Parent advice on babysitter etiquette

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  • breeshabebe
    breeshabebe Posts: 580
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    Please... don't be THAT lady. There's nothing worse than babysitting for someone who feels the need to question ones every move. If you have a computer rule, lock your computer. Toy being broken? Why would you even bring that up?

    I remember being 14 watching other peoples kids and feeling like I was being told on by their kids for everything I did - AND I WAS A GOOD KID! Would you be reacting this same way if it was her mother that had done those things? My bet is no.
  • LittleMissNerdy
    LittleMissNerdy Posts: 792 Member
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    Please... don't be THAT lady. There's nothing worse than babysitting for someone who feels the need to question ones every move. If you have a computer rule, lock your computer. Toy being broken? Why would you even bring that up?

    I remember being 14 watching other peoples kids and feeling like I was being told on by their kids for everything I did - AND I WAS A GOOD KID! Would you be reacting this same way if it was her mother that had done those things? My bet is no.

    She explained why she was bringing the toy issue up. She said her son has a habit of mistreating that certain toy and she wanted to be able to correct him.
  • tobejune
    tobejune Posts: 177
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    I would never leave a small child with a 14/15 year old if an accident happened the risk of them being blamed because of their age is too large and the though of a near child having to live with the guilt if anything did happen for the rest of their lives is not worth the few$$$$$$$$$ that I would save

    My neighbor is a very close friend and has a view of my house (I'm actually sort of in her back yard!) and I always let her know if I'm having a sitter and ask her to be on call if there's an emergency as she is so close. Likewise, my sitters know they can contact my neighbor or barge in through her back door if there's an emergency and they either aren't able to contact me or they need help immediately. So in that respect, I feel safe with the choice of a younger sitter.
  • MyOwnSunshine
    MyOwnSunshine Posts: 1,312 Member
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    I think you're really overreacting about the toy. Toys break. Kids don't like to admit when they are at fault. Move on.

    As far as the computer, I don't really think that I would be allowing a teenager from outside my household to use my computer at all. Put a password on it. There is all kinds of mayhem to be made from someone else's computer, and I wouldn't want any part of that. I think she can watch TV instead.
  • PBsMommy
    PBsMommy Posts: 1,166 Member
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    Eh, mother of a little girl that is just a little over a year old and all my baby sitters have been family members. However, one of those family members is a 16 year old, my sister, and she is no longer allowed to watch my daughter without my mother or father present, because she has a iPhone permanently lodged in her nose.

    I think if I was in that certain situation, I wouldn't have called. I would just have casually brought it up next time I saw her or the next time she babysat. And if it continued to be a problem and she ignored your rules, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem, I would find a new sitter. I would also casually bring it up that to let you know if anything breaks or if anything else unexpected happens. That you wouldn't be upset, you would just like to know what is going on.

    However, I don't think I would let her, or any one else play with my computer. Of course I have financial things and other important things that shouldn't be messed with on there. And even though everything is backed up and I have great anti-virus, I still don't want to pay to replace a hard drive or pay to get a new computer because she accidentally did something.

    Edited to add: I kind of see why the mother of the baby sitter was upset. I think it was just more like a misunderstanding. I think she blew it out of proportion, but I see how it could put her in mama bear mode.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    Please... don't be THAT lady. There's nothing worse than babysitting for someone who feels the need to question ones every move. If you have a computer rule, lock your computer. Toy being broken? Why would you even bring that up?

    I remember being 14 watching other peoples kids and feeling like I was being told on by their kids for everything I did - AND I WAS A GOOD KID! Would you be reacting this same way if it was her mother that had done those things? My bet is no.

    She explained why she was bringing the toy issue up. She said her son has a habit of mistreating that certain toy and she wanted to be able to correct him.

    Yeah... but giving that she brought up the two issues in the same phone call, the girl's mom probably perceived that she was saying that the sitter wasn't watching him. That's kind of how I read the post. It's a bit of a misunderstanding. I don't know the girl's mom, but my concern is that she already went to the daughter and blew this whole thing out of porportion and probably made the poor girl think that the OP is mad at her.

    @OP - This conversation would have been better face-to-face. Maybe you can just go over and visit and try to clarify a little better. Make sure that they know that you wanted to know what happened to the toy because you suspect that your son is fibbing. I wouldn't bring up the computer at all unless you just decide that you would prefer her not to use your computer. But do your best to try and make certain they understand that the two issues are completely unrelated.
  • breeshabebe
    breeshabebe Posts: 580
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    Please... don't be THAT lady. There's nothing worse than babysitting for someone who feels the need to question ones every move. If you have a computer rule, lock your computer. Toy being broken? Why would you even bring that up?

    I remember being 14 watching other peoples kids and feeling like I was being told on by their kids for everything I did - AND I WAS A GOOD KID! Would you be reacting this same way if it was her mother that had done those things? My bet is no.

