I really need to vent...

PaigeAnderson100
PaigeAnderson100 Posts: 301 Member
in Motivation and Support
I am sorry for being annoying but, I really need to vent. Feel free to comment but, this is just a venting session.

I am very unhappy with my body. I am unhappy with my face, my neck, my breasts, my arms, my hands, my stomach, my waist, my hips, my thighs, my knees, my calves and my feet. I don't know what I can do to make myself love the person that I see in the mirror but, I truly hope that losing weight and becoming healthier (so they say) will help me with my confidence level because as of right now it is non existent.
I realize that I haven't been doing "AWESOME" with my calorie intake and I really haven't been exercising at all so, who am I to complain right? Right! I really just need to suck it up, do what I need to do and worry if I don't love myself once I start seeing progress but, 49 pounds down and I don't see any differences with my body whatsoever.
Yeah, I get it, it is easier putting the weight on then it is getting the weight off but, this seems like a never ending stupid story. I would LOVE to look in the mirror and think "dang, I actually look Ok today" but, I never think that.
I know that since I suffer with body dysmorphic disorder- this is pretty much never going to change but, I am seeing a therapist and I am on medication. I just really hope that some of this weight loss will start to show. Maybe I will be able to see my progress in pictures? Hopefully. I might need to take some more, right?

Thanks for letting me vent. Is there anyone else who suffers from B.D.D? Bipolar disorder? Hating yourself? Lol.

I hope that someone else can help me with words of wisdom and not criticism... I am sick of being criticized about my disorders by friends and family who don't understand. Thank God my fiancé is wonderful with his support and his kind words. I just really would love a friend who knows first hand what I am going through. I have 90 more pounds to go and this is going to be a LONG journey!

Replies

  • Alamo0809
    Alamo0809 Posts: 49 Member
    ok, well here is my vent... you have lost 49 lbs!!! Yeah... you need to leap over this body image thing and love yourself. You are perfect RIGHT NOW!!!!! Commere. I am going to have to hit you up-side the head. (joking).
  • khayashi80
    khayashi80 Posts: 45 Member
    Hey Paige,

    Sorry you are struggling right now with what you see in the mirror. I myself have a similar issue. I want to applaud your openness and knowledge that you aren't what you see in the mirror, and that you have made progress. That shows true wisdom. I think one thing that can really help is to notice instead small changes you can feel proud of. Maybe it's that you can bend and touch your toes, or that you're moving more gracefully. Whatever it is you notice, take a second to acknowledge it, feel proud of yourself and know that you've made changes to your body.

    The mirror is cruel, and it's ok to acknowledge your frustration, just don't let it make you quit. You are doing great, before you know it, the changes will become more noticeable..especially the face I find. Keep going, you're doing great!
  • 1brokegal44
    1brokegal44 Posts: 562 Member
    Oh sweetie! Hang in there. I can tell you that I've definitely looked in the mirror and been angry, disgusted and discouraged. I bet there isn't a single person plugged into MFP that hasn't felt that way. You can do this. And good for you for seeing a therapist for help. Take heart in knowing that you are not alone in this. You are beautiful! :flowerforyou:
  • JennieKillough
    JennieKillough Posts: 10 Member
    I think I might suffer from body dysmorphic disorder. I think sometimes it's been going on for years. I can relate to what you're saying. It's sometimes nearly debilitating. And most people don't seem to get it.

    I do know that you're going to have to somehow grab onto things about yourself that have nothing to do with your physical appearance... and learn to see your strengths. It's the only way out of it really. There's nothing anyone can do or say to help. I've been there.

    You absolutely have to do this for yourself and on your own. You'll have to fight hard to find other things about yourself you like, and just hold onto them. I am fighting my way out of this myself. I know exactly the hell you might be in.
  • christofore
    christofore Posts: 3
    Keep staying on your program and remember you are Beautiful and when you overcome those negative feelings which are hard for you now.you will be able to help others in your situation maybe you need to go to have some Beautiful pictures done of your self like at the .....candy shoppe or do something that makes you feel good ....go get some massages.... Maybe have some healing touch energy work done to remove negative thoughts.and find some oils that smell nice and can change your mood.Best Wishes and keep your chin up!
  • Caleen58
    Caleen58 Posts: 23 Member
    You will not hear a single negative word from me! You are doing great. I know, from having thyroid disease people don't think I try hard enough, so I understand where you're coming from. 49 lbs is awesome and I bet people notice, you will too. And you'll feel more energy. Isn't it nice to have a place like this to vent so you don't give up? I'm not losing and doing everything right (I can't lie to myself!) but with all the support here and seeing the success people have, I keep at it and try not to get discouraged.

