ATTN: Aspiring comedians and all around funny people.

actingnurse1
actingnurse1 Posts: 153 Member
edited October 27 in Chit-Chat
Ok... Working on a short film script and running into a roadblock. Could really use some funny ideas!

Let's pretend: Your gorgeous significant other drops you for your best friend and you want revenge... You wish that (BLANK) would happen to them - yet it must be able to backfire on you... for example: You wish he/she would catch a painful disease... so you get a phone call shortly after from him/her telling you they just found out they have herpes and you need to go get tested asap... or you wish the new couple would have a horrible breakup... and your ex best friend gets smashed by a car when he's crossing the road.. lol you get the jest of it. Twisted with dark humor.. total.. oh crap moments :) The best ideas could make the script!! If you'd rather PM than post on here that's fine too.

In the script the heartbreaker is a girl so if you can put yourself in the perspective of a guy that'd be even better

Replies

  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
    Only if i get a writing credit and points in the back end...gross, not net.

    When in doubt, always go with poop.
  • actingnurse1
    actingnurse1 Posts: 153 Member
    Only if i get a writing credit and points in the back end...gross, not net.

    When in doubt, always go with poop.
    LOL - if the idea's good enough we could probably work something out. If your idea is used you'll definitely get a special thanks and IMDB credit :)
  • actingnurse1
    actingnurse1 Posts: 153 Member
    Hmm.. ok I was thinking more of natural occurrences that you don't intentionally see happening... like you make a wish.. it's granted sorta but backfires on you. Not like sabotage/pranks done intentionally.
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  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
    Posting this because I'm too lazy to re-write. Just change grammar and recyle

    This is what happens to girls that decline my FR. I take one of their tampons and carefully hollow out the center of it so that only the tip and the end with string remain. Then get a box of razer blades, freeze them, then smash them into razor sharp metal fragments. Get a bottle of pure capsaicin (pure hot pepper extract) and some epoxy along with some fish hook and some corn starch.

    Then I take the razor blade fragments and epoxy them to several fish hooks. Make an unholy mixture of salt + capsaicin to make around 1 tbsp, heat it up and add a dash of cornstarch. Then I mix this together, put it in the plastic dispenser and put it in the freezer to set up solid. Then I put the cotton tip back on one side of the tampon and the other piece of cotton with the string attached back on the other end. I now have a tampon that looks like a tampon, but has a nasty payload of razor sharp metal, fish hooks, capsaicin and salt in the middle.

    When they put that tampon in, the “gelatin” will melt and the capsaicin will start to burn the inside of her vajayjay, desperately they will pull on the string to find that nothing is attached, finally, she will desperately try to rrach in and find out what is going on. The fish hooks should inmed themselves in the walls of the vagina while the sharp metal epoxied to them are causing multiple bleeding lacerations. The salt amplifies this 10x. They should now be lying on the ground screaming and writing in pain with a bleeding vajayjay while I stand back and laugh maniacally.

    /thread :huh:
  • actingnurse1
    actingnurse1 Posts: 153 Member
    Holy f$&k. Dude.

    LOL My thoughts exactly.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    Holy f$&k. Dude.

    LOL My thoughts exactly.

    Hey, you asked
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
    Cancer. Girl dumps guy, he gets angry and wishes she had cancer. Then, a couple weeks later, he finds out she has cancer and that the former best friend has dumped her. Guilt-ridden, the poor sap steps in and tries to help out when he can, she uses him as her sounding board, and they do a lot together, takes her on picnics, tells her she's pretty without hair, really sappy corny Hollywood stuff. So she sleeps with him and he's all happy. Then, just when he it looks like she loves him, she's cured, starts to get her hair back, and the ex best friend steps back into her life and she moves to a foreign country with him.

    The end.
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
    I think ryan reynolds already starred in this movie. A couple times.
  • toddis
    toddis Posts: 941 Member
    Ooo cancer sounds fun. How about you wish she get's cancer. The best friend can't take it and leaves her. The guy moves in to take care of her in her time of need and she realizes she really loves him. Then she dies.
  • actingnurse1
    actingnurse1 Posts: 153 Member
    Cancer's a pretty twisted idea... Just keep in mind I only have 15 pages/minutes to tell the story in from open to close. Need twisted but still have funny :)
  • Cre8veLifeR
    Cre8veLifeR Posts: 1,062 Member
    How about it turns out that his ex-BF and ex-GF wind up hating each other and all they do is fight, and she calls HER BF to come because she is just so upset (her BF lives a ways away) and ex-gf's BF comes to talk to guy about his ex-BF to get the scoop about him and our protagonist and ex-GF's BF wind up digging each other, get together and fall madly happily in love.