    She explained why she was bringing the toy issue up. She said her son has a habit of mistreating that certain toy and she wanted to be able to correct him.

    Either way... bringing it up at the same time you reprimand her for being on the computer will put her in a place where she feels like she has to defend herself.
  • breeshabebe
    breeshabebe Posts: 580
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    Please... don't be THAT lady. There's nothing worse than babysitting for someone who feels the need to question ones every move. If you have a computer rule, lock your computer. Toy being broken? Why would you even bring that up?

    I remember being 14 watching other peoples kids and feeling like I was being told on by their kids for everything I did - AND I WAS A GOOD KID! Would you be reacting this same way if it was her mother that had done those things? My bet is no.

    She explained why she was bringing the toy issue up. She said her son has a habit of mistreating that certain toy and she wanted to be able to correct him.

    Yeah... but giving that she brought up the two issues in the same phone call, the girl's mom probably perceived that she was saying that the sitter wasn't watching him. That's kind of how I read the post. It's a bit of a misunderstanding. I don't know the girl's mom, but my concern is that she already went to the daughter and blew this whole thing out of porportion and probably made the poor girl think that the OP is mad at her.

    @OP - This conversation would have been better face-to-face. Maybe you can just go over and visit and try to clarify a little better. Make sure that they know that you wanted to know what happened to the toy because you suspect that your son is fibbing. I wouldn't bring up the computer at all unless you just decide that you would prefer her not to use your computer. But do your best to try and make certain they understand that the two issues are completely unrelated.

    lol you beat me to it!
  • tobejune
    tobejune Posts: 177
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    Please... don't be THAT lady. There's nothing worse than babysitting for someone who feels the need to question ones every move. If you have a computer rule, lock your computer. Toy being broken? Why would you even bring that up?

    I remember being 14 watching other peoples kids and feeling like I was being told on by their kids for everything I did - AND I WAS A GOOD KID! Would you be reacting this same way if it was her mother that had done those things? My bet is no.

    She explained why she was bringing the toy issue up. She said her son has a habit of mistreating that certain toy and she wanted to be able to correct him.


    Thank you, LittleMiss.

    I also talked about the computer thing a bit, too, though I'll add that there's never been an issue with her using it outside of my rules in the past and I'd hate to have to lock it when I know she doesn't have one at home to use online if a simple reminder would suffice. It's not an issue of mistrust. I trust her implicitly. It's just about communication. When I sat as a young teenager, I always made sure to give the parents a rundown anything that happened out of the norm. I don't think that's too much to ask.

    Incidentally, if my friend had been sitting I'm 100% sure she would have mentioned the broken toy. And I didn't intend to reprimand the sitter, just a very friendly reminder and getting more info about the toy. Also, I didn't question my son about what she did. He mentioned it to me in casual conversation, which is why this is all happening a week after the fact. Ideally, I would have noticed the broken toy and been able to find out the story the same day she babysat.
  • sizzle74
    sizzle74 Posts: 858 Member
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    If the girl is old enough and mature enough to babysit your child, she is certainly old enough for you to go directly to her and not through her controlling mother. I mean really, what 15 year old doesn't have a cell phone???? I would not have her babysit anymore.
  • MRATL70
    MRATL70 Posts: 23 Member
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    As the father of an almost-14 year old who babysits, I think you were correct in addressing your issues / concerns with the babysitter first and not her mother. At some point kids need to learn to be accountable to someone other than their parents. Often times this is a coach on a sports team, for instance. I see the parents who hire baby-sitters in a a similar light... the best thing they can do is set clear performance / behavior expectations and if/when those are not met, deliver the message clearly to the babysitter.
  • sizzle74
    sizzle74 Posts: 858 Member
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    Oh and if I told my babysitter no computer time while my child is awake, I shouldn't have to lock it and she better stay the eff off of it and pay attention to my child.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    Please... don't be THAT lady. There's nothing worse than babysitting for someone who feels the need to question ones every move. If you have a computer rule, lock your computer. Toy being broken? Why would you even bring that up?

    I remember being 14 watching other peoples kids and feeling like I was being told on by their kids for everything I did - AND I WAS A GOOD KID! Would you be reacting this same way if it was her mother that had done those things? My bet is no.

    She explained why she was bringing the toy issue up. She said her son has a habit of mistreating that certain toy and she wanted to be able to correct him.


    Thank you, LittleMiss.

    I also talked about the computer thing a bit, too, though I'll add that there's never been an issue with her using it outside of my rules in the past and I'd hate to have to lock it when I know she doesn't have one at home to use online if a simple reminder would suffice. It's not an issue of mistrust. I trust her implicitly. It's just about communication. When I sat as a young teenager, I always made sure to give the parents a rundown anything that happened out of the norm. I don't think that's too much to ask.

