The friend who NEVER follows through..........

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Replies

  • SAGR2
    SAGR2 Posts: 43 Member
    I understand that it is frustrating,but I know that I started several times and stopped before really getting down to it, and it was my hisband's support that helped me finally to stick with it. So maybe in the end it will stick with your friend and all your hard work will have been part of the progress towards that sticking point.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,990 Member
    On my way to go train her now. See ya later.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Ok well if you happen to ck ur phone before the meeting....have you ever heard of "planting the seeds". although the yoda quote would be excellent for her, i'll share the seeds for you, it's used a lot in DV when trying to get a woman to see her reality and take a step in the right direction. Their heels are dug in quite firmly. As a leader of said changes you kind of have to accept that the person is almost on a path before the path. and that most of what you say or instruct with people of a certain type will not yield immediate action or even acceptance no matter how life saving or important it might be. so you accept that the best your words can serve as is seeds that are being planted in their psyche and you hope they will receive enough nurturance from either you or whoevere else might be in their lives until these words ideas motivations grow into a plant/tree/flower too strong to ignore anymore and necessitate action. we may not be there to see it happen. but we hope it will happen and that our words made an impact somewhere along the line to making the decision and taking the appropritate action. in the case of your "friend/client" the action would be sticking with it whenever whatever obstacle holds her back appears. tailor your words, quotes, instructions to that moment. maybe this is the year she learns to follow thru. thanks to you.

    I did not ignore everyones concern that u vent about a client. i think it's her simultaneous friend status that makes it more frustrating for you and so highlighted that part in my coming up with a response that might help YOU feel better in helping her.

    help-me-help-you.jpg
    help_me_help_you1.jpg
  • lhgalant
    lhgalant Posts: 101 Member
    sounds like we all have friends like that =) and sometimes we just have to let our frustrations out & move on. you can lead a horse to water, but.....
  • __Karl__
    __Karl__ Posts: 45 Member
    Brother, if you can't share on THIS site with this community without fear of (trolls?) commenting where can you comment? :happy:

    And, yes, i have a good friend that matches that description. We can only hope your client does hold YOU accountable if she does meet her target goals. :sad:

    She is your client, but you can't make her commit.

    MBK
  • __Karl__
    __Karl__ Posts: 45 Member
    Wow, I don't recall him mentioning her by name, but OK. He can't talk shop with colleagues and like-minded folks?
  • jenidominga
    jenidominga Posts: 4 Member

    So today I got an email from a friend who always starts with me for a couple of weeks with the best intentions, stays on course for 2 weeks, then bam....................gone. This has been several occasions and it always ends up the same....

    Don't be a "gonna doer" or "wanna doer". Be the DOER.

    I feel like this is a good parallel for unhealthy food.
    I've always felt like food was my friend and would be there when everything else failed me...and the truth is, food can be a good friend, if WE are the ones to take initiative and choose GOOD food, or in this example, good friends.
    Food can be the friend that always brings us down, makes us feel bad about ourselves and never follows through...
    or it can be the friend that energizes us and helps us feel good...always following through with energy and love!

    Just some thoughts! <3
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,990 Member
    Ok well if you happen to ck ur phone before the meeting....have you ever heard of "planting the seeds". although the yoda quote would be excellent for her, i'll share the seeds for you, it's used a lot in DV when trying to get a woman to see her reality and take a step in the right direction. Their heels are dug in quite firmly. As a leader of said changes you kind of have to accept that the person is almost on a path before the path. and that most of what you say or instruct with people of a certain type will not yield immediate action or even acceptance no matter how life saving or important it might be. so you accept that the best your words can serve as is seeds that are being planted in their psyche and you hope they will receive enough nurturance from either you or whoevere else might be in their lives until these words ideas motivations grow into a plant/tree/flower too strong to ignore anymore and necessitate action. we may not be there to see it happen. but we hope it will happen and that our words made an impact somewhere along the line to making the decision and taking the appropritate action. in the case of your "friend/client" the action would be sticking with it whenever whatever obstacle holds her back appears. tailor your words, quotes, instructions to that moment. maybe this is the year she learns to follow thru. thanks to you.

    I did not ignore everyones concern that u vent about a client. i think it's her simultaneous friend status that makes it more frustrating for you and so highlighted that part in my coming up with a response that might help YOU feel better in helping her.

    help-me-help-you.jpg
    help_me_help_you1.jpg
    When I used to do door to door sales, we learned about how to "plant seeds" all the time because lots of our sales were with wives home alone and giving them the confidence to spend money without their husband was tough unless you used some of this technique.
    I personally believe it's just her personality. Even in work or say hobbies she does, she's always just "half in". She kinda sways with the wind if you know what I mean.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
    Is she a friend or a client? If she's a client, at least she is happy with your work and keeps coming back. When she's really ready to commit to her health, she'll stick around.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,990 Member

    So today I got an email from a friend who always starts with me for a couple of weeks with the best intentions, stays on course for 2 weeks, then bam....................gone. This has been several occasions and it always ends up the same....

    Don't be a "gonna doer" or "wanna doer". Be the DOER.

    I feel like this is a good parallel for unhealthy food.
    I've always felt like food was my friend and would be there when everything else failed me...and the truth is, food can be a good friend, if WE are the ones to take initiative and choose GOOD food, or in this example, good friends.
    Food can be the friend that always brings us down, makes us feel bad about ourselves and never follows through...
    or it can be the friend that energizes us and helps us feel good...always following through with energy and love!