    Because happiness and success are the BEST revenge, especially when the people who effed you over wind up miserable.

    And that Taunto guy? Scary. lol.
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  • koalajazzie88
    koalajazzie88 Posts: 24
    This isnt really dark twisted but twist of fate rather.............. 1) Your super hott girlie leaves you for your superfine jock best friend and you are pissed. You go to the "crazy chic" in your office whose cube looks like something out of "Eves Bayou" to see if there is a spell or something you can do to get her back. She has you doing some "AngelHeart chicken dance" in the breakroom and tells you to verbally state what you wish. Your wish is for this superhott sports jock ex friend of yours hair to all fall out (cuz your ex girl keeps posting pics all over facebook of her rubbing her hands through his thick *kitten* hair) and he ends up looking like George Castanza from Sinefield. All the sudden it happens and he is freaking out ,,you think you will get her back because she is all the sudden coming around to you talking about how she made a mistake and he jock boyfriend is trippin all the time. You guys start hangin out more and reminicissing over the good ole days but for some reason you start itching and twitching all the time for no reason (the eves bayou office chic has made a voodoo doll of you to get you away from your ex girlfriend cuz she has secretly had a crush on you for years) Just when u think you will get her back ...your ex jock friend invents a spay on hair gel that covers up balding and grows new hair, he becomes filthy rich and comes to pick her up on an elephant in the middle of the street, proposes to her with a HUGE DIAMOND and they run off to Dubai to get married. Meanwhile you now have to live in a bubble becasue you cant get rid of this rash that has developed from the voodoo.... but crazy office chich comes around everyday to hang out with you and feed in your bubble!
  • koalajazzie88
    koalajazzie88 Posts: 24
    You're a musician. Semi popular in your local area. You write a mean song about the situation. The song winds up becoming hugely popular locally, and ultimately played on the radio (maybe a country music type song). The huge success of the song drives a larger wedge between the guy she dumped and his friend. The guy feels starts feeling guilty for writing the song because it was written out of hatred and emotion. He wishes he could take it back. In the end, he hates his success from the song and having to sing it night after night is its own hell.

    This would make an awesome situation if well written.

    I like that idea...Sounds like Taylor Swift and all her exes
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  • HoneyDaggers
    HoneyDaggers Posts: 91 Member
    What is this about. Kinda gross.
  • QueenBishOTUniverse
    QueenBishOTUniverse Posts: 14,121 Member
    GuitarJerry wrote: »
    Posting this because I'm too lazy to re-write. Just change grammar and recyle

    This is what happens to girls that decline my FR. I take one of their tampons and carefully hollow out the center of it so that only the tip and the end with string remain. Then get a box of razer blades, freeze them, then smash them into razor sharp metal fragments. Get a bottle of pure capsaicin (pure hot pepper extract) and some epoxy along with some fish hook and some corn starch.

    Then I take the razor blade fragments and epoxy them to several fish hooks. Make an unholy mixture of salt + capsaicin to make around 1 tbsp, heat it up and add a dash of cornstarch. Then I mix this together, put it in the plastic dispenser and put it in the freezer to set up solid. Then I put the cotton tip back on one side of the tampon and the other piece of cotton with the string attached back on the other end. I now have a tampon that looks like a tampon, but has a nasty payload of razor sharp metal, fish hooks, capsaicin and salt in the middle.

    When they put that tampon in, the “gelatin” will melt and the capsaicin will start to burn the inside of her vajayjay, desperately they will pull on the string to find that nothing is attached, finally, she will desperately try to rrach in and find out what is going on. The fish hooks should inmed themselves in the walls of the vagina while the sharp metal epoxied to them are causing multiple bleeding lacerations. The salt amplifies this 10x. They should now be lying on the ground screaming and writing in pain with a bleeding vajayjay while I stand back and laugh maniacally.

