Message for those GIVING help

DanOhh
DanOhh Posts: 1,806 Member
edited September 2024 in Health and Weight Loss
I posted earlier a post called: Message for those asking for help

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/104318-message-for-those-asking-for-help

The debate was to have someone open their diary to the public or not to. The main reason not to was do to people making rude comments to the people asking for help. So that is the reason for this post.

If someone asks for help or advise; GIVE THEM SUGGESTIONS OR IDEAS. DON'T BE BLUNT AND NEGATIVE.

Example BAD: "Don't do (blank) no wonder you're not loosing any weight."

Example GOOD: "You might want to try (blank) it really worked for me."

Good Luck, Everyone!

Replies

  • SoldierDad
    SoldierDad Posts: 1,602
    Thanks bro!
  • jbwegner
    jbwegner Posts: 254 Member
    I agree. To quote one of my favorite books Half-A**ed by Jenette Fulgda (I think that's her name):

    "Diets are like religions. Everyone thinks their's is right."

    Be gentle and constructive when giving advice.
  • KristyO
    KristyO Posts: 126
    I agree. To quote one of my favorite books Half-A**ed by Jenette Fulgda (I think that's her name):

    "Diets are like religions. Everyone thinks their's is right."

    Be gentle and constructive when giving advice.

    well said...let's be open and help each other. Encouragement with friendly advice is the right way to go!
  • Ms_Natalie
    Ms_Natalie Posts: 1,030 Member
    Here Here! Some people's "advice" can be more damaging than first thought!

    I totally agree :flowerforyou:
  • missouri_rain
    missouri_rain Posts: 560 Member
    Thank you! The world would be a kinder place if people tried to be nicer :)
  • Clew
    Clew Posts: 910 Member
    I AGREE! We probably ALL get enough negativity regarding our efforts in our day to day. This should always be a place of positive energy and support. :smile:
  • BrattyLori
    BrattyLori Posts: 101 Member
    Man! No one has ever been mean to me about my food diary. :D I find this place to be a haven of kind people. I wish I knew you all I.R.L.

    That being said, I welcome people being direct with me about my food. I have been in denial for so long about what's ok and healthy and real. I need to hear the truth. Bad.

    I used to walk around and actually say, "I dont get how I can be so fat. I dont eat more than my husband." Which was 1. a big lie and 2. silly - because he's actually supposed to eat nearly twice as much as me. DUH. When I actually write down the foods I ate on a typical day, I am SHOCKED at how much garbage I ate and how many calories were in all that garbage and how I pretended it wasn't anything to think about.

    I needed a very serious dose of the truth. Still do. Feel free to tell me the honest, raw truth every day. Sometimes I will ignore it and sometimes I will heed it. I wont be mad if its given with good intenions.

    The WORST thing people do for me is tell me I'm fine just as I am and that I should just be happy. NOT HELPING!

    Good luck to all you superstars!!
  • DanOhh
    DanOhh Posts: 1,806 Member
    Man! No one has ever been mean to me about my food diary. :D I find this place to be a haven of kind people. I wish I knew you all I.R.L.

    That being said, I welcome people being direct with me about my food. I have been in denial for so long about what's ok and healthy and real. I need to hear the truth. Bad.

    I used to walk around and actually say, "I dont get how I can be so fat. I dont eat more than my husband." Which was 1. a big lie and 2. silly - because he's actually supposed to eat nearly twice as much as me. DUH. When I actually write down the foods I ate on a typical day, I am SHOCKED at how much garbage I ate and how many calories were in all that garbage and how I pretended it wasn't anything to think about.

    I needed a very serious dose of the truth. Still do. Feel free to tell me the honest, raw truth every day. Sometimes I will ignore it and sometimes I will heed it. I wont be mad if its given with good intenions.

    The WORST thing people do for me is tell me I'm fine just as I am and that I should just be happy. NOT HELPING!

    Good luck to all you superstars!!

    I'm not saying people need to be coddled because your right too many of us have enough enablers that don't help/hurt weight loss. I'm just saying that we need to help "push" in the right direction not "punch".
  • leavinglasvegas
    leavinglasvegas Posts: 1,495
    I'm glad you started this discussion. I have been ripped into for my eating when I opened my diary and asked for suggestions. It was horrible and I no longer share it with anyone. It was just a few people who insisted that not eating meat was insane. Geesh, and I was eating mostly clean too. Sometimes you just can't win, lol.

    I also think its important to to point out that there are some people who police food diaries and there have been posts about people cheating, lying, and completing the diary too early in the day. None of that is necessary. We are all adults and are responsible for ourselves. Nobody needs to check someones food diary to make sure they are losing weight according to their standards before congratulating someone on losing a pound or two.

