I want to be the healthy me but everyone wants the skinny me

GetBacktothefuture
GetBacktothefuture Posts: 10
in Introduce Yourself
Hi everyone,

I've avoided joining sites like this at all costs until now. Mainly out of embarrassment, or maybe denial... In fact I found this site by doing a search on my weight and height. I've been a silent lurker for about 2 months.
As a teen I was thin at around 105 -110. I ate any and everything, you could say I binged, tho I didn't know the name for it then. Putting away a large cheese pizza after a game was normal. I mean I never gained weight anyway... I was a 00, or whatever the smallest size was in the store. I was back at 110 weeks after having a child. I took up running and working out and put tons of muscle on my athletic frame, getting up to around 120. Then serious life stuff happened, followed by depression, then 5 pounds and the fat comments soon after from family and friends. I became obsessive about my weight overnight. Looking back at pictures I was the epitome of fit and trim with 24/25 inch waist and I felt like a cow! Little did I know what was to come, lbvs. The fat comments made my depression worse, I started to isolate myself in my room more and more, preferring the company of a vodka bottle and pasta to the fake friends and rude family members for an entire summer. When I finally emerged I was about 40lbs heavier! I decided to do something, ANYTHING about my weight when I started getting stretch marks. I never even got them when I was pregnant! I started trying to lose weight anyway I could, none of them healthy. I've always got tons of attention from guys at any weight, but eventually I started to see results and now I'm seeing the finish line... I should be happy right? Wrong. People that knew me at 110, (which I now realize was much too thin for my large frame) see me now feeling so good and so close to my goal weight and tell me how I "blew up". They expect me to always have the body I had as a child! I have a large frame so I've never looked "frail". It's so discouraging when you're trying to be the healthy girl and everyone wants you to be the skinny girl. My body image is shot, I'm in a normal BMI but I still see a fat girl. I joined because I realize things have the potential to get out of control. After reading some of your stories I don't feel so alone in this. I want to have a healthy self image and body.

Replies

  • ChristieisReady
    ChristieisReady Posts: 708 Member
    Good for you for setting your OWN goals!

    I'm sorry that people are not being properly supportive of your healthy choices. I have to wonder what the person who told you you "blew up" is so insecure about, that they would feel the need to say that to you.

    Here's my take on other people's expectations: they are not your problem. Live up to your own expectations, and if anyone continually tears you down, gently remove them from your life.

    Congrats on looking, feeling, and acting like a grown woman!
  • ctpeace
    ctpeace Posts: 327 Member
    People honestly should be nicer! Even when people ARE overweight, it's beyond rude to comment on their gain, like the person hadn't noticed! Sometimes it's ok to give someone who told you you "blew up" a piece of your mind. A well placed "Good thing, huh, that chemo/anorexia/intestinal worm/ parasitic twin I didn't know about that was sucking off all my food was almost the end of me!" should shut them right up. If this is someone of an older generation who thinks it's ok to comment on other's physical appearance "Yep, time takes it's toll on all of us, you're crow's feet are so much more pronounced than when I first met you!" will often do the trick! (Seriously, I used the second one post-pregnancy! I blame hormones). Good for you on finding "healthy", it's not easy to do.
    (Disclaimer: this post is not meant to offend anyone who has actually had/ has any of those problems, they are very serious; that's kind of my point, we often don't know others' stories and really ought to learn to keep our mouths shut. It's like nagging a woman to have children when she is trying very hard to get pregnant, ignorance can be very hurtful)
    (Disclaimer #2: weigh the repercussions of these comments and use sparingly! Good for nosy neighbor, maybe not for your boss! Sometimes thinking the reply to block negative vibes is enough.
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,785 Member
    Tell those friends and family members to back off or you will not ever come around them again. Remind them skinny is so overrated and healthy is way better and if they want to see the old you they can go find a picture and look at that, but you are going to be healthy and happy even if they don't like it. You do not need people like that in your life, even if they are family.
    I still see myself as morbidly obese, I have a hard time with I'm not that heavy anymore. I'm far from skinny from I'm also far from the morbidly obese person I was when I started this 15 months ago.
    You have to do this for you and they need to understand it's for you and for the healthy you. They should also understand that as we get older we tend to fill out better than we were before. I'm going to guarentee you that if you look back at those who are making comments they are NOT the same size they were years and years ago either (with a few exceptions) and you should remind them of that.
    Get rid of those friends because they aren't true friends if they want you to be unhealthy and shame on the family members who make you feel you should be unhealthy, again I say tell them all to back off or along with getting healthy body and mind wise you'll add them to the list of lost lbs for a healthy mind and body.