    Holy f$&k. Dude.
    Yeah um, welp. That's enough interwebz for me today.
  • almondbutterbay
    almondbutterbay Posts: 221 Member
    GuitarJerry wrote: »
    Posting this because I'm too lazy to re-write. Just change grammar and recyle

    This is what happens to girls that decline my FR. I take one of their tampons and carefully hollow out the center of it so that only the tip and the end with string remain. Then get a box of razer blades, freeze them, then smash them into razor sharp metal fragments. Get a bottle of pure capsaicin (pure hot pepper extract) and some epoxy along with some fish hook and some corn starch.

    Then I take the razor blade fragments and epoxy them to several fish hooks. Make an unholy mixture of salt + capsaicin to make around 1 tbsp, heat it up and add a dash of cornstarch. Then I mix this together, put it in the plastic dispenser and put it in the freezer to set up solid. Then I put the cotton tip back on one side of the tampon and the other piece of cotton with the string attached back on the other end. I now have a tampon that looks like a tampon, but has a nasty payload of razor sharp metal, fish hooks, capsaicin and salt in the middle.

    When they put that tampon in, the “gelatin” will melt and the capsaicin will start to burn the inside of her vajayjay, desperately they will pull on the string to find that nothing is attached, finally, she will desperately try to rrach in and find out what is going on. The fish hooks should inmed themselves in the walls of the vagina while the sharp metal epoxied to them are causing multiple bleeding lacerations. The salt amplifies this 10x. They should now be lying on the ground screaming and writing in pain with a bleeding vajayjay while I stand back and laugh maniacally.

    Holy f$&k. Dude.

    This is the best reason I've ever heard to wear pads instead of tampons. Tampons have been forever ruined for me. I will consider all opportunities of sabotage from now on.

    People are sick
  • pechepanda
    pechepanda Posts: 7,939 Member
    You wish your ex-gf and bff would fight lots and break up, you try to sabotage their relationship by telling your bff your ex-gf is cheating on him, he gets mad goes on a jealous rampage and accidentally runs over the new girl you're seeing while you're in the car, he goes to jail they break up, your ex never speaks to you again, you have a criminal record and you're forever alone
  • brower47
    brower47 Posts: 16,356 Member
    taunto wrote: »
    Posting this because I'm too lazy to re-write. Just change grammar and recyle

    This is what happens to girls that decline my FR. I take one of their tampons and carefully hollow out the center of it so that only the tip and the end with string remain. Then get a box of razer blades, freeze them, then smash them into razor sharp metal fragments. Get a bottle of pure capsaicin (pure hot pepper extract) and some epoxy along with some fish hook and some corn starch.

    Then I take the razor blade fragments and epoxy them to several fish hooks. Make an unholy mixture of salt + capsaicin to make around 1 tbsp, heat it up and add a dash of cornstarch. Then I mix this together, put it in the plastic dispenser and put it in the freezer to set up solid. Then I put the cotton tip back on one side of the tampon and the other piece of cotton with the string attached back on the other end. I now have a tampon that looks like a tampon, but has a nasty payload of razor sharp metal, fish hooks, capsaicin and salt in the middle.

    When they put that tampon in, the “gelatin” will melt and the capsaicin will start to burn the inside of her vajayjay, desperately they will pull on the string to find that nothing is attached, finally, she will desperately try to rrach in and find out what is going on. The fish hooks should inmed themselves in the walls of the vagina while the sharp metal epoxied to them are causing multiple bleeding lacerations. The salt amplifies this 10x. They should now be lying on the ground screaming and writing in pain with a bleeding vajayjay while I stand back and laugh maniacally.

    And he wonders why some people might find him a misogynist and very, very creepy.

  • Cindy4FunFit
    Cindy4FunFit Posts: 2,732 Member
    Bury it again.

    g7g7g8dv6xnn.jpg
  • redheaddee
    redheaddee Posts: 2,005 Member
    taunto wrote: »
    Posting this because I'm too lazy to re-write. Just change grammar and recyle

    This is what happens to girls that decline my FR. I take one of their tampons and carefully hollow out the center of it so that only the tip and the end with string remain. Then get a box of razer blades, freeze them, then smash them into razor sharp metal fragments. Get a bottle of pure capsaicin (pure hot pepper extract) and some epoxy along with some fish hook and some corn starch.