    The point of this site is to hold ourselves accountable and connect with others who are doing the same. I think its important the we offer positive support to those who ask for it.

    I'm sure I'm not always the most tactful lady, but we all have our moments.
  • kicklikeaGIRL
    kicklikeaGIRL Posts: 867 Member
    I'm glad you started this discussion. I have been ripped into for my eating when I opened my diary and asked for suggestions. It was horrible and I no longer share it with anyone. It was just a few people who insisted that not eating meat was insane. Geesh, and I was eating mostly clean too. Sometimes you just can't win, lol.

    I also think its important to to point out that there are some people who police food diaries and there have been posts about people cheating, lying, and completing the diary too early in the day. None of that is necessary. We are all adults and are responsible for ourselves. Nobody needs to check someones food diary to make sure they are losing weight according to their standards before congratulating someone on losing a pound or two.

    The point of this site is to hold ourselves accountable and connect with others who are doing the same. I think its important the we offer positive support to those who ask for it.

    I'm sure I'm not always the most tactful lady, but we all have our moments.

    Holly- you always make things sound so much better than I could ever say them!!! All I can really say is...I agree :)
  • leavinglasvegas
    leavinglasvegas Posts: 1,495
    I'm glad you started this discussion. I have been ripped into for my eating when I opened my diary and asked for suggestions. It was horrible and I no longer share it with anyone. It was just a few people who insisted that not eating meat was insane. Geesh, and I was eating mostly clean too. Sometimes you just can't win, lol.

    I also think its important to to point out that there are some people who police food diaries and there have been posts about people cheating, lying, and completing the diary too early in the day. None of that is necessary. We are all adults and are responsible for ourselves. Nobody needs to check someones food diary to make sure they are losing weight according to their standards before congratulating someone on losing a pound or two.

    The point of this site is to hold ourselves accountable and connect with others who are doing the same. I think its important the we offer positive support to those who ask for it.

    I'm sure I'm not always the most tactful lady, but we all have our moments.

    Holly- you always make things sound so much better than I could ever say them!!! All I can really say is...I agree :)


    :drinker: :bigsmile:
  • kicklikeaGIRL
    kicklikeaGIRL Posts: 867 Member
    I'm glad you started this discussion. I have been ripped into for my eating when I opened my diary and asked for suggestions. It was horrible and I no longer share it with anyone. It was just a few people who insisted that not eating meat was insane. Geesh, and I was eating mostly clean too. Sometimes you just can't win, lol.

    I also think its important to to point out that there are some people who police food diaries and there have been posts about people cheating, lying, and completing the diary too early in the day. None of that is necessary. We are all adults and are responsible for ourselves. Nobody needs to check someones food diary to make sure they are losing weight according to their standards before congratulating someone on losing a pound or two.

    The point of this site is to hold ourselves accountable and connect with others who are doing the same. I think its important the we offer positive support to those who ask for it.

    I'm sure I'm not always the most tactful lady, but we all have our moments.

    Holly- you always make things sound so much better than I could ever say them!!! All I can really say is...I agree :)


    Oh, and I remember the "Food Diary Cheaters" thread back in February, that was the day I took my Food Diary to private. I didn't realize how many people were out there checking my Diary everytime I'd post advice or even post a mini success.... just so they could prove to everyone that I wasn't apt to give any sort of advice, because I had a Twix bar two weeks ago. I also didn't realize how many people purposely wouldn't congratulate someone on weightloss because they saw they had eaten a piece of pizza a few days earlier. Really? I was baffled. I didn't think it was necessary, and I figured that if people were going to be that childish, then I didn't want their help when I needed advice on what I could improve on.
  • lilmissy2
    lilmissy2 Posts: 595 Member
    Seriously? I think keeping that treat small requires much more discipline than cutting them out completely. Personally I would congratulate someone more on weight loss if they were able to do it while still including the occasional treat... just you know, in the sense of achieving a well-balanced lifestyle.
  • leavinglasvegas
    leavinglasvegas Posts: 1,495
    Thats what I think too! I mean, we live in a society where people thing a serving size is the whole bag or box of whatever. So if you have mastered the art of eating just one ounce and can still lose weight, thats awesome!

    I've seen quite a few threads along those lines. I even cleaned up my friends list to keep that negativity aways from me.

    I'm eating a piece of chocolate right now and I feel good about it:drinker:
  • msciccone1
    msciccone1 Posts: 288 Member
    I'm glad you started this discussion. I have been ripped into for my eating when I opened my diary and asked for suggestions. It was horrible and I no longer share it with anyone. It was just a few people who insisted that not eating meat was insane. Geesh, and I was eating mostly clean too. Sometimes you just can't win, lol.

