Damaging effects of society's high standards

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trekkiebeth
trekkiebeth Posts: 172
in Chit-Chat
It's well known that the stick-thin women that dominate the media and are upheld as society's standard of beauty have caused millions of women to suffer from negative body image, eating disorders, and even depression. Thankfully I've never had an eating disorder, but I do have a negative body image and I've had mild bouts of depression. My boyfriend is very satisfied with my body and says he would be happy if I never lost a single pound.

However, I feel very chubby and not all that attractive. I'm constantly aware of my excess flab and it makes me very uncomfortable in my own skin. I think it makes me more shy around people and I often feel inferior when a skinny girl is around. I know that how I feel isn't healthy, but I don't know how to change. I'm annoyed with the media because I know it's been influencing me ever since I was a kid and making me feel like I need to look a certain way to be worthwhile. After all, the chubby girls on TV are only allowed to be the best friend, coworker, etc and never the attractive female lead who gets the good looking guy.

Here's a picture of me in case you want to weigh in on whether or not I'm crazy to feel fat.
rsz_36094_407794584389_507064389_41.jpg

I also wrote a blog that partly deals with this issue where I go into more depth about how I feel about how society treats women.

http://trekkiebeth.wordpress.com/2010/06/30/do-male-fantasies-empower-women/

Replies

  • bradbradly
    bradbradly Posts: 1
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    If your man is happy, you should be satisfied. You can (and should) continue to be annoyed.

    You are a very attractive woman and by no means fat!
  • squoozyq
    squoozyq Posts: 305
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    I could sit here all day and tell you how beautiful you are, and by no means chubby, but you won't believe me. It has to come from you...you have to love yourself.
  • bigdawg025
    bigdawg025 Posts: 774 Member
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    I think you look sexy!!!! You are by no means fat in any way! As a matter of fact... I actually PREFER a girl that's NOT stick-thin!!! I love curves! :) I hope you find it within to feel better about yourself!
  • esaxmcd
    esaxmcd Posts: 7
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    Well I always have accepted the fact that there is always someone out there better looking than me and there is always someone out there worse than I am weight wise. All that should matter is how your true friends and love ones feel around you, if they can accept you for who you are then so should you. Trust me there are a lot of people who wouldn't mind trading places with you but then you will be some body else and not you.

    Hope that helps, cuz you look fabulous, everyone is not their ideal weight but in time if thats your goal then you will put forth the effort and reap the rewards. Until then hold your head up and enjoy the hand that life has dealt you.
  • chessie11
    chessie11 Posts: 52
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    You look wonderful! Please just stick to staying in top health. Your shape is adorable and your boyfriend is very happy. I agree society has a flawed way of making us look at ourselves through others, but you look fine. Continue to eat healthy. Use MFP to monitor what you eat and to stay in touch with us for support. Get exercise, stay outdoors for the fresh air...

    Live Long and Prosper!!! :smile:
  • HealthyKt78
    HealthyKt78 Posts: 439
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    You look great and you're so pretty! You don't look like you have much weight to lose but if you feel like you have flab and aren't confident about your body then you can always start working out and toning up. Use this site to keep up with your calories and you'll start to feel more confident about your body. I'm sure of it. Even if you don't lose much just exercising will give you a better body image.
  • david1956
    david1956 Posts: 190 Member
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    Ummm.. as a guy I can say you are very attractive and with a very nice figure. Not that what guys think is the real criteria for how women should feel about themselves, but trust me... typical men are not attracted to really thin women any more than most women want men to look like bulked up body builders. If someone is naturally very thin, fine. But we are who we are.

    I'm not totally convinced that this is a media thing. Is it our own obsession that WE have to take responsibility for and deal with? I think a very dangerous route is that as we exercise and see our physiques improving, often our imperfections stand out to us more and more. At the end of your life, in terms of how you've lived it and whether you enjoyed it, will hours and hours obssessing about a few pounds have been worth it?

    It's time we as a society valued health and fitness. Holistically - mind, body, spiritually. It ain't worth sweating the small stuff. Life's too short. We should be living a healthy life to enjoy it, not become obessively discontented.

