I feel like I need support

Cassieludwig
Cassieludwig Posts: 12
in Motivation and Support
My family doesn't support my weight loss. What I mean by that is they are not willing to help, they are not enthusiastic about it, and quite frankly they could care less. All my friends are bigger than me, so of the group I am the runt. They show no interest in wanting to change themselves. Several times I have mentioned wanting to lose weight and they pretty much poke fun because "I look fine" and "I'm not as big as them" and "I have plenty more to gain" Problem is, I'm 5'7, 22 years old, have kidney failure and am 237 lbs. Not only do I want to feel better for myself, but my transplant team wont list me on the transplant list till I lose 40lbs. My goal is 50-60. I need to lose it fast. I hate doing dialysis every night. So the sooner I lose the weight and get listed the better. I just feel like I need more support then just my boyfriend and I.

Replies

  • Jude_V
    Jude_V Posts: 72 Member
    I have only been on here for a few weeks and the friends I have here are all my family (2 sisters and my daughter) and we are all really supporting one another so I can't imagine how hard it is when only one person is behind you.

    Something about your post called out to me so I hope you will accept a friend request :)

    I am pretty sure that, within 24 hours you will have hundreds of supportive friends :)

    Jude xox
  • Cassieludwig
    Cassieludwig Posts: 12
    Thank you :) I know I can do this. Its just really hard to find motivation when nobody really cares, and when everyone around you is overweight and have no will or intention to change, it kind of makes you wonder "well why should I?"
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,407 Member
    I think family and friends do this as it points out their own issues. Some are not as willing to admit the problems at the time that you are willing to lose weight.

    This is normal. For myself, i had to learn to shut up about it and just focus on me myself and i.
  • squatsandlipgloss
    squatsandlipgloss Posts: 595 Member
    Do it for your health and your future. Screw all the people trying to discourage you. It's nothing but jealousy. It's hard for them seeing a strong, beautiful girl like you making changes for your health! Theyre scared that youll become even more prettier than them ;) You can do it :)))
  • Tenzuya
    Tenzuya Posts: 64
    Kidney failure can be fatal, so really we are talking about your desire to live not your desire to lose weight, if your friends cant understand how serious your situation is, they are either stupid, or they are not your friends, by what you said you have a supportive boyfriend, so you should just stick with him untill you are better, friends come and go hun, you only have one chance to live!
  • ron2e
    ron2e Posts: 606
    That's so sad, particularly when you have a medical need to lose weight and are so young. As has been said above, do it for yourself, you deserve it, and to hell with the rest of them. If you follow your MFP targets you will lose weight, I have lost 26 lbs in two months and it hasn't been as hard as I expected and I now have a new way of looking at food.

    Feel free to add me if you think it might help you.
  • Cassieludwig
    Cassieludwig Posts: 12
    Kidney failure can be fatal, so really we are talking about your desire to live not your desire to lose weight, if your friends cant understand how serious your situation is, they are either stupid, or they are not your friends, by what you said you have a supportive boyfriend, so you should just stick with him untill you are better, friends come and go hun, you only have one chance to live!

    I know. I try not to go out with them, we always just end up eating. And they literally try to get me to eat more so I can be "big and strong" like them. The bigger one is roughly 340 lbs. The smaller one is 280. Ive tried explaining to them many times, but they don't seem to understand. I know its partially my fault too, I never say no and always accept the food.
  • WendySPWarren
    WendySPWarren Posts: 63 Member
    Most of my family are quite health-conscious and are pretty supportive of me, but I rarely get to see them. The one family member who I do see often is severely obese, and there's no way i'll even dare bring my my own fitness goals around her because I know it'll probably just make her feel like ****, and I don't want that.

    Any time I talk about my fitness goals around my friends I usually get lectured about how I should love my body, that i'm perfect the way I am, ect... They just assume I have a mental disorder for wanting to improve my health and confidence. I no longer talk to my friends about fitness because of this. It just frustrates me that they make such wild assumptions about my reasons for doing it, and they just end up worried about me.

    I would love it if I had some female friends of similar fitness levels who I could go to the gym with and share the journey with. That would be amazing. I really miss having gym buddies, it's really great for motivation. :)
  • awcrapitsray
    awcrapitsray Posts: 1
    I've only been on this website and my own diet and exercise regime for a few days really, today marks my first week actually and I know how hard this is without support but if you need some help I'm here. it will help me as well to have some extra help so if you need it I'll be there for you. that applies to anyone else on this site, feel free to message me or friend request me. after all we're all after the same thing so why not help each other out?
  • MommaChocoLatte
    MommaChocoLatte Posts: 389 Member
    I can absolutely empathize.. i feel for your situation. I wish you all the best in all your efforts. Feel free to add me as a friend, I am around daily, my diary is open, I log everything.. good and bad and am a pretty good cheerleader *wink*.
  • Tenzuya
    Tenzuya Posts: 64
    Kidney failure can be fatal, so really we are talking about your desire to live not your desire to lose weight, if your friends cant understand how serious your situation is, they are either stupid, or they are not your friends, by what you said you have a supportive boyfriend, so you should just stick with him untill you are better, friends come and go hun, you only have one chance to live!

