Unsupportive spouse?

ellenkxxx
ellenkxxx Posts: 55 Member
in Fitness and Exercise
I joined the gym at the start of this year, and workout there 6 days a week.

My husband thinks its a waste of money, and resents the time I spend there.

This morning I woke up with a headache, his comment: 'maybe you should stop spending so much time at the gym!'

Wut?

Replies

  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
    Have you talked to him about it?

    He might be feeling neglected!

    I know my man misses morning snuggles.
  • stackhsc
    stackhsc Posts: 439 Member
    had the same sort of thing at first but more for the weight loss than the gym,,, but then again i dont do the gym. What about getting a treadmill or other cardio machine for home and spend some of that time at home exercising than just at the gym? cuts down on gas and time to get to and from the gym too.... just a thought
  • ellenkxxx
    ellenkxxx Posts: 55 Member
    Have you talked to him about it?

    He might be feeling neglected!

    We have, and he's admitted to feeling threatened. It hasn't helped his attitude though!
  • Polymorphist
    Polymorphist Posts: 41
    I've never had a spouse but have noticed that in the past i've had close friends who were jealous of the time I spend on myself. What it sometimes came down to was that they didn't have the motivation and wished that they did. I've also heard and read that some spouses are jealous that you will look better than they will and want to attract others for some odd reason.

    I don't have that problem because i'm not married, LOL.

    He doesn't want to go with you? Maybe he's just self-conscious?
  • ellenkxxx
    ellenkxxx Posts: 55 Member
    Have you talked to him about it?

    He might be feeling neglected!

    I know my man misses morning snuggles.

    I go during the day while he's at work!
  • ellenkxxx
    ellenkxxx Posts: 55 Member
    I've never had a spouse but have noticed that in the past i've had close friends who were jealous of the time I spend on myself. What it sometimes came down to was that they didn't have the motivation and wished that they did. I've also heard and read that some spouses are jealous that you will look better than they will and want to attract others for some odd reason.

    I don't have that problem because i'm not married, LOL.

    He doesn't want to go with you? Maybe he's just self-conscious?

    He's very fit, but hates gyms. I've tried co convince him to join too, but he's not interested!
  • jenna762001
    jenna762001 Posts: 27 Member
    It has taken my spouse a long time to come to more friendly terms with my fitness goals. I think there is a couple things at play. First, its hard on him because he feels guilty and defensive that he's not working on fitness goals. Second, I now have a whole group of friends that aren't his friends too so he feels left out. To his credit even when he hasn't felt supportive, he has tried hard to push his feelings aside and act supportive. Unfortunately, its still obvious sometimes. :) anyhow, we are 3 years into this now and he has come a long way in feeling more comfortable about it all and he is definitely proud of my accomplishments. we do still have our moments. best advice... give him your attention. Lots of it. When he feels well cared for, appreciated and loved, it will be easier for him to embrace your personal interests. Also, I have made efforts not to let my fitness time budge too much into family time. That sometimes means getting up at 4am in the summer for my runs and fitness classes before anyone is out of bed, skipping races and events that will conflict with time for them and I dont work out in the evenings. I take days off each week to rest, recover and just to devote to my family more fully. Fitness is really like any other hobby in many ways. Its all about moderation and making it fit. When you are spending 10 or more hours a week on it. Its important to make it work for not just yourself but your family too. sometimes compromise is involved. :)
    Good luck!
  • motherofthree1974
    motherofthree1974 Posts: 21
    I started going to the gym myself as well due to the fact that i stopped smoking two months ago, without the support of my husband which in fact did not need because all he was giving me was bad energy. And so one day i decided in joining Lucille Roberts and again the bad energy, and one day he called me and of course he was being funny about me going to the Gym and i came out and told him like this " Do me the favor and if you aint got nothing nice to say to me about going to the gym and taking care of myself then don't say anything at all." After that day he knows i go to the gym from 9am-11am.