    Tke another look at that photo. A dreamy sideways look at a boyfriend you love. That's life!
  • run_way
    run_way Posts: 220
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    I know what you mean. I have never been above my healthy BMI and I weighed around 120-125 throughout college and I still usually felt like the "chubby"-ish girl all of the time. I know in my head it is completely insane, but it never changed the way I feel. Now I've put on another 10 or 15 pounds and my husband tells me he thinks I'm sexy, but my self-esteem has been at a serious low because of it.

    It is ridiculous that the "curvy" models are weighing in the 130's when the average weight for a woman is around 145 (I think :/ ). They do stories in magazines about actresses who were able to drop that awful weight (they had BALLOONED all the way up to 135!!!) and they talk about their struggle and now they're back down to a more sensible weight... you know, around 100-110 pounds. Then we get to sit around and hear the men in our lives talk about how hot these women are while we're struggling just to get to their "fat" weight, they really have no idea how degrading it is.
  • 4lafz
    4lafz Posts: 1,078 Member
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    What a beautiful girl you are! No way are you overweight. As a matter of fact I would bet most of us WISHED we had your body! I agree with the other post about exercising. That will help your body image and firm up the areas that you are not happy with.
  • sbarham
    sbarham Posts: 44 Member
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    Although I think you look BEAUTIFUL and a very healthy, attractive weight...I also know that no matter how many compliments we get or no matter how many times others tell us we look great, it doesn't ever change the way we view ourselves. I too, wish I could be satisfied with my body like my husband is. I wish I could be as beautiful as he makes me feel! It does have to come from within though. For me, it's about finding my WORTH in the One who created me and knows me. I love to read books on this very topic too, and would highly recommend "Wanting To Be Her" and "So Much More Than Sexy." Good for you though from trying to combat the craziness of our culture, and for your insight into just how much it has affected our thinking as women! Good luck!!!!
  • BethTucker
    BethTucker Posts: 21
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    This is going to sound strange but... When I get down on myself for not having the qualities or looks that I find appealing in other people I think if the story of the "Ugly Duckling.". You know it, but to recap the adult version: The baby swan feels like he is inferior because he doesn't look like or quack like the ducks. Then as he grows up, he realizes he has OTHER talents that the ducks do not possess because he is not a duck but a swan. In other words, it makes no sense for him to be getting down on himself for not having duck characteristics because he is not a duck. So when I start thinking about other people's attributes that I wish I had, I list my own attributes that I really like. For example, I am an endo-mesomorph body style, ie short and stocky. But I am strong and powerful and I have found a sport that embraces those traits (martial arts). I have big, powerful legs and large muscles. But I really like them!

    You are a beautiful woman who has traits that no one else has. Find those and embrace them!

    Oh and I have found that limiting my exposure to media has helped.
  • funkyspunky871
    funkyspunky871 Posts: 1,675 Member
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    You are absolutely gorgeous! I would do anything to look like you.

    As for advice, it's up to you whether or not you want to lose some weight. You look perfectly healthy and skinny to me. I don't suggest dieting. Maybe (if you really want to) you can try just eating healthier. Eat a balanced diet and you'll lose weight naturally. You can also start exercising regularly. It doesn't matter how skinny or fat a person is: exercise is always healthy and good for you! And, a plus is that it'll tone up the areas of your body that you're not comfortable with.
  • TheMaidOfAstolat
    TheMaidOfAstolat Posts: 3,222 Member
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    You are beautiful! In fact you very much remind me of the model used by John William Waterhouse (one of his most famous peices is The Lady Of Shallott-I have a pic in my pictures if you want to look). As a society today we have made sure that girls and guys learn from a very young age to be dis-satisfied with their bodies. I finally had to come to the conclusion that I need to accept me for me no matter what the world may say. Goodness, you want to see a beautiful woman, go look up Christina Hendricks. She is by no means a stick thin actress and I am so happy that she is not. She's beautiful and has wonderful curves. Never let the world tell you how to look, think, act, or be.
  • PixieGoddess
    PixieGoddess Posts: 1,833 Member
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    I agree with others: you're absolutely adorable, and I only wish my figure looked like yours. And to the men who posted: my boyfriend says the same thing! His last gf was a stick, and he's commented many times about how much he enjoys my curves! :smooched:

    And if you want the media to work FOR you, rent some old movies: Marilyn Monroe, Grace Kelly, Betty Grable, Elizabeth Taylor, Judy Garland.....granted, I know all these women were definitly smaller than ME, but my point is that NONE of these women was a size 0 and they are undeniably sexy, beautiful women! (PS, Monroe was reportedly a size 12-14)

    And Hairspray is a funny and inspiring movie about being a large girl. Watch the original or the remake, they're both great!

