I need to vent!

Jay_83
Jay_83 Posts: 446
edited September 21 in Motivation and Support
Hello out there! Today's rant is brought to by - my sister in law. I am slightly irritated and I dont think this is something that I can rant to my husband about considering its his sister . . . so read if you really feel the need.

Soooooo I have been on mfp for about a year and a half and I feel that i have done very well. I have lost 30 pounds, on my way to 40, and have ran a half marathon. Such great goals that I am so proud of, until I talk to my sister in law about it. I said to her that I was on mfp and her comment was, "well some people just aren't self motivated".(insert shocked expression here) here she is miss skinny, who doesnt eat and over exercises, tells ME that I am not self motivated. (insert red angry timebomb expression here)
ok, so i let it go b/c she my sister in law, and family and all that jazz
not long after my husband and I ordered chinese food one night, and naturally i got sick. since eating healthy i get totally sick from eating crap food. So i guess i expected it to happen. and honestly we hadnt eatin anything like that in like a year, but i got lazy one night and didnt want to cook supper. Stupid me said something to my sister in law about it, and her response was "Well maybe you should start eating healthier" (enter want to punch her in the face expression here).
ok ok so i calmed down. my husband was bragging to his mom about my half marathon and how well i did and how proud of me he is, and then his mother stopped him in midsentence to tell him how well his sister was doing on her treadmill and that they go for walks daily . . . ok kind of wanted to burst into tears.
I am angry and hurt at the same time. I havent gone over to their house in a lonnnnng time, and i think its whats best for me and my journey. i dont need to listen to how i am not up to par. Well thanks for reading!
I wish the best for everyones journey, b/c I know how hard it is! (enter smiley expression here)

Replies

  • DizzieLittleLifter
    DizzieLittleLifter Posts: 1,020 Member
    well poo poo on your SIL. Some people just don't GET it KWIM? Your hubby is proud and I'm proud (a 1/2 marathon is nothing to poo poo about!) Sometimes people don't know how to appreciate another's success because they need to feel better about themselves. You have done a great job not only losing the weight, but keeping it off, changing your lifestyle, and completing a 1/2 marathon! (Insert applause here ;) )
  • VeryKerri
    VeryKerri Posts: 359 Member
    I too have a MIL that is like that. Hang in there because you still have the better end of that family, by marrying a great man. Shrug off the negative comments from your in=laws and be proud of your accomplishment. Your husband is and he is who truly matters. Small minded people make small minded comments!
  • Luckymam
    Luckymam Posts: 300
    Stuff them. Honestly. I can't STAND it when people can't be happy for others. It just shows what utter misery-guts they are. Talk about peeing on your parade! They're obviously envious of you, your acheivements and the fact that your hubby is proud of you.

    It's annoying, yes, but remind yourself that they're being pathetic. And stay away from negative people like that!
  • lawkat
    lawkat Posts: 538 Member
    There will always be people out there that try to undermine what you have accomplished so far. They want to be the center of attention and anyone else who tries to grab it bring out such nasty comments. They can't be happy for you because they aren't happy with themselves. I grew up with a mother who always made backhanded comments to me about everything. At this point, I just ignore what she has to say because she is and always will be negative.

    Sometimes it is best to stay away from those people or have little contact with them. She will always be miserable to be around unless you stand up to her and say something back defending yourself.

    Good luck.
  • Chantelle160
    Chantelle160 Posts: 127
    Seriously some people have alot of nerve! You are doing amazing and should be so proud of yourself. I think everyone has somone in there life who just can't be happy for them. Just ignore them you know you are doing great and your husband is pround of you so that is all that matters. :) She's just trying to boost her own ego by making you feel bad, don't let her win.
  • tkylem
    tkylem Posts: 4
    WOW! Congrats on the progress so far!!! A half-marathon? That's amazing! I've always wanted to set that goal for myself as well, but it's so hard... so I give you serious credit for being able to do that! Don't let the negative feedback get to you, there's obviously some underlying insecurity in her that's causing her to say those things. Just stay in the positive, you're doing great!
  • jamiesgotagun
    jamiesgotagun Posts: 670 Member
    I never understood the whole in law thing, until of course I had them. So sorry you have to deal with that, sounds like they are very selfish and like elementary school say mean things to make themselves feel better. 30 pounds is amazing and you are doing great, don't let anyone tell you any different!!!
  • pastancil
    pastancil Posts: 10
    Some people can only feel good about themselves by putting other people down. Don't give them a thought. You KNOW you are doing great and changing your lifestyle for the better. And the BEST woman will win here, I guarantee it!
  • pipinana
    pipinana Posts: 2,356 Member
    Simple reason for their b!tchiness. They're jealous.

