Disappointed.

forgottentomorrows
forgottentomorrows Posts: 4
in Motivation and Support
I started trying to lose weight about 6 months ago, and I've been pretty successful. In that time I have lost 30 pounds. I thought once I lost ten I would be happy, and at first I was. Then I thought maybe at 20 I would be happy, but I still wasn't. I've now lost thirty pounds and I think I was happier before I started. It's like no matter how much I lose, its not enough. I almost feel like I look bigger than I did before, but I know that's not possible. I can't tell I've lost weight at all. Any advice?

Replies

  • anaquay
    anaquay Posts: 150 Member
    You look fine in your profile pic so why not get out some old photos and compare them to how you look now and maybe concentrate less on the scales and more on how your clothes fit. If you're only dieting and not getting fitter, why not try some exercise to firm yourself up?
  • sabina2905
    sabina2905 Posts: 10
    Sometimes your mind can play tricks on you. Do you have any 'before' and 'after' photos to compare? Did you have to buy new clothes because the old ones were hanging loose? 30 pounds is a lot of weight, but I suspect your unhappiness is rooted elsewhere and you are trying to make yourself happy by losing weight. You need to find the real cause of your unhappiness and make changes to resolve whatever the underlying issue is. Once you have done that, you will find that new happiness will spill over into other areas of your life. I wish you all the best.
  • 1CheakyC
    1CheakyC Posts: 46 Member
    Congratulations on the 30lb weight loss. Have you tried measuring yourself?
  • forgottentomorrows
    forgottentomorrows Posts: 4
    My clothes are getting loose, but I've never really liked having pictured with my body showing, so I avoided having them taken. And the ones that were I deleted. :/
  • nel0311
    nel0311 Posts: 248
    This happened to me. I have a hard time seeing what others so and this is normal. Get an old picture of yourself and hang it on the mirror so you know where you started and keep working on yourself until you are happy (with limits, dont get dangerous).
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
    Maybe you're expecting too much from just weight loss. Losing 10, 20 or 30 lbs won't magically make you "happy". You're still you, your life is still the same, you have the same problems that you ever did. But if you feel like you've got body dysmorphia or are slipping into anorexia or whatever, seek professional help.
  • forgottentomorrows
    forgottentomorrows Posts: 4
    Thank you, my clothes are getting lose, but I still had old stuff in my closet, I've only went down one size. As for being happy I've always struggled with depression, but this is just more like I'm unsatisfied.
  • forgottentomorrows
    forgottentomorrows Posts: 4
    Thank you! And no, I haven't tried that actually.
  • servilia
    servilia Posts: 3,452 Member
    I think you look great! But I know what you mean about it not sinking in.
  • idream2bgwen
    idream2bgwen Posts: 424 Member
    I know that our mind sees things differently than they really are. Don't be too hard on yourself. If your family has an old pic of you, get a copy. Look at you then and now. How do you feel now? Healthier? More energy? Be proud of yourself. Your weight loss is amazing. Hold your head up high. If you have dealt with depression, maybe make an appt to see your doctor. I have dealt with depression for years and finding something that helps is a big deal. Try to look at how your clothes feel, how much stronger you feel, etc. and just go with it. What you have done is amazing and more than some people can do. :flowerforyou:
  • zumbalinda22
    zumbalinda22 Posts: 182 Member
    First of all, thirty pounds in 6 months is quite an accomplishment - congratulations! On another note, let me start by saying that I'm not trying to "mind your business," and I am not professionally qualified to give advice: this just comes from my personal experience. I agree with Sabina2905 and eld2310; I think it could be possible there are other issues you need to face in order to feel happy. It's true- losing weight doesn't magically make you happier. Yes, it's great, it's good for your health, etc., but I've been in your shoes, thinking that "well, if I just lose 20 pounds my life will be great," and although the weight loss was nice, it wasn't enough. In fact, sometimes being overly focused on weight can be a way of avoiding dealing with other things. Again, this is just my opinion. I've definitely been there, and I was anorexic around the time I was your age, so if there really is a big disconnect between how you look and how you see yourself, if you really feel it's "never enough weight lost," you really should seek some help with that. I have a daughter around your age, and I would give her the same advice. Again, sorry if it sounds like I'm "sermonizing." I really wish all the best to you. I saw a little piece of myself in your post, and I feel for you.
  • becky6m
    becky6m Posts: 108 Member
    I know exactly how you feel. I am healthy so why do I want to lose more??? Frustrating. I have NO advice. But, I just wanted you to know you are not alone.
  • ConnorLynne65
    ConnorLynne65 Posts: 91 Member
    Have you ever looked into Body Dysmorphic Disorder? It is a perceptual disease that causes you to view yourself unrealistically. It is an emotional and mental disorder that can be treated through self awareness, support groups and therapy. It usually comes with a side order of self loathing, if you have ever suffered from feeling like you hate yourself or wished you were someone else, this could be something you need to look into. Do a little research, you might find some helpful answers.
  • JJordon
    JJordon Posts: 857 Member
    Outside of dieting, are you exercising? Trying to put on a little muscle? Muscle will make you look slender and powerful.
  • kistockman
    kistockman Posts: 80 Member
    Thank you, my clothes are getting lose, but I still had old stuff in my closet, I've only went down one size. As for being happy I've always struggled with depression, but this is just more like I'm unsatisfied.

