"Well that escalated quickly"...
Options
U2Amie
Posts: 31 Member
Ok, so last night I literally lost it. I just about turned into the Incredible Hulk in a Macy's dressing room because I couldn't believe my eyes. I had gained so much weight that sizes that were big on me two years ago were now too tight-no, not just too tight, but didn't fit at all.
Let me give you a background: All my life, I've been chunky. Cliche? Excuse? Call it what you will, but I've never been "skinny". I was never athletic, and I always had two loving yet overly abundant Italian grandparents shoving any food in my face at all times, teaching me that there's no such thing as "too much eating." Well, folks, the rumor is true: how you eat as a child, how your families train you to eat, really determines your eating habits as an adult. But that's a blog saved for a political-childhood-obesity post later on.
Anyway, I finally got serious about my weight 2 years ago this time at age 24. By serious, I recognized that I had alot of free time, only working a part time 30 hour job and living at home, and that I was serious and ready to start working out and eating right, improving my quality of life, and looking great! So I studied up like no other; I signed up for my first 5K months in advance; and I began an awesome routine of decreasing my eating and moving more. Before I knew it, from January of 2011 to April/May of 2011, I lost nearly 20lbs, went from a 15 pant to an 8pant and 8 dress, and most of all, FELT way better. My asthma had nearly disappeared, I was learning better eating habits, I had excellent metabolism, and most of all, people around me, even people I lived with (who usually are the last to notice the weight loss because they see you daily), were noticing the changes. It literally was the best feeling of my life.
But then I got accepted into a Master's program at CSU Fullerton, and took on an additional part time job. And it all went kurplunk in Fall of 2011. Excuses? Damn straight I'm making excuses. I was ALWAYS one who never made excuses, but I was using my new job and my master's classes as excuses for ditching my workout and once again, over eating.
I'm currently in my 2nd to last year of my master's program. Since 2011, I've barely been able to workout maybe 2-3x a week. Since I'm working 40-50 hours, and gone from my house M-TH literally from 8am for job 1 to 10pm for job 2/classes.
But I tried when I could. I went up to the school gym to run, I would try to go on weekends-but the real tragedy lies in the loss of my motivation. That warm, dear motivation I felt so strongly during the Spring of 2011. It was like it had died in me, and I don't know how to revive it.
And then last night it hit me-like a car head on into a brick wall. I walk into Macy's to buy a women's pant suit for a job interview tomorrow (a full time job that would allow me to not work 2 jobs and finally give me a set schedule). I pick up size 10, and hey, since I haven't been working out, size 12 pants for the suit. I pick up different brands and styles.
None fit, none. I could pull them up, so to speak, but couldn't wrap them around that belly of mine. And then I look into the mirror-and I see myself as what I used to be. Out of shape, flabby, and sadly, like someone who's given up. "Maybe it's my period and bloating?" I lied to myself. But no, as I did the walk of shame out of Macy's, I realized I have a ton of work to do, and I'm back to square one.
I've wanted nothing more in my life than to have concrete, everlasting lifestyle of being thin, healthy, and in control of a high metabolism. I've lived in Southern CA my whole life-and have watched as all these women my age, in their 20's, have these outstanding beach bodies. I know that most of them aren't perfect eaters, nor workout monguls. But they've been blessed with a consistent motivation and metabolism that keeps them in protection of their assets. And it makes me sad, because I was so close, so close to being there. I just don't know what to do. I've been working out lately. This week alone I ran 2 miles for 4 days each, trying to get back into the swing of things. I signed up for another 5K May 5th, which I've been preparing for. But sadly last night in Macy's proved I've been stuck in reverse.
But I know I have it in me, I've done it before. I just hate that I make excuses.
So that's my novel story-sorry I wrote endlessly. I've been on MFP for over 2 years now, and I think it's time I seriously start adhering to it. Anyone been in a boat like this? Would love to have your support, and, god willing, your keys to motivation.
Let me give you a background: All my life, I've been chunky. Cliche? Excuse? Call it what you will, but I've never been "skinny". I was never athletic, and I always had two loving yet overly abundant Italian grandparents shoving any food in my face at all times, teaching me that there's no such thing as "too much eating." Well, folks, the rumor is true: how you eat as a child, how your families train you to eat, really determines your eating habits as an adult. But that's a blog saved for a political-childhood-obesity post later on.