    I know. I try not to go out with them, we always just end up eating. And they literally try to get me to eat more so I can be "big and strong" like them. The bigger one is roughly 340 lbs. The smaller one is 280. Ive tried explaining to them many times, but they don't seem to understand. I know its partially my fault too, I never say no and always accept the food.

    It is time to put your foot down, and dont go out with them anymore, they are not big and strong! they are weak and unhealthy, life is too precious to lose over what someone might think of us, i would drop them like a bad habit!
  • Cassieludwig
    Cassieludwig Posts: 12
    Most of my family are quite health-conscious and are pretty supportive of me, but I rarely get to see them. The one family member who I do see often is severely obese, and there's no way i'll even dare bring my my own fitness goals around her because I know it'll probably just make her feel like ****, and I don't want that.

    Any time I talk about my fitness goals around my friends I usually get lectured about how I should love my body, that i'm perfect the way I am, ect... They just assume I have a mental disorder for wanting to improve my health and confidence. I no longer talk to my friends about fitness because of this. It just frustrates me that they make such wild assumptions about my reasons for doing it, and they just end up worried about me.

    I would love it if I had some female friends of similar fitness levels who I could go to the gym with and share the journey with. That would be amazing. I really miss having gym buddies, it's really great for motivation. :)

    I totally feel for you. This is very close to what I have to deal with. A gym buddy would be nice, unfortunately everybody I know have no interest in going, and I don't dare ask my bf because he is anorexic.
  • Cassieludwig
    Cassieludwig Posts: 12
    Kidney failure can be fatal, so really we are talking about your desire to live not your desire to lose weight, if your friends cant understand how serious your situation is, they are either stupid, or they are not your friends, by what you said you have a supportive boyfriend, so you should just stick with him untill you are better, friends come and go hun, you only have one chance to live!

    I know. I try not to go out with them, we always just end up eating. And they literally try to get me to eat more so I can be "big and strong" like them. The bigger one is roughly 340 lbs. The smaller one is 280. Ive tried explaining to them many times, but they don't seem to understand. I know its partially my fault too, I never say no and always accept the food.

    It is time to put your foot down, and dont go out with them anymore, they are not big and strong! they are weak and unhealthy, life is too precious to lose over what someone might think of us, i would drop them like a bad habit!

    I know I should, but I really cant. Like I love them. I think for now its best just to keep a distance, and maybe when they see my success, they will want change for themselves. And unlike them, I will be there for support.
  • Jude_V
    Jude_V Posts: 72 Member
    I know. I try not to go out with them, we always just end up eating. And they literally try to get me to eat more so I can be "big and strong" like them. The bigger one is roughly 340 lbs. The smaller one is 280. Ive tried explaining to them many times, but they don't seem to understand. I know its partially my fault too, I never say no and always accept the food.

    It isn't entirely your fault...we are hot wired to eat food when it's available - that's part of our biological make up. The only thing you can od - other than not going out with them, which would be a shame. Is just try and make healthy choices look at the menu and say, loudly "Hmmmm...I really fancy a big crunchy salad" :) My other suggestion would be to try talking to each one on their own...explain that your life may depend on you losing weight and ask if they can help in anyway....Get them to suggest ways they might help and support you. That way it seems more real to them and they are more likely to follow through. My background is in Psychology and counselling BTW so the above suggestions aren't just pulled out of my hat :))
  • Cassieludwig
    Cassieludwig Posts: 12
    I know. I try not to go out with them, we always just end up eating. And they literally try to get me to eat more so I can be "big and strong" like them. The bigger one is roughly 340 lbs. The smaller one is 280. Ive tried explaining to them many times, but they don't seem to understand. I know its partially my fault too, I never say no and always accept the food.

    It isn't entirely your fault...we are hot wired to eat food when it's available - that's part of our biological make up. The only thing you can od - other than not going out with them, which would be a shame. Is just try and make healthy choices look at the menu and say, loudly "Hmmmm...I really fancy a big crunchy salad" :) My other suggestion would be to try talking to each one on their own...explain that your life may depend on you losing weight and ask if they can help in anyway....Get them to suggest ways they might help and support you. That way it seems more real to them and they are more likely to follow through. My background is in Psychology and counselling BTW so the above suggestions aren't just pulled out of my hat :))

    Thank you, Ill definitely try talking to them one on one, however ill pass on the salad.. I'm not supposed to intake much potassium at all due to the kidney failure :/
  • blackcloud13
    blackcloud13 Posts: 654 Member
    I have a feeling you'll need to tough it out. I guess your friends mean no harm - but your health is way more important. I actually have the feeling that if you can tough it out for a few months, they will join you when they see the effects (and thank you forever!).