    I found that the best part about losing weight is the need to buy new clothes. (The past 2 summers have begun with my swimsuit too big!) Also, if I keep older (bigger) clothes in my closet, I will wear them. they will feel loose and even comfortable, but then I'll grow right back into them.

    Maybe a new article of clothing will help you really recognize your accomplishment.
  • Cbefitforlife
    Cbefitforlife Posts: 83 Member
    I agree with JJordon...do lots of lunges and squats...that burns more fat. The more muscle you use the better. Try JIllian MIcheals video that has exercises where you use a 3lb. weight with lunges and squats at same time. I do 1 6min. segment and add it to cardio. IN 6 min. ou will sweat...i kid you not! NO more trouble zones. I dont' reccomend to do whole thing in one day...you wont' be able to move! lol! Just do 1 6min. a long with warm up which is about 2-3 min. Do one everyday with your cardio.
  • SeahorseDolphin
    SeahorseDolphin Posts: 131
    I find that the more weight I lose, the more critical I am of my body. Maybe it's finally seeing myself after years of denial.
  • thatonepersonfromtheinternet
    thatonepersonfromtheinternet Posts: 136 Member
    I have the exact same problem as you.
    The only recommendations I can pass on that have worked for me are to stop the criticisms on your body and try to find something positive, base weight-loss on measurements, and focus less on your weight. The assumption that weightloss will automatically make you happy is a false one, and belief in it only causes unneeded stress. Seeing yourself as bigger than you actually are is normal for significant weightloss like yours, but remember that you have lost weight, and the image in the mirror is caused by your brain still being rewired to this rapid change (I could go into the science of this, but I'm keeping things short). Again, focus less on that. Measurement and how your clothes fit are the best for telling your progress because they tell of your past size. Going by the image you see in the mirror may cause self-hate and stress over food, excessive working out, etc because of the thought that you might not be losing weight at all. This is just your mind playing tricks on you. Try positive reinforcements; like you I've always struggled with depression, but reminding myself that though I have a bit to go, I made a lot of progress is a bit uplifting.
    And remember that if this gets worse or continues, talk to your doctor/therapist/psychologist/etc because it might be BDD or progress into and eating disorder.
    EDIT: Getting used to your new body takes time, but I promise you that you will notice it. I didn't start really accepting my body until a few days ago, and that was after 10-ish months and 40lbs lost. Body acceptance comes (granted, with time), but it makes you feel really great.
  • EDesq
    EDesq Posts: 1,527 Member
    I started trying to lose weight about 6 months ago, and I've been pretty successful. In that time I have lost 30 pounds. I thought once I lost ten I would be happy, and at first I was. Then I thought maybe at 20 I would be happy, but I still wasn't. I've now lost thirty pounds and I think I was happier before I started. It's like no matter how much I lose, its not enough. I almost feel like I look bigger than I did before, but I know that's not possible. I can't tell I've lost weight at all. Any advice?


    BABY!!! Your problem is NOT weight. Many people think that if they "Fix" ONE thing in their Life, they will be happy. LIFE don't work like that. OK, look, KEEP yourself in GOOD HEALTH, That IS Job 1. Never forget that, GOOD HEALTH can not be replaced. So NOW that you have the first thing first (and I hope that by losing weight your Health has also improved!) NOW the REAL WORK begins...Fixin YOU...examine YOU,start working on the problem areas...TRUST ME, THIS take a Lifetime. But always remember to Keep Health First.


