FRUSTRATION W/ SISTER!!!!

Gerkenstein
Gerkenstein Posts: 315 Member
edited September 21 in Motivation and Support
Don't get me wrong, I love my sister (I have 2, but this is only about one of them right now). But she needs some tough love. She, like me, is "morbidly obese." She, too, has tried to lose weight before and failed. She's a SAHM to 4 kids all under the age of 7, but is not active with her kids (more watches them be active).
Now, we have an amazing opportunity to train with a personal trainer/figure competitor/friend of mine, for 1hr sessions, once a week for one month. The money involved is not the issue. The issue is that the training is a "boot camp" and my sister is running scared. She doesn't want to "drop dead of a heart attack right there" - that's an exact quote. She says she knows it's going to be intense, but she basically doesn't want to commit time and money and walk in blind and end up hurting herself. I tell her that she's in the hands of a professional trainer who will assess her strength and endurance and push only enough to prove herself wrong. And if she feels like she's in danger, she can stop.
I'm not getting through.
After everything I say, she counters with another excuse (the kids were part of it, but my mom's offered to watch them for the 2 hours we'll be gone).
Maybe it's just because I've had the mental switch, because the place she is mentally is all to familiar, but I can't take the excuses any more. So frustrated.

Replies

  • aippolito1
    aippolito1 Posts: 4,894 Member
    Don't make her if she doesn't want to go. You can only be truly successful if you decide to change for YOU and not because someone "made you do it". I know it's hard watching her go down that road and not want to change when you are changing... but hopefully she'll have her rude awakening just as you had yours.
  • lawkat
    lawkat Posts: 538 Member
    She will make a thousand more excuses why she doesn't want to do it. She has to want to change. It is tough to see someone you love make excuses and reasons why they don't want to change. Change is hard. My mother is the same way. I try to talk to her about her diet and maybe exercising more, but it all falls on deaf ears or she has an excuse. I give up. I love her and would like her to live a long life, but she refuses to change and I have to accept that she just doesn't care enough to take care of herself.

    I say, stop trying to get her to do it. You don't need that aggravation. Maybe she will want to do it after she sees how happy you are doing it. If not, then it is her loss.
  • DanOhh
    DanOhh Posts: 1,806 Member
    She's the one who has to decide. NO ONE ELSE CAN. You can cont. to encourage her but she has to make the commitment. Maybe seeing you do well with it will help her later. Good Luck.
  • jlewis2896
    jlewis2896 Posts: 763 Member
    Change is scary!!! It is an amazing opportunity, but you can't rush that mental change in her. Maybe if you go ahead and do it and focus on how positive it is, she will see.

    Sad that she might miss out on this chance, but you are above all things, her sister. She needs your positive support.
  • Luckymam
    Luckymam Posts: 300
    Ultimately it's up to her. It sounds like she simply doesn't want to join you.

    I understand your frustration though. My sis is similar. She's been to Weightwatchers for the last 5 weeks and has only lost 3lb. She complains that she's bored but the furthest she'll go is to school with her son - literally a 5minute walk. She even gets her groceries delivered so she doesn't have to go to the supermarket! She complains she's not losing weight but her fridge is full of ready-meals, chocolate chip cereal bars and whole milk. She'll say, "I'm on the banana and milk diet" or "the grapefruit diet", but then I see her sitting doing nothing, eating and drinking wine. She thinks if she eats half a grapefruit before each meal that the weight will magically drop off!

    If she'd just eat a healthy diet and get up off her *kitten* a few times then she might lose some weight!
  • Christine0111
    Christine0111 Posts: 27
    I compleetely understand where you are with this... my sister is the same. Right now she is trying to get our doctor to refer her for Gastric bypass.... I keep explaining to her that this is not a magic fix, but she is not getting it! I have come to the decision that I am stepping back and hoping that she makes a right decision by watching my successes. I also try to force her to make healthy choices when we are together, for example when we go shopping we eat Subway instead of McDonalds.

    Hang in there and try to lead by example =)
  • lisalynn35
    lisalynn35 Posts: 250 Member
    I have to say that I agree with most of your responders, you can't make someone do what they don't want to.
  • melbhall
    melbhall Posts: 519
    I understand why you are upset. It's hard watching a loved one miss out on opportunites, especially when their health is involved. My brother is extremely overweight. He insists on doing unhealthy things like atkins and other fad diets instead of just watching what he eats and exercising. Part of the reason I want to get really healthy is so he will see how much I've done and hopefully be inspired. It's stinks about your sister, but you can't make her go. Maybe once she sees you progressing she will realized what she's missing out on and join. But you have to worry about you. Now is the time to be selfish and do what you have to do for yourself. You deserve to be healthy and happy. Your sister does too, don't get me wrong, but she has to want it for herself. She can't be the excuse that derails you. I hope she changes her mind but if she doesn't you keep on keepin' on!
  • km1540
    km1540 Posts: 22
    If you force her to do it she wont be happy and wont have good results.. She has to be the one to make the effort and want to change herself.. It sucks being her sister and knowing what will happen if she doesn't change her life style.. wish you the best!
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