Family undermining weight loss unintentionally

danifriend
danifriend Posts: 8 Member
edited September 21 in Motivation and Support
I love my mother very much. And I understand that for the time being I am under her roof again and at the mercy of her cooking. It was not my intention to get a divorce and need my parents help again. Nor was it my intention to be diagnosed with cancer shortly after my divorce and need my parents for 24 hour help with my son. But I am now getting back on my feet and trying to get in shape.

The doctor is threatening me with gastric bypass surgery and I am deathly afraid of surgery. ( Mostly because of a horrible experience that my mother had last summer with a simple surgery.)

All that being said, my family is verbally supportive of my weight loss; but, my mother is still putting high calorie, high sodium meals on the table. In addition, she offers deserts (usually ice cream of some sort) with every meal and then acts hurt and put out if I dont eat any.

I tried explaining to my mother ( a retired RN) that this isnt helping my weight loss and that the dr is not going to be happy with my progress so far. But she just smiles and says that I will have to wait and see what the dr says.

How do I do this without the support of those in the household??! I have thought of just going on a slim fast diet and avoiding the table all together but I dont want to hurt her feelings. And family meals have always been a big deal in our household.

I might also mention that both of my parents are overweight also. And that everytime I mention getting my own place, my parents throw the cancer and the free child care in my face. But I am in the process of getting an apartment lined up for after christmas when i have my next 6 month checkup.

Back to the question: How do I successfully lose the weight with out family support and without upsetting mom??

Danielle

Replies

  • kimmie0627
    kimmie0627 Posts: 111 Member
    You may have to upset your mom. But she needs to understand she is not helping you and is not helping you get better.

    Meal time is a huge thing with my family too. I lucky live outside their household. I eat every little when I am with them because the food they make is horrible calorie wise.

    I just want to say good luck. Maybe try making dinner instead of your mother or make your own dinner. It may hurt your mom short term, but she will understand when you do start losing the weight. I had to piss my mother in law off because of her cooking.
  • jlewis2896
    jlewis2896 Posts: 763 Member
    I have a friend who is going through the same thing. Her mother is bigger, and both her husband and daughter are losing weight without her. It's to the point where she will buy sweet desserts like cake and serve them to her family telling them it's 'sugar-free'. !!!! This shocked me. But it's probably scary for her to be alone in her problematic eating habits.

    I would recommend offering to help cook dinner together a couple of times a week. You guys could use a web-based site to pick out recipes she would also enjoy (I love eatingwell.com).

    And on the days that she cooks an unhealthy meal, maybe make yourself a salad to eat first then smaller portions of her food, or load up on veggies.
  • krinio
    krinio Posts: 138 Member
    It's a tough situation. I'd how about trying to reduce the food she gives you? My parents used to do the same thing but I just halfed all the portions as soon as I was given it. They soon got the point! How about suggesting you make some meals? You could say you are trying to show your appreciation for their support over the years. Then you just make a really yummy healthy meal! Show them that healthy food can be really enjoyable. Hope this helps!
  • biggphatdaddy
    biggphatdaddy Posts: 50
    The first way to approach this, is to have a long serious talk with her. And everyone in the house for that fact...Explain to them how this is affecting their health too...Of course if they are like my family, in out ear, out the other...LOL...Mom knows best...

    Next thing is control what you can control...Drink lots of water between meals and eat small healthy snacks so that when these huge meals come around, you dont want so much...Portion control is one of the first things to master when trying to get your own discipline system together for a life journey such as this...
  • sagithia
    sagithia Posts: 135 Member
    Get the Slim Fast, ahve that for breakfast and lunch and a bar for a snak and then for dinner or lunch eat a salad or healthy meal with your family. If she won't listen to you, you have to push through and do what is best for you! Good luck!
  • MrsBrosco
    MrsBrosco Posts: 295
    I'm just putting this on the table...

    Would you rather die young and not be there to take care of your son OR hurt mom's feelings by wanting to better yourself?? As a cancer patient you should understand the WANT and NEED to stay alive. You have to do what is best for you whether it hurts Mom's feelings or not. You dont want your son growing up without a father in his life, it's not fair to either of you.

