I'm not calling it sabotage. It's a food ambush!

Mutant13
Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I don't know how many other experience similar scenarios to this but I need to vent and thought others might do too.

I've been at work all day, my partner had it off. Normally I would cook dinner anyway, because I like to do most of the cooking but my partner insisted on making dinner. He asked me to name a dish and he would make it. I asked for chicken and vegetable soup, worked out an estimate of the calories for it and worked the rest of my day around it.

I tell him several times I'm looking forward to it, eat most of my other calories for the day beforehand at breakfast and at work, and come home to find that he's made something completely different, very high calorie, nowhere in line with my macros and not food I would pick if I were to deviate from my plan, or have a 'cheat'

I hate situations like this because you feel terrible for being annoyed, as someone's gone to trouble for you etc etc, at the same time it feels pretty unfair, because right up to this evening he gave me the impression that he would be making the dish we had discussed so I ate up my calories in line with that.

I don't know. Maybe I'm being a weenie. Maybe he is.

Feel free to share similar tales.

Replies

  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
    It's frustrating.

    I would say it's just one of those instances when you're not in line with your macros for the day.

    Frustrating . . . . but overall not a big deal.
  • cappri
    cappri Posts: 1,089 Member
    Yes that would be annoying since you had planned for the discussed meal and he didn't tell you any different. Of course then you feel guilty for being annoyed because someone else cooked. Coming home from work, being tired and hungry I honestly would probably lose it when presented with this situation. What did you do?
  • sunsnstatheart
    sunsnstatheart Posts: 2,544 Member
    My kid refused to eat her pancakes this morning because I put cherry preserves on them, and I had already eaten mine, but like I "had" to finish her plate, which put me over for the morning. Seven year olds . . .
  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
    My kid refused to eat her pancakes this morning because I put cherry preserves on them, and I had already eaten mine, but like I "had" to finish her plate, which put me over for the morning. Seven year olds . . .

    Boarding school.
  • SweetestLibby
    SweetestLibby Posts: 607 Member
    I keep salad/veggies on hand. I normally make a salad and have a bit of whatever protein was made on top. If it's something like lasagna have a smaller serving and fill the rest with veggies/salad.
  • namitchell04
    namitchell04 Posts: 14
    I REALLY understand what you mean here, not so much the case of a planned meal but the fact my other half returns from every visit to the shop with a selection of junk food to offer me. I really am stuck on wondering if he's genuinely that thick he doesn't understand what I mean when I say 'I'm trying to eat healthily' or if his attempts to sabotage are purely for his amusement !?!?
  • Bunnehface
    Bunnehface Posts: 129 Member
    Almost every day I ask my OH what he would like for his evening meal and give him a list of options. I then eat during the day according to how many calories I have left. He then comes home and says "Oh I've changed my mind, forget the X, I fancy Y now." Makes me want to brain him with a frozen chicken! It's not so bad when the calories are pretty similar, but there are some meals that I'll only allow myself if I bump up my exercise or limit my food during the day! :explode:
  • Mokey41
    Mokey41 Posts: 5,769 Member
    It's called life and realizing that the world doesn't revolve around you and your diet. No one else on the planet is going to be as invested in your food intake as you are and unless they're in the plan with you probably really don't give a fig what your macros for the day are.

    It's not sabotage or probably even anything about you. People do what they want to do, he probably wanted a nice meal that he liked and thought you might enjoy. Eat a smaller portion and move on. The earth won't stop revolving because your macros where a bit off for the day. You're going to lead a very unhappy life if you spend all your time fitting life into the macros that you've st. You do realize that probably 95% of the population wouldn't even know what you were talking about if you told them that?
  • darrensurrey
    darrensurrey Posts: 3,942 Member
    Sounds like a hambush.
  • carlysuzanne85
    carlysuzanne85 Posts: 204 Member
    I would imagine that in his mind it went something like, "If she thinks chicken soup is going to be good just wait until she has X. It's so much better." I'm sure his intentions were good. I know my bf has struggled a bit with understanding how detailed I am with measuring my food and such but he's getting it now. We often cook separate meals or share a protein and have separate sides but I still have to remind him not to douse my protein in oil or butter ("But it tastes better that way" "I know, babe, but I still don't want an extra five hundred calories added to my meal."). I would just be super thankful and gracious about the meal, get over having one day off on your calories and macros, then very kindly explain that though the meal was wonderful and you're so thankful for his time and effort in making it, here is the reason you wanted to plan in advance and ask him to warn you if he wants to deviate from the plan in the future.
  • yellowsnowdrop
    yellowsnowdrop Posts: 154 Member
    People just have the best of intentions and probably the meal was his way of showing how much he loves you, good food with people you love =:smile:
    This road to healthy eating we've all chosen is full of potholes, pick yourself up out of your current pothole and just move on.
  • majope
    majope Posts: 1,325 Member
    If I came home and my husband had cooked anything for me, I would give him a big kiss and dig in. Win-win: if he didn't cook something wonderful just to be cruel, I wouldn't be hurting his feelings. And if somehow he did do it as deliberate ambush, he wouldn't be getting the pouting and whining he was expecting, so he wouldn't do it again.