    You'll find people here with similar start points that have lost up to (and over) 100lbs - so lots of inspiration near by. Good Luck
  • UsernameStillLoading
    UsernameStillLoading Posts: 299 Member
    The thing about losing weight is that it takes dedication...and patience...and discipline. Things we all seem to lack nowadays.
    As you being, people won't understand what you are doing, they will not believe you are serious...and most of all, you might lose faith in yourself at times as well. If you persevere though, they will start seeing a difference and they will try to support you.
    My sister gave up white flour recently...I cannot understand why but I know it's important to her so I try to help her as much as possible. I even try to get her back in her feet when she falls off. Even before I started taking better care of myself, I would help her in all her journeys because I knew what it was like to want to achieve in something. Try to get your friends and family to see that you are not just losing weight to lose weight (especially since being overweight seems to be the norm now); you are losing because you want something. I think anyone who ever had a dream knows this feeling.
    Feel free to add if you need more friends. I'm not great with pep-talks...but I am good at joking around...or bringing logic into the mix.
  • bearwith
    bearwith Posts: 525 Member
    Don't tell the u r not doing it for them!
  • Tachyonic
    Tachyonic Posts: 64 Member
    Your situation sounds very hard; I'm sorry that your family and friends aren't making a good environment for you. I am quite lucky to have supportive family members, and a boyfriend that is also very supportive, but I almost never talk about my weight loss journey with my friends. Almost all of them are in good to decent shape, so I have often felt a little awkward at being the "chubby" one in my friend group ever since I gained weight in the last two years.

    I find that I only really ever need the MFP community and my boyfriend (and occasionally my mom and sister) as support groups. I love to share my successes, so telling pretty much anyone that I've done a good job works for me. :P

    However, I can understand that it would be very hard to lose weight around friends and family members that don't respect decisions or judge you for choosing lower-calorie/fat/whatever options when you eat, or wanting to exercise regularly. It is sometiems hard for me to eat lower-calorie when my friends and I go out to eat, too, because they don't need to choose low-calorie options and don't need to lose weight.

    It helps to research any restaurants you frequent regularly, and analyze what options are good for your specific diet that you want to follow. If you can pick out 3-4 options that would be good for you to eat, you can just order those items without looking like you're making a big deal of it when you're actually at the restaurant. If your friends judge you for the food you order when you aren't even making a big deal out of it, you might need to actually sit down with them individually and tell them that if they don't support you, they can still do you a big favor and just shut up about it. :) In this case, silence seems like it'd be better than nagging, which might be all you can ask of them. :(

    Good luck with your journey, and feel free to add me if you'd like!
  • angless21
    angless21 Posts: 54 Member
    Am allmost 26 and having a hard time losing weigh. I weight 225 pounds, wiast is 49 1/2 inches. Can someone help me lose wiegh. I long in everyday.
  • broox80
    broox80 Posts: 1,195 Member
    My friends are all skinny and they throw in my face that dont over eat. "Just dont eat it!!! Its not that hard!!" Ummmm yeah it is for some people!! I need to lose 100 pounds as I am in the mid 200's but I would be more than happy with 60!! We will do this cuz we ROCK\m/.
  • Debbe2
    Debbe2 Posts: 2,071 Member
    Trust yourself and go ahead and do what you know you need to do to improve your health and life. You will be so glad that you did! Your future lies ahead and depends a lot on choices made. Best of luck! :flowerforyou: Btw, you will make lots more friends along the way.
  • LotusFlwr2013
    LotusFlwr2013 Posts: 217 Member
    I am seriously concerned for you... I am sorry your family is antipathetic and that your friends are ignorant... but YOU NEED to remove them from your LIFE…just for now... YOU HAVE TO PUT YOU FIRST... this is not just weight this is literally a death sentence for you unless you change it... PLEASE DO NOT LET THEM KILL YOU
  • starfinale
    starfinale Posts: 309 Member
    I know you can do it! I feel the same. I don't have any help from anyone. I realize that I am doing this for myself with or without help. I'm my own motivation. I'm also 5'7' and finally got under 250 recently. I'm trying so hard to get under the 200 mark as well.
  • newdaydawning79
    newdaydawning79 Posts: 1,503 Member
    If you need more support feel free to friend me! <3 I cannot imagine what you're going through with your kidney failure. Keep your chin up!
  • Paganrosemama
    Paganrosemama Posts: 86 Member
    I would say find some other hobbies, and make a few new friends who are supportive. Don't completely cut yourself off from your old friends, a lot of what they say is from thier own denial, but try to do activities with them that don't involve food.
  • ChristieDF
    ChristieDF Posts: 178 Member
    You have truly made a great first step to see that you have a problem. You must do this for yourself and not for anyone else. I had to learn this and it took a LONG TIME for me to realize it. I try to keep up with logging and yes I do fall down on it sometimes but we all fall sometimes it's the getting back up that keeps us going. None of us got here over night so we all must help each other. I will friend you and pray that you will succeed and get your kidney transplant.
  • x58890
    x58890 Posts: 14
    I know how you feel! The fact is, your friends are not ready to confront their weight issues, so they are threatened. They know that they can't support you without acknowledging their own issues. That's something you can't force on them either. I think we all pushed back at anyone encouraging us to be more active or change our diets until we decided for ourselves that we wanted to make those changes. Just surround yourself with anyone and everyone who is supportive--US! Here's a blog article you might relate to--
    http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2012/01/05/what-if-im-the-only-one/

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