    Best of luck to you!!
  • mommamills
    mommamills Posts: 437
    I have a friend who is going through the same thing. Her mother is bigger, and both her husband and daughter are losing weight without her. It's to the point where she will buy sweet desserts like cake and serve them to her family telling them it's 'sugar-free'. !!!! This shocked me. But it's probably scary for her to be alone in her problematic eating habits.

    I would recommend offering to help cook dinner together a couple of times a week. You guys could use a web-based site to pick out recipes she would also enjoy (I love eatingwell.com).

    And on the days that she cooks an unhealthy meal, maybe make yourself a salad to eat first then smaller portions of her food, or load up on veggies.

    I, personally, think this is a really good suggestion! Then you are not only active in preparing good for you meals, but you get to spend some QT with mom where you guys can really talk about the important stuff. Go for it! Good luck! YOU have to do what's right for YOU.....
  • weaklink109
    weaklink109 Posts: 2,831 Member
    Get the Slim Fast, ahve that for breakfast and lunch and a bar for a snak and then for dinner or lunch eat a salad or healthy meal with your family. If she won't listen to you, you have to push through and do what is best for you! Good luck!

    I can agree with everything posted prior to me except this. Slimfast is NOT the way to go. It is not particularly high in protein (only 10 mg per shake) and higher in sugar than is appropriate to start your day. The Kashi line of protein bars is a much healthier option, and as for shakes, for myself, I discovered Premier protein shakes. Low in sugar, fat, and sodium, but 30 mg of protein in each 11 oz shake. They are available at Costco in an 18 pack, and in my area cost less than $24. If you stick to salads, some bars and shakes, along with lots of veggies and lean protein, and eat sparingly of your mother's cooking, along with offering to do meal planning and preparing a couple of days a week, you can keep the situation under control until you can move out and totally control what you eat.

    Look at this as training for the rest of your life--where there is always going to be temptation around you. If your mother gets in a snit, she will get over it. This is your HEALTH we are talking about, and I am glad you are not embracing surgery as the solution to all your problems. Many people who have the surgery lose initially but don't keep it off because they never make an elemental change in their eating habits and emotional attachment to the comfort given them by food.

    Good luck in making your situation work for you. And next time momma tries to feed you sugar, tell her there is research showing that sugar is the WORST thing someone with cancer can eat. It isn't just my opinion. Here is a link to one of many articles available through a google search:
    http://www.cancerresearchinformation.com/cancer-and-sugar-studies-which-show-the-link/

    Wishing you the best.:flowerforyou:
  • baggins706
    baggins706 Posts: 310
    You have to have a talk with your family and let them know that you are trying to lose weight. You have to put your needs first because continuing down this road is not healthy.

    Try making some meals sometimes or try using measuring cups to portion out the meals your mom does make.
  • breakingthepath
    breakingthepath Posts: 124
    As a former RN, your mom knows better than most people how important it is to eat healthy. Over the course of her career she likely saw patients that ate their way into the operating room. She may not be happy to hear you say no to her cooking, but do it anyway. Your son needs you.
  • run_way
    run_way Posts: 220
    Maybe you could offer to help her look up some healthy recipes. If she is a large woman, she obviously isn't used to eating healthy, and maybe she thinks that what she is making is just fine and doesn't realize how unhealthy it is.
    Ask her if she wouldn't mind making healthier family meals (and point out that it's good for everyone!) and find some healthy recipes and recommend them to her.
    She is probably cooking the way she has always know to cook, and she hasn't changed it to be more unhealthy, it just always has been. Discuss this with her, don't begin with "You are sabotaging me" just let her know how hard you are trying and you would appreciate her doing this to help you out.
  • shaggys
    shaggys Posts: 140 Member
    The best way for you to lose weight is by simply counting calories-period.
    Instead of Slimfast,try stocking up on fresh fruits and vegetables-you can eat a lot,most are low in calories,and you can set a better example for your son.
    YOU have to want to lose weight,and you are the only one that can do it.Set your mind and you will find a way.If your doctor is trying to push surgery that you don't want-find a new one.
    Good luck!
  • Dreaj79
    Dreaj79 Posts: 212
    My husband, God bless him, is one of the worst offenders in this department. Sometimes you just have to be completely selfish and do what's best for you. Like other posters have said, your mom is a nurse and she knows better. Do what you can to respect her while you are living in her house, but don't compromise your health and your progress for the sake of keeping the peace. It's just going to make you miserable in the end. I hope things work out for the best. :flowerforyou:
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