    Good Luck

    Terri
  • stiggy64
    stiggy64 Posts: 40 Member
    The only person you have to answer to in life is yourself. You have to work out what is important to you, how you want to be and stick with it. It's not always easy but you have to be true to yourself and if you can look at yourself in the mirror every day and smile then job done!
  • GetBacktothefuture
    GetBacktothefuture Posts: 10
    Congrats on looking, feeling, and acting like a grown woman!

    It's a work in progress, thanks!
  • GetBacktothefuture
    GetBacktothefuture Posts: 10
    If this is someone of an older generation who thinks it's ok to comment on other's physical appearance "Yep, time takes it's toll on all of us, you're crow's feet are so much more pronounced than when I first met you!" will often do the trick! (Seriously, I used the second one post-pregnancy! I blame hormones). Good for you on finding "healthy", it's not easy to do.
    (Disclaimer: this post is not meant to offend anyone who has actually had/ has any of those problems, they are very serious; that's kind of my point, we often don't know others' stories and really ought to learn to keep our mouths shut. It's like nagging a woman to have children when she is trying very hard to get pregnant, ignorance can be very hurtful)
    (Disclaimer #2: weigh the repercussions of these comments and use sparingly! Good for nosy neighbor, maybe not for your boss! Sometimes thinking the reply to block negative vibes is enough.

    I cracked up at the second comeback! It was an older person ironically, I've never had the guts to say something like that. You're right, it's so ironic that the people calling me names have always been heavy and are even heavier now. Smh.
  • kmm0726
    kmm0726 Posts: 4 Member
    Find people in your life who will help lift you up not bring you down! You need to surround yourself with positive energy and remind yourself that you are happy with your body. Those people who want to project their image on you are dealing with their own issues. Maybe they need love and support as well.

    Also if you havent tried it, yoga is a great tool to use against depression. Doing yoga at home is one thing but going to a studio and being surrounded by all the good energy from all the other people in the room is an amazing feeling. You leave being uplifted and feeling like a brand new person. Especially if you can find a studio that practices hot yoga. Most studios give you your first class free as a sort of trial run, so youve got nothing to lose! :)
  • djshari
    djshari Posts: 513 Member
    That really sucks :( I don't get comments like that - but I have to wonder if it is because people know my response would be to "mind their own business" with a few expletives thrown in. Or to nitpick their weight. Maybe you can find a nicer way of saying it?? Either way I think it takes a lot to step back and recognize that you are working on being healthy and not at the weight other people think you should be.
  • GetBacktothefuture
    GetBacktothefuture Posts: 10
    Tell those friends and family members to back off or you will not ever come around them again. Remind them skinny is so overrated and healthy is way better and if they want to see the old you they can go find a picture and look at that, but you are going to be healthy and happy even if they don't like it. You do not need people like that in your life, even if they are family.
    I still see myself as morbidly obese, I have a hard time with I'm not that heavy anymore. I'm far from skinny from I'm also far from the morbidly obese person I was when I started this 15 months ago.
    You have to do this for you and they need to understand it's for you and for the healthy you. They should also understand that as we get older we tend to fill out better than we were before. I'm going to guarentee you that if you look back at those who are making comments they are NOT the same size they were years and years ago either (with a few exceptions) and you should remind them of that.
    Get rid of those friends because they aren't true friends if they want you to be unhealthy and shame on the family members who make you feel you should be unhealthy, again I say tell them all to back off or along with getting healthy body and mind wise you'll add them to the list of lost lbs for a healthy mind and body.

