for help but keep their diary's private?

MonicaT1972
MonicaT1972 Posts: 512
in Health and Weight Loss
Everyone knows it's 80% diet when trying to lose weight, so if you are asking the public for help, it would be a great idea to open up your diary so we can see what you are eating and advise you from there!

Replies

  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,783 Member
    Because I don't want you to tell me I'm not eating enough, or not enough veggies, fruit and lean meats, and I don't want you to tell me I have to get rid of my pork rind and mayonnaise binges. I just want you to tell me to try the 48 hr vinegar/horseradish/spinach juice fast.
  • weightwinner72
    weightwinner72 Posts: 10
    :drinker: completely agree!
  • MonicaT1972
    MonicaT1972 Posts: 512
    If you don't want to know the truth and get successful advice why ask for help in the first place?
  • weightwinner72
    weightwinner72 Posts: 10
    people who ask for help should be open to ideas and not take it as being critical :flowerforyou:
  • weightwinner72
    weightwinner72 Posts: 10
    i like you monica,I am sending a friend request :flowerforyou:
  • aphrodite0727
    aphrodite0727 Posts: 17 Member
    I don't know about everyone else, but for me...the help I need is more supportive....encouragement. I know all I'm supposed to eat and all I'm not. I don't need anyone else telling me where I'm going wrong there....when I have a bad day, I know it. If I think people are going to look at my diary (I think mine is viewable but not sure, I'm not good at logging) I might not be so honest when logging because I don't want to hear someone else telling me what I already know....

    Logging is for my purpose, to be able to look back and see a pattern to maybe be able to identify triggers and such.....which doesn't work for me because I suck at remembering to log. lol
  • tryinghard71
    tryinghard71 Posts: 593
    Because I don't want you to tell me I'm not eating enough, or not enough veggies, fruit and lean meats, and I don't want you to tell me I have to get rid of my pork rind and mayonnaise binges. I just want you to tell me to try the 48 hr vinegar/horseradish/spinach juice fast.

    LOL!!!!!
  • auddii
    auddii Posts: 15,357 Member
    Because I don't want you to tell me I'm not eating enough, or not enough veggies, fruit and lean meats, and I don't want you to tell me I have to get rid of my pork rind and mayonnaise binges. I just want you to tell me to try the 48 hr vinegar/horseradish/spinach juice fast.

    Hahahahaha. Sadly, I think it's true... :cry:
  • fitnfancy80
    fitnfancy80 Posts: 251 Member
    Because they are ashamed at how the are really eating.
  • socajam
    socajam Posts: 2,530 Member
    I always wonder the same question. I really do not have time and patience to deal with them. I would rather invest my time and effort into those people who are serious about losing weight and are genuine about asking for help.
  • krisiepoo
    krisiepoo Posts: 710 Member
    not everyone understands how to or that it's private. it's ok to just let them know it's helpful for us to see their diaries, in a nice way :)

    and thank goodness you all had it figured out 100% when you started here, it's helpful to have so many people know so much right off the bat. What a bunch of nice & perfect people!
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    Everyone knows it's 80% diet when trying to lose weight, so if you are asking the public for help, it would be a great idea to open up your diary so we can see what you are eating and advise you from there!

    My diary is open, but I do not believe weight loss is 80% diet. I think that is where many people go wrong.
  • tuxedord2
    tuxedord2 Posts: 69 Member
    not everyone understands how to or that it's private. it's ok to just let them know it's helpful for us to see their diaries, in a nice way :)

    and thank goodness you all had it figured out 100% when you started here, it's helpful to have so many people know so much right off the bat. What a bunch of nice & perfect people!

    Agreed. Private is the default (for example the OP's diary is private). If someone asks for help you could kindly say, "hey let me take a look at your diet and we'll see what is going on. Go to settings..."

    Not sure everyone is hiding. On the other hand I've kept diary's for years with various "plans," and I've always cheated because of being embarrassed. Yes, I know I was just cheating myself. Having my diet to myself on MFP is the first time I have not cheated. And it's very eye opening to log what you eat the first few days--- which then inspired the change for myself. So people might need the support of others but very much they want to keep their food private. For some, our relationship with food is very, very complicated.

    P.S.- yes mine is private.
  • MonicaT1972
    MonicaT1972 Posts: 512
    I thought I knew what to eat and not eat too....I plateaued for 9 months....then I started working with trainers and took their suggestions and now amazing things are happening.

    Does it actually just come down to wanting results and being willing to accept advice and ctitisicm to get them???
  • ThisGirl2013
    ThisGirl2013 Posts: 220 Member
    I think some people might not realize they have to change it in their settings
    ..and, what everyone else is saying *lol*
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    Maybe they don't know how to make it public, or don't think their diet is really the problem.