Anyway, I finally got serious about my weight 2 years ago this time at age 24. By serious, I recognized that I had alot of free time, only working a part time 30 hour job and living at home, and that I was serious and ready to start working out and eating right, improving my quality of life, and looking great! So I studied up like no other; I signed up for my first 5K months in advance; and I began an awesome routine of decreasing my eating and moving more. Before I knew it, from January of 2011 to April/May of 2011, I lost nearly 20lbs, went from a 15 pant to an 8pant and 8 dress, and most of all, FELT way better. My asthma had nearly disappeared, I was learning better eating habits, I had excellent metabolism, and most of all, people around me, even people I lived with (who usually are the last to notice the weight loss because they see you daily), were noticing the changes. It literally was the best feeling of my life.
But then I got accepted into a Master's program at CSU Fullerton, and took on an additional part time job. And it all went kurplunk in Fall of 2011. Excuses? Damn straight I'm making excuses. I was ALWAYS one who never made excuses, but I was using my new job and my master's classes as excuses for ditching my workout and once again, over eating.
I'm currently in my 2nd to last year of my master's program. Since 2011, I've barely been able to workout maybe 2-3x a week. Since I'm working 40-50 hours, and gone from my house M-TH literally from 8am for job 1 to 10pm for job 2/classes.
But I tried when I could. I went up to the school gym to run, I would try to go on weekends-but the real tragedy lies in the loss of my motivation. That warm, dear motivation I felt so strongly during the Spring of 2011. It was like it had died in me, and I don't know how to revive it.
And then last night it hit me-like a car head on into a brick wall. I walk into Macy's to buy a women's pant suit for a job interview tomorrow (a full time job that would allow me to not work 2 jobs and finally give me a set schedule). I pick up size 10, and hey, since I haven't been working out, size 12 pants for the suit. I pick up different brands and styles.
None fit, none. I could pull them up, so to speak, but couldn't wrap them around that belly of mine. And then I look into the mirror-and I see myself as what I used to be. Out of shape, flabby, and sadly, like someone who's given up. "Maybe it's my period and bloating?" I lied to myself. But no, as I did the walk of shame out of Macy's, I realized I have a ton of work to do, and I'm back to square one.
I've wanted nothing more in my life than to have concrete, everlasting lifestyle of being thin, healthy, and in control of a high metabolism. I've lived in Southern CA my whole life-and have watched as all these women my age, in their 20's, have these outstanding beach bodies. I know that most of them aren't perfect eaters, nor workout monguls. But they've been blessed with a consistent motivation and metabolism that keeps them in protection of their assets. And it makes me sad, because I was so close, so close to being there. I just don't know what to do. I've been working out lately. This week alone I ran 2 miles for 4 days each, trying to get back into the swing of things. I signed up for another 5K May 5th, which I've been preparing for. But sadly last night in Macy's proved I've been stuck in reverse.
But I know I have it in me, I've done it before. I just hate that I make excuses.
So that's my novel story-sorry I wrote endlessly. I've been on MFP for over 2 years now, and I think it's time I seriously start adhering to it. Anyone been in a boat like this? Would love to have your support, and, god willing, your keys to motivation.
0
Replies
-
First, thank you for sharing. It takes a lot of courage to put it all out there.
Second, good luck on your journey.
Third, they say the biggest step in changing is accepting you need help and here you are
Fourth, I can definitely offer you support
Fifth, motivation. That has to come from you I can encourage you all day. For me, my motivation comes from never wanting to be as big and unhealthy as I was. This has become a new life for me.
Add me if you would like 0 -
Thanks VeeBeth, well said. I appreciate those steps you look to. Maybe figuring out who I am and exactly what I want would be a great step into turning on the motivation.0
-
I have been on MFP since 09 .... lost 78lbs in 09/2010 and I let life in general and tragic things get in my way needless to say I gained it all back and then some so I re dedicated myself back on to MFP in Jan of this year and havent missed a day .....WE CAN DO IT and KEEP IT OFF .... wishing you much success :bigsmile:0
-
Amen to that. It's good you understand what has triggered it. I'm also trying to do that-and not blame it strictly on work or school-but maybe on psychological factors. They always say stress weight is a suprise weight gain.0
-
stress=no good ....you have done it before so you can do it again .....take baby steps and one day at a time ... you can do it girl 0
-
stress=no good
That is the gospel truth. Stress has been the single biggest problem in staying in shape.
U2Amie, you will do well using MFP. Good luck to you!0 -
Absolutely. Thanks, I appreciate it!0
-
That didn't sound like excuses to me. That sounded like some legitimate stuff that got your attention more than weight loss and it's good that it did.