    I also think its important to to point out that there are some people who police food diaries and there have been posts about people cheating, lying, and completing the diary too early in the day. None of that is necessary. We are all adults and are responsible for ourselves. Nobody needs to check someones food diary to make sure they are losing weight according to their standards before congratulating someone on losing a pound or two.

    The point of this site is to hold ourselves accountable and connect with others who are doing the same. I think its important the we offer positive support to those who ask for it.

    I'm sure I'm not always the most tactful lady, but we all have our moments.

    Holly- you always make things sound so much better than I could ever say them!!! All I can really say is...I agree :)


    Oh, and I remember the "Food Diary Cheaters" thread back in February, that was the day I took my Food Diary to private. I didn't realize how many people were out there checking my Diary everytime I'd post advice or even post a mini success.... just so they could prove to everyone that I wasn't apt to give any sort of advice, because I had a Twix bar two weeks ago. I also didn't realize how many people purposely wouldn't congratulate someone on weightloss because they saw they had eaten a piece of pizza a few days earlier. Really? I was baffled. I didn't think it was necessary, and I figured that if people were going to be that childish, then I didn't want their help when I needed advice on what I could improve on.

    I need to read this thread cause that is horrible!!! The only time I tell people (not scold) that they are not doing well is when women go below 1200 calories. Not after the workout, etc. but just in general eating like 900!!! You ALL can check my diary, I have treats, I have pizza every 2 weeks, I have hot dogs but all in moderation. I now have cheese pizza most times if I want pizza, I try to look for low sodium hot dogs, etc. etc. I would seriously chew someone's head off if they were to tell me you don't deserve to say you lost 51+ lbs. cause you have "bad' foods. Ummmm first of all I am here to make a lifestyle change and that means to me that I will always be surrounded by those foods and sometimes it is what you will eat. The point to this site is trying to make an educated decision such as portion control, and lower calorie options of the foods we love. Now I know how much a cup of cereal is and don't go above my required portion when before I was eating like 3 cups without knowing!?! We are all adults and we don't need to be told we aren't allowed to celebrate our successes when we have a piece of chocolate. Hell I had a piece of cake today so what are you going to tell me about that...huh? The nerve.

    Thanks for teh topic Dan...hope some people stop being so judgemental!!! :flowerforyou:
  • msciccone1
    msciccone1 Posts: 288 Member
    Thats what I think too! I mean, we live in a society where people thing a serving size is the whole bag or box of whatever. So if you have mastered the art of eating just one ounce and can still lose weight, thats awesome!

    I've seen quite a few threads along those lines. I even cleaned up my friends list to keep that negativity aways from me.

    I'm eating a piece of chocolate right now and I feel good about it:drinker:

    Oh my goodness I think I was writing at the same time you did...I also clean out my friend list often because I don't want negative people on there. I came here for support, not to be badly judged. Oh and I also had chocolate...cake. It was yummy :drinker:
  • TheMaidOfAstolat
    TheMaidOfAstolat Posts: 3,222 Member
    I'm glad you started this discussion. I have been ripped into for my eating when I opened my diary and asked for suggestions. It was horrible and I no longer share it with anyone. It was just a few people who insisted that not eating meat was insane. Geesh, and I was eating mostly clean too. Sometimes you just can't win, lol.

    I also think its important to to point out that there are some people who police food diaries and there have been posts about people cheating, lying, and completing the diary too early in the day. None of that is necessary. We are all adults and are responsible for ourselves. Nobody needs to check someones food diary to make sure they are losing weight according to their standards before congratulating someone on losing a pound or two.

    The point of this site is to hold ourselves accountable and connect with others who are doing the same. I think its important the we offer positive support to those who ask for it.

    I'm sure I'm not always the most tactful lady, but we all have our moments.

    Same here. In fact I belive on the other post reguarding this exact topic it was mentioned that a lady had given advice and the one talking about this lady, that she hadn't posted anything in her food diary in over a week (I have a feeling that I am that 'lady', lol) I've been on here for over a year and I believe that I give pretty sound advice. I haven't closed off my food diary as of yet, but I may just based on everyone attacking everyone else. Yes, I can be quite blunt when talking to someone about what's in their diary. I'm not going to come down on them for having a treat everyday....but when all I see is processed crud and junk with no fresh foods at all....yep, I'm going to tell them to lay off the junk. I try to be nice in my posts (the main reason I haven't been on MPF in the last month is because I got so fed up with the boards). I would also like to be told in an pm if my language or directions are harsh...this is the internet after all and you can not see who you are talking to or hear the inflection or tone of voice. Anyway, I do wish that people would look at the big picture and go back several weeks before giving advice-trust me being a female...there is always one bad week a month.
  • leavinglasvegas
    leavinglasvegas Posts: 1,495
    I'm glad you started this discussion. I have been ripped into for my eating when I opened my diary and asked for suggestions. It was horrible and I no longer share it with anyone. It was just a few people who insisted that not eating meat was insane. Geesh, and I was eating mostly clean too. Sometimes you just can't win, lol.

