Not chit-chat, fun or games but also not fitness related

bonitacash08
bonitacash08 Posts: 378 Member
in Chit-Chat
So my boyfriend has a dog. A one year old pit bull. She's a sweetheart and really loveable but VERY high energy. Since we've moved in together I've been the one taking care of her. He has NEVER taken her on a walk. He NEVER plays with her. If it were up to him she'd be outside 24/7. I don't come from a family where that is acceptable. My parent's dog is like my dad's first son. He's been a part of the family for the last 14 years.

Anywho, lately my boyfriend has been really resistant to my efforts to train the puppy and make her a part of the family. I take her on long walks every day (and invite him), I teach her commands (she didn't know any) and help her to be calm so she can be in the house without getting on everyone's nerves. She's been sleeping in the house and last night I had her sleep in our bedroom. When I told him about it (he works nights) his response was "well she better not be in there when I get home." Yesterday I took her to a self-service dog wash and gave her a bath. Then we went to Petsmart and I got her a new collar and name tag. She's had the same ones for over a year; the collar was dirty and frayed and she actually bent her name tag in half. He doesn't like her to look "girly" and her old collar was black and her name tag was red. I got her a choke chain collar that had a black collar woven into it and a pink bone-shaped name tag. He hates it. He texted me this morning and told me he was taking it off of her, that it was his dog and she was going to wear what he wanted. I definitely don't mind his preferences for a more neutral collar but why get mad about it? It's an easy fix...

I'm trying to be understanding but my patience is wearing thin. I know that she is his dog but certain things HAVE to be done to take care of them. Walks, play time and affection aren't negotiable and since he's not doing it I feel obligated to do it (not to mention I love doing it). How can she be "his" dog when it comes to what she wears but not when it comes to truly taking care of her? Am I missing something or is he just being insecure about my awesome dog whisperer abilities??

Replies

  • Laurayinz
    Laurayinz Posts: 930 Member
    he sounds like a control freak. :angry: why did he even get her, then? just to look tough? You're treating her like pets should be treated. :flowerforyou:
  • BamaBreezeNSaltAire
    BamaBreezeNSaltAire Posts: 966 Member
    For the record you are doing the right thing. I don't understand his behavior at all but I'd definitely have to question it. Is this how he would be with both of your children if you continue down that path? Also seems to me that there is a bit of neglect going on with the dog. Don't ignore the signs, this is not responsible dog ownership. Keep taking care of the dog, it speaks volumes about you!
  • laserturkey
    laserturkey Posts: 1,680 Member
    It sounds like this is a control issue for him. I'd see this as a red flag. He's not a responsible pet owner and he is willing to prevent someone else from taking better care of the dog because it is HIS dog to neglect. Sounds like a real keeper to me. :-/
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
    It sounds to me like this runs a bit deeper than the dog. It sounds like he's jealous of you taking over "his property." If y'all are together for the long haul, he HAS to make concessions, and you do too.
    Let him know that if he works nights, it would be best for the dog to be inside for your protection. It's only smart.
    Continue to lavish love and affection, but don't forget to give some to him too.
  • ashlinmarie
    ashlinmarie Posts: 1,263 Member
    If he's not going to take care of her and you will, then sounds like she is more your dog. Just because a piece of paper says that someone owns a dog, doesn't mean they are the true owner if they don't love and otherwise care for them. You are doing the right thing and if he doesn't like it, then he needs to step up and care for her. Pitbulls especially need proper training and exercise.
  • chellec23
    chellec23 Posts: 147 Member
    My opinion - he's an *kitten*. If I were you, I'd take the dog and leave him. I can't stand when people mistreat or neglect animals. Plus he's being a jerk to you! If he's this irresponsible with a pet, how is he going to be if you guys have kids?
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,783 Member
    It sounds like this is a control issue for him. I'd see this as a red flag. He's not a responsible pet owner and he is willing to prevent someone else from taking better care of the dog because it is HIS dog to neglect. Sounds like a real keeper to me. :-/

    Agreed.
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,783 Member
    My opinion - he's an *kitten*. If I were you, I'd take the dog and leave him. I can't stand when people mistreat or neglect animals. Plus he's being a jerk to you! If he's this irresponsible with a pet, how is he going to be if you guys have kids?

    Agreed
  • TAMayorga
    TAMayorga Posts: 341 Member
    It sounds to me like he wants the "status" of having a pit bull, not the responsibility (and the fun) of having a pet. And there are many people out there who don't believe in having animals in the house. One thing you can tell him about having the dog in the room at night: "it makes me feel secure when you aren't here". She also provides you with security during your walks. You are doing the right thing for this dog; I hope he'll continue letting you. And by the way, the collar sounds seriously cute! :flowerforyou: Good luck!
  • Zehornet
    Zehornet Posts: 14 Member
    :brokenheart: As someone who shares the same attitude as you when it comes to pets, I can see why you might think he isnt really suited to taking care of her. However, the dog is still his property so short of talking to him and standing your ground with the reasons you gave in your post, there's not that much to do. What I would advise you not to do under any circumstance is to throw in the towel and neglect the dog. Then, no one in the household would look out for her welfare.
  • misscristie
    misscristie Posts: 643 Member
    I think you need to lay the smack down on him. Tell him that you live together now. She's not HIS dog. She's the collective YOUR dog and your decisions, opinions, etc are valid when it comes to the dog. Besides, we're women. We like to make things pretty, including our dogs. My husband groaned when I got a hot pink zebra striped harness and matching leash with the same pink bone tag that you got your pup, but he didn't say no or complain or anything. He just knew that it was Cristie being Cristie.