    Hang in there, you're doing fantastic! Hold on to what your husband says and F the other two. Seriously, not worth you worrying you're pretty head over!

    XOX
  • Miss_Chievous_wechange
    Miss_Chievous_wechange Posts: 1,230 Member
    They are haters!!! Mean people suck! You're doing great and don't even pay attention to what they say. They are obviously allowing their stupidity to flow out of their mouths.
  • aippolito1
    aippolito1 Posts: 4,894 Member
    Omgod, people like that just make me want to punch something.
  • KPaden1221
    KPaden1221 Posts: 433
    Well they are crazy! you have every right to be proud.. you've worked hard and if they are that negative just separate yourself from them... it's the best thing to do.. i know it's hard when it's your in-laws and it maybe hard on your husband, but he seems very supportive and proud of you that i think he'd understand if you explained to him what is all going on...
  • oats4breakfast
    oats4breakfast Posts: 225
    How did you're husband react to this ?
    "...my husband was bragging to his mom about my half marathon and how well i did and how proud of me he is, and then his mother stopped him in midsentence to tell him how well his sister was doing on her treadmill and ...."

    I think you should tell your husband about what you're thinking. At least then he won't be left "guessing". Lord knows we love to guess what our wife is thinking about ...... not :)
    "Is everything OK ?" Yes!. "Do you want to go to my sisters house?" yes!, of course, why wouldn't I ??? "I don't get the feeling that you do ?" No, everything is FINE!!! "whoa, ok, sorry for asking, is it that time of the month or something?" (and it rapidly escalates from there).

    I'd hazard a guess that he'd give more of a toss about what you're thinking/feeling that his sister. He may think she's a c word too ... but just doesn't want to burden you with it.
  • princesspurple
    princesspurple Posts: 688
    one word........JEALOUS

    Jealous that you have done something good for yourself that she doesn't understand because she is perfect! Having a perfect in-law is not very easy, but you know that being married into the family vs. born into it, you will never be perfect:)
  • musicmrse
    musicmrse Posts: 49 Member
    Sometimes people seriously don't realize what they are doing. I mean, it's definitely rude and I can see how you feel hurt. But in your MIL's mind, she's just continuing the conversation. Parents naturally brag about their own kids. My step-MIL does the same thing, always defending, always building them up. It's great for them. And it sometimes gets under my skin. But I don't think she's intentionally putting me down. She just doesn't know what she's doing.
  • blankcanvas
    blankcanvas Posts: 177
    Loved your post:laugh: you should be a writer...
    I had a similar experience with my skinny sis in law..when I came home from a shopping trip, I was so excited and feeling good that I fit into a size Medium swimsuit! i couldn't wait to tell someone, so I called her, her reaction, well how is that possible? When I wear a medium!!!You couldn't have lost that much weight! (insert deflated high from the day) My husband said take it from where it comes, maybe she, like your inlaws, are afraid you'll outshine them...(which in my opinion, you already do!) they can't take the focus of the good wishes coming your way when THEY want the spotlight...You go girl, keep giving them something to lose sleep over! You're doing wonderful....!
  • mrsyatesy
    mrsyatesy Posts: 173
    Firstly, YEY for your weight loss so far and your determination, and HUGE YEY for your 1/2 marathon - that's an incredible achievement!!
    I would say from what you've written that
    a) Mother inlaws and their boys, and sisters and their boys (brothers) just do not like to be usurped in their position of "women of importance in my life" (which clearly your husband has shown them that you have by being so proud of you) - my SIL is very like this, but that's a very long story which I wont bore you with!
    b) Perhaps your MIL knows of some insecurities of your SIL and feels she needs to pump her up a little?
    c) Your husband rocks for being so proud of you!
    Dont let it get to you, carry on your amazing journey, share a ltitle with your husband about how it makes you feel without sinking to the real bottom of the sensitive pool, they're his family and for all he sees their faults perhaps, he wont want to hear about them (again, speak from experience on this one!) and cotinue your marriage and your life without too much attention to the white noise on the sidelines!
    Good luck!
  • TashaS
    TashaS Posts: 199 Member
    Jay you know how proud I am of you... like I said "you worked your *kitten* off to work your *kitten* off!" My experience with people like your in-laws is that they feel the need to discredit your hard work to make them feel better about themselves. If your SIL isn't eating and over exercises she obviously has emotional issues that she's not dealing with - and by making you feel like crap (and yes I believe that she knows she's doing it) it makes her feel better about herself.