    Then I take the razor blade fragments and epoxy them to several fish hooks. Make an unholy mixture of salt + capsaicin to make around 1 tbsp, heat it up and add a dash of cornstarch. Then I mix this together, put it in the plastic dispenser and put it in the freezer to set up solid. Then I put the cotton tip back on one side of the tampon and the other piece of cotton with the string attached back on the other end. I now have a tampon that looks like a tampon, but has a nasty payload of razor sharp metal, fish hooks, capsaicin and salt in the middle.

    When they put that tampon in, the “gelatin” will melt and the capsaicin will start to burn the inside of her vajayjay, desperately they will pull on the string to find that nothing is attached, finally, she will desperately try to rrach in and find out what is going on. The fish hooks should inmed themselves in the walls of the vagina while the sharp metal epoxied to them are causing multiple bleeding lacerations. The salt amplifies this 10x. They should now be lying on the ground screaming and writing in pain with a bleeding vajayjay while I stand back and laugh maniacally.

    two words? Human Centipede. Crazy *kitten* sells.
  • pechepanda
    pechepanda Posts: 7,939 Member
    taunto wrote: »
    Posting this because I'm too lazy to re-write. Just change grammar and recyle

    This is what happens to girls that decline my FR. I take one of their tampons and carefully hollow out the center of it so that only the tip and the end with string remain. Then get a box of razer blades, freeze them, then smash them into razor sharp metal fragments. Get a bottle of pure capsaicin (pure hot pepper extract) and some epoxy along with some fish hook and some corn starch.

    Then I take the razor blade fragments and epoxy them to several fish hooks. Make an unholy mixture of salt + capsaicin to make around 1 tbsp, heat it up and add a dash of cornstarch. Then I mix this together, put it in the plastic dispenser and put it in the freezer to set up solid. Then I put the cotton tip back on one side of the tampon and the other piece of cotton with the string attached back on the other end. I now have a tampon that looks like a tampon, but has a nasty payload of razor sharp metal, fish hooks, capsaicin and salt in the middle.

    When they put that tampon in, the “gelatin” will melt and the capsaicin will start to burn the inside of her vajayjay, desperately they will pull on the string to find that nothing is attached, finally, she will desperately try to rrach in and find out what is going on. The fish hooks should inmed themselves in the walls of the vagina while the sharp metal epoxied to them are causing multiple bleeding lacerations. The salt amplifies this 10x. They should now be lying on the ground screaming and writing in pain with a bleeding vajayjay while I stand back and laugh maniacally.
    Im kind of impressed...or weirded out, maybe both

  • Unknown
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  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    brower47 wrote: »
    taunto wrote: »
    Posting this because I'm too lazy to re-write. Just change grammar and recyle

    This is what happens to girls that decline my FR. I take one of their tampons and carefully hollow out the center of it so that only the tip and the end with string remain. Then get a box of razer blades, freeze them, then smash them into razor sharp metal fragments. Get a bottle of pure capsaicin (pure hot pepper extract) and some epoxy along with some fish hook and some corn starch.

    Then I take the razor blade fragments and epoxy them to several fish hooks. Make an unholy mixture of salt + capsaicin to make around 1 tbsp, heat it up and add a dash of cornstarch. Then I mix this together, put it in the plastic dispenser and put it in the freezer to set up solid. Then I put the cotton tip back on one side of the tampon and the other piece of cotton with the string attached back on the other end. I now have a tampon that looks like a tampon, but has a nasty payload of razor sharp metal, fish hooks, capsaicin and salt in the middle.

    When they put that tampon in, the “gelatin” will melt and the capsaicin will start to burn the inside of her vajayjay, desperately they will pull on the string to find that nothing is attached, finally, she will desperately try to rrach in and find out what is going on. The fish hooks should inmed themselves in the walls of the vagina while the sharp metal epoxied to them are causing multiple bleeding lacerations. The salt amplifies this 10x. They should now be lying on the ground screaming and writing in pain with a bleeding vajayjay while I stand back and laugh maniacally.

    And he wonders why some people might find him a misogynist and very, very creepy.

    I have never wondered that...
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