    I also think its important to to point out that there are some people who police food diaries and there have been posts about people cheating, lying, and completing the diary too early in the day. None of that is necessary. We are all adults and are responsible for ourselves. Nobody needs to check someones food diary to make sure they are losing weight according to their standards before congratulating someone on losing a pound or two.

    The point of this site is to hold ourselves accountable and connect with others who are doing the same. I think its important the we offer positive support to those who ask for it.

    I'm sure I'm not always the most tactful lady, but we all have our moments.

    Same here. In fact I belive on the other post reguarding this exact topic it was mentioned that a lady had given advice and the one talking about this lady, that she hadn't posted anything in her food diary in over a week (I have a feeling that I am that 'lady', lol) I've been on here for over a year and I believe that I give pretty sound advice. I haven't closed off my food diary as of yet, but I may just based on everyone attacking everyone else. Yes, I can be quite blunt when talking to someone about what's in their diary. I'm not going to come down on them for having a treat everyday....but when all I see is processed crud and junk with no fresh foods at all....yep, I'm going to tell them to lay off the junk. I try to be nice in my posts (the main reason I haven't been on MPF in the last month is because I got so fed up with the boards). I would also like to be told in an pm if my language or directions are harsh...this is the internet after all and you can not see who you are talking to or hear the inflection or tone of voice. Anyway, I do wish that people would look at the big picture and go back several weeks before giving advice-trust me being a female...there is always one bad week a month.

    I think you give good advice and your always nice. But thats why your my friend, lol. Sometimes people do need to hear the harsh truth, and we've all had our moments of really telling the truth, lol.

    I'm glad this topic was brought up, thanks dan! I'll be sure to check myself before I respond from now on and I hope others will too.... Some more than others:tongue:
  • TheMaidOfAstolat
    TheMaidOfAstolat Posts: 3,222 Member

    I think you give good advice and your always nice. But thats why your my friend, lol. Sometimes people do need to hear the harsh truth, and we've all had our moments of really telling the truth, lol.

    I'm glad this topic was brought up, thanks dan! I'll be sure to check myself before I respond from now on and I hope others will too.... Some more than others:tongue:

    :blushing: Awwwweee. You're such a sweetie...that's why you're my friend. :tongue:
  • Laceylala
    Laceylala Posts: 3,094 Member
    I agree. To quote one of my favorite books Half-A**ed by Jenette Fulgda (I think that's her name):

    "Diets are like religions. Everyone thinks their's is right."

    Be gentle and constructive when giving advice.

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS! I want to put it in my signature..which I've never had before. Awesome!
  • AdymondNtheRuff
    AdymondNtheRuff Posts: 108 Member
    This is a great topic

    See... you have to know you friend group. Some of us have not been friends for a long period of time so you really dont know your friend well at all or their sensitivity level. The way to respond to a friend is to read the comments they post towards you... Now if your friend really has your best interest in hand and he or she is not intentionally trying to hurt you they will clean (what ever truth they feel they are given with a smile or lol or if this is to harsh just let me know) it up while given encouragement...
    Also if he/she cared about your feelings they would have a heart to heart in your in box :smooched: I think good quality encouragement is exactly how DanOhh expressed in his examples...

    I am sure when many of us joined this group and it was not for the purpose of pointing the finger that anyone nor to feel as though you better than anyone else!!!

    We are all here for the same reason( I hope) to support, give encouragement, talk about our struggles in hopes that someone has overcome the same things and or is willing to help share their success stories to losing this weight and If you know anything about weight loss it's a DIFFERENT struggle for everyone...He/she may have a better eating habit than He/she, you may exercise more with no sweet cravings, He/she or you just may have better self control... But unless you have a PHD in Psychology or Dietitian:huh: (Many of us know is mental struggle with self). He/she should not be here giving people what you think is the truth because someone else may not be where you are in their journey:drinker:

    Please lets continue to stay positive and share the love to everyone and If you not here for that reason than you should find something else better to do with your time. As its written I will it say again..."KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE":heart:
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