    He now tells me to take rest in between exercise not to over work my body.The good thing about it is that i go to the gym when the kids are in school and my husband is at work and i am not interfering with no ones time. weekends are my days off from exercising and that is my time with the family. Men sometimes give bad energy when they feel change is coming and men dont like change. Especially when it comes to their wives.
  • ellenkxxx
    ellenkxxx Posts: 55 Member
    I started going to the gym myself as well due to the fact that i stopped smoking two months ago, without the support of my husband which in fact did not need because all he was giving me was bad energy. And so one day i decided in joining Lucille Roberts and again the bad energy, and one day he called me and of course he was being funny about me going to the Gym and i came out and told him like this " Do me the favor and if you aint got nothing nice to say to me about going to the gym and taking care of myself then don't say anything at all." After that day he knows i go to the gym from 9am-11am.

    He now tells me to take rest in between exercise not to over work my body.The good thing about it is that i go to the gym when the kids are in school and my husband is at work and i am not interfering with no ones time. weekends are my days off from exercising and that is my time with the family. Men sometimes give bad energy when they feel change is coming and men dont like change. Especially when it comes to their wives.

    So true- they don't like to see us change. I go while the kids are at school also I think it's the change that makes him feel threatened, not my time spent at he gym......
  • cubbies77
    cubbies77 Posts: 607 Member
    My boyfriend was a little worried at first but wasn't snarky about it. He was sort of joking around last spring and said, "You're going to get all buff and happy with yourself and find some Fabio guy who's hotter than me." After I told him I think Fabio is ugly (seriously - ugh), I told him he had nothing to worry about and I couldn't wait to get hot and buff and happy with myself so I could wear his favorite kind of lingerie. That made him feel better. :)
  • sweetzoejane
    sweetzoejane Posts: 153 Member
    Men don't like change? I don't know. I started working out and then, well, my boyfriend started working out. I can't imagine being with someone who was upset that I was taking care of myself.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    I joined the gym at the start of this year, and workout there 6 days a week.

    My husband thinks its a waste of money, and resents the time I spend there.

    This morning I woke up with a headache, his comment: 'maybe you should stop spending so much time at the gym!'

    Wut?

    What wut? There's no question here.
  • taso42
    taso42 Posts: 8,980 Member
    Join crossfit. At $150/month that'll show him!
  • MidwestAngel
    MidwestAngel Posts: 1,897 Member
    I joined the gym at the start of this year, and workout there 6 days a week.

    My husband thinks its a waste of money, and resents the time I spend there.

    This morning I woke up with a headache, his comment: 'maybe you should stop spending so much time at the gym!'

    Wut?

    What wut? There's no question here.
    /thread
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
    You should definitely check his text messages.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    Well, it's a good thing he's already fit...do you guys have any equipment at home that you guys could use together maybe one day a week? Or could you run or take a hike or something with him once a week to include him in your fitness program?
  • chymerra
    chymerra Posts: 212
    why would he feel threatened?

    anyway, you need to do this to get healthy and he needs to suck it up like an adult. if he doesn't want to go to the gym with you, then that's his problem and he needs to get over himself. i don't mean to be mean but it's silly for him to feel threatened... like you go to the gym to cheat or drool over other guys.
  • pobalita
    pobalita Posts: 741 Member
    I had this problem before...the ex didn't like my new "social outlet" - he thought that I was at the gym flirting and making new friends and felt threatened. After he saw that I was on the elliptical with headphones in actually working out and that men weren't lining up to talk to me, he stopped worrying about it. Maybe you could get him to come with you once for a workout.
  • ellenkxxx
    ellenkxxx Posts: 55 Member
    Well, it's a good thing he's already fit...do you guys have any equipment at home that you guys could use together maybe one day a week? Or could you run or take a hike or something with him once a week to include him in your fitness program?

