I want to get back to...

PaigeAnderson100
PaigeAnderson100 Posts: 301 Member
in Motivation and Support
I hear people say these phrases all the time.
"I am trying to get down to X number of pounds like I was in high school"
"I was so fit 5 years ago, that's where I want to be"
"I remember when I fit into these pants. these are my goal pants" etc.

I weighed in at 204 pounds when I was in fifth grade. I didn't go to any school dances, I never wore jeans, I wore big black sweatshirts from 5th grade- well, currently, the last time that I was happy with my body was at a time that I can't even remember, I don't have any cute pants that I wish I could fit in to AGAIN. I don't know at all what I am going to look like when I lose weight.

I think the reason that I am so darn scared is because, I have NEVER been small. I was always a big big girl. In Kindergarten, I weighed 70 pounds. By the end of third grade, I was between 100-150 pounds. (Students that I went to school with weren't even 150 pounds when they graduated highschool). In Middle school, I weighed between 200-220. In High school, I fluctuated from 220-280. I started this weight loss after I had my beautiful daughter and I have lost about 40 pounds but, I still have 90 to go until my goal weight. I have 30 pounds to go until I am smaller than fifth grade.... which is very sad. Yeah, I missed out on dances, I missed out on "trends" because I would wear the same thing a lot, I missed out on showing how good I was at sports in Phy-Ed because I was too scared to go to gym due to the shorts and t-shirts, I didn't have a lot of friends because I feared rejection.... yes, I missed out on quite a few child experiences but, I am here now and I am ready to do this for me and for my family.
I don't know at all what I will look like, I have no idea what it feels like to be small or healthy and I have a lot of doubt but, I will overcome this. I hope that some people look at this and realize that being afraid of weight loss CANNOT stop you!! You must push through your fears and jump over the fear hurdle. You can do this and I am sure that I can too! :)

Replies

  • acloern1985
    acloern1985 Posts: 71 Member
    Awesome job losing weight so far! I have no doubt you will reach your goals and I hope they are everything you expect and more!
  • megsmom2
    megsmom2 Posts: 2,362 Member
    I think you are brave and beautiful and amazing. You can do this. I know you can!
  • fwilson1031
    fwilson1031 Posts: 88
    I got a little emotional reading this... I have no idea where you're coming from, but we are in this together, now. I'm sure you're going to look amazing and probably feel even better. What an example you're setting for your daughter! Keep up the good work and congrats on the loss so far!
  • dangerousdumpling
    dangerousdumpling Posts: 1,109 Member
    I wanna hug you right now. :flowerforyou:
  • tlelizondo
    tlelizondo Posts: 45 Member
    I know exactly how you feel!! I weighed almost 11 pounds when I was born and have always been heavy. I think you hit it on the head for me right now. I have been stuck for months and keep sabatoging myself and I think it is because I am scared. I do not know what it is like to be a "normal" size - I do not know what it is like to look good in clothes- I do not know what it is like to walk into a room and feel good about myself instead of wanting to hide - I may be obese, but it is familiar, it is "safe", I know what it feels like. I may not like it, but it is all I know. I think my fear of the unknown is keeping me from moving forward.

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