    As far as my diet? I would figure it was one meal. No biggie.
  • stumpycow
    stumpycow Posts: 94 Member
    If this was a one-time thing, he probably didn't do it on purpose, Just explain that you need to know if he's cooking something different so you can eat healthy all day then proceed to dig into the meal he lovingly prepared. However, if it's happened several times and you've talked about it, I'd scream ambush. In that case, ignore his feelings and eat what you want.
    I REALLY understand what you mean here, not so much the case of a planned meal but the fact my other half returns from every visit to the shop with a selection of junk food to offer me. I really am stuck on wondering if he's genuinely that thick he doesn't understand what I mean when I say 'I'm trying to eat healthily' or if his attempts to sabotage are purely for his amusement !?!?

    This is my husband too! :mad:
  • KassLamb
    KassLamb Posts: 98 Member
    My food plans get thrown off all the time for one reason or another. Either I forget an ingredient, too tired to cook (read lazy), SO wants something else, or people want to meet up at a restaurant. I've learned how to handle it.
    Step 1: I set my calorie goal to 1200
    Step 2: I eat whatever the heck I want whenever the opportunity presents itself.

    This way, I still eat at a deficit because I'm trying to shoot for somewhere somewhat close to my calorie goal.If I work out that day, I usually come really close to the goal. If I don't work out, I always go over by at least a couple hundred. I'm ok with that. It's still a deficit, and I'm still losing weight.

    We have better things to do than obsess over food. Like maybe actually enjoying food!
  • neanderthin
    neanderthin Posts: 10,268 Member
    If my wife requested soup for dinner I would have probably done something similar....like cook a meal.
  • mjbell642
    mjbell642 Posts: 229 Member
    Just appreciate the efforts he put out making the meal. Eat a smaller portion. You look like youv'e done a great job so far, so one night here and there is not going to be a big deal.

    My hubby does it all the time. But his idea of making supper is something he can pull out of the freezer and plop on a tray and in the oven. So beer battered fish doesn't really fit, but I'll eat it.
  • musycnlyrics
    musycnlyrics Posts: 323 Member
    Hubby loves to bring me food. We are greedies and we love to pig out together...
    the problem is that i gained like crazy and he stayed sexy...When i told him i would be changing my eating habits and wouldnt be joining him in midnight food fests anymore, he pouted and said "I'm losing my eating buddy? no fair!"
    When he cooks, he always sets aside a plain version for me: no salt, no oil, no butter and lets me season it to taste

    About once a month, we schedule a dinner where I will eat with him. I budget the calories by adjusting mine for the week to accomodate this "cheat" day and he enjoys having me "diet free" for the night.

    When all else fails, I keep progresso light soup and fiber rich cereals on hand so that if dinner is somehow not in my budget, I can opt for one of those. Or I just eat it. One day won't throw me off and i adjust my portions to fit somehow into my cals.

    Im sure he doesnt do this on purpose, but communication is key; tell him to let you know about last minute changes so that you arent surprised.
  • SparklySarah412
    SparklySarah412 Posts: 74 Member
    Sounds just like my husband too. I rarely let him cook because it takes him ages, he makes a huge mess in the kitchen for me to clean up and he adds unnecessary calories like cheese or butter etc to otherwise healthy dishes. He also has this weird thing where he likes to season my food for me (you know, like things you'd normally put on yourself to taste, salt, pepper, ketchup, salad dressing etc..and its never to my liking lol)
  • Derpes
    Derpes Posts: 2,033 Member
    You had a verbal contract!
  • vicrandom
    vicrandom Posts: 80 Member
    If my wife requested soup for dinner I would have probably done something similar....like cook a meal.


    SOUP SHAMING
  • weese17
    weese17 Posts: 236 Member
    For this reason, I am incredibly thankful that my husband and I both track our calories on MFP. Doing it alone would be immensely difficult.
  • leantool
    leantool Posts: 365 Member
    when my husband makes plan to cook or take me to a restaurant, i usually save 800 cals for that, any excesses are balanced next day. it's his idea of showing love, if your cals remain unused, you can always toss up some salad or cheese as a late snack. men do this things to impress and they hardly know it is hurting, and be sure if you not let him do it, he will be grumpy bear!!:laugh:
  • jennagoogles13
    jennagoogles13 Posts: 266
    I can definitely relate to what you're going through. I come from a family where my grandma is always making these homecooked, high calorie, super cheesy Mexican meals, and I feel guilty having to deny her when she offers me food! But in some situations, such as a loved one spending a long time preparing something for you, I think we have to tough it out, and just eat a small portion, and just accept that we are going to go over in calories for the day.
  • binknbaby
    binknbaby Posts: 207 Member
    Sounds frustrating. I'd definitely talk to him clearly about it, but not in the heat of the moment. If that happens, I'd just eat a smaller portion of what he made, plus a salad to help fill me up, then do a little more in my workout. And once I've done the workout and have all those frustrations turned into sweat, speak calmly and explain to him why you had requested that particular meal, how it affected the rest of the day, and how while you do completely appreciate the effort he made, you would appreciate it even more if he had listened to what you actually needed. Then maybe make a plan for you to have splurge meal, so he can have the joy of making something special and yummy for you, and you can plan for it (lower cals the rest of the day, extra workout, etc).

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