    Just some thoughts! <3
    Unfortunately I can't force her to come in. She has to do it on her own. I help and encourage when I'm there. But I can't follow her around.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • ThickMcRunFast
    ThickMcRunFast Posts: 22,511 Member
    Ugh I have a few friends just like this. The do stupid cleanses and detoxes all the time, complaining that they just can't lose weight. They both ask me why I look so good, but brush off the 'eat food, cardio, strength train' explanation in favor of whatever fad diet is out there right now. I used to be really frustrated by it, now I just sort of shrug it off. All I can do is keep lookin' good and telling them the truth. Eventually they might try it.
  • dontgobacktosleep
    dontgobacktosleep Posts: 144 Member
    Is she a friend or a client? If I was a PT, I'd be trying to get inside her head and help her execute. What does it say about your ability as a motivator and business owner if you become just as flippant as does regarding the goal in question.

    Excite her with your excitement, and don't let me catch you blaming the customer ever again :-)

    That aside, I'm sure her attitude is damn discouraging, demand more or tell her to go elsewhere. The last thing you need as a business owner is someone in mediocre shape telling all your potential referrals what a softey you are!
  • bwcrouch
    bwcrouch Posts: 105 Member
    Easy solution ... make her pre-pay for 12 weeks with no refunds if she doesn't complete the cycle. I worked with a trainer for the first time last summer and that was her policy and it worked for me.
  • HealthyinAZ
    HealthyinAZ Posts: 408 Member
    I absolutely get this. I started this weight loss stuff in November with 6 others and within 3 weeks I was the only one still going strong. I get sick of hearing the excuses of - I just can't be strong enough to say NO to the ice cream... or whatever crappy food they are eating. I'm great motivating people who care, who really hunger for a healthier life - but I've stopped trying to cheerlead for people who don't truly care and then belittle me for the progress I've made.
  • gmallan
    gmallan Posts: 2,099 Member
    Easy solution ... make her pre-pay for 12 weeks with no refunds if she doesn't complete the cycle. I worked with a trainer for the first time last summer and that was her policy and it worked for me.

    I was going to suggest something like this. Find some other way to motivate your friend. I like the idea of locking her in for a set period of time. Maybe you could make a bet with her that she won't stick with it. People tend to stick with things better if there is something on the line (money or be creative)

    I have friends like this too, I just don't have the time to put in to help them the way they need. Getting paid would probably help with that :)
  • randysbombshellgirl
    randysbombshellgirl Posts: 338 Member
    I think we all have people in our lives like this but it's worse for you because you do this for a living. IMO she does not respect you.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,990 Member
    Is she a friend or a client? If I was a PT, I'd be trying to get inside her head and help her execute. What does it say about your ability as a motivator and business owner if you become just as flippant as does regarding the goal in question.

    Excite her with your excitement, and don't let me catch you blaming the customer ever again :-)

    That aside, I'm sure her attitude is damn discouraging, demand more or tell her to go elsewhere. The last thing you need as a business owner is someone in mediocre shape telling all your potential referrals what a softey you are!
    I know it's not me. I have lots of success stories and referrals who'll say that I'm a big reason why they are where they are now. I don't care how good of an inspiring talker someone is, motivation always comes from within. If the person ain't committed, then I could encourage, live in their house, be a personal chef etc. and if she's not with the program, the program won't succeed.
    You ain't gonna get them all. I have people I've failed with and use that experience to learn more.

    She trusts me to train her. She pays me to train her. I'm not her watcher.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,990 Member
    Easy solution ... make her pre-pay for 12 weeks with no refunds if she doesn't complete the cycle. I worked with a trainer for the first time last summer and that was her policy and it worked for me.
    Money isn't an issue for her. I currently have 10 sessions left over from the previous 20 sessions she bought.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • Mustang_Susie
    Mustang_Susie Posts: 7,045 Member
    Or as yoda says, "DO OR DO NOT. There is no trying."

    Great, now I have Yoda's voice stuck in my head...:tongue:

    You can lead a horse to water but can't make them drink.
    I see this with my patients all the time.
    Have a 30 year old diabetic who lost both legs below the knee and he's still non-compliant with his diet and insulin.
    Have a 45 year old who is in hospice care with end-stage liver cirrhosis and still drinks.
    Have another alcoholic with a liver transplant who still drinks.
    He's not only wasting his life but the gift of another who lost their life...:grumble:
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,990 Member
    Easy solution ... make her pre-pay for 12 weeks with no refunds if she doesn't complete the cycle. I worked with a trainer for the first time last summer and that was her policy and it worked for me.

    I was going to suggest something like this. Find some other way to motivate your friend. I like the idea of locking her in for a set period of time. Maybe you could make a bet with her that she won't stick with it. People tend to stick with things better if there is something on the line (money or be creative)

    I have friends like this too, I just don't have the time to put in to help them the way they need. Getting paid would probably help with that :)
    Last year I helped to get her down to her lowest weight and size in years. She did it for a vacation in Hawaii. When she got back, her sister in law continued with me (and is still improving) and she's gained back the weight she lost already and is ready to take another stab because she's going to Italy in a couple of months. And I'll train her because she asked me too. Again, it's not my life and I'd rather see her lose weight with me whether she keeps it off or not, rather than go on some crazy *kitten* diet.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,990 Member
    I think we all have people in our lives like this but it's worse for you because you do this for a living. IMO she does not respect you.
    Actually I think she respects and admires me. I believe she doesn't respect or expect from herself enough.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

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