    It is strange, I was sitting here and saying to Myself, "GOD, I am so happy and at peace!!!" And I am not yet to My goal weight and in some pain from arthritis (temporary). But I just have to "drink in" the joy that I have...but I have to say that I have been CONSCIOUSLY working on Me for over 20 years, and still am. The peace, joy, happiness, self confidence...I am AMAZING in My down to earth way.
  • Erikalynne18
    Erikalynne18 Posts: 558 Member
    it's takes your mind a while to catch up to your body in terms of weight loss, we are often our worst critics! I agree that progress pics are definately a way to stay on track and see your progress. I have a folder on my desktop with progress pics that I look at on days my mind thinks there are no changes. If you don't have before pics, maybe try to find some from friends? You said you deleted any full body shots, was that from your camera? or from facebook? Cause if it was from facebook then maybe those pics still exist in some of your friend's images :)

    Although it can be hard to look at those old pics, it could help to see how much your body HAS changed! :) Best of luck, and congrats on the 30 lbs girl!!
  • carlysuzanne85
    carlysuzanne85 Posts: 204 Member
    Sometimes your mind can play tricks on you. Do you have any 'before' and 'after' photos to compare? Did you have to buy new clothes because the old ones were hanging loose? 30 pounds is a lot of weight, but I suspect your unhappiness is rooted elsewhere and you are trying to make yourself happy by losing weight. You need to find the real cause of your unhappiness and make changes to resolve whatever the underlying issue is. Once you have done that, you will find that new happiness will spill over into other areas of your life. I wish you all the best.

    This times a hundred.
  • VickyO1977
    VickyO1977 Posts: 156 Member
    It's called dysmorphia and is common, it may take time for your mind to catch up it will though and you should accept you have done great and look fab well done
  • Sweets1954
    Sweets1954 Posts: 507 Member
    You can't base your happiness on your weight or your appearance. It sounds like there is something else going on that has nothing to do with your weight. You might try talking to someone you trust, a cleric, or get counseling to find out what it is that is making you unhappy. You cannot continue to lose weight forever.
  • taylorwaylor
    taylorwaylor Posts: 417 Member
    I had the same issue... but then i started strength training! I am soooo glad i started..
  • Arianna52
    Arianna52 Posts: 36 Member
    Sometimes we are depressed because of other non-weight related causes, have you considered menopause?, Your Dr. may be able to determine that. Also, look at the people around you...they may be giving you lots of negativity and you might not know it.
  • Weebs628
    Weebs628 Posts: 574 Member
    I occasionally feel the same way. When I do, I put a measuring tape around my waist where I started and see how I'm much smaller. I can run faster, jump higher, I sleep better. Try focusing on the other positives to becoming healthy.

    Also, try strength training to give your body more shape!
  • VogtAndrea
    VogtAndrea Posts: 236
    You can't base your happiness on your weight or your appearance. It sounds like there is something else going on that has nothing to do with your weight. You might try talking to someone you trust, a cleric, or get counseling to find out what it is that is making you unhappy. You cannot continue to lose weight forever.
  • VogtAndrea
    VogtAndrea Posts: 236
    I heartily agree with you there.. I'm 1/3 of the way to where I want to be and plateaued for many reasons. Not the least of the reasons was a respiratory infection that wouldn't quit or get better in spite of 3 rounds of antibiotics. The depression that went with it left me spiralling the wrong way.
    It dawned on me that I wasn't happy for other reasons. Now I'm working on both things. You need to be happy with who you are period. I intend to keep working at my goal but it no longer is "what's going to make me happy". I truly hope that can be the same for you.
    You might want to talk with someone non-judgmental and who helps counsel people all the time. There's no stigma in doing that and you might come out of it with a more profound knowledge about who you are, what you want, and what it will take for you to be happy at any weight.
  • danasings
    danasings Posts: 8,218 Member
    Sometimes we are depressed because of other non-weight related causes, have you considered menopause?, Your Dr. may be able to determine that. Also, look at the people around you...they may be giving you lots of negativity and you might not know it.

    She's 19, so menopause would be unlikely...

    OP, I think it's fairly common for women because we are so hard on ourselves to not see improvements. I agree with those suggesting body dismorphia could be the issue here. Best of luck to you :smile:
  • loriepaulin
    loriepaulin Posts: 88 Member
    I know the feeling. I today had to put up a before and after collage and see where I started. I feel so much better after seeing it...you should try that.

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