Why can't I have a normal relationship with food?

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tloutchx3
tloutchx3 Posts: 1
in Health and Weight Loss
Hello,

This is my first post on the forum. I've read many, many posts by other people on here looking for advice but I've never had the courage to post myself. This time, I think it's necessary to articulate for my own benefit:

I have never had a normal relationship with food. I was obese as a child and used eating as an emotional crutch. I used to come home and prepare a full meal (beans on toast, cereal) before my parents got home then lie about having eaten and eat again. I also used to steal food from the kitchen.

Now I'm 19 and I'm 11 stone (healthy weight should be around 9). Over summer I cut out eating at night, exercised almost every day and had a healthy attitude to life and got down to 10 stone. My highest was 12. Then, starting University I put on a stone again through drinking and not least eating. I'd binge at night, binge when drunk, binge when alone in the flat and binge when feeling emotional. My best friend also has a problem with binging (though is skinny) so we'd facilitate each other. When I go back I intend to cut down drinking but not cut it out (3 years to make the most of the time) but to sort out my food problem.

I'm home for Easter. Started a detox on Saturday; all was going well. I'd eat 3 meals a day and only when I was hungry. I enjoyed getting that feeling back, it'd been a while since I'd had it. Today I've binged MASSIVELY - bread, peanut butter, homous, chocolate, cereal. I threw it up and went back for more. I just feel so worthless, horrible, useless - I doubt I'll ever have a normal relationship with food or a body I'm comfortable in and that fact makes me want to cry.

I don't know why I'm posting here. This is the first time I've opened up about it to anyone or anywhere so if anyone can give me some advice or encouragement I'd appreciate it. I just feel so lost and depressed.

Thanks for reading.

Louise. Xo

Replies

  • ameliaannakin
    ameliaannakin Posts: 344 Member
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    Hi Louise,

    Everyone has an off day, don't worry about it, right it off and start again tomorrow. The great thing is that you want to change and that you have made the start. Now you just need really supportive people behind you to help you keep it up :) I eat more now than I ever have but I eat right and every now and again I have a little bit of what I fancy. It's all about giving yourself rewards. Chin up girl :) you can do it and be body confident.

    Ax
  • KellyOnlySmaller
    KellyOnlySmaller Posts: 42 Member
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    I have had the same struggle with food. My transformation began when I realized I wanted to feel good and be healthy MORE than I wanted to eat. I was tired of feeling worthless and out of control.

    I fight with this every day, I'm not going to lie. I constantly have to remind myself to be kind to myself, because I am worth the effort. You are, too. You have to believe in yourself to do this.

    What helps me tremendously is having a positive outlook. I read tons of motivational quotes every day, and a lot of them speak to me. I am learning to love myself just from being nice to myself and not putting myself down.

    My outlet has been exercise. I still eat whatever I want as long as it's within my calorie limit. I feel very strong and in control most days. Sure, I've had a few bad (really bad) days since I started this, but I love the fact that I no longer throw in the towel. I just get right back on track and start fresh. I don't even wait til the next day. I start fresh at the next meal. Exercise motivates me, because I don't want to screw up the effort I've put in. I figure if I exercise and then pig out, I've only let myself down. That helps me to stay on track.

    Another tip I have is to put your scale away. I haven't weighed myself since March 1st and I have found complete freedom in that! I was so caught up in the number on the scale that I couldn't focus on getting healthy. I weigh once a month now, and the pressure has been completely lifted. I know I've lost weight, because I feel it. Your success is not a number. Although it's nice to check in once in a while to see what progress you have made. That's why I still weigh monthly.

    Feel free to add me as a friend if you'd like to. I like to cheer my friends here along! The support is amazing here.

    You can do this! Just start telling yourself you can!

    Hugs!
    Kelly :)
  • ajhugz
    ajhugz Posts: 452 Member
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    I think you should read this article about binge eating. It has some good advice. http://www.oprah.com/health/How-to-Beat-Binge-Eating-The-Most-Common-Eating-Disorder

    Have you figured out how many calories you should be eating a day?

    You've already taken the first step to becoming a healthy you. We all have bad days in weight loss, but tomorrow is a new day. One bad day is not going to screw up your weight loss. You just have to keep going and keep trying to do better.

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