How to get out of this rut??

Don't worry about what you've done. We all mess up. Start over. And if you mess up again, start over again.

Laugh if you will, but this works for me. For me a drastic hair cut always does it. I don't know why but it always snaps me out of whatever funk I am in and helps me on my way or make a decision. I think it is because it is the easiest way to change my appearance and for some bazaar reason helps me look at things a little differently. Plus it always makes me feel like I want more positive change for me.
So maybe just changing something up in another area of your life will give you the motivation you need to make the change in this aspect of your life.

I went through the same thing. I went from 190 to 137 then back up to 160... Now I am back to 152.5 this morning... I couldnt find the motivation I once had. Do one thing at a time... I started with food... I repeated this in my head over and over again... Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels... then back to the gym.... now on this site... slowing but surely I got my motivation back! I!!! U will too...

You could always try carrying around a small notebook. You can log your food etc in it if you choose, but the main purpose of this is to simple right down any negative thoughts and/or anytime you snack poorly .. or think about snacking etc, or whatever it is the gets in your way. Maybe it's "I'm can't be bothered exercising today" or "I'll put off going for a run until later" (and never do it).

I do this all the time for negative thoughts/behaviours in golf, and it works all the time, but you also have to stay on top of it and revisit these behaviours from time to time. It may work for this application too. Wouldn't suprise me if it did.

You could simply write down 2-4 bullets, that you want to fix, like
"Eating too much portion"
"Fixating on eating chocolate"
"Thinking negatively about my body shape"
"Worrying about being hungry"
(Just two or 3 things/behaviours that you want to change, that you know is impacting you).

All you do now, is make a note of everytime you do one of these. Don't "try to fix it" or "not do it", just make a note. Then count up each one at end of day and track. Amazingly, these behaviours can change and decrease within a few days. Without even trying (that's why you don't "try to fix"). Then you can make new ones. Track and watch the changes.

Another thing you can do, in your notebook, is make a note of negative and self defeating thoughts. (it may be better to do this first, so that it's easier to track your behaviours for the previous note)
What you do with those, is rewrite them as affirmations, using good language and specific language, rather than wimpy or non-specific words. Then re-write those in your notebook, so that whenever you open it up, you can see them You can make new ones everyday, or just keep the same ones. Maybe cover the cover with them,.
e.g. If you think "I'm never going to loose weight" and "I always cheat after dinner" (or something). rewrite those as more positive affirmations, like. "I am going to loose 6 pounds in 6 weeks" (which is better than I will loose weight), and "I am confident in myself and will eat a healthy snack after dinner".
Hopefully, you get the picture.
Try to stay clear of saying "I will not" or "Don't do that" because often, our subconcious cannot comprehend "don't" or "not". It tends to think in terms of "will" and "do"
e.g.
Don't think of a banana
What did you think of ?
Same as "think of a banana" eh ?

After losing 20lbs and then getting stuck at 220 (then 224) for almost a year, I felt totally stuck in a rut. For whatever reason I couldn't get up enough motivation to keep losing the weight, and I also just plateaued at 220 and that was hard to deal with. Motivation is one of the hardest parts about losing weight (and any other major change we need). In this past year I have just decided that life is just too dang short to be miserable for any reason. I refuse to be miserable and unhappy anymore. Being fat makes me miserable so I will change that!!! When I get "down" about the fact that I don't think the weight is moving fast enough, I really try to focus on the things that make me happiest and the things I enjoy, then remind myself that life is too short to be miserable. I also love, love, love the saying..... Nothing tastes as good as being skinny/healthy feels!!! And it is so true. I also, when starving to death and want junk, I always tell myself that "It always smells better than it tastes." To me almost everything smells better than it tastes.

So...

Get rid of the things that make you miserable/unhappy, no matter what it is..clutter, weight, people...you get the point
Focus on what does make you happy and what helps to motivate you
If you stumble and have a rough day...don't give up, just accept that some days are like that, and start over. Its never too late to start again.
Find someone, or come here, to talk to people who will encourage and support you.
Don't give up, because it is SO worth it to improve your life.

Good luck