Spousal Support Support

AmandaMarie916 · March 2013

So I always dieted on and off like alot of people. On Feb 14th of this year I said I gotta do this. My kidney doctor was on me to lose weight and I really didn't want to head towards diabetes. So I told my husband I'm going to start walking everyday. And he was just like ok. So I started walking and then joined my fitness pal to up my weight loss. I got excited with every lb I was losing, and when I needed a way to go, that's great, or keep up the good work when I announced the news to him.. I got nothing. Nothing. I got more support from my 2 year old son that said "Yay mommy you did it". When I joined myfitnesspal I first downloaded the app. I had no idea there was this whole website. So I got excited when I found out about the website and how I could make friends and etc. I got nothing from him. Not one encouraging word.
One night I asked him if he could even tell I was losing weight. He said yea and that I was going to go get all skinny on him and go find someone else. I laughed and told him I didn't want that. I just told him that I didn't want our son to get picked on in school and kids calling his mom "fat". Kids can be cruel. I know. I can save him from that. So then he asks me if I'm trying to be a milf. Urgh. No I just want to be healthy. I want to go on vacation and not shy away from the waterpark or beach because I feel like a blob.
Why can't he just be happy that he's going to have an awesome wife in the outcome. That I'm going to feel so much better about myself and it'll make me a better wife and mom because I won't be so depressed about being overweight.
Is anyone else having any problem like this?

kimosabe1 · March 2013

My husband used to never say anything and then his friends started checking me out and now he doesn't want me to go with him...hahaha....

luckyjuls · March 2013

Congratulations on your dedication!

Don't be intimidated by what your husband is saying. It appears he may have some self esteem issues and your weight loss is bringing those issues out. Has he been cheated on in the past?

I would drop the subject with him and just show how much you love him. With time, I think he'll probably be pleased with the results, if only because losing weight increases the libido, ifyouknowwhati'msayin?

You can get the support here. Like you said, MFP is awesome.

MissKalhan · March 2013

Sounds like hes a little insecure as a whole. Try getting him to join you so then it becomes a bonding experience? That's what I think but I'm single so ya haha

Temple_Fit · March 2013

I also get no support, however, he does treat me to a new wardrobe when my close get to big or he is tired of seeing me in the same workout clothes. MFP and FB are my biggest supporters.

fallonrhea · March 2013

First off, way to go! It's awesome that you're trying to make such a wonderful change in your life.

Why don't you encourage him to work out and eat healthy foods with you? Tell him that you think it would be fun to cook new meals together and go walking together. Who knows, maybe you'll take on new, active hobbies together that you haven't tried before.

My fiance and I are completely and totally in this together. Since we're doing it together it's all about developing a healthy lifestyle that we'll carry on into our future with one another. It's brought a whole new level to our relationship - we've only grown closer since we've started motivating one another to achieve our goals.

If you emphasize that you would love to do these things with him (even if he doesn't have weight to lose) he'll feel more included and see that you're doing this to have a longer, happier, healthier life TOGETHER rather than you trying to run off and be a MILF or whatever the heck he thinks.

Sounds like he has some serious self-esteem issues and could use some exercise triggered endorphins. :flowerforyou:

Calliope610 · March 2013

So I always dieted on and off

^THIS^

If your husband is like my husband, he has seen you start countless diets, etc, and after the initial enthusiasm, you kinda go back to status quo, until the next urge to "diet" kicks in.

I'm not expecting any overt support or comments from my husband until I walk into the bedroom wearing Victoria Secret undies, and he drops his jaw in awe.

Besides, I'm doing this for ME, not him.

JessHealthKick · March 2013

sounds rude for me to say, but he seems like a very selfish and insecure guy. He only thinks of himself - how your weight loss could affect him - not how it will boost your ego and health, not how it will help you be a more active mother.

The selfishness of Western culture never ceases to amaze me. I hope he can pull his head in and realise he is being unkind and alter his way of thinking a little. I couldn't personally deal with someone like that.

Sorry for the cold reply, but that's how I read this.

