Ex asks me to tell my friend it’s ok to date him

JanieJack
JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
edited January 18 in Chit-Chat
Yesterday I had one of the most awkward convos ever… with my ex husband!!

He is a minister in my home church and was initially removed from his position upon our divorce, but has been reinstated for a few years now and now wants to date someone we both knew from that church. She told him she was interested but it would be awkward because before the divorce she and I were good friends, and the fact that I move to the area this summer makes it even worse. So, he wants me to tell her I don’t mind if they date, seeing as we’ve both moved on.

I honestly don’t care… but I can’t imagine WHY she would want HIM, lol!

No real question here… just venting… but feel free to comment!

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/JanieJack/view/ex-asks-if-i-would-tell-my-friend-it-s-ok-for-her-to-date-him-507455

Replies

  • matt2442
    matt2442 Posts: 1,259 Member
    Doesn't sound very holy to me
  • maddymama
    maddymama Posts: 1,183 Member
    If you truly don't care.. then wait for her to approach you and tell her you don't care. I wouldn't go out of my way to give her the "good to go."

    Questions: if he was removed from his ministry position upon your divorce, would dating a member of the church also be cause for concern among his congregation? Is she still a member of that church?

    Please, please, please consider finding a new home church when you move back home this summer.
  • oddyogi
    oddyogi Posts: 1,816 Member
    yeah, aaaawkward. I wouldn't go out of your way to tell her it's okay, like another poster said. Just wait for her to come to you.
  • _noob_
    _noob_ Posts: 3,306 Member
    he was probably already hitting it and just wants your approval to remove any guilt.
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member
    he was probably already hitting it and just wants your approval to remove any guilt.

    QFT
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
    You don't care, but yet post a blog and a thread about it....


    Hmmmmm.
  • danasings
    danasings Posts: 8,218 Member
    he was probably already hitting it and just wants your approval to remove any guilt.

    QFT

    My first thought exactly. :(
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    he was probably already hitting it and just wants your approval to remove any guilt.

    Guilty sex is one of the best sex. Immediately followed by "doing it in her moms vans backseat"
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    I date all my ex-husband's close friends. I don't see the problem here.
  • Fr3shStrt
    Fr3shStrt Posts: 349 Member
    She told him she was interested but it would be awkward because before the divorce she and I were good friends, and the fact that I move to the area this summer makes it even worse. So, he wants me to tell her I don’t mind if they date, seeing as we’ve both moved on.

    I honestly don’t care… but I can’t imagine WHY she would want HIM, lol!


    I would guess she actually isn't interested and is using you as an excuse. Fun stuff.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    I date all my ex-husband's close friends. I don't see the problem here.

    At the same time! *bow chicka bow wow*
  • miss_bliss
    miss_bliss Posts: 10
    Its definately not morally right...I do feel for you here, and well done for posting on here rather than ripping his head off lol...what a cheek!! like most others have said, if she comes to you, tell her how you genuinely feel. BUT make sure if you do have worries or doubts you express these feelings to her. X
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
    I date all my ex-husband's close friends. I don't see the problem here.

    like a Bingo game!

    Also, sounds like he just wants to bless her with his holy water, or already did.

    Unless he was abusive I would let her take her turn on the ride, but if he was physically or verbally abusive it would be nice to give her a heads up when she comes and asks for the okay.
  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
    he was probably already hitting it and just wants your approval to remove any guilt.

    This. He probably knew it was about to get out so he just asked you in order to pretend like he was being all respectful and what not.

    Ministers . . . . what they do when they think know ones looking . . . .
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    I would guess she actually isn't interested and is using you as an excuse. Fun stuff.

    This is actually what I told him.

    I was nice about it though. I re-framed it as "she probably thinks you're a great guy and because of that doesn't want to hurt your feelings and said something gentle to get out of the conversation.


    @Whoever asked about dating her being wrong in the church, she's a minister too so that's not an issue.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    What grade is he in?
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    So do you think they have been involved for awhile now? Is he using this as a "get out of jail" free card? Sounds like your divorce was already a scandal would something like this early on caused him greater shame?

    Please tell me you no longer attend that church?

    And depending on how vindictive you feel you could tell her every single dirty detail of your marriage, but if she is "in love" you probably could tell her he raped kitties and she wouldn't care.
  • HopefulLeigh
    HopefulLeigh Posts: 363 Member


    I honestly don’t care… but I can’t imagine WHY she would want HIM, lol!

    At some point in time, YOU did. I can't imagine WHY you are now mocking HER for the same thing you wanted before.
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member


    I honestly don’t care… but I can’t imagine WHY she would want HIM, lol!

    At some point in time, YOU did. I can't imagine WHY you are now mocking HER for the same thing you wanted before.

    Well sure. But she was my friend through 12 years of marriage. She knows some of the more intimate issues that divided us. I still maintain that she's not really interested. But maybe she is. She has a more aggressive personality than mine. I just can't see her putting up with all that stuff, unless, perhaps she thinks he's changed enough. Or maybe it's just that old myth that "a professional black man over 40 is hard to find." I don't know.
    Sounds like your divorce was already a scandal would something like this early on caused him greater shame?

    Our divorce was a scandal. Our church had a very very low incidence of divorce. He is concerned that him dating would be uncomfortable for people who've known both of us for almost 20 years and hopes my "approval" will make it easier for all involved when I move back. You can't live your life based on what other people think though. And if you're religious, those things are between you and whatever God you serve. So I don't think it matters. I am happy in my current relationship. If they are happy, that's all that matters, but at the same time as a minister he has to consider what impact his decisions have on the congregation.

    Sure, if he had considered that 5 years ago we'd probably still be married, lol, but we are all human and sometimes we make some pretty big mistakes.
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