    Good Luck

    Terri

    Thank you for this. The nasty comments really did make me go into hiding. I look back at the last year that I wasted, the birthday alone, staying in on holidays just hating myself and I dont want to go back to that. I'm learning to embrace my DD's and bum. It has it's perks, lol. I'm never going to look like a middle school kid again and there's nothing wrong with that. I've already gotten rid of the "friends" or maybe they got rid of me when I stopped being fun. I only wish I'd lost that extra baggage years ago!
  • GetBacktothefuture
    GetBacktothefuture Posts: 10
    The only person you have to answer to in life is yourself. You have to work out what is important to you, how you want to be and stick with it. It's not always easy but you have to be true to yourself and if you can look at yourself in the mirror every day and smile then job done!

    Great point. I'm still learning what MY ideal body is. Googling "is (insert weight) fat for (insert height) certainly isn't a good solution, lol.
  • ctpeace
    ctpeace Posts: 327 Member
    If this is someone of an older generation who thinks it's ok to comment on other's physical appearance "Yep, time takes it's toll on all of us, you're crow's feet are so much more pronounced than when I first met you!" will often do the trick! (Seriously, I used the second one post-pregnancy! I blame hormones). Good for you on finding "healthy", it's not easy to do.
    (Disclaimer: this post is not meant to offend anyone who has actually had/ has any of those problems, they are very serious; that's kind of my point, we often don't know others' stories and really ought to learn to keep our mouths shut. It's like nagging a woman to have children when she is trying very hard to get pregnant, ignorance can be very hurtful)
    (Disclaimer #2: weigh the repercussions of these comments and use sparingly! Good for nosy neighbor, maybe not for your boss! Sometimes thinking the reply to block negative vibes is enough.

    I cracked up at the second comeback! It was an older person ironically, I've never had the guts to say something like that. You're right, it's so ironic that the people calling me names have always been heavy and are even heavier now. Smh.

    I'm glad I got you to laugh! That's often the best way to get through some of those situations, recognize that the other person is so far off base that it is, in fact, laughable!
    Also, people who are struggling with similar problems (drinking, weight, drugs, dating crummy guys, anything really) often find it really difficult to be happy for friends who are finding new victory in those areas. People often find comfort in a group of friends who have the same bad habit(s) because they can sort of pretend it's "normal", when one of those friends starts conquering that bad habit, a spotlight is shone on their own bad habit, and that makes them very uncomfortable.
    I suggest finding friends who share your new, healthy definition of "normal", whether it's a mommy group, others who share your preferred method of exercise, class/work/church/community center group or whatever, positive people are out there. And it's also refreshing sometimes to hang out with new folks who never saw the lowest or highest weight, and can just see you for you.
  • heathermiller77715
    heathermiller77715 Posts: 26
    I have this same problem but it's from family. My mom and aunt everytime they come around say things like "wow look how big you are" and "your bigger than me." In my mind I'm thinking "f***ing a-holes and I noticed never said anything to them though. As for being bigger than them they do drugs so yeah doesn't take much to be a larger person then they are. Anyways I'm trying to change my life now by eating healthier drinking only water and getting exercise in.
  • CaliSteph
    CaliSteph Posts: 142 Member
    Wonderful that you're looking to lead your life your way and find a healthy view of yourself- not what someone else wants from or for you. I think taking a step to do for yourself with regards to your body will help lead you to find the confidence to say what you need to say to those who aren't being positive or helpful. There is not a better confidence builder than achieving the goals you set for yourself.

    Good luck and please add me if you need some confidence or positivity or someone just to say you can do it!
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
    I know that you can't do much about your family other than move far-far away from them (which is what I did). However, you can make new friends, and I advise you do so.
  • KatieHall77
    KatieHall77 Posts: 129 Member
    Yep- those people are RUDE- no question about it.

    For me, it was always my Mother-In-Law, she has some weird body issues (I'm always seeing her stare at other women's bodies) and she's constantly making comments about how fat everyone is.
    I just have to keep reminding myself not to get on her level- she's the rude one, and I refuse to lower myself into that mindset. If I spent 10 years in medical school and I'm someone's doctor, I can tell them they are overweight, if not- well, I don't have that right. (And neither does anyone else)

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