AmandaMarie916 · March 2013

Thanks everyone. I wish I could get him to join me. When the weather gets warmer maybe we can go on family walks to the park instead of it just being me and my son all the time. He bought me yoga pants and tops to work out in.
Today really hurt when he said "so what's it going to be next month." and I said what are you talking about. and he goes.. well last month you were trying to craft and the month before you were trying to make candle holders and the month before blankets. And I said nothing and just left for my walk.
I wanted us to join a gym together, but it's hard because we have like no one that lives close to us that can watch our son for a few hours. I dunno. I'll just keep to myself about this until I need my new summer clothes. I'll come on here and talk to you great people and my son keeps me smiling.

AmandaMarie916 · March 2013

So I always dieted on and off

^THIS^

If your husband is like my husband, he has seen you start countless diets, etc, and after the initial enthusiasm, you kinda go back to status quo, until the next urge to "diet" kicks in.

I'm not expecting any overt support or comments from my husband until I walk into the bedroom wearing Victoria Secret undies, and he drops his jaw in awe.

Besides, I'm doing this for ME, not him.

AmandaMarie916 · March 2013

I know I've done this on and off so many times, and it mays seem like this will just be another failure, but if I could get his support to push me to keep going I don't think I'd fall behind and give up.

cubbies77 · March 2013

Do you have a Y near you? Many of them have free child care services and parent/child activities.

I'm sorry your husband isn't being supportive. Given your previous response, he may think it's your "project of the month", but give it time. Eventually, he'll see you plan to keep at this for a long time, and he will notice and acknowledge the changes.

When I first started losing weight, my boyfriend was very supportive, but he did joke that I'd get skinny and all these other guys would see the gorgeous person he's seen all along. He really was joking, but I detected a little bit of panic. I know he has low self-esteem, so I've made extra-sure to talk about our future together and how I can't wait to wear lingerie for him, or a hot goth outfit when we go to an industrial concert, things like that.

AmandaMarie916 · March 2013

I use to be thinner before I got pregnant and lazy about getting the extra weight off and then adding on to that weight. So I had nice Victorias Secret slips for bedtime. I stopped wearing them because either they didn't fit or I just was disgusted to see myself get that way. He asks me to wear them once in awhile and I'm like wait until I'm at least back to my prepregnancy weight to put them back on. And he gets like whatever.

DebbieLyn63 · March 2013

I use to be thinner before I got pregnant and lazy about getting the extra weight off and then adding on to that weight. So I had nice Victorias Secret slips for bedtime. I stopped wearing them because either they didn't fit or I just was disgusted to see myself get that way. He asks me to wear them once in awhile and I'm like wait until I'm at least back to my prepregnancy weight to put them back on. And he gets like whatever.

WEAR THEM! He just wants you, not perfect, just you. Don't let your insecurities get in the way of your relationship with him. My hubby loved me and desired me when I was slim and when I was huge. Didn't matter. That is what true love does. He won't notice the extra weight unless you point it out to him.

Calliope610 · March 2013

Opps, sorry, misunderstood your post. Yeah, I agree, he sounds a little bit insecure.

But don't let his lack of support prevent you from doing this, or become an excuse for not succeeding. Remember, this is for YOU, so YOU feel good, so YOU like the way you look and feel, the energy YOU have.

Jackdog89 · March 2013

I use to be thinner before I got pregnant and lazy about getting the extra weight off and then adding on to that weight. So I had nice Victorias Secret slips for bedtime. I stopped wearing them because either they didn't fit or I just was disgusted to see myself get that way. He asks me to wear them once in awhile and I'm like wait until I'm at least back to my prepregnancy weight to put them back on. And he gets like whatever.

WEAR THEM! He just wants you, not perfect, just you. Don't let your insecurities get in the way of your relationship with him. My hubby loved me and desired me when I was slim and when I was huge. Didn't matter. That is what true love does. He won't notice the extra weight unless you point it out to him.

^^ This

Just keep taking care of you, it will all work itself out. So don't get discouraged.

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