What I really don't understand about gaining weight...

Although I gained some weight here and there over the years, most of my increases in clothing sizes over time were just a gradual adjustment (followed by the denial that "I'm only a size 16 in this brand......it's cut small, etc).

Just over two years ago, I had a major abdominal surgery that drastically changed my body -- for the worse. I have no belly muscle at all and so the pleasant layer of fat that was there has now extended to the point where just last weekend my former sister-in-law said to me, "You haven't lost your tummy, you look 9 months pregnant." Wow, that felt fantastic since my youngest child is 18 years old. [I must refrain from comments about her broad backside in this post but y'all know I really wanted to say something mean].

In the midst of recuperating, I tossed my work clothes for a bigger size because "it needs to be looser over the incision site". I bought a pair of slacks here or there, a pair of jeans when I really needed it (or found them on sale). I am furious at the fashion industry for the proliferation of hip-huggers that simply won't stay up on a woman shaped like me now matter what size I get (my hubby, who is rounder around the middle since he quit smoking, gets to wear suspenders) -- there is no way to look dignified while pulling up my jeans every time I stand up or walk across the room.

A promotion gave me a chance to get out of slacks and into "mom" jeans --- and a reason to buy the bigger size with the control panels. I also picked up my first "foundation undergarments"......my justification was that the lack of belly muscle meant it needed some support (may have been true for a few months but we are way past that now). The jeans hit high enough to prevent a muffin top and on days like today (the last couple of weeks actually), I just don't tuck in my shirt.

I promised myself I would lose 20 pounds for my son's wedding so that I could wear the beautiful dress I had purchased for the occasion --- I had a year to do it. Not only did I not lose the weight, I gained another 10 and had to settle for another dress and still felt like I was in a sausage casing. I hate that I am big, and I hate that too many of my clothes make me look bigger because they are ill fitting. Too many of the women's clothing lines are too revealing for my tastes and my favorite local department store just eliminated their women's section (I have to hunt out the XXLs amongst the 0s and XXSs). I'm going to have to haul out my sewing machine and tailor some things so I feel comfortable and maybe a little less self-conscious as I continue on this journey.

The extreme weight I gained in 2002-2007 was a sneaky little buggar. I gained 50 lbs during my first pregnancy, I really thought that all of that would just go away after the baby was born ( I had never been over weight a day in my life before this). I remember how shocked I was that I couldn't fit into ANY of my pre-pregnancy clothes!!! I had an extra 25lbs! So I went ahead and bought some other clothes while I "lost" this weight. Then the vicious vicious cycle began. I'd put on a pound here and a pound there....I hated the way I looked and felt, so I'd binge eat and binge drink. Then I'd buy some new clothes in hopes that I'd look better....the fashion industry changing of sizes doesn't help the cause either. In 2006 I topped off at 80 lbs overweight....I don't have many pictures from that period in my life, but the few I have just shock me now when I look at them! from 2006-2007 I began my journey to lose that weight. I even had baby number two in 2009 (only gaining 30 lbs as I continued to eat right and exercise throughout my pregnancy) I am now, at 33 yrs old in the best shape of my life!