    I'm here to listen to all the venting you want to do!
    Donna
  • kimmyrn42
    kimmyrn42 Posts: 30
    I think you are doing great so far. I have felt similar things when looking in the mirror which is why I decided that's it! Enough is enough...I struggle everyday with making good food choices but give myself lots of atta girls when I eat well and stay under my calorie goals. Small victories mean just as much as the large ones...it is hard to pull yourself out of a funk but you can do it!!
  • Pixi_Rex
    Pixi_Rex Posts: 1,676 Member
    You have a blog.... you should use it.. rather than venting on the forums. Just my opinion.
  • Bownzi
    Bownzi Posts: 423 Member
    You know... There are a lot of good things about who you are...from reading your vent I can see that you are very honest which is the best part of who you are... Being able to vent about the things which bother you is good, because right now in this world so many people lie about who they really are. You have started that process... Now you have also started to work out and track the things you are doing understand that this is what you are. You are committed to the things you are working on..and are comfortable enough with this to share it with all of us...this is also good... Being. Able to vent like you have is good now keep being committed to your goals and be who you know you can be..I'm here because I realized that being 300 lbs was not who I am....I have lost a lot so far but will get to my goal. I understand the issues you have I have lived with someone who is bi polar but will not admit it to herself or anyone else.... Keep looking forward..you will succeed..
  • Cp731
    Cp731 Posts: 3,195 Member
    Sweety,
    You will get ther
    You have Goals
    You are eating Healthy
    You are making positive choices
    Please don't be so hard on yourself
    This is a long Process
    You are Brave
    Time is of the Eccense (sp)

    Begin to see yourself as a soul with a body rather than a body with a soul.
    Wayne Dyer
  • bear73000
    bear73000 Posts: 52 Member
    First of all great job on the changes you are making and you are making great progress!!

    It's hard for me to look at myself and see the changes I have made as well. I'm not sure I can offer any valuable advice for you, but just keep doing what you are doing. I think the biggest challenge is recognizing the things about yourself that need work and you starting to work on them.

    I am sure you will start seeing the positive changes and allow yourself to feel good about it.

    Keep up the great work.
  • wantingmeback
    wantingmeback Posts: 27
    You have a blog.... you should use it.. rather than venting on the forums. Just my opinion.


    Ever stop and THINK maybe she needs a little support!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :mad: :explode:
  • ajnb88
    ajnb88 Posts: 339 Member
    I don't think I have any medical condition such as you do, but I've disliked the way I look for about 5 years now. Even with losing 31lbs, I still don't really care for what I see in the mirror.
  • salcha76
    salcha76 Posts: 287 Member
    When you vent, it's acknowledging your issues and wanting to tackle them. Good. Only you can change your mental attitude (btw...I've gone from 326# to 183). Everything in life serves a purpose....putting on the weight...taking off the weight...being frustrated...all bumps in the road that we need to overcome, all forming us into the people we are. Embrace who you are, regardless of the # on the scale....Love you for you, period. Embrace each stretch mark....dimple....and love who you are today. Slowly learn to love you for you....and respect yourself....watching what you put into your body and how you burn it off....baby steps. This is a huge learning process and I'm in the middle of it. "Supposed too's" in life get in the way....redefine you for you and your own happiness...when people comment negatively remember they have a hang up about themselves, it really has nothing to do with you. Chin up and good luck to you!
  • PaigeAnderson100
    PaigeAnderson100 Posts: 301 Member
    You have a blog.... you should use it.. rather than venting on the forums. Just my opinion.


    Ever stop and THINK maybe she needs a little support!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :mad: :explode:

    Thank you very much! :) I was really bothered by that comment.

