Low self esteem/Comparing myself to others

I'm in the same boat as you. When i look around and see petite girls I just start feeling pretty crappy about myself. The only thing I think can help is to feel better about myself - which means losing more weight. And you're right, everyone thinks you can just shut these self sabotaging thoughts off, but their not like a light switch. So what I've found is helping is that the minute these thoughts start creeping in like "that girl is so small and thin, and I'm so gross and fat..." I finish it with something positive, like "that girl is so small and thin, and i'm so gross and fat...but I do have cute face and I WILL be smaller." I usually continue it with saying something else like - "I WILL, one day at a time. I WILL.".

It's a small little changes that are helping me feel better about myself. Keep strong, I know it's hard - but you can do it.

It might me time to talk to your medical doctor, to see if your depression has a medical cause, or, perhaps, to give an anti-depressant a try. Obesity may be taxing your body in a way that is creating hormonal changes, hence the low moods. But, that is a discussion between you and your doctor.

Hi Hayley,

I think that many of us, at times, have compared other people's "outside persona" to ourselves, but we have to realize that everyone has struggles and what you see from someone else may not reflect their struggles and challenges because it's just their outside face. So it's kind of like comparing apples and oranges. We all have challenges of some sort and we grow when we experience and tackle them. Maybe you can try focusing on the things that you like about yourself and how special these things are and this will make you feel better? I think about why I allow myself to gain weight after working so hard to lose it, it's really illogical and I could really be tempted to look at my friends who don't struggle with weight and feel worse about myself, but I know that they struggle with other things, not that I wish struggling on anyone, but no one's life is perfect. I'm not a bad person for having the weight issue, I'm just not perfect just like everyone else, but this is my challenge to overcome and I'll keep trying until I do. Don't be so hard on yourself, I'm sure you have a lot to be proud of. You are young and have a whole life ahead that can be really fabulous, just love yourself! BTW - great job on going from 305 to 213, that is something to be proud of, even if you've struggled maintaining, it's still an accomplishment and shows that you can do it and you're on your way with this last 21. Life is really a journey and continual process of learning and growing. I hope I've helped a little.

Susan

I have the same thing.

I just place myself around complete degenerates this way I feel better about myself.

Hope this helps.

I really understand this. I struggle with this often and I can tell you that while losing weight will help some, it doesn't solve this problem. This is a problem of self worthiness, like somehow if you have what the other person has you would be better. Truth is the grass isn't greener on the other side. I am a 39 yo christian woman, heavily involved in ministry, and a few years ago I lost 85 lbs and ended up gaining back 40 that I am fighting to lose again. In my younger years I struggled more with this, but I also didn't have the relationship that I have with God now. I also did not know my purpose and that has changed. I know my strengths, my abilities, and how I affect others but it has only happened in the last 5 years. However I do struggle at times, especially when I am not feeling my best. So the tips I have to offer are; grow in your relationship with God (spend time with Him), allow God to show you who you really are and how He sees you, get prayer (Healing Rooms Ministry is a perfect place for this-look them up on the internet to see if there is one near you), right down a list of your strengths, the things you are good at, what you like about yourself and review it often until those thoughts are solid and you can fight off the negative thoughts with truth (really those thoughts come from the enemy to tear you down, if he can keep you feeling low you won't feel confident to do what God has called you to do), focus on positive activities especially things you do well, consider training for a completing an event or activity that stretches you-it will build confidence. (Last year God lead me to do a 60 mile walk, it was very hard and required lots of training to prepare but it changed me and how I see myself forever.) When you tackle something that big, I can guarentee you begin to feel like you have nothing to prove to anyone, even yourself. (Just to let you know there were people of all sizes that did the walk at all different speeds, it was very inspiring.) Maybe your event wouldn't be a walk, but it should be something that is challenging. I want you to know little sister, that you are more amazing than you know. You are a woman to be loved and admired and your Father ADORES YOU!

As far as body image and looks go - if everyone around you looks the same, and you're different, it's really hard not to compare yourself. Find the beauty in your look. If you feel that's too hard, take inspiration from celebrities who are working with the same raw material and look amazing (maybe they have similar features or body type - they have stylists who know how to display them to their best advantage).

What I have found is that most people can not understand that the vicissitudes of Life...just Living is an ebb and flow, up and down. For some reason "WE" have been fed a LOT of CRAP about things being "right" is the norm. And we are further "preyed" upon by religion that says, " you are Blessed when you have THINGS that you desire" and further fed mess by "motivational speakers" who tell us "just be positive" and we will have the Life of our dreams. ALMOST no one tells us, "This **** (Life) IS hard, but it DOES get better when you begin to understand that EVERYONE has a Different Journey that is Unique unto them". And that just like getting from arithmetic to calculus you MUST take it (life) one step at a time, and if you do not LEARN from the previous step, you will have to go back and repeat it UNTIL you get it RIGHT before you can move forward. Thing is, in math you can see your mistakes, Life is different, many things can cloud our "lens" AND some of us have hard heads.

Most people usually figure this stuff out around 50+ yrs old, don't let ANYONE fool ya, we all just fumble in the dark, hittin and missin, until we stumble on something that works...then if we have any sense we will ride that out for as long as it works; then stumble onto something else. After a while "we" begin to see something (in our mind's eye) and feel we have more control...OH YEAH, it was some of the OLD **** that we screwed up before, NOW in a different form...so we just kick it outta the way, cause we LEARNED that lesson. So around 50 ish Life gets easier. So the good part and the Happy ending is if you allow yourself to Live, Learn, Love, Experience...you will probably eventually be Happy, Consistently, and at peace with who you are and the Journey that was placed In YOU. YEAH, it does get Better...MUCH Better, in fact Down Right Wonderful! And this is coming from a person who just missed a Certified Letter because I was too lazy to check my mailbox for 3 weeks...I don't owe anyone money and I'm not in debt, so I hope it wasn't a big ol' check from somewhere! Lesson learned! but what is for Me will NOT pass Me by...another Lesson I Learned!

Hey honey, this is s a tough subject, but i know EXACTLY where you are coming from. I compare myself to other girls daily, but i have FORCED myself to take that negative self image and make it positive. When i see a gorgeous gal, i look at the features the i like of hers, and just kinda of summarize how i could get there, such a belly, thighs, arms.... you know, specific workouts for specific assets.

before i had my daughter i was just a skinny gal, i was young, never worried about my weight, but after i had her i was about 240, and when i started this site i was still in the 160s.

i will never stop comparing myself to other women, all women will compare themselves to one another (even subconsciously) until the end of time, because we are women. try to make those women you envy, your goals.... it makes it like a challenge, and challenges CAN be concurred, its just going to take time. With every pound you lose you get closer, and just remember to remind yourself every day, that there is someone who is looking at YOU and comparing themselves to YOU and is making you THEIR GOAL.

I hope i helped.... its all about psychology. =] you just have to make is as positive as you can but keep it realistic.