    And I want to leave you with one last word to keep in mind: airbrushing.
  • david1956
    david1956 Posts: 190 Member
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    A friend and I were discussing something recently. If I look back at high school photos circa early 70s, there are very few thin women or overly overweight kids. Everyone looks sort of "average". Your figure would be extremely typical and you could be one of the girls in our group that I might have dated in my youth. There were no fast-food outlets (except good old New Zealand Fish and Chips) and no media garbage about body image.

    And interestingly, I cannot recall body image ever once being a topic of conversation. I suppose girls may have discussed with each other how they wished they were better looking or whatever, but I cannot recall ever once the topic surfacing. I have no memory of any kind of neuroticism about it the way that today's culture is absorbed in it. It is definitely a modern phenomena in my opinion.
  • LittleSpy
    LittleSpy Posts: 6,754 Member
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    I honestly don't believe men are attracted to extremely thin women because that would be very unnatural. We're animals and females need a lil' meat on their bones to be a good healthy potential mate, right? And as far as I can tell, most men are attracted to that, not to sickly thin women. My husband has actually pouted a little about how much weight I've lost (he's over it now) since I'm now about 25 pounds lighter than when we started dating 4 years ago.

    I actually believe society (American society) as a whole is leaning too far in the opposite direction -- being too approving of obesity. I think even the media reflects it. I have seen an alarming number of newish tv shows with very overweight/obese actors (and they're not there just to be the brunt of jokes). I don't like the portrayal that obesity is okay because it's really not.

    That being said, I think you look like you're a healthy weight and are very attractive. If you're very concerned, focus on eating the right amounts of healthy foods (make sure you eat *enough*) & exercise. If you lose weight naturally then great; but if not that's fine because you already look great and a healthier lifestyle is only doing your body more good!
  • trekkiebeth
    trekkiebeth Posts: 172
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    You are beautiful! In fact you very much remind me of the model used by John William Waterhouse (one of his most famous peices is The Lady Of Shallott-I have a pic in my pictures if you want to look).

    That's a huge compliment because I have always loved those paintings! Thank you!
  • trekkiebeth
    trekkiebeth Posts: 172
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    Thanks to everyone for all the encouragement! I know you're all right. I just need to try to eat well and exercise and concentrate on enjoying life. I know that all the worrying will be wasted time. It's really difficult because of all the pressure, but I need to find a way to get over it. Thanks to all of you for your inspiring comments!
  • TheMaidOfAstolat
    TheMaidOfAstolat Posts: 3,222 Member
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    You are beautiful! In fact you very much remind me of the model used by John William Waterhouse (one of his most famous peices is The Lady Of Shallott-I have a pic in my pictures if you want to look).

    That's a huge compliment because I have always loved those paintings! Thank you!

    It's the truth.
  • Voncreepy2
    Voncreepy2 Posts: 1,450 Member
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    Oh , you do!!!!! You look like Ophelia!!!
    I love John William Waterhouse!!!!

    We would all be Goddesses a few hundred years ago when curves were in. I think you are in great shape and would kill for your figure right now. I know how it feels to always feel like "the fat girl" i have never been stick thin either and I will never be. But I have been healthy before and i have loved myself that way. Don't try to live up to someone elses standards. You will always end up disappointed. The older I get the more comfortable I have grown in my own skin. Try to love yourself .You are a beautiful girl and even though I know how it feels to have those feelings, when I look at your photo, I don't see how anyone could ever call you overweight or think less of you based on your appearence. You look like a healthy girl, a pretty young REAL woman. Embrace your beauty!!!

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