Don't beat yourself up or feel like you have failed. You are doing really well. This is where your motivation went:
http://youarenotsosmart.com/2012/04/17/ego-depletion/
You are essentially spending it on other things.
I think the way for you to go about this is to find an exercise that you enjoy. Find something where you are learning to do something fun and also socializing, something that fills other needs and is rewarding in several ways. Find something where the motivation to do it is inherent in the activity.
Like, join a sports team or take up kung-fu or something like that.0 -
That didn't sound like excuses to me. That sounded like some legitimate stuff that got your attention more than weight loss and it's good that it did.
Don't beat yourself up or feel like you have failed. You are doing really well. This is where your motivation went:
http://youarenotsosmart.com/2012/04/17/ego-depletion/
You are essentially spending it on other things.
I think the way for you to go about this is to find an exercise that you enjoy. Find something where you are learning to do something fun and also socializing, something that fills other needs and is rewarding in several ways. Find something where the motivation to do it is inherent in the activity.
Like, join a sports team or take up kung-fu or something like that.0 -
For Nokanjaijo: This quote from that article made me die laughing!!! All I want to do is watch ****ty television after a long week of school and work!!!
"A long day of dealing with bull**** often leads to an evening of no-decision television in which you don’t even feel like switching the channel to get Kim Kardashian’s face out of your television, or sitting and watching a censored Jurassic Park between commercials even though you own a copy of the movie five feet away. If so, no big deal, but if you find yourself in control of air traffic or a heart bypass, or you need to lose 200 pounds, that’s when it’s time to plan ahead."
But seriously, thanks for understanding that and forwarding that link to me. This was great! I'm forwarding it to some others who can benefit.
And you're right-I've always loved soccer. I should join a women's league-it may help alter my perception!0 -
I lost my weight when I was just a couple years younger than you, and one thing I learned early on (the hard way) is this. If for some reason you cannot be active and/or exercise much, you must watch your diet, or scale back the calories as needed, if you intend to keep the weight off. Being active or working out is wonderful, but I believe most of us, sooner or later, are going to reach a time in our lives where we just can't. Whether that situation is temporary or not I guess depends on the person & the situation at hand.
Don't feel bad about what's happened, learn from it. Sounds like life is going pretty well for you, so just keep going. :flowerforyou:0 -
I completely hear you on the school/work front- I'm back in school, just finishing up my first of 4 years (again) and just started 2 new jobs in additional to the one finishing with the school year. I'm really struggling but it's awesome to know that there are other people having the same issues for the same reasons! We can do this- support system!!!0
-
I lost my weight when I was just a couple years younger than you, and one thing I learned early on (the hard way) is this. If for some reason you cannot be active and/or exercise much, you must watch your diet, or scale back the calories as needed, if you intend to keep the weight off. Being active or working out is wonderful, but I believe most of us, sooner or later, are going to reach a time in our lives where we just can't. Whether that situation is temporary or not I guess depends on the person & the situation at hand.
Don't feel bad about what's happened, learn from it. Sounds like life is going pretty well for you, so just keep going. :flowerforyou:
Thanks. I agree whole heartedly about diet. I mean, diet really is everything at the end of the day. I am in a bit of a situation where I tend to overeat, or "grab seconds". A result of a full time college student and being on campus nearly 12 hours 4 days a week results in me having to "purchase" lunch at food places around the school, which also leads to bad choices. 2 years ago, though, I wasn't making those choices, I was making the right choices. I just have to find out for myself where that will power is.0 -
I was a gym rat for years. I ate whatever I wanted. The gym kept me in shape. At 27 I went back to college FULL time and worked FULL time. I didnt get home until 10:30pm 3 days during the week and had class from 8-4pm on Saturdays. Any free time I had was for studying and doing chores. No time for the gym. I gained some weight.
Finished school, had more time on my hands, but never went back to the gym. Never changed my eating habits gained more weight.
My suggestion to you is sometimes life really doesnt allow you enough time to work-out. Or you cant do it as much as you'd like. The best thing you can do is learn to eat properly. I have lost 37lbs simply by eating properly and the walking I do is from my commuting as a New Yorker.
No matter how busy life is you always have to eat. If you can get a grasp on your eating you have won most of the battle. No matter how crazy life is there is no excuse for over-eating. You have to get control of that situation and you will be fine. There are times I get home from work late, I am so tired, and I still have to clean or do laundry etc....and I only have 2hrs before I have to go to sleep. Sometimes the last thing I want to do is cook a decent meal but eating a crappy meal takes the same amount of time to prepare as a good one does. I read that 90% of weight is controlled by what you put in your mouth. The percentage may vary depending on who you talk to but it still all comes down to food.0 -
I completely hear you on the school/work front- I'm back in school, just finishing up my first of 4 years (again) and just started 2 new jobs in additional to the one finishing with the school year. I'm really struggling but it's awesome to know that there are other people having the same issues for the same reasons! We can do this- support system!!!
