I'm not very motivating

ldrosophila
ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
in Fitness and Exercise
One of my coworkers lives near by and wants to start walking with me, but I'm going to be honest I dont want a work out buddy. I feel bad though we are both really heavy, and know that the motivation might help her to get her health in order. It's selfish of me to not want to share in health and fitness.

However, that's my ME time. It's me and the dogs and nothing to stop us but the road ending. I dont want to go at someones pace. I dont want to leave my dogs at home, and I dont want to workout according to someone else's schedule.

How do you feel are you generous or stingy with your work out time? Is having a work out buddy essential to your progress? As we become more fit and our progress shows more what is our obligation to motivate others?

Replies

  • Pimpmonkey
    Pimpmonkey Posts: 566
    I'm pretty strict about my workout time too. I let my old man walk with me but that's it, and only because he doesn't care that I have my headphones in, and am paying no attention whatsoever to his silliness as we walk. And he walks faster than me so he does weird loopty loops and stuff. Long as he doesn't get in my clumsy self's way, we're good. Or try to talk to me when I'm trying to concentrate on my breathing and form.
  • Polymorphist
    Polymorphist Posts: 41
    Honestly i'm horrible with gym partners and really prefer to work on my own. You shouldn't feel bad about this, if you have your thing down then continue with it. If your co-worker wants to start being healthier she'll have to find her own motivation. You might be able to assist her with ideas and things which might work as well as compare calorie burns, heart rate, distance, etc, etc, etc to keep her motivated.
  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
    I lost 60 pounds without a workout buddy or any friends on MFP.

    No it's not essential.
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
    I lost 60 pounds without a workout buddy or any friends on MFP.

    No it's not essential.

    & he still doesn't have any friends...so there is that...
  • stackhsc
    stackhsc Posts: 439 Member
    I lost 60 pounds without a workout buddy or any friends on MFP.

    No it's not essential.

    & he still doesn't have any friends...so there is that...

    i'm hoping you know them lol

    no iuts not selfish just tell her its your alone time to get yourself centered
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    That is a tough one. I have mixed it up in the past. Usually once a week I had a work out buddy, whether it was running or gym time. I think it's totally acceptable to offer to do one day a week with her, but be honest that you really enjoy the experience you get from working out on your own. If she can't respect that, then I wouldn't work out with her at all.
  • melinda200208
    melinda200208 Posts: 525 Member
    I am the exact same way. I would suggest being up front with her and being honest. She shouldn't get mad. This is how you feel and this is what keeps you going and motivated. She should be understanding. Maybe she can find someone else to go with her.
  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
    I don't think it's selfish. It's your time.

    I do workout 3 days a week with a workout buddy because we go during our lunch break at work. We do motivate each other, but we also go at our own pace. Sometimes she's ahead of me. Sometimes I am ahead of her. Sometimes we walk together. We use our ear buds and only talk during warm up and cool down times.
  • melinda200208
    melinda200208 Posts: 525 Member
    I had a friend that wanted to go to the gym with me. I told her when I go ( i wasn't going to change my schedule) and when she met up with me, I put my headphones on. I wasn't trying to be rude, but I have to have headphones on when running and I dont want to have a conversation while running my butt off. We did do a cycling class together which worked out good. but then she stopped coming.
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
    Depending on how often you walk, maybe just have the coworker along for one session so you're not giving up all of your "me" time? I had a new friend who really wanted to start walking with me last spring, but my workout schedule was pretty full and I did not want to give up my running workouts--I ended up walking with her and her 5 year old daughter at the park on my rest day. The friend walked a bit slower than me and then we had the 5 year old on her bike, which was lots of stopping and starting--but I decided to view it as an opportunity to get to know my friend and her child better, and we really enjoyed just chatting. We discontinued when it started getting dark really early as her child was afraid to be at the park in the dark, but will probably start again this summer.

    Weight loss does not necessarily require workout buddies, but it certainly can help if you get something out of the social piece. I run by myself a couple times a week and with a running group a couple times a week--both types of workouts have benefits.
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
    How do you feel are you generous or stingy with your work out time? Is having a work out buddy essential to your progress? As we become more fit and our progress shows more what is our obligation to motivate others?

    I missed responding to your last bit here, in my previous post.
    I don't necessarily think "we" have an obligation to motivate others, but I personally get a lot of happiness from helping people out when I can--For me that sometimes means running with slower buddies at running group, encouraging new people to join us, whatever. I really like meeting new people and mentoring kids (we have a few teens in our running group) so I get something out of it that maybe not everyone does--if it feels like an "obligation," don't do it?
  • rahzel20
    rahzel20 Posts: 9
    I don't really like having a workout buddy. Probably because I've yet to find someone at my same level of fitness (which admittedly isn't high) or who likes to do the same workouts as me. The people I tend to end up with usually give up after a day or a week anyway so I just feel like its easier to go it alone.
  • sassafrascas
    sassafrascas Posts: 191 Member
    Its your life and its your health so I say do what you want. If she is relying on you to get her but in gear she is not really ready to take charge of her own life. I have had so many people tell me we should walk together or something and then they give up and bail. So don't start what you wont finish. Loosing weight is about you and there is no reason that has to change.
  • KrazyAsianNic
    KrazyAsianNic Posts: 1,227 Member
    One of my coworkers lives near by and wants to start walking with me, but I'm going to be honest I dont want a work out buddy. I feel bad though we are both really heavy, and know that the motivation might help her to get her health in order. It's selfish of me to not want to share in health and fitness.

    However, that's my ME time. It's me and the dogs and nothing to stop us but the road ending. I dont want to go at someones pace. I dont want to leave my dogs at home, and I dont want to workout according to someone else's schedule.

    How do you feel are you generous or stingy with your work out time? Is having a work out buddy essential to your progress? As we become more fit and our progress shows more what is our obligation to motivate others?

    I am trying to set workout times and it's hard having a workout buddy. Luckily my boyfriend and I have similar schedules where we could go together. But just because he doesn't want to go doesn't stop me. Like Mondays... He's never in the mood for the gym yet I do zumba every monday night at the gym.

    I tihnk having a workout budy may help certain people. It can either be motivating or degress your progress. I don't think we have obligations to motivate others. you just need to want to.

    Would it hurt maybe adding extra time (like an extra walk) with your friend and still doing your own workouts on your schedule? If anything, it'll get you moving the little bit more.
  • rozsbluejay
    rozsbluejay Posts: 303 Member
    I kinda know what you feel because I have a friend and yeah I have to wait for her to get her daughter to school. I don't really mind because we go to the gym. So if I get there before her, I get to work on my own like I have.

    In your case, yeah I'd be selfish because its happened to me where sometimes they don't have time and they just leave you waiting or hanging and in the end its nothing. So yeah. I support you.

    Now, going about that I don't know. I think you should do what I did to my aunt.

    My aunt wanted to join the gym..she said if I could work with her. Knowing that she leaves me hanging all the time I told her this, "I go to the gym in the morning 8-10. I could meet you there and we'll work out." The fact that it was in the morning, for more than an hour, and to meet her there was too much for her.

    So I think your friend may join you, but I'd tell her your conditions. So if she shows up, she shows up and does your workout. If she shows up half an hour late, she loses half an hour. If she doesn't show up at all, yay; more "you" time.

    If you do allow her to go at meet you there, its better for the both of you (well better for you) because you are not taking a detour out of your workout. This person is working out under your terms...discreetly (she wont know) try to be genuine; tell her you have a schedule.

    Something I learned in my counseling classes from school (my major...I don't do counseling), people need to have ownership. If your friend is not willing to par take your conditions its her lack of motivation and ownership.

    I hope you understand my terminology. Hope I helped.
  • xXxHBICxXx
    xXxHBICxXx Posts: 370 Member
    I enjoy my workout time as well but I do love to take a family walk during the evenings too. I usually workout during the afternoon then if my sons and hubby are up 2 it, we all take a walk together.
  • sylvie_souris
    sylvie_souris Posts: 2
    I with you that workout time is me time. I don't even want my bf to come to the gym with me. But that's just me. to each their own right?
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    How do you feel are you generous or stingy with your work out time? Is having a work out buddy essential to your progress? As we become more fit and our progress shows more what is our obligation to motivate others?

    Three questions, three answers.

    I'm generous with my workout time but I've been at it awhile so I may be at a higher comfort level than you are. Or I'm just lonely. Don't judge me because I'm an only child.

    Yes, having a workout buddy has been crucial for me. Knowing that someone else is setting their alarm early as hell and getting out in the cold to meet me at the gym prevent me from missing workouts. In the 14 months since I got a training partner, we've each only missed one workout apiece. If he wasn't going to be there, there would be dozens of days that I would have hit the snooze button and said "tomorrow".

    You don't owe anybody a damn thing. It's your life, your time, your money. Do what you feel. That said, if, at some point in your journey, someone reached down and helped you out, with motivation, inspiration, or by imparting wisdom, then pay it forward. You got something from somebody, so give something to somebody. That's how I feel about it, anyway.
  • GiddyupTim
    GiddyupTim Posts: 2,819 Member
    You do what you have to do. I don't mind working out with others. But, I run by myself mostly, and prefer it that way. You don't want to do something that is going to ruin it for you. Your friend should understand.
  • EmilyEmpowered
    EmilyEmpowered Posts: 650 Member

    You don't owe anybody a damn thing. It's your life, your time, your money. Do what you feel. That said, if, at some point in your journey, someone reached down and helped you out, with motivation, inspiration, or by imparting wisdom, then pay it forward. You got something from somebody, so give something to somebody. That's how I feel about it, anyway.

    Dang, now I feel guilty about not helping the girl who keeps asking me to workout with her on our lunchbreaks. Its not that I dont wanna help, I just really have my groove going and while most of the other people at work are back there doing their half-assed workouts, texting on the treadmill, etc, I am really busting my butt. I told her I dont mind if we workout "together," but be forewarned that I WILL be listening to music on my phone, and I wont coach her through a workout. Maybe I was kinda mean :sad: Now I feel bad! Not because I had sooo much help learning this as I went along, but because I know how it feels to have to figure it out on your own, and it can be really discouraging! *Sigh* Ok, I will email her and offer to workout on a trial basis!!! :drinker:
  • aprmay
    aprmay Posts: 216 Member
    Whatever works for you. I like working out by myself, with friends, random people. I am good with almost everyone as long as we work out.
  • cappri
    cappri Posts: 1,089 Member
    Some workouts I like having friends to do them with, Insanity for instance, no way am I doing that alone I'll talk myself out of it every time! Running though is a different story, I don't want to run with anyone else.

    I would probably set up a few "buddy" walking times, and then walk alone at a different time. Of course I'm always looking for excuse to workout at this point.
  • nwg74
    nwg74 Posts: 360 Member
    I find that having someone else can make some people walk more slowly especially if the other person isn't really into it. A trial is a good idea.

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