Ladies need your opinion

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Darrell916
Darrell916 Posts: 110 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have a female workout partner and for the past few weeks she has been very unmotivated. So I issued a challenge to her to see if I can get her motivated but I wouldn't be honest if I did not say if it was part for me too. The challenge is for every 12 pounds she loses I would get her a $25 dollar gift card to victoria secret. It was originally suppose to be $5 for every 3 pounds lost but I can't find $5 gift cards. What do you think? Is this motivating for her.

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  • tsikkz
    tsikkz Posts: 404 Member
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    Are you trying to romance her?
  • Darrell916
    Darrell916 Posts: 110 Member
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    It can come to that but right now with her not being motivated it's affecting me
  • maiaroman18
    maiaroman18 Posts: 460 Member
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    this is called the overjustification effect in psychology. for instance, you give children an allowance to do chores, and then they have no desire to do them on their own without a reward. same thing here. she won't have any desire to do it on her own without a reward. so, if she does the 12 lbs, she would be doing it for the money, not for herself, and would lose interest in continuing to do it without further reward.
  • tatd_820
    tatd_820 Posts: 573 Member
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    WOW! I wish I had someone giving me $5 for every 3lbs I've lost. That is awesome. I think a person finds motivation in different ways. For me, buying something isn't enough. It's gotta be there, mentally. She won't be serious with it until her mind is right. The gift cards can be a little push but not the driving force. Hope she gets on board.

    You, however, should not let her lack of motivation affect you. You do you and get it done! Do not let anyone bring you down.
  • RekindledRose
    RekindledRose Posts: 523 Member
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    Your gift comes with a caveat; lose weight and I'll give you money to buy sexy clothes. Then I want to see you in them.

    Unless you are in a romantic relationship with this woman then this is completely inappropriate. Especially coming from a guy who says he wants to be a cop.

    She needs to be self-motivated.
  • circesfire
    circesfire Posts: 33
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    I think it's a good idea. Sometimes people fall off the wagon and need a little motivation to get back on it. Yes she should want to do it for herself, but if it takes a little perk to get her moving I don't see the problem with it. I know I have always dreaded starting to work out but after a few days back in the routine of it I realize how much I enjoy it.
  • danglarity
    danglarity Posts: 31 Member
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    At first I thought when you put money on it, it sweetens the deal (at least for me anyway!). And then I thought about it. I don't know how much weight she has to lose but as the pounds go off and the gift cards are rewarded, if the intent to lose weight isn't right she'll end up right back where she started in the long run.
  • hhayes06
    hhayes06 Posts: 189 Member
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    I think you should take the money you would spend on her and get a personal trainer. It sounds to me as though you need someone to hold you accountable for showing up at the gym and since she doesn't have motivation to go then it is having a negative impact on you. I think you need to stop worrying about her motivation and remember your own. I also agree with the poster who said that if you aren't already involved romantically with her then a gift card to Victoria's Secret is inappropriate.
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
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    this is called the overjustification effect in psychology. for instance, you give children an allowance to do chores, and then they have no desire to do them on their own without a reward. same thing here. she won't have any desire to do it on her own without a reward. so, if she does the 12 lbs, she would be doing it for the money, not for herself, and would lose interest in continuing to do it without further reward.

    ^^^ this

    plus, if she's not motivated because she's not ready to make the changes and put in the work necessary to do that, then you can't make her be motivated. People won't change until they want to change and and want to do the work themselves to see that change in themselves. You can't get her to that place, imo the best thing you can do is to succeed in your own endeavours to make changes in yourself, this may inspire her and show her that it's possible. But you can't make her decide to make the changes. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

    Additionally, if you're trying to romance her, this challenge may be interpreted by her as "he won't accept me for who I am, he'd only be interested in me if I'm thinner" - even if you intend the message as "I love you for who you are, but I'm really worried about your health" it doesn't mean she'll interpret it that way.
  • minijag06
    minijag06 Posts: 70
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    I don't know about the Victoria's Secret deal. If you're just friends, it should be something else. Like maybe, some kind of self improvement rewards. Like 10 lbs - a workout shirt or get her nails done, etc. She should also be in charge of your weight loss rewards. But just remember - you will drop weight much faster and she is going to get frustrated real fast. So if her goal is to lose 10 lbs in 6 weeks - yours should be 15 or 20. I started my New Year's Resolution with my ex and he lost 20 in a month while I lost 7! I was so mad - I stuck to my diet and he still at candy bars! Rewards for small goals is a good idea. I make those for myself.

    Maybe let her decide what her reward would be.
  • mamosh81
    mamosh81 Posts: 409 Member
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    I think you should take the money you would spend on her and get a personal trainer. It sounds to me as though you need someone to hold you accountable for showing up at the gym and since she doesn't have motivation to go then it is having a negative impact on you. I think you need to stop worrying about her motivation and remember your own. I also agree with the poster who said that if you aren't already involved romantically with her then a gift card to Victoria's Secret is inappropriate.

    id say this and when she sees you losing weight that should be motivation enoph dont let anyone slow you down!!!
  • SkimFlatWhite68
    SkimFlatWhite68 Posts: 1,254 Member
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    Find another workout partner who has clear goals and the internal drive to achieve them.
  • XXXMinnieXXX
    XXXMinnieXXX Posts: 3,459 Member
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    Seems a little odd as a friend if I'm totally honest to be getting her gift cards for underwear, especially when your partly doing it in the hope that you'll see her in them! I like the idea of you her choosing her rewards, and her rewarding you in return. Like they said though, you'd provably have to lose more per reward to make it fair!

    Zara
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,406 Member
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    You mentioned your family on your profile. I am really hoping this doesn't include "children and a wife" type of family...
  • squatsandlipgloss
    squatsandlipgloss Posts: 595 Member
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    Intrinsic motivation is what she needs, and she obviously doesn't have that. Stop wasting your time on miss thing.

    My opinion :)

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