Thanks! That's why I always come back to MFP-to be with such a wide variety of people who understand the struggles. Good luck in school!0 -
I can relate. i lost 40 pounds two years ago and felt great. I didn't have MFP then - I just logged calories on a slip of paper all day long. But it worked! Then I stopped doing it. Of course, I gained it all back. This time, I have had to force myself to keep logging EVERYTHING and not lying to myself, motivation or no motivation. And believe me, there have been some very unmotivated days these past 6 months. It is most frustrating to me when I log and work out consistently and don't lose for a while. That's when I have to keep making myself do it, even when I absolutely detest it. I wish I had done that at your age, because now it is much harder at age 55.
Also, I was thinking that lack of sleep can be a real killer. Not only does it contribute to weight gain on its own, but it also keeps you from making the best decisions for your health. I really hope you get that good job and don't have to do two jobs any more. That stinks. I finished up my undergraduate degree while working and having three kids, and my masters while working full time, so I know how sucky it is. Good luck to you - I know you can do it!0 -
I was a gym rat for years. I ate whatever I wanted. The gym kept me in shape. At 27 I went back to college FULL time and worked FULL time. I didnt get home until 10:30pm 3 days during the week and had class from 8-4pm on Saturdays. Any free time I had was for studying and doing chores. No time for the gym. I gained some weight.
Finished school, had more time on my hands, but never went back to the gym. Never changed my eating habits gained more weight.
My suggestion to you is sometimes life really doesnt allow you enough time to work-out. Or you cant do it as much as you'd like. The best thing you can do is learn to eat properly. I have lost 37lbs simply by eating properly and the walkign I do is from my commuting as a New Yorker. No matter how busy life is you always have to eat. If you can get a grasp on your eating your have won most of the battle. No matter how crazy life is there is no excuse for over-eating. You have to get control of that situation and you will be fine. There I times I get home from work late, I am so tired, and I still have to clean or do laundry etc....and I only have 2hrs before I have to go to sleep. Sometimes the last thing I want to do is cook a decent meal but eating a crappy meal takes the same amount of time to prepare as a good one does. I read that 90% of weight is controlled by what you put in your mouth. The percentage may vary depending on who you talk to but it still all comes down to food.
Thank you for sharing. I know that so much of it is diet-like you said, nearly all of it. I just feel very disappointed that I don't have the reasoning I once did to pick out better things to eat. But I'm hoping that my experience last night is my wake up call. Congrats on achieving your success through your eating-maybe that's where I can really control what's going on.0 -
I just thought of another thing that might help, since you live in SoCal (where we all know it doesn't rain - right!). Do you have a pedometer? Just walking around campus you'll probably find you get in your 10,000 steps a day. Just a thought!0
-
Something to think about...
I'm much more motivated if I set a goal that relates to physical strength instead of focusing on losing weight. For example, I LOVE to cycle. Each year I set a goal to put in a certain number of miles on the bike (and it increases year over year) and to increase my average speed by at least a specific amount. Then I sign up for rides that will challenge my ability and endurance. For example, my first century ride (100 miles) is on June 1st. I live in a climate that has cold, snowy winters and know that I won't be able to ride much outside from November to March or April. Knowing that I couldn't wait (or count on) the weather to warm up to start to get in shape for the century made me motiviated to hit the gym all winter.
In addition, we do indoor cycling at a gym that has a leaderboard that shows the power output of each rider. There's nothing like a little competition to make you work harder. When my daughter is riding with me my goal is to beat her up a hill. She knows that's my goal and that makes her work harder, too. Last weekend she told me that knowing I was nipping at her heels made her work harder than she would have otherwise. We both had a great workout!0 -
I just thought of another thing that might help, since you live in SoCal (where we all know it doesn't rain - right!). Do you have a pedometer? Just walking around campus you'll probably find you get in your 10,000 steps a day. Just a thought!
Thanks for sharing! Many people have started using those, actually, especially on campus! I try to take the stairs when I can there. And you are correct about sleep. Often times I completely lose out on it, and I know for a fact that's a very easy thing to lead to gaining.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.7K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.8K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 395 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.3K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 960 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions