So frustrated.... Venting
SRT4twg
Posts: 35 Member
I'm sorry to be another vent but I'm just so frustrated!! I've been on MFP since January been working out and dieting and I've been doing really well. Gone down 2 pant sizes 17lb and over 10 in total so far.
At one point my boyfriend tells me ok we've all (him and out friends and family i guess) had enough of you talking about your weight loss. We don't want to talk about it every day with you. Ok I get that it can get annoying and maybe it feels like i'm rubbing my success in his/their face so I tone it down.
Then this happens yesterday:
We went out to dinner with my boyfriends family where at the end of the meal i politely refused the fortune cookie I was offered at the end of the meal. After eating soup and salad and watching them all eat Chinese food... Then again his mom offered me more cookies that she brought from the bakery, I declined politely again. Mind you I did not say "No thank you I'm on a diet" I said "No thank you I don't feel like one" So what does my boyfriend do? He takes his cookie and shoves it in my face and says "Eat it!" repeatedly.
This is not the first time he has done something like this, not this bad but I just can't believe how inconsiderate and unfeeling this action was. It is very hard for me to say no to the food everyone else is eating. Every day is a struggle for me. I just wish he would be supportive.
And just a couple other things people have said/done.
"Hey, when are you going to start eating real food again?"
Ummmm hey I am eating real food!! WTH Just because its not deep fried doesn't mean its bad.... I just wanted to say "When are you going to stop overeating?"
"Mexican food is good for you."
I really don't know one way or anther if it is good food but its fried and has a tone of carbs so thats bad for me!
"You've never been skinny when I've known you."
Ok ouch! Even if its true. But I had gained 30lb within the time of knowing this person so they did know a skinnier me. Show some tact!
So getting to the point of all this, It has not been an easy 2 1/2 months but I feel like I have been working really hard and seeing amazing results. I just wish other people didn't have to put ya down to make themselves feel better about being overweight. If you need to get something off your chest please do. Sometimes it helps just to write it down :happy:
At one point my boyfriend tells me ok we've all (him and out friends and family i guess) had enough of you talking about your weight loss. We don't want to talk about it every day with you. Ok I get that it can get annoying and maybe it feels like i'm rubbing my success in his/their face so I tone it down.
Then this happens yesterday:
We went out to dinner with my boyfriends family where at the end of the meal i politely refused the fortune cookie I was offered at the end of the meal. After eating soup and salad and watching them all eat Chinese food... Then again his mom offered me more cookies that she brought from the bakery, I declined politely again. Mind you I did not say "No thank you I'm on a diet" I said "No thank you I don't feel like one" So what does my boyfriend do? He takes his cookie and shoves it in my face and says "Eat it!" repeatedly.
This is not the first time he has done something like this, not this bad but I just can't believe how inconsiderate and unfeeling this action was. It is very hard for me to say no to the food everyone else is eating. Every day is a struggle for me. I just wish he would be supportive.
And just a couple other things people have said/done.
"Hey, when are you going to start eating real food again?"
Ummmm hey I am eating real food!! WTH Just because its not deep fried doesn't mean its bad.... I just wanted to say "When are you going to stop overeating?"
"Mexican food is good for you."
I really don't know one way or anther if it is good food but its fried and has a tone of carbs so thats bad for me!
"You've never been skinny when I've known you."
Ok ouch! Even if its true. But I had gained 30lb within the time of knowing this person so they did know a skinnier me. Show some tact!
So getting to the point of all this, It has not been an easy 2 1/2 months but I feel like I have been working really hard and seeing amazing results. I just wish other people didn't have to put ya down to make themselves feel better about being overweight. If you need to get something off your chest please do. Sometimes it helps just to write it down :happy:
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Replies
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WOW! I truly do not know what to say to that. My heart goes out to you. It is such a struggle without any support, I am just now getting my boyfriend to come around and understand it's a lifestyle change and with that, he needs to make a bit of a change as well. I've had him say similar stuff to me, but not with any disrespect, more of a joking manner. I think you and your boyfriend need to have a serious talk and perhaps you can make him see what he is doing is very hurtful. Is he over weight? Perhaps its just jealousy?
Stay strong and keep up the great work!0 -
A few things.
First, if I was the mother of your boyfriend, I would have been appalled at his boorish and rude behavior AND called him out on it.
Second, I would ask him why he cares if you eat a cookie or not? Why does it affect him so much as to act like a jerk?
Third, chain restaurant Mexican food IS generally unhealthy. I will definitely concede that. However, if you enjoy it, there ARE healthy options out there. I
Mexican food so I couldn't let this point slide.
Honestly, I don't talk about my weight loss with anyone except people on MFP and other similar places. They GET the struggle and want to hear about it. My husband knows I'm eating better obviously but I don't talk specifics. Even when you're doing well and are NOT referring to others, everyone just gets bristled and in a tizzy because it reminds them what they SHOULD be doing or they doubt what you're doing. Either way it's a lose/lose situation.
If I were you I'd just quietly keep doing what you're doing, lean on online support and call your boyfriend and others out on rude behavior.0 -
Do not talk to others about your diet or progress and ignore them. Remember that you are doing it for yourself, not for the others. Do not allow them to bring you down. You are doing it for yourself, to have better health. Believe in yourself. If your current boyfriend does not understand your needs, respect them and support you, may be that's an indication for future problems.0
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I tend to get rid of things that are toxic in my life, but that's probably not the answer you are looking for. I don't force my lifestyle on anyone else. My husband doesn't follow my eating plan, but doesn't mock me either. He'll say "I want pizza or ice-cream tonight, can you plan for that?" Then we have pizza and ice-cream.
I think he's fearful of what I would do if he ever shoved something in my face and told me to eat it, or he just has enough respect for me to not be an *kitten*.
You need support, explain that and then you need to make a decision based on the response.0 -
Then again his mom offered me more cookies that she brought from the bakery, I declined politely again. Mind you I did not say "No thank you I'm on a diet" I said "No thank you I don't feel like one" So what does my boyfriend do? He takes his cookie and shoves it in my face and says "Eat it!" repeatedly.
I'd be having a serious heart-to-heart with your boyfriend.
In my opinion, that kind of behavior is absolutely unacceptable, and I'd be kicking his *kitten* to the curb for that kind of *kitten*.0 -
You're good--can't say I would have had such "restraint" if someone tried "shoving" a fortune cookie in my face. Your guy and his fam dnt appear to be too supportive but my advice to you...KEEP IT MOVING and keep doing what you're doing. As long as you feel good about what you're doing, dnt let NO ONE hinder you
:):) 0 -
Girl do you! he is so worried about you getting thin and moving on. You are an insperation I just started MFP and seeing all the success of others is motivating.
Keep up the good work
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omg...leave him NOW!! Believe me, he is showing signs of aggression and it will only get worse...think of your future and any children you might have, you need to protect YOURSELF and those future children....geeze, shuddering here..:mad:0
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That is completely inappropriate.... you really should leave him. It is abusive.0
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Sorry you have to go through that. Not having support from those close to you totally sucks.
That said, I'd tell him to go suck it. Since he's not supporting you, I wouldn't mention a thing about it anymore. If he comments, just ignore him. It doesn't sound like the relationship has been very healthy lately if he's doing things like that to hurt you. He needs to grow up.0 -
That is completely inappropriate.... you really should leave him. It is abusive.
"And Bingo was his name-o"
With all due respect, he sounds like a real POS... You keep rockin it!0 -
This is not the first time he has done something like this, not this bad but I just can't believe how inconsiderate and unfeeling this action was. It is very hard for me to say no to the food everyone else is eating. Every day is a struggle for me. I just wish he would be supportive.