    I know I asked for help 3 weeks ago, and I know I was eating pretty healthy (veggies, fruit etc). But I guess I realize now that everyone doesn't have the same notion of what healthy is.
  • 3dogsrunning
    3dogsrunning Posts: 27,167 Member
    I don't know about everyone else, but for me...the help I need is more supportive....encouragement. I know all I'm supposed to eat and all I'm not. I don't need anyone else telling me where I'm going wrong there....when I have a bad day, I know it. If I think people are going to look at my diary (I think mine is viewable but not sure, I'm not good at logging) I might not be so honest when logging because I don't want to hear someone else telling me what I already know....

    Logging is for my purpose, to be able to look back and see a pattern to maybe be able to identify triggers and such.....which doesn't work for me because I suck at remembering to log. lol

    I also keep my own diary private for my own reasons but I think OP means when people specifically ask for help to find out why they aren't losing weight. It's hard to answer without seeing the diary. For example the other day one person said she ate 1400 calories and didn't eat back her exercise calories usually. A quick look at her diary showed a totally different story.
    Even when asked to give help on an open diary I am not usually looking at what they are eating exactly, if its "healthy", I look more at logging. Are they choosing the 50 calorie 16 oz steak (I saw that entry the other day, T-bone steak), whether they log certain condiments and drinks, etc. and how consistently they log, how big their calories burned are, etc.
    Yeah a lot don't realize the difference and that's understandable. Usually my first comment is to open the diary. If they chose not to I move on.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    I don't know about everyone else, but for me...the help I need is more supportive....encouragement. I know all I'm supposed to eat and all I'm not. I don't need anyone else telling me where I'm going wrong there....when I have a bad day, I know it. If I think people are going to look at my diary (I think mine is viewable but not sure, I'm not good at logging) I might not be so honest when logging because I don't want to hear someone else telling me what I already know....

    Logging is for my purpose, to be able to look back and see a pattern to maybe be able to identify triggers and such.....which doesn't work for me because I suck at remembering to log. lol

    Problem is that a lot of people do exactly this...struggle and don't see results...but come on the forums insisting they're doing everything right but not getting the results. They don't have open diaries so all anyone can do is guess and the poster gets very little in the way of meaningful advice.

    My guess is that 9x out of 10 when people don't see the results they're looking for it is because they are cheating themselves and their diary in some fashion. It's kind of pointless to ask for advice when you're cheating yourself but claiming you're doing everything right.

    And I'm not directing this comment to you necessarily...just a lot of people do this.
  • keya729
    keya729 Posts: 166 Member
    Everyone knows it's 80% diet when trying to lose weight, so if you are asking the public for help, it would be a great idea to open up your diary so we can see what you are eating and advise you from there!

    I agree my diet has always been open I'm not ashamed when I screw up and over eat or when I do great and go under my caloric intake all the while eating healthy. If you want everyone to help motivate you keep the diary open so we can see what you're having and help you to realize what can be taken out or modified if it's your favorite and you have to have it.
  • lindsayforlife
    lindsayforlife Posts: 93 Member
    Because it's none of your business?
  • 3dogsrunning
    3dogsrunning Posts: 27,167 Member
    Because it's none of your business?

    When they ask they kind of make it other people's business. OP is talking about situations where someone specifically asks for help, not randomly checking people's diary.
  • nytius
    nytius Posts: 173 Member
    Like some have said, I think alot of people might not know its defaulted to private.

    That being said, you won't last on MFP forums for long with a soft hide (literally). If you are bold enough to ask the whole community about your plateau, you might as well open up the diary too. If your diary doesn't reflect the truth or you know thats where the problem lies...just don't ask publicly, message someone on your friends list instead. Everyone is not kind or even helpful in the world and this is also true here at MFP. Those of you who are helpful to beginners like me, please try to remember that we are not all as familiar with the app as you are and things you see as "obvious" could be less so to the rest of us. That doesn't make us not genuine about wanting the help, just new.
  • BlueObsidian
    BlueObsidian Posts: 297 Member
    Because it's none of your business?

    When they ask they kind of make it other people's business. OP is talking about situations where someone specifically asks for help, not randomly checking people's diary.

    I agree with this completely. I have my diary private, but I'm also not coming onto the forums asking for advice. When someone posts "What am I doing wrong" but gives no information about their eating habits, it's hard to give them useful advice.

    In general, I think keeping a diary open or closed is a very personal decision and really no one else's business. But if you're looking for advice, it's important to give people something to work with so they can help.

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