    Unfortunately there's no easy way to deal with them. Just be sure to surround yourself with people who love and appreciate you!! :flowerforyou:

    P.S. Feel free to vent away whenever you need to... I have a crazy SIL who likes to compare herself to me too!! :grumble:
  • Jay_83
    Jay_83 Posts: 446
    Wow! Thank you for everyones support!!:blushing: I am VERY proud of my accomplishments, its just frustrating to hear the people that are actually supposed to care, not.
    I did marry a pretty darn good guy, He is very supportive of me, tells me I'm beautiful every day and encourages me to push through hurdles:smooched: . It's his family when is seems like he doesnt know what to say. I feel bad b/c he is caught in the middle, so I try not to make things into a big deal. He absolutely knows how I feel about his sister and mother. We have discussed it many times. I think he has become immune to it and he just sluffs it off. but how its affecting me, affects him. There was a time when he even refused to see them b/c of the way they were treating me.

    oats4breakfast, I am not actually sure what was said exactly. There is a language barrier and I kind of rely on what my husband tells me. I seem to be guessing from expressions and such. But he did say that she interupted him, and he was quite annoyed, but he just brushes it off. all hell breaks lose when something is said to her. I tried once, I knew exactly what I was going to say, so I said it and . . . I was not prepared for that storm.:devil:
    My husband knows how I feel, he feels the same way too sometimes. I just feel like I'm just repeating myself when it comes to telling him how his sister is acting.
    musicmrse, i totally agree that parents naturally brag about their kids. But its turning into a competition that I honestly dont want to be apart of. I do feel like my MIL always has to defend her daughter, the reason why she does this or that blah blah blah. i never asked so why would i care. My SIL and myself had the same convocation day, and we have our birthdays in the same month, so I think she feels threatened. (slightly rolling my eyes and laughing at the same time). I think before I came along she relied on my husband. So now that I'm around, I seem to be taking up too much of his time. I remember one time, my MIL emailed my husband to ask him to cheer his sister up because she was depressed . . . . how is that my husband's job to make his sister happy? I am not that dependant on my brother, so I found it a little odd. I'm sure it happens more that I think.

    I orginally thought that it was awesome that I was going to have a SIL that was two years younger than me, b/c we are so close in age and we would totally get along and hang out and stuff. lol. boy was I wrong. its like I'm invading in their family and theres no room for me. So I agree that "Mother inlaws and their boys, and sisters and their boys (brothers) just do not like to be usurped in their position of "women of importance in my life" . makes sense!

    Yes Tasha, you are right! my SIL DOES know what she is doing to me. She likes to take a little stab at me when she can.

    I definately need space from this negativity, so I think a conversation is going to occur with my husband and I about going over there EVERY SUNDAY. I dont think its going to happen anymore. I am focussed and anjoying my weighloss journey, and I dont need that.
    Thanks everyone!!:flowerforyou: :bigsmile:
  • dawnna76
    dawnna76 Posts: 987 Member
    some people dont know when to keep thier mouth shut. always needing to "one up" shes a *kitten*, your doing great and keep up the great job!
  • Jay_83
    Jay_83 Posts: 446
    I want to thank everyone for letting me vent.:bigsmile:

    So I talked to my husband about how I was feeling regarding his sister and mother. It went very well, he understands and supports me totally. So we decided that we will limit my time with them. I am fine with him going over there for Sunday suppers like usual but I will only go with him every once in awhile. I feel a lot better about it now.
    We actually had gone over there tonight for Fathers Day, but I didnt really see my SIL b/c she was busy studying for finals that she has in two weeks. So it actually went pretty well when it was just me and my MIL.

    Thank you everyone!!!:flowerforyou:
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