So getting to the point of all this, It has not been an easy 2 1/2 months but I feel like I have been working really hard and seeing amazing results. I just wish other people didn't have to put ya down to make themselves feel better about being overweight. If you need to get something off your chest please do.
I suggest that you insist the two of you get counseling to find out why he's trying to sabotage you and is so angry about you trying to get healthy. If he refuses...kick him to the curb. It's only going to get worse and no-one deserves to be treated that way..and yes...100% ^^^^^^^^^^^^I wish people would stop trying to make themselves feel better at my (our) expense!0 -
Then again his mom offered me more cookies that she brought from the bakery, I declined politely again. Mind you I did not say "No thank you I'm on a diet" I said "No thank you I don't feel like one" So what does my boyfriend do? He takes his cookie and shoves it in my face and says "Eat it!" repeatedly.
I'd be having a serious heart-to-heart with your boyfriend.
In my opinion, that kind of behavior is absolutely unacceptable, and I'd be kicking his *kitten* to the curb for that kind of *kitten*.
I have to agree, he sounds like a controlling bully, and you don't have to put up with his disrepect and abuse, he needs to ship up or ship out.
I am sorry but there is no need for him to treat you like that :explode:0 -
This is not the first time he has done something like this, not this bad but I just can't believe how inconsiderate and unfeeling this action was. It is very hard for me to say no to the food everyone else is eating. Every day is a struggle for me. I just wish he would be supportive.
So getting to the point of all this, It has not been an easy 2 1/2 months but I feel like I have been working really hard and seeing amazing results. I just wish other people didn't have to put ya down to make themselves feel better about being overweight. If you need to get something off your chest please do.
I suggest that you insist the two of you get counseling to find out why he's trying to sabotage you and is so angry about you trying to get healthy. If he refuses...kick him to the curb. It's only going to get worse and no-one deserves to be treated that way..and yes...100% ^^^^^^^^^^^^I wish people would stop trying to make themselves feel better at my (our) expense!
THIS. Communication is key. Counseling if you're in it for the long haul with him would be beneficial. This is not acceptable behavior, by ANYONE. If someone tried to shove food in my face after politely declining it a few times, I would've slapped their hand away and probably would've gotten real b*itchy. That's just me though.0 -
Then again his mom offered me more cookies that she brought from the bakery, I declined politely again. Mind you I did not say "No thank you I'm on a diet" I said "No thank you I don't feel like one" So what does my boyfriend do? He takes his cookie and shoves it in my face and says "Eat it!" repeatedly.
I'd be having a serious heart-to-heart with your boyfriend.
In my opinion, that kind of behavior is absolutely unacceptable, and I'd be kicking his *kitten* to the curb for that kind of *kitten*.
This x 1000.
In my opinion this is not as much about your boyfriend and his family not supporting your weight loss as your boyfriend not supporting YOU.
Eventually if you marry him will he be supportive as you plan the wedding you want? Purchase the home you want? When you are pregnant and feel fat and ugly (as we tend to do even though we are beautiful!), when you are awake all night with a sick child and you are so tired you want to cry?
Think about all of this then decide if his opinions really should matter.
I would think it would be lovely if you had a boyfriend who had taken your hand and said he was proud of you and your choices and told everyone else to respect your choices.
Those guys are out there. Now it is up to you to make your choice on what kind of life YOU want for YOU.
And congrats on your great loss!0 -
It sounds as if the more you lose, the more abusive he is becoming. Its a control thing. Keep your guard up, suggest he get counseling.0
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I don't agree that you should not be able to talk about it/expect support from him. I believe that supporting one another is part of being in a healthy relationship.My significant other will go to the grocery store with me and spend an hour looking at labels and helping me make choices about what I want to buy. Like another gal said too, he will ask if I can "fit in" a treat. He is willing to support me in getting up early or getting home later so I can go to the Y and work out. I know, I am very lucky to have him and not everyone has that kind of support but the minimum I would expect would be respect and from what you said, I feel like your BF and his family do not respect you.0
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Just say "I don't want to be fat like you!"0
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If any man treated me that way he would be history whether I was on a diet or not!!!!! If someone doesn't respect me for who and what I am they have no right to expect to be part of my life! Simple as that!0
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The next time your boyfriend does that, stick a fork in his hand. That should prevent future relapses.0
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Those guys are out there. Now it is up to you to make your choice on what kind of life YOU want for YOU.