    Incidentally, if my friend had been sitting I'm 100% sure she would have mentioned the broken toy. And I didn't intend to reprimand the sitter, just a very friendly reminder and getting more info about the toy. Also, I didn't question my son about what she did. He mentioned it to me in casual conversation, which is why this is all happening a week after the fact. Ideally, I would have noticed the broken toy and been able to find out the story the same day she babysat.

    I think your BF just misunderstood where you were coming from. I think maybe she thought you were saying that her daughter was on the computer and not watching him so the toy got broken. I think that is probably why she got all defensive and stated that the girl shouldn't sit for you anymore. Because it was coming off as if you felt like you couldn't trust her.
  • laurynwithawhy
    laurynwithawhy Posts: 385 Member
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    I agree that you should talk to the girl. You are paying her - not her mother and she is basically an employee. However, I don't think a call is really necessary - I would have just pulled her aside quickly to remind her of the rules the next time she came over to babysit. That way she wouldn't feel as attacked and she would know that you still want her to babysit and still trust her. I wouldn't ask her side - 3 year olds are unreliable and so are teenage girls. Just remind her of your expectations and move on. If you notice a pattern of this behavior, then find a new sitter.
  • PBsMommy
    PBsMommy Posts: 1,166 Member
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    Please... don't be THAT lady. There's nothing worse than babysitting for someone who feels the need to question ones every move. If you have a computer rule, lock your computer. Toy being broken? Why would you even bring that up?

    I remember being 14 watching other peoples kids and feeling like I was being told on by their kids for everything I did - AND I WAS A GOOD KID! Would you be reacting this same way if it was her mother that had done those things? My bet is no.

    I AM THAT LADY and this is why...

    When it comes to my child, I question a lot of things. Not because I am paranoid, but simply, just because I want to know.

    We actually switched day care because of this reason. Right now, when my child is at an age where she can't really respond to my questions of her day, I rely solely on the people watching her. If they don't communicate with you or have no clue what is going on, you are most likely not going to know.

    Having questions and reminding your sitter or daycare about your and your child's preferences are not always about scolding someone and telling them they are wrong. Sometimes that is needed info or helpful info.
  • drchimpanzee
    drchimpanzee Posts: 892 Member
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    Well, most of my babysitter etiquette comes from porno movies so take this with a grain of salt, but yes, it is in fact OK to get it on with the baby sitter provided you're only paying her for watching the child and not for sex.
  • Biitchstix
    Biitchstix Posts: 41
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    In my opinion parents need to stop acting like they are the highest form of authority in any and all situations. If your friends daughter is 15 then she needs to start learning how the world works outside of her family, babysitting is a job and if there is an issue in a job then that issue is addressed by the employer (aka, you). Not the parents. Your friend needs to back off or else her daughter won't understand how things work when she gets a new job and is no longer working for a family friend.
    Especially since it's such a minor issue, if he were hooking up with guys, or doing drugs in your house then I'd say it's time to talk to her mom but at it stands this is really nothing he mother needs to be concerned about since as you said yourself it's not a big deal.
  • tobejune
    tobejune Posts: 177
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    A lot of really helpful responses. I see now why she reacted the way she did- I bet she assumed I thought the computer/ broken toy thing were related in the way I phrased the message when I didn't even think for a second they were.

    We talked on the phone already and cleared it all up. I'll continue to use her daughter as a sitter and just play the computer thing by ear.

    In the future with issues/other sitters, I like the idea of addressing the sitter directly, though I'll do it in person casually the next time I see them. I do think I over reacted with wanting to talk to her the same day my son mentioned the issues instead of just waiting until I saw her again.

    Thank you for your help every one :)
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    I agree the computer issue needs to be addressed, but maybe it could have waited until you were able to speak with her in person, since you said it wasn't that big of a deal. So much can be misinterpreted via text and feelings can get hurt easily. Maybe try calling or going to see your bff in person to hash this out with both the daughter and mom? I only say mom since now she has gotten involved.
  • Biitchstix
    Biitchstix Posts: 41
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    As the father of an almost-14 year old who babysits, I think you were correct in addressing your issues / concerns with the babysitter first and not her mother. At some point kids need to learn to be accountable to someone other than their parents. Often times this is a coach on a sports team, for instance. I see the parents who hire baby-sitters in a a similar light... the best thing they can do is set clear performance / behavior expectations and if/when those are not met, deliver the message clearly to the babysitter.

    Exactly! besides by the time I was 15 the only things I had to answer to my parents about were things that directly affected them/the family. If I ****ed up in real life? I'd have to deal with teachers/cops/employers etc. Which is far more effective then having everything run though mummy and daddy first, her daughter will grow up pretty ignorant if this is how she's being raised

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