    We do hike together sometimes, but then I have to find someone to mind the kids......
  • ellenkxxx
    ellenkxxx Posts: 55 Member
    I had this problem before...the ex didn't like my new "social outlet" - he thought that I was at the gym flirting and making new friends and felt threatened. After he saw that I was on the elliptical with headphones in actually working out and that men weren't lining up to talk to me, he stopped worrying about it. Maybe you could get him to come with you once for a workout.

    Yes, I'd really like to try this.
  • skinnybunny_x
    skinnybunny_x Posts: 449
    I feel like it's kind of unfair to post about relationships, because the other person never has the chance to explain their feelings or motives.

    If you don't have a lot of disposable income, I could understand his view. I don't workout at a gym, and I've got a great body. It's your dedication that will dictate your results - nothing else. You can spend $100 and buy a lot of equipment to use at home, utilize your parks and walking trails, do equipment free workouts that can be found FREE online, I could go on ...

    A guy joining a gym is slightly different, because men usually need bigger weights that you may not have room to store, or don't want to pay for.

    If it's your money however, then you need to tell him it's your choice. Ask him if he'd like to come along, that way you're spending time together.

    As far as the headache comment ... maybe he thinks you're running yourself ragged? There's no way to tell. But my advice is to talk to your husband about it, not to the people on this forum.
  • baileybiddles
    baileybiddles Posts: 457 Member
    Well, my two suggestions are as follows.

    One, you look your husband right in the eye and tell him that he has NO RIGHT to judge you for trying to better yourself. You are making good choices and bettering your mind, body and soul by doing what you're doing. He is dragging you down with his attitude and that is not fair to you or to your marriage... He should be celebrating the fact that you want to be as healthy as possible.

    Two, you ignore your husband and go about your business. Let him stew and let it be, because ultimately, what matters is that you're being healthy and doing the right thing for yourself. He will get over it in time, because he has to. You are not going to the gym to impress other men. You're not going to the gym to attract other men. You are going for you and he is making this about HIM which isn't right.

    My fiance is very supportive of my weight loss, but he is such a condescending jerk sometimes. Today I tweaked my knee out really badly at the gym and he laughed at me and told me it was nothing like it didn't matter. Guys are just... guys...

    Hopefully I helped you out. I'm sorry you're dealing with this when you and him should both be celebrating your healthy lifestyle.
  • adopt321
    adopt321 Posts: 111
    If you're not doing anything to increase or substantiate his fears (i.e., flirting, talking about all of the guys checking you out or that you're meeting, wear inappropriate clothing to the gym, etc.) then this is his issue; not yours. He must not feel secure in your marriage to feel threatened by you going to the gym, which is unfortunate. If you haven't already, ask him to go with you. I read that you have kids. I'd also explain to him gym + kids = mental sanity = happy family!
    We have, and he's admitted to feeling threatened. It hasn't helped his attitude though!
  • iceman7840
    iceman7840 Posts: 110
    I had a very unsupportive fiancée who loved me being "big" so she was always against any/all of my weight loss goals. It was a very discouraging situation as I had the love of my life/girl of my dreams but the rest of my life was falling apart and I felt so miserable. She was happy with the version of me that I wasn't happy with.

    After 6 years together, I made the gut wrenching decision to let her go and never looked back. I am a year and a week into my journey that I started the day we split and down 126 lbs.

    It was both the best and worst decision I have ever made but I am happy with where I am at in life at the moment. It is a bitter sweet feeling and I wish more than anything I could have shared it with her.
  • links_slayer
    links_slayer Posts: 1,151 Member
    sheesh. all men are a-holes amirite?
  • ellenkxxx
    ellenkxxx Posts: 55 Member
    sheesh. all men are a-holes amirite?
    Awww, not all of them!

    Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em!
  • rowanwood
    rowanwood Posts: 509 Member
    It's probably because all those women's magazine in your house say that if your man starts working out, it means he's cheating.

    Actually, I'm sort of serious. There is this notion that if you better yourself in a relationship, you are looking for a new one.

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