    Thank you to everyone who had supportive and amazing answers! Please feel free to add me for support and motivation whenever you need it.
  • mrsgeneric
    mrsgeneric Posts: 143 Member
    If i could break every mirror in the house i would but unfortunatly we have to come to a realization that we are who we are and the only thing we can do about it is try to help ourselves by taking that next step weather its lose weight or be more healthy or both! I hear u. U hang in there dont give up!!
  • shineyapple
    shineyapple Posts: 94 Member
    girl you lost so much weight!!!!:) ... You're beautiful and I hope one day you will realize this xoxoxoxo
  • shelaneydae
    shelaneydae Posts: 27
    It takes 4 weeks for you to see your body changing. It takes 8 weeks for your friends and family to see the difference. And it takes 12 weeks for the rest of the world to see the change. Give it time, and KEEP GOING!! (: 49lbs down is AMAZING!
  • chanahliora
    chanahliora Posts: 20
    Paige, I am so glad you had the courage to vent in here. It is good to unload and get those feelings out. It is great you have a therapist and medication to help you. The fact that you are brave enough to seek help and accept that help means you are on your way to better health and learning to love yourself just the way you.

    Years ago when i was in therapy going through a really bad time, my therapist had me add the word "yet" whenever I would say, "Oh, I can't do that."which became, "Oh I can't do that, yet." What a difference that made. I encourage you to develop that habit. I have leaned to delete some other words out of my vocabulary as well. The words are "never" "always" and "should". That has also made a big difference for me. I urge you to give it try. It may sound silly, but it is a way to begin to bring hope back in your life.

    If you like I will send you healing energy and prayer of hope and renewal. Just let me know if you would like that.

    You have many blessing in your life and one day you be able to embrace them fully. Hang in and take slowly. Be kind to yourself you deserve. Slow and steady wins the race every time.

    Chanah

    P.S. Whoever that was that told you to go vent on your blog and not here, is ignorant of this place is for, cruel, and insensitive. I am so sorry you had to read that. I feel sorry that person too as they, clearly, are very unhappy. Happy people don't make comments like that.
  • cheshirequeen
    cheshirequeen Posts: 1,324 Member
    You have a blog.... you should use it.. rather than venting on the forums. Just my opinion.


    Ever stop and THINK maybe she needs a little support!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :mad: :explode:

    Thank you very much! :) I was really bothered by that comment.

    Thank you to everyone who had supportive and amazing answers! Please feel free to add me for support and motivation
    whenever you need it.

    I was with you on this one. If you need a friend go ahead and friend me. I've lost all my weight, hubby and friends say im thin and do great working out and eating right, but that mirror and scale ruins my days sometimes. I completely understand.
  • pinkcloudrising
    pinkcloudrising Posts: 63
    I'd kill nine people to have lost 49 lbs.

    You vent all you want in the MFP forums, just keep at whatever you are doing that is helping you lose weight and you will have the body you want.
  • wikitbikit
    wikitbikit Posts: 518 Member
    Check out the book 'the fat girls guide to exercise and other incendiary acts ' ... sit down in the bookstore and read the first chapter or so. It really helped give me a new perspective on my body. :)
  • LesaLu4
    LesaLu4 Posts: 83
    Here is just an idea..... instead of looking to your body wanting to be pleased with it's physical appearance, try appreciating your body for all the wonderful things it does for you. Love your legs and feet for all the places they take you. Love your eyes for all the things they show you. Love your hands for all the wonderful things they feel and create. Loving your body in this way may take a lot of the need you have for it to look a certain way. Maybe for each negative thought about yourself, force yourself to come up with a positive attribute. I know it's hard. Keep at it, you have come too far to turn back now. You can do this. Take care!:flowerforyou:
  • cerexflikex
    cerexflikex Posts: 58
    49 lbs, way to go! That's quite an achievement!

    I understand not being happy about what you see in the mirror. I've been avoiding the mirrors lately, if I can.
    Lots of great responses are in here! Please ignore the person saying use the blog. Sure you can use the blog, but no reason you can't post here as well.

    Try to focus on positive thoughts, like "I like what my hair is doing today." Or maybe "This exercise is easier, I'm able to do more of it." Think of some aspect in your life that gives you happiness. This way, it may help.

    And if your mind is stuck thinking in negative thoughts, try telling your mind to shut up once in awhile lol. Works for me sometimes.

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