And congrats on your great loss!
YES!! They are out there as I have found one. It took me loving and respecting myself enough to feel like I deserved someone like him though, before I found him. Be proud of yourself and demand the love and respect you deserve! You will be MUCH happier for it :-)0 -
i would have taken the cookie, dropped it on the floor and stepped on it and crushed it into little bits and said "you eat it, I said no thank you." but I am not a mature person sometimes.0
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That is completely inappropriate.... you really should leave him. It is abusive.
"And Bingo was his name-o"
With all due respect, he sounds like a real POS... You keep rockin it!
That's the calm version of me agreeing with this post. The other side of me would have had that cookie down his throat while he was nursing his broken wrist. I would have then left his *kitten* there for his Mommy to take care of and been done with him.
Keep working on you!0 -
You're 26 years old...what are you doing with this LOSER? This episode is very telling of what your future with him would hold...don't walk, run from this guy as fast as you can...he is toxic and will only get worse over time.
Congratulations on your weight loss so far...you are doing great!0 -
I was wondering if he is heavy too? My second husband used to bring home the things that I just cant resist. WalMart cookies, white choc almond bark, peanut brittle etc... He was so insecure that he tried to keep me fat. Well he is gone and my current boyfriend LOVES that I have lost so much weight and is VERY supportive. I guess it helps that he is thin. I think it is seriously an insecurity issue with those who can not support us in our weight loss journey. Stay strong, find a friend to walk the path with and keep him in check. It is an emotional issue, I cna understand that, so maybe you can write your thoughts down and give them to him and ask him to share with his mother.0
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Hard to believe that someone you call your 'boyfriend', is still in your life girl!.. After reading your letter I felt so sad. Do you really have such low self esteem that you would allow this horrible behaviour towards you, that you would still be going out with him after he 'shoved a cookie in your face and said "eat it"...'..............CURB THE FOOL! and.......remember this...if he treats YOU with such disrespect, imagine how he'd treat any children you might have, or YOU after you marry! Get rid of him!0
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What the heck! Why do you stay with this guy? He sounds like a jerk!0
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First off... congrats and great job on not giving in and eating the chinese food or the cookies! It is tough to watch other people eat food that you once enjoyed. I'm not sure I would have had your will power.
Loosing weight is a life style change. It is not easy and if your boyfriend is a long-term committment in your life, then talk to him and tell him that you need his support and his actions (with the cookies) make it hard for you.
Hang in there! You are dong great!!!0 -
The first thing that jumps out is his shoving that cookie in your face. Big red flag.That was pretty damned aggressive if you ask me. Does he show his behind like that often? I mean, if this kind of behavior is the status quo, I'd be seriously finding my way out of that relationship.
So, ok, I get that maybe nobody wants to hear about our weight losses 24/7. I get that. I think that passing on the cooking because you didn't feel like one was a great answer.
You've done a terrific job on your weight loss so far, and you should be ridiculously proud of yourself. You did this for yourself to become physically healthy. Now, continue on that same train of thought, and do what you have to do to become mentally/emotionally healthy.
If this guy behaves like this over a freaking cookie? I'd hate to see what happens over something major in life.0 -
That is completely inappropriate.... you really should leave him. It is abusive.
"And Bingo was his name-o"
With all due respect, he sounds like a real POS... You keep rockin it!
That's the calm version of me agreeing with this post. The other side of me would have had that cookie down his throat while he was nursing his broken wrist. I would have then left his *kitten* there for his Mommy to take care of and been done with him.
Keep working on you!
LOVE THIS...a woman after my own heart! She's got it right.0
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