    If he doesn't respond well to your statements, I would recommend reconsidering your relationship. You should be partners. Anything else is just roommates with benefits.
  • patbeharry
    patbeharry Posts: 13
    If that's how he treats his dog......that's likely how he'll treat his people too......I say quit while you ahead....sound advice from a woman who recently left a controlling spouse after 20+ years!
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    sounds like a jerk.
    Ditch the dude keep the dog.
  • BuffyEat2Live
    BuffyEat2Live Posts: 327 Member
    I love that you have stepped up and brought the dog inside! I hate the idea of outdoor dogs. I was also raised with dogs being treated as family, and that is how mine are.

    I have two senior chihuahuas, and I sometimes wish that my live-in boyfriend would step up more and act like they are also his (he's taken the position that your boyfriend clearly wants you to take, that they are MINE), so I don't understand your boyfriend not being happy that his partner has done that.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    sounds like a jerk.
    Ditch the dude keep the dog.

    good plan.

    loving a pet should not be this contentious.
  • bonitacash08
    bonitacash08 Posts: 378 Member
    We live in Las Vegas so the weather is too extreme for her to be outside. The setup he used to have for her was to have a kennel set up to a doggy door so she could go outside but not have access to the whole house once she came inside. During the winter I put a space heater by her kennel so she could be warm when she came in (it gets down to 30 degrees here.. Not the coldest but still too cold for a short hair puppy). During the summer it gets to 115 degrees easily.

    He comes from a family where his dad would get huge dogs and keep them tied up in the backyard for 2 years then get rid of them. I get his confusion about what to do but there's this lovely thing called Google that will give you TONS of information. I didn't know what to do. I've never had a pit bull before.. But I researched. I asked friends. And I made it happen. The collar thing isn't a big deal. The attitude about the whole process is what bugs me and I'm hoping that by training her he'll be able to bond with her more because she'll be calmer. He's actually closer to my kitten because she's smaller and a lot more laid back (lol).
  • So_Much_Fab
    So_Much_Fab Posts: 1,146 Member
    My opinion - he's an *kitten*. If I were you, I'd take the dog and leave him. I can't stand when people mistreat or neglect animals. Plus he's being a jerk to you! If he's this irresponsible with a pet, how is he going to be if you guys have kids?

    Agreed

    Also agree
  • bonitacash08
    bonitacash08 Posts: 378 Member
    I'll keep you guys updated as the saga continues lol
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    I agree with everyone else who thinks he sounds like a douchenozzle. He'll probably be mean and controlling to his kids as well. Is he even that nice to you? You sound like a great pet owner, btw. Way to step up. I'd say ditch him and take the dog, but he'll probably fight for it because he's a turd.
  • bonitacash08
    bonitacash08 Posts: 378 Member
    why did he even get her, then? just to look tough?

    Yes. I actually talked him down from a Rottweiler or a German Shephard. I tried to tell him that it would be a lot of work but he got her anyways.
    Is this how he would be with both of your children if you continue down that path?

    He actually has a 2yo daughter that he adores. He's a great dad I think the disconnect is how he sees animals.

    Is he even that nice to you?

    Lol yes he is. Just hard-headed.
  • bonitacash08
    bonitacash08 Posts: 378 Member
    In this situation, I truly feel the worst for him. Not me, and not our puppy. She's a healthy, happy girl and she really wants to please. But if he doesn't change his attitude and expectations he'll never know the companionship that a good dog can offer :frown:
  • ashlinmarie
    ashlinmarie Posts: 1,263 Member
    In this situation, I truly feel the worst for him. Not me, and not our puppy. She's a healthy, happy girl and she really wants to please. But if he doesn't change his attitude and expectations he'll never know the companionship that a good dog can offer :frown:

    Maybe you can help show him? His dad obviously shouldn't have been a dog owner if that's how he's treated his pets. My animals have always been and will always be my family. I don't have human kids, just furry kids and I treat them like that.

    Pitbulls aren't much different from a lab. They are great dogs and loving, but they do need to be socialized and trained...which is the same case for any dog, but if a lab nips at someone, no one cares...if a pit does, it can get put down for just being a pit. See if you both can work on training with her and explain this to him. If he doesn't want to put the work in, then she should be your dog, not his OR find the dog a loving home that has experience with dogs. Not a shelter, but a real home. It is almost like you have to treat him like a child...if you can' take care of a pet, you shouldn't have one.

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