Just getting started...

Hi ya'll!

Just thought I would introduce myself...so here I am. I'm a 39 yr old wife and mother, looking to get fit. I have always struggled with my weight, since childhood. I am tall, 5'10" and tend to carry my weight well, but that does not change the fact that all the negative I heard over the years became my own personal rant to myself, that I was not thin enough or pretty enough...am sure some of ya'll know what I mean. Anyway, I am pushing past those old ways of thinking and hoping to hit 40 with a whole new self image.

Getting healthy is super important to me right now, not only because of my age. I need to be here for my family as long as possible. Like I said above I am a Mom, to 3 amazing children ages 21, 20 and 16. I have watched each of them suffer from the loss of loved ones. In 2004, my first husband (father of my 2nd dd) died after undergoing surgery for weight loss. While we were not a couple when this happened, all three of my children suffered the grief of his death. The following year, his father also passed away, due to extreme obesity. In 2010, I had to give my oldest the news that her biological father (whom she never met because he was the man who raped me) had passed away from a heart attack at the age of 34. This past summer the news came that my 16 yr old son's father had committed suicide.

The last bit of news sent me into a downward spiral of grief, internalized so noone around me could see the pain I was feeling. There were days where even looking at food made me cringe. Most days I would barely eat one meal a day...dinner...and then only half a plate, if that. This went on from July til December, with my weight beginning at 235ish and dropping down to 180ish. December found me traveling with my newlywed dd and her hubby to their first base assignment...that was a turning point, a good one, and I began to eat a little more.

Fast forward to present, I am eating at least 2 meals a day now...healthy for most part and have maintained the weight I lost since last July. BUT I can do more...now I want to tighten and tone and yes even lose another 20-30lbs if i can (though for my height they say 170 is good). Getting my heart healthy is at top of my list. My father just had his second open heart surgery in December, and my mother has heart issues as well. I would be lying if I said I do not experience pains I do not like, but I haven't been to a doctor since 2007, and quite frankly I have no insurance and cannot afford to go. If I feel I need to go, well then I will, until then I do my best to take care of me.

So there you have it, me in a nutshell! Looking forward to this last year in my 30s and ready to bring on my 40s in a healthier and happier way of life!

P.S. started the 30 day squat challenge today...might have to grit my teeth through this one lol but I will do it! Oh and feel free to friend me if you like!